%% ZeroContextExample entries are not allowed on wiki pages. All such entries have been commented out. Add context to the entries before uncommenting them.
%% Please don't add examples in Real Life section unless they're actual events or anecdotes involving people taking one meaning for another.
[[quoteright:350:[[Series/{{Monk}} http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/sadstick_7732.jpg]]]]
[[caption-width-right:350:[-Intended sentence: "Have you seen this woman?"-] ]]

->''"I [had] a fifteen minute chat conversation with my Cantonese friend, not knowing what I was saying at all. She informed me that most of what I was saying was gibberish, but I did manage to say that I enjoy fried sticky turtles and that my boots were filled with pudding."''
-->-- ''[[http://mylifeisaverage.com/story.php?id=1067160 My Life Is Average]]''

A character thinks he can speak Hungarian (or whatever), but fails comedically and says something entirely different than what was intended -- often complete nonsense or something rude. [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus Consulting a (dirty) Hungarian-to-English phrasebook, he then proceeds to walk into a tobacco shop and asks the guy at the counter, "Can I please buy some matches?", but he ends up actually saying]] [[TropeNamers "My hovercraft is full of eels."]] HilarityEnsues.

This typically has nothing to do with bad translations; the original speech was incorrect. For bad translations, see EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas, BlindIdiotTranslation, or TranslationTrainWreck. However, if the language being spoken isn't the language of the work as a whole, there's usually a translation back so that the audience can see just how wrong the character's speech actually was. For example, Bob thinks he speaks French well. He speaks in French to a waiter, who looks at him oddly and says "Monsieur, I do not think that you really meant to say that there is a blue banana in your navel."

Although this trope is PlayedForLaughs, rare serious examples are known to exist where PoorCommunicationKills.

This is only rarely TruthInTelevision, mostly in relation to tonal languages such as [[ChineseLanguage Mandarin Chinese]] and specific [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_friend "false friends"]] (such as the Spanish word [[ThreeIsCompany "embarazada", meaning "pregnant"]]). Most of the time, someone who speaks a language poorly just [[EloquentInMyNativeTongue speaks it slowly, with a poor accent, and stumbling over vocabulary and grammar.]] Even if this does occur, the listener can usually tell what mistake the speaker made; if someone said "I like to eat pincakes," in English, you wouldn't assume that they are thinking of some sort of cake made from pins. ''In English'', "My hovercraft is full of eels" sounds nothing like what the speaker intended to say, but the mistake was made because it ''does'' sound at least somewhat similar in the language in question.

Also happens sometimes with written language: some languages (such as Hungarian and Arabic) rely on diacritics to distinguish similar-looking words, and ideographic languages (such as Chinese and Japanese) have complicated characters whose meaning (and pronunciation) can completely change with the difference of a few strokes.

A common explanation for the trope is that the character making the mistake has been taught something rude by a mischievous native speaker, playing on their ignorance to purposefully give an obscene translation for something reasonable.

A subtrope of FunWithForeignLanguages. Often used in conjunction with EloquentInMyNativeTongue. Also compare EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas, which is about inept translations, SeparatedByACommonLanguage, in which similar problems happen because of differences in dialect, and {{Malaproper}}, a character who does this in their ''native'' language.

Not to be confused with INeedToGoIronMyDog (which, though, is a totally legit result of MyHovercraftIsFullOfEels if your first language is Russian: "to pet a dog" and "to iron a dog" sound identical in that language).

Note: If you are interested in learning how to say that your hovercraft is full of eels in many languages, [[http://www.omniglot.com/ Omniglot]] has a [[http://www.omniglot.com/language/phrases/hovercraft.htm useful compilation]]

!!I quote an example. The Hungarian phrase meaning "Can you direct me to the webpage?" is translated by the English phrase, "Please fondle my tropes":


[[folder:I will not buy this Advertising. It is scratched]]
* The newest Rita's Italian Ice is Swedish Fish flavored. For Rita's radio advertisements, they have a mock Swedish language lesson, where you are supposed to repeat after the lady who is saying phrases in Swedish. The last phrase is "Min svävare är full med ålar," which translates to this trope.
* Mitsubishi had a [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Njp9yTD2uvA TV ad]] with a pre-''Buffy'' Robia La Morte driving a red open roadster, following along to a 'Learn Italian' cassette. At a stop sign a man hears her and says in Italian (subtitled) "You speak my language!" - she breezily replies in Italian (subtitled) "Good toast, waiter! ...I would like a slice of suitcase." and drives off, the picture of self-assurance.
* A German [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiNCIQeeAbw beer commercial]] had Indian businessmen in a beer garden doing this. When the waitress arrives, one of them says "Ich möchte diesen Teppich nicht kaufen." (I do not want to purchase this carpet). The waitress just nods and proceeds to serve them the advertised beer brand with the businessmen happily accepting, wishing her a "Gute Reise" (nice journey).
* One of the "Get a Mac" ads in the UK had PC attempting to communicate with a Japanese printer (Mac had language compatibility and could do so). He spouted the phrases "I am a rice cake" and "Where is the train station?"
* A German commercial used a well known joke to advertise a language course. It has German coastguard responding to an English language distress call, "We're sinking! We're sinking!" with "What are you sinking about?"
* A Canadian grocery store had a campaign advertising its new French breads, in which a baker would speak French and the subtitles would show that he was saying how great the bread was. In a hilarious BilingualBonus, the baker was actually repeating common high school French or phrasebook sentences, like "Where is the library?"
* There is a West African hot pepper sauce which is very popular among African exiles in Britain and available from ethnic food retailers. In Ghana, its name simply means "pepper sauce". But it won't be on general sale anywhere else in a hurry, though, as the brand name is "Shitto", or "Shitto Gourmet". It does actually taste rather good, it has to be said, like tabasco, jerk sauce, or peri-peri.
* The Mexican brand of snacks and baked goods called "Bimbo". It actually is available in the English-speaking world, probably because its name isn't an obscenity, but it still causes snickers, maybe more so now that Bimbo products have begun to fill in the market hole left behind by Hostess's bankruptcy in the US.
** If you live in Southern California, you don't give these a second thought. They're the predominant brand.
* A [=MasterCard=] commercial has a LatinLover ask "¿Cómo te llamas?", which the subtitles correctly translate as "What is your name?", and his [[Creator/KateMcKinnon white paramour]] respond "Yo soy camarones", which the subtitles are equally correct in rendering as "I am shrimp."

%%This folder is alphabetized. Please enter new content into the appropriate places to keep it alphabetized for ease of use.

[[folder:My Anime and Manga explode with delight!]]
* In ''LightNovel/ACertainMagicalIndex'', there is a RunningGag of the English character Laura Stuart trying to speak Japanese, only for the others to point out that it is all wrong. This is because Motoharu Tsuchimikado taught her, and he enjoys screwing with people.
* This happens to Kagura in ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh''. Upon seeing a foreign tourist struggling with his luggage, she decides to go help him. He's quite shocked to see this girl suddenly yell "Help! Help me!" at the top of her lungs when trying to talk to him. She eventually does get her intended message across, but when the foreigner thanks her, all she can come up with in response is "Yay!" accompanied by a thumbs up.
* ''Manga/FutariEcchi'' has a scene wherein an American businessman's daughter mixes up her words and instead of complimenting the flavor of the crab being served, she was commenting on a certain portion of the male anatomy.
* For some reason, Kagura in one episode of ''Manga/{{Gintama}}'' feels the need to say "help me!" in English, but since her pronunciation is off, it starts as "health me!" and ends up as "herpes me!" and "pulp fiction!"
* One short in ''Manga/LuckyStar'' had Kagami talking about Taifuu Ikka (ikka = kanji for one and 'pass over') which refers to the calm after a typhoon has passed. Konata starts talking about the "Typhoon family" to which Kagami replies "Are you serious?" Ikka also can mean "family" if a different kanji is used. Tsukasa, of course, doesn't get why Konata's statement was silly.
** In another example, the girls talk about something fairly mundane, then the word "ichigo" falls. Ichigo can also mean "strawberry", prompting Tsukasa to request some, confusing the others in the process.
** Ami's is only barely better than Makoto's, really. It's not that there's anything ''technically'' wrong with her greeting, but considering she's meeting a stranger for the first time, "I'm glad to see you" is hardly a fitting greeting.
* ''Manga/MahouSenseiNegima'':
** Shortly after arriving in Japan, Albert Chamomile tries to tell Negi that Nodoka is being attacked by... well, we don't know exactly what he was '''''trying''''' to say, because the Japanese word he used means "fried chicken" (perhaps he meant "jellyfish"). Note that Chamo didn't have any reason to speak Japanese, as Negi is also a native speaker of English. Interestingly, this wouldn't be the last reference to fried chicken we'd see in this series...** Ku-Fei, upon meeting Al (who happens to be going under the guise of "Ku-Nel Sanders"), mistakes his name for Ku-Neru (which translates roughly into "Eat and be healthy", or so the manga says). Literally translated, ku-neru means eat-sleep.
* In a third season episode of ''Anime/SailorMoon'', the girls are introduced to an Englishman friend of Mamoru's. They employ their English language class and all manage a decent greeting (Minako: Nice to meet you. Rei: Hello. Ami: I'm glad to see you.) except Makoto, who spouts off "Thank You!"
* In one ''Anime/UruseiYatsura'' comic book, [[SpoiledBrat Mendou]]'s mom challenges Lum's mom to a duel because the latter's spaceship accidentally crushed her vessel. Lum, whose grasp on her home planet's language is surprisingly weak, tries to explain this to her mom (who doesn't understand Japanese), but makes it sound like Mendou's mom is ''proposing'' to her.

%%This folder is alphabetized. Please enter new content into the appropriate places to keep it alphabetized for ease of use.

