Quotes / Assurance Backfire

Piglet: (dangling precariously off a broken branch) HEEELP!!!!
Tigger: Oh, relax, Piglet, ol' pal. There's no difference between falling a thousand feet to the jagged rocks below and tumblin' out of bed.
(Piglet uncovers his eyes and grins)
Piglet: Oh. Really?
Tigger: Why, sure! [chuckles, then clears throat] (Beat) Uh... Except for the splat at the end, they're practically similar.
(Piglet's smile droops; He covers his eyes again)
Piglet: CHRISTOPHER ROBIN!!!

—Pooh's Grand Adventure

Patrick Star: It's called the Ugly Barnacle.
(SpongeBob sits down and begins listening)
Patrick: There once was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died! The End.
SpongeBob: That didn't help at all!

—SpongeBob SquarePants, "Something Smells"

Pickles: Well... my advice is to follow your heart. When I was young, you know I lived in the Hills. But then I met your father, we fell in love, and moved here down to the Valley. And you know what? All my hair fell out and I started drinking.
(beat)
Milo: ...Please tell me there's more.

—The Oblongs

"And there is no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail."

—George W. Bush

Squidward: There's no escaping them! We're doomed!
SpongeBob: Oh, cheer up, Squidward! At least we have each other!
Squidward: That... doesn't make me feel better.

—SpongeBob SquarePants, "SquidBird"

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