->''"An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men."''
--> --'''UsefulNotes/CharlesDarwin'''

->'''Kyle''': Dude, why is your store called the IndianBurialGround Pet Store?\\
'''Store owner''': Well there was an Indian burial ground here before I bought it.\\
'''Stan''': So you just built your store on an Indian burial ground!?\\
'''Store owner''': Oh hell no. First I dug up all the bodies, pissed on them and then buried them again upside down.\\
'''Kyle''': Why!?\\
'''Store owner''': Why? I don't know. I was drunk.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark''

->''Hold my beer.''
--> --The prelude to either a good time or this trope played straight.

->'''Dwight Conrad:''' I heard alcohol makes you stupid.\\
'''Fry:''' [[IResembleThatRemark No I'm... doesn't!]]
-->--''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'': "Route of All Evil"

->'''Penny:''' [My ex boyfriend] got arrested for taking a whiz on a cop car. \\
'''Leonard:''' What?\\
'''Penny:''' He was drunk.\\
'''Leonard:''' I would ''hope'' so!

->''"I believe alcoholics are God's rodeo clowns. We're the ones doing the stupid shit nobody else will do."''
-->-- '''Creator/RobinWilliams'''

->'''Player''': You deputized a gun?\\
'''Sherf''': You're new in town, maybe you ain't noticed -- but there ain't much to do here 'cept drink.

->''"My friends and I were hosting a poker night, and I'd never played poker before, but for some reason, with liquid confidence in my system (the equivalent to about an entire bottle of wine), I was incredibly confident that luck was on my side. [[RealityEnsues Of course, it was not]], but, you know, alcohol makes you think it is. Needless to say, I ended up losing over $300 that night. So, kids, don't drink and gamble because you will lose. A lot. Probably. Just don't do it."''
-->-- '''[[WebVideo/PlanetDolan Melissa Morgan]]''', ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHDEPwu2pBQ DUMB THINGS WE'VE DONE WHILE DRUNK #4]]''