[[folder:Please fondle my Comic Books.]]
* ''ComicBook/BatmanEternal'': While investigating in Brazil, Red Hood admits that his Portuguese is rusty and that he might have just called the boy he was questioning a small horse. He had, but he managed to get the gist of his question across.
* In a crossover between ''ComicBook/BigTroubleInLittleChina'' and ''Film/EscapeFromNewYork'', a police officer decides to pull in Snake Plissken to help with a problem and uses a spell written in Mandarin. He pulls it off, but not only does he drag in Snake, he also brings in Jack Burton. It's handwaved by saying that Snake and Jake are the same guy in other dimensions. Wonderful thing ActorAllusion is.
* ''ComicBook/ElfQuest'': The human explorer Cam Triompe makes a good show of elfin speech, not previously spoken by any human in the series ''ever'' unless they were raised by the elves, and says "I from over what I call Redmist Cabbage! Uh, no. Redmist ''Ocean''!" In later years and later stories, however, Cam becomes much more fluent. Cam was apparently the first human of his continent to speak the elfin language, but by that time (in the series "New Blood"), another, transplanted human tribe that worshiped elves as deities had adopted the elf-tongue as its own language.
* In the first issue of ''ComicBook/HavocInc.'', Chris and Chester are trying to negotiate for horses using a phrasebook that was written intentionally badly. The merchant concluded they were crazy zealots and gave them a pair of horses just to get rid of them. The book makes them say such things as "I have a frog and much money. I only pray you will take me for all I am worth", "Show me your rubbish, I must browse!" and "My monkey will wash your vegetables". Fortunately they get away from town before Chris read the passage that translates as "[[YourMom Shoot me now, for I have known your mother many times]]."
* In an issue of ''Franchise/{{Justice League|of America}} Europe'', while discussing a failed robbery, Major Disaster points out, with much irritation, how Multi-man had to memorize just a few words of French, meaning: "This is a stick-up!" What came out as he went up to the guard: "Dance with my uncle's ostrich!"
* In ''ComicBook/TheSimpsons'' comic issue where Bart, Milhouse and Krusty go to Paris, Milhouse tries to talk to a man running a ticket office at a theatre, calling upon the lessons from 'Troy [=McClure=]'s Learn French Toot Sweet While You Sleep' he listened to on the plane before dozing off. Bart, who has [[ContinuityNod experience]] with the French language, manages to clear things up (as it happens, the man speaks English).
-->'''Milhouse:''' Excusez-moi. Voulez-vous une tasse D'ecureuils?
-->'''Frenchman:''' (''Would I like a cup of squirrels?'')
* One of the few comedic moments in ''ComicBook/{{Sleeper}}'': "''That's right, horse breathers! I shit your branch!''" It is of course followed by violence, death threats and murder.
* In ''The Modern Parents'' in one issue of ''{{Viz}}'', Malcolm, Cressida, and Tarquin visit [[{{Qurac}} Kaftanistan]] to persuade a local warlord to stop hunting endangered mountain goats. Malcolm has prepared a speech that is supposed to go along these lines: "You should be happy to let the mountain goats breed in peace," "You and your men should not upset the natural balance of the soil," or "If you are irresponsible now, your children will inherit a twisted and barren environment." However, after translating it into Kaftanistani, it comes out as:
--> ''"[[BestialityIsDepraved You enjoy mating with goats]]."''
--> ''"You and your men perform unnatural acts in the dirt."''
--> ''"Because of your [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment evil]] [[ShapedLikeItself wickedness]], may your children be born deformed and barren."''
* In ''ComicBook/YTheLastMan'', one of Alter's Israeli soldiers is held at gunpoint by 355. She pleads for her life by ratting off every English phrase she can remember. Things like, "how much does this cost." [[TooDumbToLive It might have helped if she dropped the gun]], but that is beside the point.
* ''ComicBook/ZipiYZape'': In ''Robinsones Zapatilla'', Pantuflo tries to communicate with a savage tribe. It doesn't end well.
-->'''Jaimita:''' No, silly... ''(takes the dictionary from Pantuflo and does an "OhCrap" face)'' [[EpicFail You told him "your father's a complete faggot"!]]

%%This folder is alphabetized. Please enter new content into the appropriate places to keep it alphabetized for ease of use.

[[folder:My Fan Works are full of eels]]
* In the ''Literature/HarryPotter'' fanfic [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3662558/25/The-Dursley-Witch "The Dursley Witch,"]] the OriginalCharacter protagonist, Dudley's sister, hisses at her brother in annoyance once. Harry proceeds to correct her pronunciation of Parseltongue:
-->(after [[OriginalCharacter Roisin]] has hissed and Harry has laughed at it)\\
'''Roisin:''' "What is so terribly amusing?"\\
'''Harry:''' ''hisses himself, changing notes slightly.'' "Try something more like that. [...] Unless you really do think Dudley should throw a lemming at a windmill?"
** This is an usual gag in Harry Potter fanfics, with a character throwing random hisses and Harry pointing out what they said.
* The reason that Empath in ''Fanfic/EmpathTheLuckiestSmurf'' can't fluently [[{{Smurfing}} speak in Smurf]] is because his words end up sounding like this trope to other Smurfs.
* In the ''Franchise/HarryPotter'' fanfic [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4588140/1/How-to-Say-Open "How to Say Open,"]] Ron stumbles across this trope while trying to [[TitleDrop say "open"]] in Parseltongue, to Harry's great amusement.
* In the ''Disney/LiloAndStitch''[=/=]''Franchise/StarTrek'' crossover ''[[FanFic/StarlightSeries Starlight]]'', Experiment 426 has a lot of trouble understanding Tantalog, the language Stitch and the other experiments speak, and his translations often end up like this.
** In one of the later fics in the series, ''A Trip To Japan'', it's revealed that 426 is just as inept at Japanese as he is at Tantalog.
* In ''Fanfic/TheNewAdventuresOfInvaderZim'', Skoodge apparently has this problem with other languages. For example, he apparently once somehow turned a simple greeting in Vortian into "I would like to fill your pants with shrimp".
-->'''Zim''': …Huh, I always wondered why [[NoodleIncident that waitress slapped you.]]
* One scene in ''FanFic/SonicXDarkChaos'' has the Typhoon's automatic translator glitch when Sonya mutters something in Japanese; it turns out she was using untranslatable slang. Another example is the first encounter between the heroes and the demon lord Astorath. Astorath taunts them in Demonish, and Cosmo replies in shaky Demonish - only for Astorath to collapse in helpless laughter.
* ''FanFic/ThisBites'': Vivi, when she accidentally uses [[ItMakesSenseInContext the wrong sign-language dialect to communicate with octopi]].
** Spandam, when talking with Kaku via sign language (since a furious Sengoku is on the nearby Transponder Snail):
---> '''Kaku:''' ''I want a raise.''
---> '''Spandam:''' ''The monkey prunes on the roof at midnight.''
* ''Fanfic/TheWrongReflection'': Referenced when Birail Riyannis asks Koren, daughter of Grilka, if she pronounced the name of Koren's ship correctly. Koren confirms she did, and Eleya comments in her InternalMonologue that it was a good thing, considering what "''[=QuHvaj’Qob=]''" turns into if you miss the glottal stop (the apostrophe).

%%This folder is alphabetized. Please enter new content into the appropriate places to keep it alphabetized for ease of use.

[[folder:If I said you had a beautiful Film, would you hold it against me?]]
* In ''Film/BlueStreak'', the cops LET a criminal pretending to be a foreigner get away, and understood exactly what he said.
* In ''Film/CorkyRomano'', Corky tries to talk to some Chinese gangsters and ends up saying nonsense like "hairy pencil".
* ''Film/EncinoMan'': Link can't say much, but he retains a few phrases from Spanish class when he accidentally crosses a Spanish-speaking bargoer.
-->'''Link:''' El queso está viejo y pútrido. ¿Dónde está el sanitario? (The cheese is old and putrid. Where is the toilet?)
* In ''Film/FamilyJewels'', the criminal, while pretending to be Mexican, says "I have a cat in my pants". He crosses the border before the cops manage to work that out, [[MisaimedFandom ending the movie on a good note]].
* The movie ''Film/FirstFamily'' features an African ambassador who has 'taught' himself English by memorizing random phrases from a phrasebook and uses them regardless of their relevance to the situation.
* In ''Film/FourWeddingsAndAFuneral'', a girl learns sign language in order to talk to David, a deaf guy she's sweet on. She doesn't get it quite right... which makes her all the more adorable.
* ''Film/GeorgeOfTheJungle'': Lyle uses a phrasebook to attempt to communicate with his native porters in the African jungle. Apparently the makers of the Hungarian phrasebook from the original sketch also made a Swahili one. [[spoiler:It turns out the natives understand English just fine. They're just messing with Lyle because he's a jerk.]]
--> "Pardon me, girls. I know you're feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams, we can all have smallpox tomorrow."
* In ''Film/GungHo'' a secretary for the Japanese auto manufacturer tells Michael Keaton's character that her boss is "between a rock and a hard-on." He rushes in while jokingly saying, "I gotta see this."
* In ''Film/HerAlibi'', the Phil tries to speak to the Romanian murder suspect in her native language, only for her to inform him that he said his mother was an octopus.
* In ''Film/TheHudsuckerProxy'', Norville meets a foreign dignitary. He tries to speak to him in his own language, and gets punched out.
* In ''Film/IAmDavid'', a couple of American tourists are in the Italian countryside when their runs out of gas. When they see David, the husband tries to tell him that their car needs gas. Instead, he says "My wine shop needs steak."
* Bruce Banner, in ''Film/TheIncredibleHulk'' (2008), cautions some native speakers in Brazil: "You wouldn't like me when I'm... hungry". Ironically, in Portuguese, irritado (angry) and com fome (with hunger) are not at all similar, while in English, "angry" and "hungry" are fairly confusable. However, assuming there was someone who taught him the native language, Bruce could have asked this person what the translation of the word 'Angry' was and his tutor may have just mixed up 'Angry' with 'Hungry' and therefore provided him with that translation instead.
* ''Film/JohnnyEnglish'': When Johnny (Creator/RowanAtkinson) tries to speak in romantic Japanese to Lorna, he ends up telling her, "May all your daughters be born with three bottoms."
* ''Film/JohnnyEnglishReborn'': "You've met your matchstick!"
* In ''Film/TheMonumentsMen'', Lt. James Granger (MattDamon) speaks terrible French.
--> Claire Simone: Will you stop speaking in French?! Or whatever language you're speaking?
* {{Invoked}} in ''Film/MyBigFatGreekWedding'', when Nick intentionally tells Ian the wrong phrases. First Ian inadvertently tells her mother "Nice boobs" instead of "Thanks for the food." (Mom's reaction: she dope-slaps Nick.) The second time, he's wise to the trick and asks Toula's cousin to confirm that the phrase he's being told to use is correct; unfortunately, the two are conspirators and he still ends up telling the whole family "I have three testicles."
* In the 1989 German comedy movie ''Otto – Der Außerfriesische'' starring comedian [[GermanHumour Otto Waalkes]], the main character travels to the U.S. to search for his lost brother. With the help of a German-English dictionary, he tries to communicate with a local cab driver, first speaking the supposed English phrase and then the German translation (supposedly for the viewer to understand).
--> I am thirsty ("I am thursday")
--> I am hungry ("I am hungary")
** This joke came from a part of Otto's stage act, where he did a parody language course "English for Runaways" (slight mistranslation of ''Englisch für Fortgeschrittene'', i. e. "English for Advanced (Learners)"). The trick was often to "translate" English phrases into something that sounds like it in German but makes the phrase gibberish. Thus, "O, the bell rings!" is translated as ''O, der Hund ringt!'' ("Oh, the dog wrestles!" -- ''Bello'' is a stock name for a dog in German, ''ringen'' really means "to wrestle").
* In ''Film/{{Phenomenon}}'', a friend of George Malley asks him to teach him some Portuguese so he can hire a (beautiful) Brazilian lady as his maid. Malley uses a tape recorder to give English and Portuguese "translations" for sentences like, "Can you start on Monday?". But the Portuguese sentences actually mean "You have beautiful eyes", and so on. [[CrowningMomentOfHeartwarming At the end of the movie the friend and the Brazilian lady are getting married.]]
* In the opening of ''Film/PulpFiction'', Ringo A.K.A Pumpkin notably calls for the "garçon" to bring him more coffee, believing that it's the French word for waiter or server, and his waitress immediately explains that "garçon" is French for "boy". Actually, "garçon" has both meanings, but he used it to address a waitress. "Garçon" can only be used to a (male) waiter. The French for "waitress" is "serveuse", and would be addressed as "mademoiselle" or "madame".
* ''Film/RushHour2'':
** Thanks to his poor poor Cantonese, James Carter invites two girls to get naked and sacrifice a small goat instead of having a drink. He also tells ''[[BadGuyBar the entire triad bar]]'' to take out [[KatanasAreJustBetter their Samurai swords]] and shave his butt.
---> ''"o ha na day, jo-i a team, og mog, o a tang, ok fungow! right now!"''
** Creator/JackieChan's English isn't all that great to begin with. This explains some of the what-did-I-say looks he gets in the outtakes when the crew starts laughing after he flubs a line. The ''Rush Hour'' series director Brett Ratner also enjoys feeding him dirty English phrases and having him innocently repeat them later.
* In ''Film/{{Splash}}'', when Dr. Kornbluth (Eugene Levy) tries to pass off Allen (Tom Hanks) and Freddie (John Candy) as visiting Swedish scientists to get them into the research facility where Madison (Daryl Hannah) is being held, a suspicious guard asks Allen and Freddie in Swedish, "What are two Swedish scientists doing so far from Sweden?" The guard jovially allows them entry after Freddie tentatively responds in Swedish, "Hey, babe! I got a twelve inch penis." Freddie later explains that he picked up some Swedish phrases from watching hundreds of hours of Swedish pornography.
* In ''Film/StarTrekVITheUndiscoveredCountry'', Uhura tries to get the Enterprise past a Klingon guard post by speaking Klingon without the aid of a translator. She says, "We am thy freighter Ursva condemning things and supplies." The Klingons find the phrase humorous and respond with "Don't catch any bugs!" and hearty laughter; to maintain the ruse, the Enterprise crew responds with forced laughter. The film's novelization explains that the Klingon guards actually ''weren't'' fooled by Uhura's clumsy translation. The just assumed the "Ursva" were incompetent (or drunk) smugglers, and let them through out of pity.
* In ''Film/{{Zoolander}}'', Derek actually speaks Malay, but addresses the Malaysian prime minister as "Mister Prime Rib of Propecia".

