->''"An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men."''
--> --'''UsefulNotes/CharlesDarwin'''

->'''Kyle''': Dude, why is your store called the IndianBurialGround Pet Store?
->'''Store owner''': Well there was an indian burial ground here before I bought it.
->'''Stan''': So you just built your store on an indian burial ground!?
->'''Store owner''': Oh hell no. First I dug up all the bodies, pissed on them and then buried them again upside down
->'''Kyle''': Why!?
->'''Store owner''': Why? I don't know. I was drunk.
-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark''

->'''Dwight Conrad:''' I heard alcohol makes you stupid.
->'''Fry:''' [[IResembleThatRemark No I'm... doesnt!]]
->--''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'': "Route of All Evil"

->'''Penny:''' [My ex boyfriend] got arrested for taking a whiz on a cop car. \\
'''Leonard:''' What?\\
'''Penny:''' He was drunk.\\
'''Leonard:''' I would ''hope'' so!

->''"I believe alcoholics are God's rodeo clowns. We're the ones doing the stupid shit nobody else will do."''
-->-- '''Creator/RobinWilliams'''