Quotes: Doug Walker
"[...]and maybe it is like an Exploitation Film-Even Exploitation Films, you, going in, you know you're going to see, they're going to try and push your buttons. This really thinks it's saying something to you, and that it's dealing with an issue like 'oh, yeah, we're going to be brave enough to go there.' It's not bravery. It's not. Bravery is really understanding the issue before you say a goddamned thing about it, and you don't. You do not, Movie."
— Doug, on The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 tackling abortion.
"I think what projects it into that special level of awful is- you've probably noticed that I'm really protective of kids. I don't think we should, just, like throw any shit at kids, you know, I really want them to get the best that we can offer, cos they're- that's when they're the most developed and you can, you know, shape them into something good and strong and proud and you're- you're gonna throw Garbage Pail Kids at them? Shame on you!"
— Doug, giving the main reason why he hates Garbage Pail Kids so much.
"If you like it, please tell me why. I am beyond curious. I've actually been waiting at these cons to find that one person who actually liked The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. Just so I can ask "Why?" And more importantly, "How?" "How can you like it?" Because, I think the person who legitimately liked this film would bring me into a whole new realm of reality that I have never considered. That I have never seen. And I would be fascinated to visit that realm, be it for the better or the worse. I just...I just gotta know. I gotta know...what could be found in this, that could give any benefit to our culture. (beat) Or to humanity. If you're one of those people, um...with caution...please let me know why you liked it. Because I, uh...I wanna see all aspects of humanity. Whether the good or bad or...this. Just... Just let me know. And explain it well, because chances are I'm not gonna follow very...closely, because I just won't understand. Talk to me like a child would about why you liked Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie. Cause I...I just have to know. (beat) I just have to know."
"I like this joke because I started seeing this go round for a while, and it's diminished a bit because people are just like "oh hey, women have personalities too, we can write that!", but for the longest time, especially around that time period, for whatever reason a lot of these writers got the idea in kid's programs - not even kid's programs, a lot of programming - that we don't know how to write a female character, like they're aliens, like they're a foreign race. And it always fascinates me because just write it the same way- I don't wanna say the same way you write it for a guy but whatever makes a male character interesting, do it with the female! "Well this guy is a doofus and doesn't know any better", make her a doofus who doesn't know any better, there's always this fear of- I'm getting off-track."
— Doug, on "Bunny Boobies".
"Bad writers of female characters and Joel Schumacher, the nipples don't make a character. That's a very odd thing I have to explain, but this [points to chest] doesn't replace this [points to head]. I'm sure for some very desperate people it does, but for the rest of the thinking world that wants to be entertained, it really doesn't."
"Whatever does it for you does it for you, if it's sexual or not, I don't care. It's the same with bronies, if you like it, like it, who gives a fuck?"
— Doug on Furry Fandom
"You ever have that movie that you really can't stand but everyone else seems to love? And maybe it's not just one movie, maybe it's a couple of movies. And maybe you suddenly get really famous by doing a stupid internet show, and maybe everyone judges you on those movies and they're like "oh! oh! you can't like that movie! no no no we have to judge you now and you're an asshole and we'll never watch you again"... and you get the idea. What I'm trying to get across here is that there are movies I can't stand, they get under my skin, but everybody else seems to love them... and that's fine. It's really cool! Don't go around judging people by this, it's not worth it, just because you like a film or don't like a film, it doesn't mean you're an idiot or you're not smart or you're a jerk or anything like that."
—Doug, The Top 10 Films I Hate But Everyone Else Loves, the first instance of what he always says.
I was just scared. The first one I thought it was that little creepy girl from Interview With A Vampire, where she gets you to like her, then like eats you, and then like brags about it to her friends.
—Improv guy on Doug making out with him for a game of charades
I think it's always going to vary because on the one hand, you take a little bit of a risk because there's always going to be newcomers and if someone comes into a review, it's like they don't need to know anything about the character or the people or anything, they can just watch someone review a movie cos it's starting from scratch. But at the same time it can get dull because you're creating a character and you want to evolve that character, you want them to develop, so you have to take that risk.
—Doug on a Story Arc question.
Because if you don't have moments where a character is just a character, why are you following them? You know, if they're doing nothing but saying story and exposition and stuff like that, there's no reason, there's no way you can attached to them.
—Doug, To Boldly Flee commentary
It does take some madness. Because by the time this was done I mean I really thought like 'well boy howdy that was great everything went so well and there weren't that many problems and well we stayed up a little late but that's not too bad' and then I was told what everyone else thought, and again I was just like okay, I can't do that to them again, I just can't put people thought that again, but it does take a hint of madness because I did stay up as late as everyone else, I actually got up earlier to work out so I could keep my energy up the whole time, cos I was just determined not to get lazy, not to get grouchy, not to get anything, just try and move stuff through as fast as I could, but the downside is it was still a three and a half hour movie shot in six days, so sadly that means a lot of people didn't get much sleep, I didn't get much sleep, and it was tough but again there are people who love what they do so much that they will let it hurt them, which I'm not saying is healthy, and it does take a certain kind of madness. Finally at some point I was trying to rationalize with myself I'm like well is everybody crazy but me cos that sounds like a totally sane, logical way of looking at stuff, or the more logical route, I'm the crazy one who went through all this stuff and is like 'golly gee okay!', and that seems like the more logical conclusion, so like I said I'm not going to- if you find people just as insane as you are maybe it's worth doing, but it's never worth putting people through stuff where they're gonna be miserable the whole time and you're pushing them too far, that really is my nightmare, so like I said, one of the reasons I'm backing out of these big movie projects and other movie projects, but definitely going to throw just as much time if not more time into the new shows.