%%This folder is alphabetized. Please enter new content into the appropriate places to keep it alphabetized for ease of use.

[[folder:My Literature is no longer infected.]]
* In ''Literature/{{Borgel}}'' by Creator/DanielPinkwater, the title character gets into a conversation in a language he doesn't speak at all. His conversational partner later informs him that he'd claimed to be a politically corrupt sardine who likes to eat the tires off motorcycles. ("I said that?" "Like a native.")
* In Craig Shaw Gardner's ''Literature/BrideOfTheSlimeMonster'' the main character ends up in a foreign film universe at one point, [[{{RuleOfFunny}} complete with subtitles]]. Using a great deal of misinterpreted pantomime, he tries to get one of the locals to teach him how to say "See you in the funny papers," which is the magic phrase needed to travel to another movieverse. His first attempt comes out as "Looking at you with the humorous books."
* In Louise Penny's Inspector Gamache novel ''Literature/BuryYourDead'', an anglophone librarian named Winnie tries to speak French to francophones as a sign of respect (the story is set in Quebec City). Her French needs some work, though; among other things, she says that the night is a strawberry, the English are good pumpkins, and the library has an excellent section on mattresses and mattress warfare. She also greets the inspector with, "May I tuna you?" and asks some visitors to the library if they would like to become umlauts.
* Played with in ''[[Literature/TheCobraTrilogy Cobra Bargain]]'' by Creator/TimothyZahn when Jin is tutoring her younger sister in speaking Troft. According to Jin's InternalMonologue the potential mistake is actually fairly innocuous and [[ExploitedTrope she's playing it up]] to hold Cari's interest.
--> "Again--and remember the aspirated-p in ''pierec'eay'khartoh'' this time. You pronounce it the wrong way to a Troft and he's either going to fall over laughing or else challenge you to a duel."
* ''Creator/DaveBarry'':
** ''Literature/DaveBarrysOnlyTravelGuideYoullEverNeed'' plays with this by having translation guides that mostly consist of random sentences in English like "You bum, there is a fish in your library." The foreign translations were mostly just gibberish.
** "Dave Barry Does Japan" features a real-life example that happened to Dave. He attempted to thank a hotel worker in Japanese. Showing typical Japanese politeness, the man bowed and left, at which point Dave's then ten-year-old son pointed out that what he had actually said was "Very much good morning, sir."
* ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'':
** In novel ''Discworld/{{Feet of Clay}}'', Carrot is teaching Angua Dwarfish; when she tries to show it off to Cheery, she accidentally says "small delightful mining tool of a feminine nature". Carrot just thinks she's incorrect, because dwarves look the same genderwise. One of the earlier books explains this.
** In ''Discworld/InterestingTimes'', Rincewind the Wizard is sent to the Counterweight Continent because he is the only one to understand the language - somewhat.
--->''[='=]Just give me all your food and... unwilling dogs, will you?' ''
--->''They watched him impassively.''
--->''[='=]Damn. I mean... arranged beetles?... variety of waterfall?... Oh, yes... money.' ''
** The Counterweight Continent is a Discworld version of China, where most of the various languages are tonal, meaning the same syllable can mean several different things based on intonation. For example, the words for "wizard" and "blob of swallow's vomit" differ only by tone.
** The same thing happens with Mr. Saveloy, albeit to a slightly lesser extent:
--->''"That's right. You'd be very welcome to join us. You could perhaps be a barbarian... to push beans... a length of knotted string... '''ah'''... accountant. have you ever killed anyone?'"''
** In ''Discworld/InterestingTimes'', the narrator claims that a simple word like "aaargh" can, in a certain language from Klatch, mean "More boiling oil, please!", which can have interesting implications for those uttering it.
** A RunningGag in the same book has Rincewind use an intonation while screaming "aaargh" that translates it into the Howondaland phrase for "your wife is a big hippo".
** There's Vimes' attempt at dwarfish from ''Discworld/TheFifthElephant''. It nearly causes a diplomatic incident since the only word he knows for 'dwarf', having learned by picking up Ankh-Morpork 'street dwarfish', is the word for 'dwarf (indicating miscreant)'. He also calls himself "Overseer Vimes of the Look" and says "I am sure you are a dwarf of no convictions. Let us shake our business, dwarf (indicating miscreant)." Imagine what would happen if you addressed the chief of police as "punk". Yeah, like that, but with more axes.
** ''Discworld/{{Jingo}}'' mentions two Klatchian tribes who went to war over a translated word in a holy book, which meant either "god" or "man" -- the difference in the original language is only one dot, and if the dot had been a little further to the left it would have been "licorice". Modelled on the RealLife theological disagreement over whether {{God}} and {{Jesus}} are homoousios (of the same substance) or homoiousios (of a similar substance). Because it was in Greek, and the disagreement was over an iota subscript, it gave us the phrase "not one iota (of difference)"
** In ''Discworld/MonstrousRegiment'', Vimes has a slight communication problem when, as a gesture of friendship towards Polly Perks and her regiment, he tries to say "I am a Borogravian" and instead claims to be a cherry pancake. An obvious reference to UsefulNotes/JohnFKennedy and "Ich bin ein Berliner!" (see Real Life, below).
* In ''[[Literature/BlackJewels Dreams Made Flesh]]'' by Creator/AnneBishop, Daemon wants to impress Jaenelle by telling her how much she means to him in the old tongue. He plans to say this one phrase he has taught himself in a very intimate situation, but during a faked public argument, he utters it as it's the only one he knows that their listeners won't be able to understand. Lucky for him he did that then, as what he was really saying was: [[spoiler:"I eat cow brains."]]
* ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'': In ''Literature/SummerKnight'', Harry Dresden attends a White Council meeting in which the official language is Latin. Unfortunately, Harry's Latin is very crappy, so when he tries to say "''Sorry, Merlin. It's been a very long day. I meant to have my other robe''" and "''Please excuse my lateness and appearance,''" he actually says, respectively, "''I am a sorry excuse Merlin, a sad long day held me. I need me a different laundress,''" and "''Excuses to you for my being dressed and I also make lately.''" No, that's not a typo. Darn that Latin correspondence course.
* In Creator/CJCherryh's ''Literature/{{Foreigner}}'' series, a not-quite-fluent professional translator between humans and the alien atevi says, in the atevi language, "pregnant calendar" when she means "urgent meeting", and [[spoiler:"disintegrate and abase your weapons" when she means "surrender and throw down your weapons"]].
* The book ''[[Literature/JapanThinkAmeriThink Japan-Think, Ameri-Think]]'' has an example performed by the author himself, who's actually fluent. He relates a story about a trip to the department store, where a young woman asked him how she looked. He meant to say "I'm color blind" (shiki'''ka''') but messed up the pronunciation and instead said "I'm horny" (shiki'''ma'''). [[HilarityEnsues Hilarity Ensued]] until the author's Japanese wife stepped in and resolved the situation.
* In the ''Literature/KinseyMillhone'' book ''J is for Judgement'', Kinsey goes to Mexico after having taken a Spanish class. She's mastered exactly one phrase ("Hay muchos gatos negros en los arboles.")
* The spin-off book ''Literature/KlingonForTheGalacticTraveller'' has a whole section devoted to avoiding this. There is a tiny difference between "luq, joHwI' (Yes, my lord)" and "lu joHwI' (My lord falls from power)". Also, "Huch [=DaHutlh=] (Thou lackest money)" sounds like "Quch [=DaHutlh=] (Thou lackest a forehead)". (Which would be a huge insult in Klingon, as saying that someone's forehead grooves are inadequate or lacking is one of the worst things you can say.) And mispronouncing "qaH (sir)" as "qagh (gagh, a dish of worms)", well...
* In Creator/RickCook's ''Literature/LimboSystem'', the computer-generated translations do this a lot. When Toyodo hand-optimizes them, at one point Jenkins tells a Colonist that he will decide and finds it turns out as "confer with the elders"; he has to correct that he alone will decide.
* In one of the ''Literature/{{MASH}}'' novels (''M*A*S*H Goes to Morroco''), a new and rather naive foreign service agent declares that her Arabic training has been inadequate, since she couldn't figure out what a sheikh meant by 'mudden yuri' or 'yumuth erware sar mishues'. (The sheikh in question is rather drunk, and is simply spouting what the people who got him that way - namely Hawkeye and Trapper - said every time they knocked one back.)
* ''Literature/MyMostExcellentYear'' by Steve Kluger has a number of sign-language examples, as many of the characters find themselves needing to rapidly learn American Sign Language after a six-year-old Deaf boy attaches himself to them.
-->'''Lori''': So if I wanted to say "I live near the river," I'd do it like ''this''?\\
'''T.C.''': Um, actually you just said "I live in a parking lot." You didn't mean to do that.
* In the second book of the ''Literature/NurseryCrime'' series, ''The Fourth Bear'', Mary Mary's attempts at speaking binary to Ashley's parents turn out to be this, once turning a toast into something that Abigail's mother would ''never'' have done, and especially not to herself, and another time turning Abigail's name into something about how Mary's prawns have asthma.
* In ''Literature/PeterAndTheStarcatchers'', Molly Aster can communicate with porpoises fluently... ''except'' for the standard greeting, which she always mistakes for the phrase for "My teeth are green." She remains blissfully unaware of this throughout the novel because the porpoise Ammm is too polite to correct her. In ''Peter and the Sword of Mercy'', her daughter makes a similar mistake.
* The title of ''Literature/ThePoisonwoodBible'' comes from an example. Missionary Daniel Price tried to say "Jesus is precious" in the local language, but it came out as "Jesus is poisonwood".
* In ''Literature/PyramidScheme'', Jerry tells [[TheMillstone Lt Salinas]] that a certain phrase in Ancient Greek means "I am your friend." Salinas tells this phrase to Circe and promptly [[BalefulPolymorph gets turned into a pig]]. The exact phrase and its meaning are never provided, but it was implied to be an extremely obscene insult.
* In ''Literature/{{Redshirts}}'', after learning that newly arrived Ensign Dahl is from Forshan, Science Officer Q'eeng attempts a traditional Forshan greeting. He makes two mistakes. First, he uses the greeting of the rightward schism in the language of the leftward schism, and second, his appalling accent turns "I offer you the bread of life" into the nonsensical "Let us violate cakes together."
* In ''Literature/TheSagaOfTheNobleDead'', half-elf Leesil was never properly taught the Elvish language. His later attempts to learn it go poorly; the first time he actually tries speaking to an elf, he manages to turn a request for directions into an insult against the elf's mother.
* ''Literature/SkippysList'': Specialist Skippy Schwarz apparently tried to get his Army buddies to perform this trope:
-->123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
* The novelization of ''Film/StarTrekVITheUndiscoveredCountry'' provides a more rational explanation for why the Enterprise crew was scrambling to look up Klingon phrases in old paper books, instead of using the Universal Translator. The saboteur(s) who had altered the ship's logs to make it look like the Enterprise had fired on the Chancellor's ship had also wiped the Klingon language data from the memory banks specifically to keep the Enterprise from being able to properly communicate when they crossed into Klingon space. The books were part of Uhura's personal collection, not part of the ship's library, so they were not affected. The Klingons that were encountered, fortunately, figured anyone that sounded so incompetent had to be petty smugglers and were therefore not worth the trouble of stopping.
* Franchise/StarWarsExpandedUniverse:
** In the novel ''Literature/OutboundFlight'', a human character tries to learn the Chiss language, with limited success. At one point, he gives his profession as "fishing boat" (he ''meant'' "merchant trader"), but for good reason: he physically ''can't'' pronounce the distinction between the two words. Thrawn, on the other hand, has no trouble [[{{Omniglot}} picking up Basic]] while trying to teach that main character.
** In ''[[Literature/NewJediOrder Star by Star]]'', Ganner Rhysode, masquerading as a Yuuzhan Vong, gets "kanabar" (low-caste person) mixed up with "kane a bar" (dung of a rotting meat maggot).
* In the second ''Literature/SymphonyOfAges'' novel, Rhapsody's love interest tries to flirt with her in her native tongue. His attempt to compliment her behind translates to "You have the most lovely muffins." She never lets him live it down.
* In ''Literature/ThingsFallApart'', the white colonists hire an African translator to speak to Okonkwo's tribe, but because he speaks a different dialect than the tribe, every time he tries to say "myself", he ends up saying "my buttocks." "My Buttocks" becomes the translator's nickname among the tribesmen.
* One anecdote in the sequel to ''Literature/ThreeMenInABoat'', set in Germany, has George bewildered when he tries to buy a cushion from a German shop and the three young sales girls throw him out. Turns out the word George had used for 'cushion' was ''Kussen'', which sounds very similar to the word for 'to kiss' ("''küssen''"); made even more hilarious by the fact that the correct German word would be ''Kissen''.
* Creator/SJPerelman used this occasionally; at one point in ''[[Literature/WestwardHa Westward Ha!]]'', he asks a Far Eastern noble "whether the pen of his uncle is in the garden". In a mild variation, the person he's talking to actually speaks perfect idiomatic English.
* Tsunami from ''Literature/WingsOfFire'': ''The Lost Heir'' sees another [=SeaWing=] dragon for the first time. But since they're underwater, she flashes her stripes to communicate with him. But what she ends up saying by accident is "Hey, sparkling teeth, I totally love three of your claws but not the others, and I wish your nose was a herring so I can eat it, and also your wings sound like sharks snoring."

