->''"And now we must duel, like two glimmering banjos on a moonlit stoop!"''
-->-- '''Dimentio''', ''VideoGame/SuperPaperMario''

A character who [[TitleDrop talks like a simile]] uses similes in their speech pattern the way a machine gun uses bullets: swiftly, mercilessly, and in quick succession, to the point where [[{{Metaphorgotten}} this quality becomes a prominent character trait]]. In a lot of these cases, [[SelfDemonstratingArticle the similes they use will be about as unusual as a school of fish in the Sahara and more complex than space shuttle wiring]], but still the offender will churn them out as they talk, either in casual conversation or in the narration, as though coming up with them as they go along was as natural an act to them as picking on AcceptableTargets.

A staple of the PrivateEyeMonologue and of characters from the DeepSouth. Has some similarities with {{Dissimile}}. Also see StrangeSyntaxSpeaker, LikeIsLikeAComma. TruthInTelevision: there are many people who have this as a VerbalTic. In certain regions, like the Southern US, it borders on being a facet of the local dialect, [[UsefulNotes/AmericanAccents sure as a prickly pear's got spines.]]



[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* Kyon of ''LightNovel/HaruhiSuzumiya''. As per his LittleProfessorDialogue nature as a narrator, and the ViewersAreGeniuses nature of the series, it's up to the audience to decide how effective these comparisons ''actually'' are to paint a meaningful enough picture.
--> '''Kyon''': Asking for permission to film is a foreign concept to Haruhi. In her mind, she was free to shoot whatever and wherever she wanted; but then, her notion of what "free" actually was was similar to the domination of the Papacy during the age of Pope Innocent III. [[FauxlosophicNarration ...Or something.]]

* [[ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes Calvin]], when in character as Tracer Bullet.
* Similarly, in ''WebComic/{{Pibgorn}}'', a noir-ish detective [[spoiler:(who was actually a demon but didn't know that until fairly recently)]] ''always'' uses this for his [[PrivateEyeMonologue dialogue]].

[[folder: Films - Animated]]
* Invoked in ''Disney/TheFoxAndTheHound2'' over and over again.
* Beret Girl in ''WesternAnimation/AnExtremelyGoofyMovie'', introduced by performing a poem containing a series of similes for life, uses metaphors liberally in her common speech as well.

[[folder: Films - Live Action]]
* [[TheMcCoy Bones]] does this in ''Film/StarTrekIntoDarkness'' until [[TheKirk Kirk]] orders him to knock it off.

* Creator/TerryPratchett's [[LemonyNarrator narration]]. ''[[SignatureStyle Always]]''. But especially in Literature/{{Discworld}}.
* ''Literature/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy1'' is chock full of them, particularly negative similes describing exactly what something is unlike:
--> "(Vogons ships) hung in the sky, in much the same way that [[DisSimile bricks don't]]"
* Eddie Valiant in ''Literature/WhoCensoredRogerRabbit?'' by [[Creator/GaryWolf Gary K. Wolf]]. This quality did not carry over into [[Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit the movie.]]
* Eilonwy of ''Literature/TheChroniclesOfPrydain'' seasons this with a heavy dash of CloudCuckoolander.
-->"It's silly to worry because you can't do something you simply can't do. That's worse than trying to make yourself taller by standing on your head."
* Literature/PhilipMarlowe, TropeCodifier for the PrivateEyeMonologue. (Creator/RaymondChandler's other less famous detectives all do it too; he developed his style when he was writing for the magazines and being paid by the word.) Here's Marlowe giving his first impression of Moose Malloy in ''Literature/FarewellMyLovely'':
-->''He was looking up at the dusty windows with a sort of ecstatic fixity of expression, like a hunky immigrant catching his first sight of the Statue of Liberty. He was a big man but not more than six feet five inches tall and not wider than a beer truck.'' [...] ''Even on Central Avenue, not the quietest dressed street in the world, he looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.''
* ''Literature/TheLiesOfLockeLamora'', mostly in the narration.
* In ''Literature/ThePickwickPapers'', this is part of Sam Weller's shtick. His father, Tony, does it too.
-->''"All good feelin', sir--the wery best intentions, as the gen'l'm'n said ven he run away from his wife 'cos she seemed unhappy with him."''
* The narrator of Matthew F. Jones' novel ''The Cooter Farm'' includes at least one simile in almost every paragraph.
* Creator/PGWodehouse definitely deserves a place here, as both Creator/DouglasAdams and Creator/StephenFry, who are both very adroit users of this trope, took their props from him.
-->"At five minutes to eleven on the morning named he was at the station, a false beard and spectacles shielding his identity from the public eye. If you had asked him he would have said that he was a Scotch business man. As a matter of fact, he looked far more like a motor-car coming through a haystack."
* Creator/{{Homer}} is noted for [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homeric_simile long similes]] that go on for several lines.
* Also a frequent thing in ancient Celtic epics.
* ''Literature/MemoirsOfAGeisha'' is full of these, to the point of distraction at times. The main character's entire motive throughout most of the plot is to get with this one guy, and nearly at the end, when she thinks she's lost her chance forever and has resigned herself to an empty life, they have a scene together where they both admit their mutual attraction. The prose is all tense and brimming with emotion, and he finally goes to kiss her... and [[MomentKiller she ends the chapter by comparing him to a maid she once saw sneaking a pear in her old geisha house]].
** [[UnusualEuphemism Caves and eels.]]
* Graham Greene would do this with abstract concepts. "The small pricked-out plants irritated him like ignorance."
* Massie Block from Literature/TheClique series continually uses "Are you an X? Then why are you Y?"
* Amilyn Holdo from ''Literature/LeiaPrincessOfAlderaan'' tends to speak in weird metaphors. For instance, she compares a person who works for both sides of a conflict with a muffin: "a muffin always falls the cream side down, so if you cover it with cream entirely, it wouldn't fall". This habit of hers may have to do with her upbringing: she's from a planet Gatalenta known for its deeply spiritual culture reminiscent of Eastern religions; its inhabitants are very much into astrology, meditation, etc. And speaking in {{koan}}s and metaphors is very common for Eastern religions as well.

