History Quotes / CoversAlwaysLie

-->--'''WebVideo/AngryVideoGameNerd''' on ''VideoGame/{{Phalanx}}''

-->-'''WebVideo/AngryVideoGameNerd''' on ''VideoGame/{{Phalanx}}''

-->-- ''[[Film/BillAndTed Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey]]''

-->--'''Comicbook/SheHulk''', on the cover of ''Sensational She-Hulk'' [[http://marvel.wikia.com/wiki/File:Sensational_She-Hulk_Vol_1_43.jpg #43]]

->''"Apparently getting Creator/MarkHamill was a big deal for these guys. I guess they were huge Franchise/StarWars fans and wanted to get the Star Wars guy in their film, that's what I've heard from what few interviews I could find. And so, [[WolverinePublicity they put his face on the cover]] and his name is ''right there at the top.'' Here's the thing though: You see that image there? It probably makes it look like he's the Manga/{{Guyver}}. Well, he's not."''

->''"I stopped reading ComicBook/XMen about the same time they started putting [[WolverinePublicity Wolverine]] on the cover of comics in which he didn't actually, technically, appear."''

->''"In fact, I support this kind of thing wholeheartedly: fact is, sometimes you got to lie to a motherfucker. If showing a dude holding a giant spine with an aftermarket scythe affixed is what it takes to get young men to read a single page of the classics, than so be it. I hope these shenanigans work like gangbusters. We've got your backs on this thing."''
-->-- '''Tycho''', ''Webcomic/PennyArcade''

->''"Doctor Doom does ''not'' appear in this story! We just felt like drawing his face!"''

!!Comic Books

->''Doctor Doom does ''not'' appear in this story! We just felt like drawing his face!''
-->--''Strange Tales [[https://i.annihil.us/u/prod/marvel/i/mg/b/c0/4bc372cd15bb5/detail.jpg #122]]''

!!Web Original
!!Web Video

->What does an old guy playing a banjo with his dog have to do with ''spaceships''!?

->"The cover of the game - which I really wish I'd brought, actually - features a medieval knight shooting lightning out of his hand. The game is about turning up to somebody's party late and not being able to find where it starts. There are no knights in it or lightning. It's the most inexplicable cover I've ever seen."

->"The poster shows Godzilla fighting Megalon on the World Trade Center, something that never happens in the movie. There's not even a single scene that takes place in New York City, so how the hell did they come up with ''that''? Also not to mention, it would be physically impossible given the size of the monsters. Sure, [[Film/KingKong1976 King Kong]] could do it, but Godzilla is taller than the building itself!"

->"I do note with interest that old women in my books become [[ContemptibleCover young women on the covers]]... this is discrimination against the [[PoliticalCorrectnessGoneMad chronologically gifted.]]"

->''In fact, I support this kind of thing wholeheartedly: fact is, sometimes you got to lie to a motherfucker. If showing a dude holding a giant spine with an aftermarket scythe affixed is what it takes to get young men to read a single page of the classics, than so be it. I hope these shenanigans work like gangbusters. We've got your backs on this thing.''

-->-- '''Lore Sjöberg''', ''The Book of Ratings'', "Marvel Supervillains (Part I)"

->''This is a $3.99 book that was advertised as a major part of the countdown to ''ComicBook/SecretWars'', and it's not. It's just not. [[RedSkiesCrossover It is totally inessential to]] ''Secret Wars'', and worse, would be [[ContinuityLockOut borderline completely fucking impenetrable]] to someone jumping in because they saw the branding. This is flat out abusive of the audience. Publishing this comic, with this advertising, was wrong.''
-->--'''[[http://www.philipsandifer.com/2015/04/comics-reviews-april-8-2015.html El Sandifer]]''' on ''Miles Morales: The ComicBook/UltimateSpiderMan #12''

->''At least the premise is interesting; vampires are taking over the world! They're lightning fast and have superhuman senses, but those are [[KryptoniteIsEverywhere dulled by the rain]], so it makes sense for your elite team of puny humans to wait for a storm to strike. The hunter becomes the hunted!\\\
That's just the setup, though, rain doesn't actually do anything in the game.''
-->--'''[[http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/kusoge/kusoge-vampirerain.htm Paul Chênevert]]''' on ''VideoGame/VampireRain''

->''That’s right: they made ''[[Film/RobinHoodMenInTights Robin Hood: Men in Tights]]'' look like ''Film/EpicMovie''. I repeat: they’re selling a film by Creator/MelBrooks, the godfather of the spoof genre, as if it were a [[Creator/SeltzerAndFriedberg Seltzerberg]] parody. I’m guessing Brooks hasn’t seen this, otherwise [[PretenderDiss he would have already killed himself just so he could roll over in his grave]].''
-->-- '''''Website/TheAgonyBooth''''', [[http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/Blu_Ray_Cover_Art_Depressingly_Bad.aspx "Blu-Ray Cover Art is Depressingly Bad"]]