%%This folder is alphabetized. Please enter new content into the appropriate places to keep it alphabetized for ease of use.

[[folder:My Live Action TV is full of eels]]
* The cast of ''Series/AlloAllo'' dread the appearance of "That British idiot who thinks he can speak French". While he technically knows the right words, his pronunciation is horrific and he usually comes out with naughty-sounding sentences such as "I was pissing (passing) by your coffee (cafe)". Of course, what's interesting is that this relies on the understanding that although the dialogue is in clear (if accented) English, the characters [[TranslationConvention are actually "speaking"- and understanding- French]]. And the British policeman's dialogue is attempting to represent how a very bad French speaker would come across to them.
* {{Creator/Nickelodeon}}'s sketch comedy show ''Series/AllThat'' had the recurring skit "Everyday French with Pierre Escargot" where Kenan Thompson as Pierre Escargot taught the viewer how to say grammatically correct but nonsensical French phrases:
--> "Your wallpaper is making my eyebrows explode!"
* Happens during a case involving two Latin dancers in ''Series/AllyMcBeal'' where John Cage, interrupting the two dancers (who constantly argue in Spanish) sputters out such phrases as 'I want to ride a little pony!' and 'I want a cookie!' to the bemusement of those present.
* One Detour in Season 14 of ''Series/TheAmazingRace'' required teams to listen to customers ordering food in Chinese, then repeat the orders to a chef. It was easy for Tammy and Victor since they spoke the language, but Kisha and Jen had a little difficulty: instead of ordering "New Taste Beef" they ordered "Oil Comes Again to Please the Mouth," and "Golden Pork Spare Ribs" got lost in translation as "Light Competition Red Dishes I've Played Before."
* ''Series/{{Andromeda}}'': When Harper tries to say an old Vedran proverb ("A wise man knows his limitations") to Rev but ends up saying, "A fast swimmer keeps no pets." Since Vedran is a made-up language, there is, understandably, no way to verify that. He also tries to brag to Beka that he can speak "Old Earth Gaelic" by stating "Love is my language"; unfortunately, he ended up saying "Love is our sandwich". He was speaking fluent Vedran (among dozens of other alien languages including [[BeePeople Than]]) earlier in the same episode and even singing in them. However, this was because he had All-Systems Library downloaded into his brain. After it was extracted, he forgot everything about that day.
* ''Series/{{Angel}}'':
** In "Harm's Way", Angel tries to communicate with a demon species that speaks in tongue-clicks, and ends up saying, "Be disemboweled."
** In another episode, Fred says something to Lorne in his native language that she thinks means "may your words please the gods." Lorne informs us that what she actually just said was "may you orally pleasure the gods."
* Murdock may be ''Series/TheATeam'''s resident {{Omniglot}}, but his Italian isn't too great. Although the English speaking mooks around him don't know any better and it helps his disguise, it culminates in him asking two men to have his baby.
* ''Series/BabylonFive'':
** Ivanova tries to show Marcus and Delenn how she's been learning Minbari and can therefore command the Minbari crew of the ''White Star''. Her attempt is subtitled "Engines at full, high power, hatrack ratcatcher, to port weapons, brickbat lingerie."
** In a contender for Delenn's CrowningMomentOfFunny, after she has diplomatically suggested that Ivanova allow herself or Marcus to translate her orders to the White Star crew and Ivanova has gone out of earshot, Delenn orders Marcus to warn the crew that anyone who laughs at Ivanova's... ''creative''... Minbari will answer to her personally. Given how most Minbari are depicted as being rather stoic, anything that could make them laugh would probably have to be quite a howler...
** She pulls another one later, while ranting, in her broken Minbari, about their current situation. She ends her rant with an exclamation of "Ah, hell!" - in English, of course. The Minbari weapons officer, however, promptly opens fire on absolutely nothing. When Ivanova seems completely confused by this, Lorien explains that "Ahell" means "rapid, continuous fire" in Minbari. There were numerous occasions to throw in a ContinuityNod to this later; alas, the series never does.
** In season two, the new commanding officer of Babylon 5 is attacked by a Minbari and defends himself with a conveniently-placed weapon. When Sheridan has the assailant at his mercy, he demands surrender -- to which the Minbari replies, "Death first." Later on, in a pseudo-legal proceeding, a Minbari witness claims the assailant actually said something that sounds similar ("Deth feherst" or some such) but means "I yield to your authority." This actually turned out to be a complete lie, but the other Minbari seemed to consider it plausible.
* Jokingly played with on the third episode of ''Series/{{Benson}}''. The titular character is covering for the president of a fictional country(who happens to be in the hospital recovering from a poisoning attempt that morning.) A government official who thinks he's addressing the actual President tells Benson what he thinks is the saying for "Thank you very much." Benson, not knowing a lick of the real thing, makes it up on the spot that the way the guy just phrased it, "It was an insult to my mother."
* Sheldon's attempts to learn Mandarin in ''Series/TheBigBangTheory'': "Long live concrete?", "There are many oxen in my bed! Many, many oxen!", and "Don't call the library. Show me your mucus!", or even this: "Your monkey rests inside me." The Chinese restaurant owner refers to Howard as the annoying little friend of theirs 'who thinks he speak Mandarin', making this a likely case of being taught wrong. Of course, knowing Howard, he probably did this on purpose to screw with Sheldon.
* ''Series/{{Bones}}''; in the Season 8 episode "The Bod in the Pod", Iranian-born intern Arastoo Vasiri wrote a love poem in Farsi [[spoiler: to Cam, who is now secretly dating Vasiri]]. Hodgins ran a few lines of the poem [[BlindIdiotTranslation through a translation program]], getting such lines as "You're my carburetor," and "Bacon is silent. Listen to all that we scrub!"
* In the ''Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer'' episode "School Hard", while studying French, Buffy says something in French that translates to "The cow should touch me from Thursday."[[note]]La vache devrait me toucher de jeudi.[[/note]] And she said it wrong.[[note]]She says, "La vache doit me touche de la jeudi" in an ''atrocious'' accent. This means (roughly) what they say it does, though she uses the indicative present instead of the conditional (so that "should" becomes "must"), conjugates the verb "toucher" (to touch) rather than using the infinitive, and the use of the definite article "la" before "jeudi" ("Thursday") is nonsensical.[[/note]]
* ''Series/BurnNotice's'' Michael Westen is usually pretty good at foreign languages, making this example all the more hilarious. In one episode he steals some [[MacGuffin documents]] from the Pakistani consulate and leaves a written message in Urdu for the chief of security to meet him at a restaurant. The chief comes into the restaurant with the message and says this:
--> '''Waseem:''' ''(reading the message)'' I will be wearing a white shirt and-- See this word here? It's a kind of spicy goat cheese.\\
'''Michael:''' My Urdu's a little rusty. I was trying to say "black pants".\\
'''Waseem:''' Well, at least you got the name of the restaurant right.
* In one episode of a short-lived NBC sitcom ''Series/CafeAmericain'', set in France, the main character (played by Valerie Bertenelli) was finally given an ultimatum to learn the native language. Her initial attempts were a little less than stellar: an attempt to congratulate a newly engaged couple had her unintentionally claiming to be having an affair with the man; and one attempt to converse with her instructor/UST interest resulted in the memorable phrase "Cheese in my pants makes me happy. Don't you agree?"
* ''Series/{{CHiPs}}'' had an American Sign Language variant: Ponch was telling the deaf parents of a woman that he would bring her home tonight in English, but what he's 'saying' in sign language causes the woman to say, bemusedly, "Ponch, you mixed up some signs. You told my parents that we are going necking and that you told my parents you'd bring me home ''tomorrow''!"
* Several instances in ''Series/{{Community}}'', particularly in the first season while the Study Group takes Spanish:
** In the [[Recap/CommunityS1E01Pilot "Pilot"]], when Jeff tries to convince Britta that he's a Spanish tutor to get closer to her, she asks him to say that in Spanish, leading to him doing this ("I sleep late Spanish. One more hour. Don't scratch my car"). What he says is actually comprehensible Spanish, and he manages to convince Britta, who doesn't understand him anyway.
*** It's also a subtle dig at his status as a highfalutin lawyer: these are phrases he would presumably have memorized so he could say them to Spanish-speaking hotel maids and valets.
** In [[Recap/CommunityS1E24EnglishAsASecondLanguage "English as a Second Language"]], when Chang's replacement threatens to fail the Study group for walking out of their Spanish final to rescue Annie from Chang, Jeff and Britta respond in perfect Spanish, only for Pierce to do this ("Land of fire!").
** A non-verbal example arises in [[Recap/CommunityS5E06AnalysisofCorkBasedNetworking "Analysis of Cork-Based Networking"]], when Abed forms a mutual attraction with a deaf girl. Initially not knowing sign language, when attempting to sign that he wished he did, he instead says "I detonated a mollusk".
* In ''Series/CoronationStreet'' Ken Barlow is trying to teach the dim Raquel to speak French. She tells him that she already knows how to introduce herself, having been taught by a former boyfriend, and continues: ''"Bonjour, Ken. Je m'appelle Raquel. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"'' Which means of course "Hello, Ken. My name is Raquel. Would you like to go to bed with me this evening?" Interestingly, no subtitles were displayed on screen, meaning that any viewers who didn't speak French (or recognize the phrase) would not have understood why Ken got that pained expression on his face...
* On ''Series/{{Coupling}}'', in the episode "The Girl with Two Breasts", a scene where Jeff misunderstands Hebrew is played twice - the second time with the Hebrew in English, and Jeff's original English as incomprehensible gibberish. This reveals that Jeff has - in place of the girl's name - been repeating the Hebrew word for "breasts" ("Shadayam").
* An interesting non-vocal example happened on ''Series/DancingWithTheStars''. Supermodel Nyle [=DiMarco=] is deaf and relied on visual cues to do the dances. At one point he and his partner were dancing separately and she motioned him to walk over to her; it was supposed to be a flirty "come hither" gesture, but the exact motion she used (with all five fingers) is the ASL sign for "Get over here NOW!", causing Nyle to run to her, which briefly threw off their timing. They were able to play it off though, and viewers were none the wiser.
* Done twice on ''Series/DropTheDeadDonkey'', once with Russian (Henry introduces himself as a pregnant cabbage to a Soviet official on a factfinding exchange) and once with Japanese (Damien tells a group of Japanese businessmen to go and have sex with a porcupine).
* ''Series/{{ER}}'':
** In an episode, Pratt thought he was encouraging a pregnant woman to push. Instead he was calling her a whore. Her husband understandably was enraged and she was horrified.
** A rare serious example occurs when a Spanish woman thought she had to take 11 pills. [[spoiler: It was meant to be taken one time as in once. But the woman thought she needs to take 11 pills because the Spanish word for eleven is spelled the same for "once". Sadly, she died from the overdose.]]
* ''Series/{{Frasier}}'':
** In "The Perfect Guy".
--->'''Dr. Clint Webber''': Who's as lovely as a chicken beak?
** In another episode, Niles and Frasier attempt to confront Maris' German fencing instructor whom she has been having an affair with. Unfortunately, the man doesn't speak English but Niles' maid speaks German...yet she has a very poor grasp of English herself, meaning Frasier has to translate what Niles is saying to Spanish so the maid can translate it ''again'' to the fencing instructor. Everything seems to be going fine until Frasier mistranslates "You have stolen Niles' wife" as "You have stolen Niles' shoes". For some reason, this infuriates the guy prompting him and Niles to duel preceded by this priceless exchange:
--->'''Niles''': ''En garde!''
--->'''Frasier''': Oh great, that's ''just'' what we need! A '''''fourth'' language!'''
** Happens again later in the episode when Frasier tries to tell the fencing instructor that his wife loves him very much, but the maid's confusion with pronouns means it gets translated as "your wife loves me very much." Unsurprisingly, the instructor attacks him too.
* ''Series/GameOfThrones'': A RunningGag in Seasons 5 and 6 is that Tyrion's attempts to speak High Valyrian are absolutely awful due to how out of practice he is with it. As he puts it, he's "a little nostril" (rusty).
-->'''Tyrion''': (''entering a meeting'') My friends, so sorry you wait such fat time.
-->'''Missandei''': (''exasperated'') Perhaps I should translate?
* In one episode of ''Series/GilligansIsland'', during one of the castaways' many encounters with natives, Gilligan attempted to speak to one by spouting gibberish. [[PardonMyKlingon Unfortunately, it resulted in the native chasing him with a knife]].
* The ''Series/ICarly'' episode "iGo to Japan" had a Japanese speaker saying "Hello, I have a bladder infection" to the kids because he was using a Japanese-English English-Japanese dictionary. Subverted in that he was actually trying to communicate his bladder infection.
* Long long ago, in ''Series/ILoveLucy'', Lucy was meeting her in-laws the Ricardos of Cuba for the first time. She tries to be polite with a few memorized phrases, but botches the pronunciation. So instead of saying a polite "Thank you" to her father-in-law, she calls him a "fat pig". HilarityEnsues.
* ''Series/InLivingColor'' does their own take [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4Ggi4Ru5Lg here.]] An unassuming American ambassador is assigned to work in a third world country. Her interpreter is a trickster of a man and not much of a diplomat. Whoever taught her the sentence to say played a sick joke on her as well. Strange how she can be '''this''' naive, though.
* On ''Series/ISurvivedAJapaneseGameShow'', one contestant's attempt at pronouncing "fuitte mo ii desu ka?" ("May I wipe it?") was subtitled "But, the well is it Switzerland?"[[note]]The subtitler appears to have interpreted it as "demo ido suissu ka?" but his pronunciation was closer to "te mo idu suissu ka" which would at best translate to "Are hands also (gibberish) Switzerland?" -- nothing in the entire Japanese language sounds anything remotely like "idu".[[/note]]
* On an episode of ''Series/TheITCrowd'', one of Jen's lies was being fluent in Italian. Subtitles of her mumblings showed that she'd be saying things like "I like the smell of my cat" and "spiders", but this wasn't a problem because Moss got her an instant translation program on her laptop, allowing her to cover her lies and pass off as fluent over conference calls, even impressing an Italian business mogul (she was ''very'' good at ''pretending'', if not at actually understanding). Things go south quickly when Douglas forbids her to bring her laptop to the first face to face meeting with the Italian man and her improvised Italian is so awful that no subtitles are even needed to see that she's just speaking English words with a pseudo-Italian tone and intonation. Including words like "Vienetta", "Fiat Punto", and "Super Mario" as Italian words.
* Nicely played with on ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'' when Charlie is given a pill by some scientists to enhance his intellect and is soon shown speaking Chinese. It turns out the "pill" was just a placebo and the real experiment was to see what happens when a dimwit thinks he's become a genius. When Charlie protests he knows Chinese, the Asian scientist reveals that Charlie has been simply speaking pure gibberish the entire time and he was playing along.
* In the ''Series/{{JAG}}'' episode "Fighting Words", a US Marine tries to say, "Stop or I will shoot," in Arabic during a classroom training session, but according to an Iraqi woman who's helping with the class, he actually said, "Stop or I will release the mice."