—Doug, on his breakdown in To Boldly Flee.
At heart I like telling stories the most, but the easiest is critiquing, so it's hard to say but essentially just creating a character is the most fun. And I find you can do that while reviewing films, as well as telling a story and making a movie. So, uh, anything that has me creating a character.
—Doug on what he likes best: critiquing or making movies.
Everyone makes mistakes, I just make more of them than the common person.
You know I've always said, even if the site crashes and burns and blows up because of [killing off Critic], I don't regret having done it, because it felt like we were done, felt like we should stop and it didn't feel like we should just keep doing it to make money.
—Doug, TGS interview, about a month before The Review Must Go On.
I think people do underestimate what it means to so dedicate yourself to something and then when you finally pull out of it or you make a choice to pull out of it, for something you've been attached to for so long, can have physical repercussions, and it can make you woozy, it can make you sick, you know that line 'died of a broken heart' I mean it's, not that really happens that often, that same kind of idea, that you can actually allow yourself to get ill when something is missing.
—Doug, The Guru
"A lot of life kinda works that way, just varying levels of misery, it's like varying... I mean with some people it's like oh don't take things for granted and others it's varying levels of misery. Just how miserable can I be, can I find joy in being miserable and that's... it's not very optimistic upbeat way of looking at things but there... there are some people who see things like that and... I don't wanna say it but there is a part of me that sorta says that's kinda how some things and some people need to be, you know? That balance has to be kept but... maybe it's not how it needs to be, it's just how it's going to be and... it sucks."
— Doug, Donny VLog
Doug: I think part of it now is like, issues with gay people has changed so much now. If [cartoon characters] are gay, that's pro-gay and all the people are like "*incoherent whining*". Like when you go "hey did you know Bert and Ernie were gay the whole time", you know it's like "well, eh, I duh emotions and thoughts"... come on it's the same people who hate the Coca Cola "America The Beautiful" ad.
Jason: What? I have no idea what any of this stuff is.
Jori: He lives under a rock.
Doug: Okay, there's thankfully smaller but a population of idiots in the world and that's- you probably knew that but that's a specific factor that you should probably know about. Thankfully not that there's many as there used to be, but they're still kinda there and they're fun to laugh at. And when you have to bring- it's just fun to- cos obviously they don't understand things very well, so when you can point to a cartoon and say "that was gay and that was good", it helps them... ish... hopefully... probably not but if they can't learn from a cartoon they're pretty hopeless so it gives reassurance for us that they are hopeless.
— Marceline's Closet
"I guess I've known people when- jokes are great obviously, you know it's great to make things more lighthearted if it's called for, but there are times like no, you need to be serious, you need to focus, and I've talked with people that are just like 'I'm not going to treat what you treat so seriously seriously, I'm just going to do it as a joke' in a moment where you obviously need to take something seriously like something personal or- [...] I've come across people who've done that in really important moments and it's just as frustrating and I don't know it just struck a chord with me, because for the most part I'm pretty laidback and making jokes, but there are times to be serious and during the really obvious times, like I said when someone betrays another family member..."
— Doug, Daddy's Little Monster'
"Them watching the normal family on TV reminded me of when I was younger and like- I think everyone in school goes through 'oh do I fit in? am I high or low level of popularity or somewhere in between where am I?' stuff like that, and a lot of times I think we do kinda- you do look at the media like 'tell me what's popular, tell me what's normal, tell me how I can fit in' and I don't know just that scenario just showed the nonsense that it is, why would you want to be what's on TV, that'd be like everyone else and it'll be normal and it doesn't stand out [...] It's a nice feeling when you wake up and you're like this doesn't matter, I was trying so hard to be like this on TV, it doesn't matter, as I get older this makes you really boring and uninteresting. The stuff that makes me really frigging weird is what makes me interesting and fun and different."
— Doug, Princess Monster Wife'
”As someone who understands why they have to follow orders and why they really keep the emotions separate and they just have to follow the orders because people will live or die based on what you follow through with, that really drives me nuts.”
I like that more people realize the stronger the image the stronger the manipulation the likelier you are to get what you want. It's just some people, this person will lead the way... wake up people, there is no savior, it's not gonna happen, there are just people who sorta maybe make it work and people who'll screw ya.
— Doug, Mockingjay Part 1.
[sounding so done] If anyone's ever complaining that something is trying to take away your balls you never had them to begin with, and that goes for everything, if you're like “well they're trying to take this away from me”, no, that's so clearly not how this works.”
— Doug, Mad Max: Fury Road
There is something to when you're pushed against a corner and you'll just say or do anything and it can sometimes really pay off.
— Doug', Real Thoughts On The Sonic Shows