->"''[[{{VideoGame/Bubsy}} Bubby Three-Dee]]'' is the single most-reviled video game on Planet Earth, and yet right on the cover art of the game, there is a gigantic golden award from ''[=PSXtreme=]'' magazine. This is the kind of review that sends massive reverberations down the legacy of games journalism. Even today, I think that all the animosity toward critics can be traced back to this ''one guy's'' review of ''Bubsy 3D''."
-->--'''{{LetsPlay/Videogamedunkey}}'''

->'''Jay:''' The back of the box says he's making a race of, like, [[NinjaZombiePirateRobot zombie ninjas]], which ''sounds'' promising. But there are no zombie ninjas in the movie.\\
'''Rich:''' They should've just called it the {{Macguffin}} formula. "We need the Macguffin formula to make superior ''Macguffins''!"
-->--''[[WebVideo/BestOfTheWorst Best of the Worst]]'' on ''Ninja Warriors'' (1985)

->'''Jessi:''' One thing that is really disappointing -- that I feel kinda lied to about -- is on the back here. There were "explosions", and there were "chases", but there was no "1-against-100 bazooka battles."\\
'''Josh:''' So, is it one hundred people with ''one'' bazooka...? Or is it one person fighting ''a hundred'' bazookas?\\
'''Jay:''' It doesn't matter, because there were no bazookas in the movie.\\
'''Jessi:''' There was not even a-one bazooka. And I am kinda pissed.
-->--''Best of the Worst'' on ''Never Too Young to Die'' (1986)

->'''Jay:''' I think we can all agree, though, that the ''cover'' is a work of art. It should be hanging in a museum.\\
'''Jessi:''' You know what? [[WantingIsBetterThanHaving I wish that the videotape was blank]], and that all we had to go off of was the cover. That would've made me happy.
-->--''Best of the Worst'' on ''Tree Stand Safety''.[[note]]The cover depicts an obvious dummy tumbling off a tree harness to its death. That scene does not occur in this instructional film about tree safety.[[/note]]

->'''Josh:''' "Part-cop." Nope. At no point is she a cop.\\
'''Jay:''' NO! (I didn't even think about that!)\\
'''Josh:''' "Part-machine." She's entirely machine, as far as I know.\\
'''Jay:''' Yes.\\
'''Josh:''' "All-woman." Eeeyh.\\
'''Jay:''' '''''NO! NO'''''-woman! All-'''''MACHINE!'''''\\
'''Mike:''' The only part that's not a machine is the wig.
-->--''Best of the Worst'', ''[[ParallelPornTitle Robo C.H.I.C.]]''

->'''Mike:''' ''(reading box description)'' "With song. With dance. With pizazz."\\
'''Jessi:''' ''(snaps)'' There's no "'''dance'''"! There's ''songs''.\\
'''Mike:''' There's no "pizazz."
-->--''Best of the Worst'' on ''How Can I Tell If I'm Really in Love'' (1992)

->"Mazes and Monsters'', starring Creator/TomHanks in his first leading role! The DVD artwork makes this movie look kickass, man! Even if this is a stock photo of Tom taken about ''[[BillingDisplacement fifteen years]]'' after the movie was made and, y'know, there aren't actually any enormous labyrinths, evil castles, or dragons in this movie. Uh...okay, I guess this ''whole cover's'' a lie."
-->--'''WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment''' on ''Film/MazesAndMonsters''

->"Never do [[HotPursuit the police chase after you]]. Maybe if that was just the front artwork, that would be excusable, but the back says, [='=]''You'll be hauling loads and trying to stay one step ahead of the law,[='=] [='=]Deliver your load to its destination[='=]''. What are they talking about? That never happens. Oh, no, no, I stand corrected: This game 'delivers a load,' alright. A LOAD OF FUCKING SHIT!"
-->--'''WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd''' plays ''VideoGame/BigRigsOverTheRoadRacing''

-->--''Strange Tales [[https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/marveldatabase/images/7/74/Strange_Tales_Vol_1_122.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/300?cb=20171226003431 #122]]''

->''Berkley plays a popular high school chemistry teacher. Oh yeah, I think I see where this is going. She agrees to help a student after school and they go out for a burger together. Yep. Totally see where this is going. The student makes a pass at her and she turns him down. Nope. Not at all what I expected with a title like ''Student Seduction''...Berkley has to play a teacher who has to prove that she didn’t seduce a rich student. Huh. Maybe don’t call the movie ''Student Seduction'' then.''
-->--'''[[https://lebeauleblog.com/2015/01/30/what-the-hell-happened-to-elizabeth-berkley/#more-21071 LeBeau]]''', "What the Hell Happened to Creator/ElizabethBerkley?"

->''DoctorDoom does ''not'' appear in this story! We just felt like drawing his face!''

->''Doctor does ''not'' appear in this story! We just felt like drawing his face!''