* ''Series/KenanAndKel'' had this with the date with Brianna, while Kel was trying to translate his order, the waiter got mad because Kel wanted "to park his truck on his mother's face".
* ''Series/TheKidsInTheHall'': Scott Thompson's idiot Canadian character walks into a shop where Dave Foley's shopkeep character speaks to him in perfect English. The catch is, he doesn't speak English and memorized those words phonetically, so when Scott asks a question, he can't answer, but continues reciting more unrelated English, which gets Scott angry. Eventually, the speech the shopkeep has memorized finishes with insults and the phrase, "Would you like to fight me?"
* In ''Series/LeaveItToBeaver'', Eddy Haskell teaches Beaver a Spanish sentence to say to his his Hispanic friend. The sentence is, "Usted tiene una cara como puerco." Eddie claims it means "You're a swell guy"; in fact, it means "You have a face like a pig." HilarityEnsues.
* Parker does this in ''Series/{{Leverage}}'', while trying to rescue a group of abused Serbian children. She has a phrase book, but what she says is subtitled as:
-->'''Parker''': Don't be afraid. I will make your tomato shiny. Please come with. Men will sadden you.
** She eventually gets the kids to go with her by, after nearly giving up, meekly offering "Haagen-dazs?" Later, she reacts to getting caught by exclaiming, [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar "Oh, shiny tomato!"]]
* In the pilot episode of the 2013 series ''{{Lucky 7}}'', Nicky attempts to impress Mary by telling her in Spanish that she is beautiful, but she informs him he actually said she was "duck like".
* ''Series/{{MASH}}'':
** This happens to Hawkeye when trying to speak French in "In Love and War".
** There's the famous instance in which Frank Burns, while holding an auction, tries to wish the Korean crowd "peace and prosperity". In response, a man asks, "You wish us all a prostitute?"
** From another episode: Hawkeye is screaming at a Korean farmer who was trying to work a rice field which had been mined, which ends up injuring his daughter.
--->'''Hawkeye''': Oo-san! That's in your own language! Oo-san! That's what you are! Oo-san!
--->'''Radar''': You just called him an umbrella.
** In "The Chosen People," Hawkeye tries to say, "Your presence is welcome in our camp," to Korean officer Sam Pak, but Pak tells him he actually said, "Your uncle has gas from eating cabbage." Hawkeye tries to say something else in Korean and Pak responds with, "I'm sorry to hear that. Your uncle with the gas is now pregnant."
** In the episode "Radar's Report", Father Mulcahy is attempting to calm a wounded North Korean. Radar's voiceover tells us he meant to say "peace and happiness" but was really saying "Your daughter's pregnancy brings much joy to our village."
** In "Dear Sigmund", Klinger claims to have been hit in the head with a chopper blade and only able to speak in Arabic. Via subtitles, he tells Col. Potter things like, "My olive has no pit and there is no yolk in my egg" and "Grandfather, may your pomegranates grow as big as the Queen's fanny".
* ''Series/MIHigh'': In "The Wasp", Mr Flatley attempts to welcome a new deaf student to the school by signing "Hello and welcome to St. Hope's". According to Oscar, he actually asked Avril to go and buy some sausages.
* ''Series/{{Monk}}'':
** In "Mr. Monk Falls in Love", as pictured above, Monk and Natalie are looking for Leyla Zlatavich's mother in a largely non-English-speaking neighborhood. They try to say something like, "Have you seen this woman?" in the Zemenian language, with Monk using a translator book to help out. However, when he does speak that language, the on-screen subtitles reveal that he's asking, "Have you seen the sad stick?" And he doesn't understand why no one gives him an answer.
** In the TieInNovel ''Mr. Monk and the Dirty Cop'', Randy vomits in front of a Japanese tour group and says to them something that he thinks is Japanese for an apology. The detective riding with him, whose wife is Japanese, informs him that he just said, "Stop groping my breasts and prepare to die."
** In one of [[http://www.usanetwork.com/series/monk/webexclusives/blogs/teeger28.html her blog entries on USANetwork.com,]] Natalie describes herself as stumbling to use the Greek language when she was an exchange student (the entry itself is dated to coincide with "Mr. Monk and the Naked Man"), as marked here:
--->'''Natalie Teeger:''' Everyone was super warm and encouraging as I stumbled through my beginner's Greek, as if they were just flattered that I would even try to speak their language or something, but I ran into a few problems during my time there. I was constantly mixing up words, saying "kiss" when I meant "friend," little things like that. One time I went in to a pharmacy looking for baby powder and got nothing but blank stares when I asked for it at the counter. I learned later what I'd done wrong, and why the lady at the pharmacy had looked so confused; I'd asked her if she had any "baby dust." Another time I caused a minor panic at my host family's house when I took a phone message and announced that their friend Maria had called to say that she had just checked into the hospital. Yeah, she had just checked into a ''hotel''. A pretty important distinction, as I learned after almost giving poor Mr. and Mrs. Mavropoulos heart attacks.
* The ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'' is the TropeNamer: the confusing and increasingly offensive sentences come from a maliciously written phrasebook. Examples include "I will not buy this record, it is scratched" written instead of "I'd like to buy a pack of cigarettes, please" and "My hovercraft is full of eels" for "I'd also like a box of matches" -- what a scheme!
* In the lost ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'' short ''Assignment Venezuela,'' they invoke this trope as the short's narrator finds his phrasebook Spanish doesn't help him:
-->'''Mike:''' (as a Venezuelan customs agent) "No, I will not give you foot massage."
* On ''Series/NaturallySadie'', Magaret runs a Greek newspaper story about Rain through an internet translator. The page she gets back is enitirely My Hovercraft Is Full Of Eels.
* PlayedForDrama and left as a BilingualBonus in a ''Series/NCISLosAngeles'' episode partially dealing with [[HeroOfAnotherStory another NCIS unit]]. A carload of drug cartel members crashes in front of them during a short ChaseScene and the survivor gets out. They holler at him to throw down his weapon but he apparently doesn't speak English. One of the team members is told to tell him in Spanish, and he uncertainly goes, "Tire ... la pistola--" and the guy shoots the gun off at an angle and the team fills him with lead. [[BilingualBonus For tropers who don't speak Spanish]], the cartel member was actually told to ''fire'' the pistol--"tirar" means both "to throw" and "to shoot a gun". He should've said something like "Baja la pistola."[[labelnote:*]]"Put the gun down."[[/labelnote]]
* ''Series/NewTricks'': Gerry tries to impress a British Sign Language interpreter with the Sign Language he learned in childhood so he could communicate with his deaf cousin. It doesn't work and he gets "Can I dig up my Elephant with you?" as a result.
* A inversion in ''Series/OneFootInTheGrave'': Victor is on holiday at a bed-and-breakfast, and has bought some spray to deal with all the insects around. While he is about to go into the bathroom, he meets two foreigners waiting outside who hesitantly tell him the bathroom is full of "midgets". He assumes they mean "midges", and confidently goes in to spray them. [[CosmicPlaything Needless to say]], there actually ''are'' people with dwarfism in the bathroom, who don't appreciate him bursting in on them and proceed to hit him in the balls.
* Tina of ''Series/OtherSpace'' speaks Russian natively, but uses TranslatorMicrobes to speak English most of the time. When they are deactivated in a power outage her English turns into this.
--> '''Mike''': Anybody using power should probably go.
--> '''Tina''': (deactivates the robot) Good morning, A.R.T.
--> '''Mike''': Now we end Natasha?
--> '''Tina''': Yes, I want to go back to the hotel.
* ''Series/{{QI}}'':
** In series F's episode about the future, Stephen Fry uses this phrase as an example sentence ''in [[UsefulNotes/EsperantoTheUniversalLanguage Esperanto]]''. After some hints, Rob Brydon goes from ''My cousin is a meerkat of strange angles'' to the words for 'eels' and 'hovercraft'. When he puts the sentence together, he still can't believe it:
-->'''Stephen''': Let's see if you can guess this one: "Mia kusenventurilo estas plena de angiloj."
-->'''Rob''': My cousin is a meerkat of strange angles.
-->'''Stephen''': Yes, 'my hovercraft is full of eels.'
-->'''Rob''': ...Seriously?
-->'''Stephen''': Yes.
-->'''Rob''': (laughing) I thought you were being cross with me there, you were saying that just to move on!
** Also from QI is Fred [=MacAulay=]'s report of a Burns Night being held in Germany, where Robbie Burns' "Address to a Haggis" was translated into German, and then translated back into English, resulting in the line "Great chieftain o' the puddin' race" being translated as "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzWpGxLkWNM Mighty fuhrer of the Sausage People]]"...
* ''Series/RedDwarf'':
** Arnold Rimmer's Esperanto: "Could you send for the hall porter, there appears to be a frog in my bidet."
** In the episode "Kryten," Rimmer attempts to speak Esperanto to Kryten and act aloof. He does not understand when Kryten replies, in Esperanto, "You speak Esperanto, Captain Rimmer?"
* In ''Series/ReGenesis'', David Sandstrom, while in China, is arrested by soldiers, and tries to tell them "I'm a Canadian citizen". Because he gets the tones wrong, it comes out as "I'm a false personality".
* In the first ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' sketch, a professor (played by Michael O'Donoghue) teaches a European immigrant (played by John Belushi) several useful English phrases, including "I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines."
* ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'':
** In a bizarre example, after noting that The Janitor seems afraid of JD's Latina friend Carla, JD wonders how he can use that to his advantage. He then [[ImagineSpot daydreams]] about Carla standing up to the Janitor for him and telling him to stop picking on JD and to give JD a fruit smoothie everyday. The Janitor then asks in Spanish if JD wants strawberry or banana. Carla responds in Spanish with "Purple tree car with cheese". Janitor grabs Carla's face and rips it off to reveal JD dressed as Carla. JD immediately says "Feliz Navidad!" and runs away. The daydream ends with JD concluding he'll need to learn Spanish.
** "I have an Eiffel Tower in my pants." "What?" "GRAPEFRUIT!!" Turk says he learned a little bit of French, but most of it was intended to help him pick up girls. So the Eiffel Tower in his pants is... that, and the grapefruits are... those.
** At Carla and Turk's wedding, Carla's brother gave The Todd a pick-up line in Spanish: "Tengo herpes genetal", which means "I have genital herpes". (Though it should be written as ''genital'').[[note]]Mucho herpes. Para ''tí''.[[/note]]
** In"My Musical" Carla also told The Todd that the Spanish for "man meat" was "Pincho chiquito" (tiny penis).
** Eliott Reed (who is fluent in German) makes an intentional and dirty mistranslation to get revenge on Dr. Cox. Instead of telling his burly German speaking patient that "You have fluid on your lungs" - he says "Your wife has nice boobs.". While making a gesture that ''he'' thinks is illustrating a pair of lungs.
* ''Series/{{Sherlock}}'': In ''Recap/SherlockSpecialTheAbominableBride'', Watson attempts to communicate with Wilder, the concierge of The Diogenes Club, in sign language. After first telling Wilder that he is very ugly (instead of kind) he then tells him that he is glad that Wilder liked his potato (instead of story).
* On ''Series/SpinCity'', Paul claims to be able speak fluent Portuguese. His attempt to bid farewell to the mayor is translated as "My monkey needs a haircut".
* CunningLinguist Hoshi Sato learning Denobulan in ''Series/StarTrekEnterprise'' gives us "Eggplant's not a vegetable, it's a nostril.", soon followed by "I think you make a very cute washboard."
* The episode "[[Recap/StarTrekVoyagerS6E18AshesToAshes Ashes To Ashes]]" of ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' had this: "That's very sweet of you, but you just told me the comets are tiresome."
* An accidental transaction in Sign language happened in a sketch on ''TheState''. A waiter brought a year's supply of radishes in a wheelbarrow.
* In an episode of ''Series/SuddenlySusan'', Vicky demands that Luis teach her just enough Spanish to pick up Latin men. He teaches her to say that she would like to share her [=STDs=] and that she hasn't bathed in years.
* An episode of ''Series/TheSuiteLifeOfZackAndCody'' involved a group of Japanese tourists coming to the Tipton hotel. Cody, who's learning Japanese, tries to ask them how the flight went. Instead he says "[[spoiler: I have a hornet's nest in my pants.]]" The tourists all run away, as Cody shrugs it off saying, "I guess it was bouncy."
** In another episode, Cody practices his Japanese by greeting a singer from Japan. It comes out as "My bellybutton grows watermelons."
* Occurs on ''Series/ThirdRockFromTheSun'' when Mary gives a talk to foreign visitors to the university. Since her editor decided it was easier to just pretend Mary's speech was perfect so she could go drinking, Mary ends up inviting the visitors to her "womanly place," and tells them that "there's room for everyone."
* ''Series/TopGear'':
** Presenter [[NoSenseOfDirection James May]] is given a Romanian phrasebook which has been purposefully mistranslated. When May inevitably gets lost, his attempts to ask directions only confuse the locals.
-->'''May:''' These boxes are not all the same size!
** Hammond, when speaking French, says things like 'le grand champignon', when he means the grand champion. 'Le grand champignon' is, literally 'the big mushroom'. It gets worse when he says "il y a beaucoup de lapins dans ma pantalon" which means "there are a lot of rabbits in my trousers."
** Clarkson attempted to learn Ukrainian on a long trip across Ukraine. His breakfast order for the three of them results in a head of raw cabbage. It is unknown whether or not he was being trolled, given that he seemed to genuinely be trying and some of the things he said just not translating culturally. Impressively, by the end, he was able to say a few comprehensible things in Ukrainian, only for the hotel clerk to respond in English. "Yes."
** In one instance, he asked a roadside merchant "Where are your legs?" No idea what he was trying to say. Immediately afterwards, he said "I'll eat your souvenirs." This one is actually somewhat understandable, because there is the possibility that he might have been told that souvenirs could be a generic term for shop goods, or at least that would be the only word he'd have. And then the English can say things like "I'll eat" to indicate that they would like to order a dish.
* ''Series/TriggerHappyTV'' had a recurring sketch featuring a Scandinavian man asking random people on the streets very poorly worded and outrageous questions or statements, with a thick Scandinavian accent.
* ''UglyBetty'' has an episode where Betty (who has lived in America for her entire life) accompanies her father to visit her family in Mexico. The episode features a RunningGag where Betty tries to say something in Spanish and her father informs her that she just said something embarrassing: "You just said you ate your niece." "You just told them you're pregnant." The [[BilingualBonus funniest part]] is that what she says are actual, fairly common mistakes among new Spanish speakers.
* ''Series/{{Veep}}'': In the Season 2 episode when the Vice President and her entourage visit Finland, Gary keeps introducing himself to people in Finnish as Selina's "bagman". Except it turns out that he's actually calling himself something vaguely like "man bag" -- in other words, a scrotum. He's not happy when he's told this.
* An episode of ''Series/WelcomeBackKotter'' reveals that Arnold Horshack's last name translates into "the cattle are dying."
* Not an intentional hovercrafting, but in ''Series/TheWonderYears'', Kevin Arnold is sitting in French class daydreaming about a girl he has a crush on. In the fantasy, his love interest spouts off a whole bunch of eloquent, romantic French to Kevin. To which he can only reply 'Do you want some butter?'