[[folder:Live Action TV]]
* Jeremy Clarkson of ''Series/TopGear'' (and also in his newspaper articles). The effect is amplified by the fact that many of them reference random subjects pulled out of nowhere apparently on the spur of the moment.
** "It's an Audi! It weighs as much as ''the moon!''"
** "(Critic has said car X is better than car Y)? Yes, in the same way that treading on a rusty nail is better than having sex with the entire sixth form of a girls' school!"
** He could probably make good money selling a best hits compilation DVD of his similes over the years. "Tastes exactly [[TastesLikeFeet like a hot Turkish urinal]]"?
*** In one interview, Clarkson actually attributed his success to this, saying that when he first became a motoring journalist, cars were more boringly samey than they had been for years, and he stuck out by his strategy of picking on something really minor and using an outrageous metaphor to describe it ("that rev counter looks like a woman's bits!")
* Happens a few times in ''Series/{{Blackadder}}'':
** "You really are as thick as clotted cream, that's been left out by some clot, and now the clots are so clotted, you couldn't unclot them with an electric de-clotter, [[ButtMonkey aren't you, Baldrick?]]"
** "... as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on, and is now working for the UN at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning..."
** "The stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun."
* Narrator [[Series/MythBusters Robert Lee]] does this quite a bit, though it's often forgotten because he [[PungeonMaster performs more wordplay than a British crossword]].

* This device is very widely used in rap and hiphop while comparatively nonexistent in other genres.
* Pete Wentz, lyricist of Music/FallOutBoy is fond of this trope, to the point where it's in almost every song.
* Music/{{Clutch}} loves this, some songs are filled with similes.
** ''Walking In The Great Shining Path of Monster Trucks'': "Well I rolled Jesse Helms like a cigarette / And smoked him higher than the highest of the minarets / UsefulNotes/JesseJames couldn't even handle it / Started looking at me like I was Sanskrit"
* In the Music/{{Queen}} song "Don't Stop Me Now," Freddie Mercury compares himself to a shooting star, a tiger, a race car, Lady Godiva, a rocket ship on its way to Mars, a satellite, an atom bomb, and "a sex machine".
** Of those, only the tiger, Lady Godiva, and the atom bomb are similes.
* Music/TomWaits loves this, especially in his early years. For example: "Spare Parts" from ''Music/NighthawksAtTheDiner''.
--> ''Yeah baby, you put me on hold and I'm out in the wind''
--> ''And it's getting mighty cold''
--> ''It's colder than a [[MotorMouth gut-shot bitch wolf dog with nine sucking pups]] [[LyricalShoehorn pulling a number-four trap up a hill in the dead of winter in the middle of a snowstorm]] [[UpToEleven with a mouth full of porcupine quills]]...''

