"To remind everyone of our need to reduce expenses, the new dress code is barrels. Except for Friday, which will be casual barrel day."
— The Pointy-Haired Boss, Dilbert
"One downside to mimicking a barrel is that broke people try to use you for clothing."
The barrel image is less common these days, and rightly so; it’s ridiculous. So . . . you had to sell your clothes to eat. Got it. But you had the time and materials to construct straps that let you wear the barrel to cover your nakedness. How about selling the barrel first?
What? Then what would I wear after I sell my clothes?
You don’t sell your clothes, that’s the point. You keep them, so you can find gainful employment. Say you show up at McDonald’s. They’re always hiring. They’re going to take one look at that barrel and think it’ll be hard for everyone behind the counter, always having to get around you. No wait, they’d provide a uniform. Bad example. How about roofing? You couldn’t do a roofing job in a barrel.
I could cut out arm holes.
So you own a barrel, two leather straps, nails for the straps, a hammer to attach the nails, and a saw? And you’re selling your clothes?
Okay I just like being naked in a barrel. Don’t judge me.
Of course I’ll judge you. But quietly. It’s one of the few pleasures left in life.
What? Then what would I wear after I sell my clothes?
You don’t sell your clothes, that’s the point. You keep them, so you can find gainful employment. Say you show up at McDonald’s. They’re always hiring. They’re going to take one look at that barrel and think it’ll be hard for everyone behind the counter, always having to get around you. No wait, they’d provide a uniform. Bad example. How about roofing? You couldn’t do a roofing job in a barrel.
I could cut out arm holes.
So you own a barrel, two leather straps, nails for the straps, a hammer to attach the nails, and a saw? And you’re selling your clothes?
Okay I just like being naked in a barrel. Don’t judge me.
Of course I’ll judge you. But quietly. It’s one of the few pleasures left in life.
— James Lileks, The Bleat, May 25, 2022