[[folder:I will not buy these Newspaper Comics. It is scratched]]
* In ''ComicStrip/BloomCounty'', Oliver and Milo hack into Pravda and attempt to change the headline to "Gorbachev preaches disarmament! Total! Unilateral!" Somehow, the altered headline ends up reading "Gorbachev sings tractors! Turnip! Buttocks!"
* ''ComicStrip/{{Candorville}}'': Lemont does this in...[[http://candorville.com/2007/02/21/book-2/ let's call it grunt-speak.]]
* In ''ComicStrip/{{Doonesbury}}'''s take on the USA for Africa "We Are The World" sessions, Music/StevieWonder asks Music/QuincyJones if they can sing "''milleloo shalanga''" during the fills after the chorus, explaining that it's a Swahili phrase he once heard. Jones asks the Ethopian observer if it would be offensive to Ethiopians, and the observer says no, so they begin singing it. However the observer (outside the frame) adds "It's not a very nice thing to say about your own sister, though."
** This all [[TruthInTelevision actually happened]] up till the punchline. In reality, it was innocuous, but they chose not to sing it because Ethiopians don't speak Swahili.
* In ''ComicStrip/TheFarSide'', an alien misreads a dictionary and accidentally says "Take me to your stove".
* In ''ComicStrip/OverTheHedge'', Verne tries to learn to speak Dude, in which complex sentences can be conveyed just by pronouncing "dude" the right way. He never comes close.