* ''Radio/APrairieHomeCompanion'''s Guy Noir, Private Eye is fond of these.

[[folder:Real Life]]
* Irish comedian Dylan Moran:
** [talking about 'The Rockafella Skank'] "I'm not saying it's a bad song. Or anything like that. I'm just saying that you could take a broom, dip it into brake fluid, put the other end up my arse and stick me on a trampoline in a moving lift and I would write a better song on the wall. That's all."
** [earlier] "This song sounded like a million fire engines being chased by ten million ambulances through a warzone and it was played at a volume that made the empty chair beside me bleed."
* Newscaster Dan Rather [[http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=125692&title=Election-Results---Dan-Rather was famous for this.]]
* [[Literature/TheBible Jesus]] and his parables. [[AncientGreece Socrates]], too.
* A stereotype of the DeepSouth.

[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
* The theme song of ''TabletopGame/{{FATAL}}'' was likened by one reviewer to the [[Series/SesameStreet Cookie Monster]] chasing a drum kit being pushed down a flight of stairs.

[[folder:Video Games]]
* The mysterious Dimentio in ''VideoGame/SuperPaperMario''. See the page quote.
** IntentionalEngrishForFunny-spewing Fawful in the handheld ''VideoGame/MarioAndLuigi'' games does it as well.
* This trope is invoked quite a bit in ''VideoGame/ChronoTrigger'', most notably by Queen Zeal.
* ''VideoGame/MaxPayne'' in spades. Also the [[ShowWithinAShow in universe show]] [[{{Blaxploitation}} Dick Justice]].
* Angel Starr from ''VisualNovel/PhoenixWrightAceAttorney'' talks like this, and all the similes are about lunch. The metaphors are somewhat forced, though, as Phoenix [[FirstPersonSmartass silently]] notes.
* The entire cast of ''Franchise/MetalGear'', who [[RealisticDictionIsUnrealistic all talk exactly like]] Creator/HideoKojima.
* Given his time period, [[Franchise/SlyCooper Sly Cooper]]'s ancestor, Tennessee "The Kid" Cooper, is sure to say much of these anytime he's on screen.

[[folder:Web Comics]]
* This trope is a staple of Dave Strider's vernacular in ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''. Other characters also do this, but not to the same extent.

[[folder:Web Original]]
* [[WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw]] does this quite often, his similes being outrageous and bizarre, often to [[AccentuateTheNegative illustrate the negative aspect of the video games he reviews]]. He's mentioned insults being as offensive as "being smacked in the balls with your own dead dog," voice acting as unpleasant as "being raped in the ear by a man wearing a sandpaper condom," (but that was his roommate, and "not in those exact words, obviously") and [[Franchise/SuperMarioBros Mario]] as "as big a sellout as a character can get without turning tricks for a penny on the New Jersey turnpike."
* Outrageous like-simile-talking seems to be a favorite trait of comedic video game critics, seeing that WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd is also well known for his scatological similes regarding the shitty games he plays. Certainly you've heard about this business with diarrhea dumps in his ear and roadkilled skunks and the downing-with-beer thereof?

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* [[EverythingIsBigInTexas Sandy Cheeks]] from ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants''. It comes standard with her stereotypical {{Deep South}}ern drawl.
* Along similar lines, Applejack from ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic''.
* The Script Assassin from ''WesternAnimation/KappaMikey''.
* WesternAnimation/TheTick, moreso in the cartoon than the comic book series.
* Cathy from ''WesternAnimation/MonsterBusterClub'' (usually in Gratuitous Rhapsodian)
* ''WesternAnimation/DrawnTogether'' is extremely fond of these.
* [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy This is just like that time that the writers of Family Guy referenced an eighties cultural phenomenon.]]
* Maguro of ''WesternAnimation/SushiPack'' has a tendency to do this.
* Periodically, Clover from ''WesternAnimation/TotallySpies'' talks like this.
* Rolf from ''WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy''.
* WesternAnimation/FoghornLeghorn
* Clay from ''WesternAnimation/XiaolinShowdown''. Kimiko often gets annoyed by it and makes fun of him for it.
* On ''WesternAnimaton/DocMcStuffins'', Hallie is full of unusual phrases that she pulls out at moment's notice.
-->'''Hallie''': (''regarding Doc's baby toy [=CeCe=]'') [=CeCe=]'s sleeping sounder than a snail on a Sunday.