Children in Britain are notoriously stupid and must attend schools.
That's what I love about the British. Your talent for Understatement... that, and Python.
Fog in the Channel, Continent Cut Off.
—A (possibly apocryphal) Victorian newspaper headline, neatly summing up Britain's view of the world.
I don't want to go back to England. I can't suffer through the London Olympics — we're not prepared, Liz! Did you see the Beijing opening ceremonies? We don't have control over our people like that!
— Wesley, 30 Rock
Did your life flash before your eyes? 'Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea'??
—Spike to Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Bargaining Pt. 1")
The British are obsolete, like Fortran. I mean, the metric system? Donít make me puke. Britain, ha ha! They measure things with rocks over there!
—Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories, Pressing Issues
During the LA riots English people were trying to sympathize with me. "Oh Bill, crime is horrible. If it's any consolation, crime is awful here, too." SHUT UP. You gotta see English crime. It's hilarious. You don't know if you're reading the front page or the comic section over there. I swear to God. I read an article front page of the paper one day, in England: "Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury." Ooooh the hooligans are loose! The hooligans are loose! What if they become ruffians? I would hate to be a dustbin in Shaftesbury tonight.
—Bill Hicks, Arizona Bay
What's Britain like? Uhh, s'alright... We've got, uh, Nectar Points. They're quite handy. Um... we've got "understatement"... We're tough on slogans, tough on the causes of slogans... We have strong prevailing south-westerly winds... 52% of our days are overcast, so as a nation we're infused with a wistful melancholy, but we remain a relentlessly chipper population prone to mild eccentricity, binge drinking and casual violence.
—Bill Bailey, Part Troll