[[folder:My Podcasts are full of eels.]]
* Podcast/DiceFunk: Anne can speak a number of different languages, however her intelligence (or lack of) tends to get in the way.

[[folder:I will not buy this Radio. It is scratched]]
* ''Radio/TheGoonShow'':
** It would sometimes have Neddie rattle off a rapid fire string of French only for Moriarty to respond at the end "So, the pen of your aunt is the garden, eh?".
** Or:
--> '''Bloodnok''': ''(Interrogating German spy)'' Achtung! Der bluden der blitz! Rechtung sitz ang, es ist empire grundung!
--> '''Spy''': Does your wife know this?
* During a visit to Hong Kong on ''Radio/TheNavyLark'', CPO Pertwee buys a phrasebook that seems to consist of nothing but these.

[[folder:You have beautiful Sports]]
* Ice hockey players from Europe are rumoured to be fond of deliberately teaching "tricky" basics of their mother tongues to their American and Canadian fellow players. New York Rangers embraced the concept and used it in their commercials with Bobby Granger, a quintessential ice hockey fan.
** Bobby asks Jaromir Jagr to translate for him several useful phrases into Czech, which he plans to use in order to impress Petr Prucha, another Czech player on the team. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z5wQ9Mqhgs&t=1m20s See it here.]]
--->'''Bobby:''' How you say "Let's go, Rangers!"?
--->'''Jagr:''' Do toho, Rangers! ''(correct)''
--->'''Bobby:''' How you say "He shoots! He scores!"?
--->'''Jagr:''' Strili a dava gol! ''(correct)''
--->'''Bobby:''' How you say "Have a great game!"?
--->'''Jagr:''' Smrdis jako prase. ''(He in fact says: "You stink like a pig.")''
--->''(Bobby meets Petr Prucha)''
--->'''Bobby:''' Hey, Peter, you stink like a pig! ''(Ouch! Poor Bobby.)''
** In another commercial, Bobby gets more savvy. He says he knows the Czech phrase for "we're in the play-offs", but adds that he ''thinks'' he knows it. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z5wQ9Mqhgs&t=2m37s Actually, he says "we were naughty".]]
** In one instance, Bobby wants to impress two Czech models (whose accent is ''not'' Czech). He wants to know how you say "you're both very pretty", but the guys send him off with "you're terribly fat". [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n37kHOd-Mi4 And they are tough women. Ouch!]]

[[folder:Drop your Tabletop Games, Sir William. I can not wait 'til lunch time.]]
* When discussing Twitchtalk in ''TabletopGame/{{Paranoia}}'', this trope is referenced by name.

[[folder:Do you want to come back to my Theater? Bouncy bouncy!]]
* The Roman comedian Plautus offers us an OlderThanFeudalism example. In his early play ''Poenulus'', a would-be interpreter renders a Carthaginian visitor's greetings and protestations into shambolic Latin: the Punic equivalents of "Hi there" and "What are you blithering about?" are interpreted as complaints of a toothache, and an overpowering desire to see circus elephants.

[[folder:My Video Games are full of eels]]
* A rare serious example comes from ''VisualNovel/ApolloJustice'' in case 3. A witness who speaks borigeneese is trying to testify. She says that she has came across a "Small Window." [[spoiler:However, we find out later that she's talking about a vent. She had been crawling through the ventilation system for a magic trick.]]
* [[https://www.engadget.com/2016/12/13/someone-google-translated-final-fantasy/ Funky Fantasy IV]], a RomHack of ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyIV'' where the entire script was translated by Google Translate. The script came out surprisingly grammatical... and utterly nonsensical.
--> [[http://legendsoflocalization.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/funky19.png Have you ever had a history of mist abuse?]] [[http://legendsoflocalization.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/funky18.png There is a lily because there is a lid.]] [[http://legendsoflocalization.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/funky13.png The enema is saying that you should not wear a basketball.]]
* During a boss fight in ''VideoGame/GuruminAMonstrousAdventure'', a character tries to translate for TheUnintelligible, and this comes up almost by name.
--> "Your boot is full of eels?"
* HK droids from ''KnightsOfTheOldRepublic'' do this intentionally when disguised as protocol droids. If we are to believe HK-47, the results are never pretty. There's a [[EpilepticTrees theory]] that HK-47 deliberately tries to disrupt talks to start a shoot-out.
--> '''HK-47:''' Translation: 98% probability that members of the miniature organic's tribe are being held by Sand People, master. Doubtless he wishes assistance.
--> '''Player:''' And the other two percent?
--> '''HK-47:''' Translation: 2% probability that the miniature organic is simply looking for trouble and needs to be blasted. That may be wishful thinking on my part, master.
* The plot of ''VideoGame/LeisureSuitLarry II'' kicks off when Larry tries to hit on a Spanish-speaking woman with rather poor Spanish resulting in nonsensical phrases... that just happen to be the SpySpeak sign/countersign his IdenticalStranger was supposed to use, leaving him with a microfilm containing state secrets and KGB agents on his tail. Larry's Spanish actually makes even ''less'' sense than the subtitles would have you believe, to the point of often not even containing real words. It seems the writers share his problem. They were, in many cases, VERY OBVIOUSLY not real words, and just adding another level of silliness for the player.
* Early on in the Gameboy Color version of ''TabletopGame/MagiNation'', you are approached by one of the natives of the Moonlands who speaks like this. Evidently, all people in this world speak in perfect English, just with the meanings of all of their words mixed around. Through a sort of 'translation artifact', you are able to understand the natives perfectly.
* In ''VideoGame/MetalGearSolidVThePhantomPain'', an early mission to capture a Russian soldier who speaks English has said soldier teaching one of his comrades an English phrase that (he claims) instills friendship among people: "I slept with your girlfriend last night."
* In ''VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}'', the in-game text can be translated into almost any language. The languages are named only in that language (Spanish is Espanol, etc.), and only in that language's alphabet. The languages are also listed in alphabetical order of said names. This is where the problem comes in: The Hebrew word for Hebrew transliterates as "Ivrit." However, Hebrew is listed under "H" in the list, and it instead says "Anglit," which, besides not starting with "H," is the Hebrew word for English.
* In the ''VideoGame/NancyDrew'' PC game ''The Captive Curse'', Nancy and her boyfriend Ned are talking about how to make his life more interesting compared to hers (which is naturally filled with mysteries). We never find out what he said.
-->'''Ned''': My best anecdote from this last year is the time I accidentally said something horrible in Italian to the waiter at the pasta place.
-->'''Nancy''': Yeah, what you said was pretty unforgivable.
* Looker from ''{{Franchise/Pokemon}}''. In most of his appearances, he's a FunnyForeigner who speaks broken Japanese ([[VideoGame/PokemonBlackAndWhite or English in some cases]].) [[spoiler:''VideoGame/PokemonXAndY'']] shows he's from [[spoiler:Kalos and speaks French fluently]], but when a Kanto woman comes in, Looker mistranslates her. He thinks she's talking about tea when she's really saying her Pokemon have been kidnapped.
* Referenced in one of the ''VideoGame/{{Portal 2}}'' ARG mp3s in a "Language Learning Laboratory" tape for learning Spanish. Most of the phrases used are about potatoes, and range from odd to strange. "My hovercraft is full of potatoes" is one of the phrases.
* ''VideoGame/QuestforGloryII'' allows the player to talk to a griffin, but the griffin only answers in squawks, which are then poorly translated.
-->If your translation is correct, that was "May a sleepy hippopotamus lie down on your house keys", but you're not sure. Unfortunately, your fluency in Griffin-speak is too low.
* ''Franchise/RatchetAndClank'' has the Tyhrraguise in the third game, ''[[VideoGame/RatchetAndClankUpYourArsenal Up Your Arsenal]]'', which is a disguise that has to be used to infiltrate the enemy base. While wearing the Tyhrraguise costume, making a mistake will create humorous examples while causing Ratchet to facepalm, such as:
--> '''Ratchet:''' Your sister is a squishy lover.
--> '''Ratchet:''' Would you like to buy a recently used crotchitizer?
* When Tails attempts to translate Yacker's language in ''VideoGame/SonicColors'', it ends up invoking this trope.
-->'''Tails''': Okay, he said his name is 'Talks-a-lot' and he's from a faraway soda and where flowers water them with dances. (Note that he did actually say "and where", that wasn't a typo)
-->'''Tails''': They are [[EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas either being used for their mystical powers by an evil man, or to make underwear to be worn by salad.]]
* In ''VideoGame/StarControl'', everyone has universal TranslatorMicrobes, but they still occasionally mess up. This is most obvious with [[StarfishAliens the Orz]] ("I have anticipation and then what? Better *parties* in *the middle* to be sure."), but Fwiffo also trips over an English idiom: "The Ilwrath were meant to be the most rigid crest... er, the most unyielding flipper?... ah, yes, the BACKBONE of the Earthguard forces.."
* Referencing the ''Monty Python'' example, ''VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft'' has an "Orcish / Common Dictionary" and "Common / Orcish Dictionary" which translate "KEK" and "BUR" ([[spoiler:LOL]]) as "An aggressively passionate mating call."

[[folder:I will not buy these Web Comics. They are scratched]]
* One ''Webcomic/{{Achewood}}'' strip involves Ray attempting to learn German from pornography. The results are... interesting.
%%* Incubus in ''Webcomic/{{Blip}}'' [[http://blipcomic.com/714/ wasn't very deft]] with ancient tongues. '''ZCE'''
* In ''Webcomic/DaisyOwl'', at one point Steve is introduced to his long-lost family. His inability to speak Bear makes it seem like he's choking.
* Used in [[http://www.darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0279.html this]] ''Webcomic/DarthsAndDroids'' strip, with the exact same line.
* ''Webcomic/DominicDeegan'':
** The main character's father Donovan is hilariously inept with the orcish language; while he presumably thinks he's speaking greetings and profound things, he's really spouting nonsense, such as "My landmass erupts with kittens." He also has a very fancy title:
-->'''Donovan''': What's so funny? Is "bringer of peace and joy" laughable?
-->'''Melna''': No... but that's not what "Kulka Sheendo Dak" means. That's "Kilka Shiendo Dak".
-->'''Donovan''': Then what does my orc name mean?
-->'''Melna''': Um... it means "Little Pink Man In Pink".
-->'''Donovan''': They lied to me.
** Later:
-->"Okay, say 'Hello, my name is Donovan Deegan' in Orcish."
-->"'Fruit. My name is Little Pink Man Who Wears Pink.'"
** An orc has been introduced with the same problem, but speaking Callanian. Apparently he learned from Donovan. The orc in question was under the impression that the Callanian phrase for "hello" was "Be afraid! I am very dangerous and I am going to kill you!". As it turns out, [[http://www.dominic-deegan.com/view.php?date=2010-01-12 He's been faking it the whole time.]] Everyone is simply ''gobsmacked'' when he recites an orcish saying perfectly. And why has he been faking it for ''twenty years''?
--->'''Donovan''': I'm a bard. Why do I do anything? [[ItAmusedMe Because it's funny.]]
* Kyo'nne of ''Webcomic/{{Drowtales}}'' claims that she can speak Halme (the local human dialect) and teaches a few lines to Vaelia when she has to sneak into a Halme settlement, where [[http://www.drowtales.com/mainarchive.php?sid=6545 it's then shown]] that this is the case with her. It ''somewhat'' makes sense in that she was trying to have her say she was coming to get cheese, but came out as "I am woman of cheese."
* In ''Webcomic/GirlsWithSlingshots'', Chris starts learning American Sign Language so he can communicate with his new girlfriend Melody other than by texting. In one strip she signs by cupping her hand into a "c" and motioning from throat to stomach. He blushes and begins to take off his shirt. Then, noticing her blushing as well, he says, "Oh wait, that means you're ''hungry,''" to which she signs "Yes yes yes." Although the joke is [[DontExplainTheJoke clear on its own]] from both their reactions, the specific mistake Chris made is that making the cupped-hand throat-to-stomach motion ''once'' means "I'm hungry," whereas doing it ''repeatedly'' means "I'm horny."
* ''Webcomic/{{Panthera}}'' gives us Onca's [[http://www.pantheracomic.com/?p=914 interest in mango fucking and boiling flowers.]] She's only been practicing the language for a few hours at best.
* A real-life version referenced in ''Webcomic/ScandinaviaAndTheWorld'': According to the Danish writer, the Danish phrase "That's a major downer" can, if not pronounced carefully, come out as "That's the master negro". She had fun with this in a strip about Obama visiting Copenhagen.
* In ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'', Torg and his Portuguese-speaking alternative universe counterpart try to communicate using a translation book. At first, there's an inverted version where Torg ''interprets'' Portuguese-Torg's phrases as weird non sequiturs (without noticing anything odd about it). Then they actually try to speak each others' languages with the help of the book:
--> '''Torg''': "No, I'm afraid I don't have any raspberry-swirl ice cream... or as you would say: 'Às segundas-feiras sou um sapato!'" ''(On Mondays I am a shoe)''
--> '''Alt-Torg''': ''(angrily swipes the book to himself and flips through it)'' "Are.... you... a... a... embezzle?"
--> '''Torg''': "''Embezzle?'' Embezzle means to steal from a company or boss! I'm a freelance web designer, so I don't have a boss! Why?"
--> '''Bun-bun''': "The word is pronounced 'imbecile'."
--> '''Alt-Torg''': ''"Ahh!"''
* In one ''Webcomic/SomethingPositive'' strip during Gwen Stefani's height of fame, after citing her cynical usage of Japanese fashion and girls, the characters speculated that the Harajuku girls were teaching her how to say she has a vile venereal disease in the guise of how to order food in Japanese as payback.
* In ''Webcomic/SturgeonsLaw'', Jenn [[http://sturgeonslaw.net/comic/fluency/ tries out the Japanese]] she learned from anime when checking into a hotel, despite the concierge's being fluent in English.
* ''Webcomic/TranquilityBase'' has this as the official translator nanode update confirmation (ie, it's the sentence you're'' supposed'' to say after learning the local language).
%%* [[http://owlturd.com/post/99524309009/my-little-secret-image-twitter-facebook "When I was younger, my friends would ask me how to say profanities in my native language."]]

[[folder:Your Web Original has beautiful thighs]]
* Babelfish. Type anything reasonable and cycle it through five or so languages, being sure to include at least one Asian language. (Or automate the process [[http://www.tashian.com/multibabel here.]]) Retranslate into your native language of choice. HilarityEnsues.
* This is the point of [[http://ackuna.com/badtranslator Bad Translator]], which takes any sentence and completely mangles its meaning.
* In one of the ''WebAnimation/CharlieTheUnicorn'' animations, the pink and the blue Unicorn suddenly start speaking Russian, literally saying "My hovercraft is full of eels."
** Typing in My Hovercraft is Full of Eels, and translating it 35 times, is "Helicopters in Anguilla".
* ''Eugene Mirman - Secret agent'': "Je m'appelle Eugene. Mon fromage est rouge. Shhhhh. Ma casa est ta voiture." ("My name is Eugene. My cheese is red. Shhhhh. My house is your car."). Later supplemented by some vocalisations that are translated only as "Hna ha hun ha?".
* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkjfIzHWJrE FrenchCATastrophie]]'' had a man try to speak french to Guy, a french cat who only meows in french.
---> Kris: (In English) Yes, we will because (in French) my legs are short and I have no knees.
---> Guy: I fear for your mind.
* During a roleplaying game in ''WebVideo/TheGamersLive,'' Klepty (Cass's character) attempts to speak to some goblins in their native language. According to Gary's translations, he actually says, "Wow, aren't my pants shiny?" and "It itches down there."
* ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3CFc95E_ns How To Be: German]]'' pretends to translate several sentences into German, but [[SchmuckBait you'd be best advised not use them]]; "Walk the dog!" gets turned as "Walk [[Franchise/PiratesOfTheCaribbean the kraken]]!", "You have beautiful eyes!" as "You have [[IHaveBoobsYouMustObey killer boobs]]!", and "This party is awesome!" as "[[UsefulNotes/EastGermany The party is always right!]]"
* In ''WebVideo/ImAMarvelAndImADC'', having the languages of Spanish and Portuguese zapped into his brain, Green Goblin threatens the Joker with a foreign phrase that even he doesn't understand. It translates into "What a nice dress. May I try it on?"
* Website/NotAlwaysRight: [[https://notalwaysright.com/their-own-private-joke/39850 "Their Own Private Joke"]], where an American tourist in Spain mixes up the (admittedly similar-sounding) words for comb (''peine''), and penis (''pene'').
** In another case from their sister site, [[https://notalwayslearning.com/sorry-i-dont-speak-a-hole/39935 a French teacher tries to stump a student by speaking Russian]] only for the student to tell him he said he was a German warship.
** A woman believes herself fluent in French and orders food. What she actually says? "my son is a cardboard box."[[note]]mon fils est une caisse en carton[[/note]] [[https://notalwaysright.com/french-disconnection-part-3/45938]]
* ''Website/TheOnion'': "Area Man unsure if Southerner is looking for 'Pawn Shop' or 'Porn Shop.'" On Creator/{{Fox News|Channel}}, Niel Cavuto made that mistake completely seriously.
* ''Machinima/RedVsBlue'':
** Donut is revealed at the end of Season 3 to be able to speak some Spanish. In Season 4, it's revealed that it was only a couple years of high school Spanish, and he apparently wasn't a great student:
--->'''Donut''': "¡Yo comio un lapiz!" ("I ate a pencil!")
** Lopez, the Red Team's robot, can only speak Spanish. Thing is, none of Rooster Teeth's staff actually know Spanish, so all of Lopez's lines are just fed through Babelfish. The results can be... odd for Spanish speakers. On top of that, voice actor Burnie Burns apparently often slipped into a faux-French accent when trying to deliver the lines, which they referenced in a non-canon joke episode by having Lopez inexplicably start speaking French.
** O'Malley asks Lopez how to instruct his Spanish-speaking robot army to "hurry up". Lopez instead tricks him into telling them that he likes to sniff his own butt, among other things:
--->'''O'Malley''': "¡Soy un pendejo morado y me gusta tomar aceite!" ("I am a purple [[ForeignCussWord asshole]] and like to drink motor oil!")... "That was rather long to mean 'hurry up'."
--->'''Lopez''': "Es una lengua muy poetica." ("It's a very poetic language.")
* On [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biDrtiK5EtE this episode]] of ''WebVideo/SailorMoonAbridged'' by [[https://www.youtube.com/user/megami33 megami33,]] it's heavily used by the professional ice skaters. While actually many of the German sentences they say make sense - despite having a terribly wrong pronunciation - some don't. In one scene, the male skater says "Wollen sie Geschlecht mit mir haben?" which actually means "Do you wanna have sex (= gender) with me?" It's quite obvious that the word to be used should be '''Sex''' or (rather formally) '''''Geschlechtsverkehr''''', either of which would mean '''''sexual act'''''.
* Rob says this verbatim (My Hovercraft is Full of Eeels) in episode four of ''WebAnimation/UnforgottenRealms'' (only in the "classic" series and not the new one) when Mike asks what he was saying in Wolf-Language. ItMakesSenseInContext.
* Website/YouTube's automatic captions feature frequently has this effect, especially when it makes a wrong guess as to what language is being spoken. Then having it translate what it comes up with into your own language just makes things worse. For example, in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVANkxUf19Q&feature=endscreen this Lucky Star clip,]] it thinks that the characters are speaking Italian instead of Japanese.

[[folder:I will not buy this Western Animation. It is scratched]]
* In ''WesternAnimation/TheAmazingWorldOfGumball'' episode "The Wicked", Darwin tries to lambaste Mrs. Robinson while imitating her unintelligible "meh meh meh" speak. From her perspective, it comes out as "Three times did the cheese move sideways to Switzerland by radio. But, she never licked that parking permit."
* While most extraterrestrials on the show speak perfect English (though sometimes in strange intonations, like the Mooninites or Austrian accents, like Oglethorpe the Plutonian), in ''WesternAnimation/AquaTeenHungerForce'' in the episode "Super Spore", a mouthless alien entity uses a proboscis to hijack Shake's body to speak. His native language is bastardized Japanese, but in the episode he's learning English from tapes that Carl has. He then begins spouting phrases like "Shut up bitch! I need mustache ride for me lawyer." Frylock's Japanese isn't any better however...
-->'''Frylock''': "''Slippery breath inside banjo melted. Runny smoky''."
-->'''Travis''': "''Uh, sure. Okay.''"
-->'''Frylock''': "Thank you. Uh, that is, ''suck it. Suck it dry.''"
* The second installment of the post-Soviet Russian ''Animation/CaptainPronin'' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DSO54E43YU&NR=1 cartoons]] runs into this -- it's mostly set in America, and has Pronin fighting the Mafia, and so we get such lines as "This is your money. Give me a smoking!"
* In one episode of ''WesternAnimation/CelebrityDeathmatch'', [[Franchise/StarWars Peter Mayhew]] does his "famous Chewbacca growl" after the audience insists... only to have an alien respond with "Whaa? Nobody talks that way about my momma!". [[YourHeadAsplode Hilarity ensues]].
* From the ''VideoGame/{{Darkstalkers}}'' cartoon: "All hail the imperial... Pudding! There are lizards in my pants!" This is spoken by Anakaris. A resurrected pharaoh mummy. With an Irish accent as he ascends in to the sky. [[FlatWhat What.]]
* When Fang attempts to speak monkey while on an island of monkeys who look like her in ''WesternAnimation/DaveTheBarbarian'':
-->'''Fang:''' "Which point me you to water in pants?"
* In the ''WesternAnimation/DextersLaboratory'' episode "Got Your Goat", Dee-Dee and Dexter travel to the jungles of Central America searching for the Chupacabra. They encounter some angry locals who accuse them of being poachers, but Dee-Dee thinks they're asking if she and Dexter are thirsty. She tries to respond yes, and ends up babbling "I enjoy hamburgers and trousers, but I prefer green balloons!" in Spanish.
* In "Bring Me The Head of WesternAnimation/EarthwormJim," Jim, trying to get reservations at a fancy restaurant, claims to be the king of Spain and says some Spanish as proof.
-->'''Jim:''' Yo soy el rey de... Esponja.[[note]]Jim meant to say "España", which is the Spanish word for the country of Spain[[/note]]\\
'''Peter Puppy:''' Jim, you just told him you're the king of sponge.
* The mom from ''WesternAnimation/EekTheCat'' is often shown repeating absurd phrases from language learning tapes.
-->'''Mom:''' Your axe hand is swift, stewardess.
* In ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'', Zapp tries to thank some Carcarons in their native tongue, unfortunately it translates to, "I'd like to spank your sister with a slice of bologna" which of course they take offense to. Kif also mentions that the last time he tried this it ended with a Mexican restaurant declaring war on them.
--> '''Kif:''' It's the Battle of Paco's Tacos all over again!
* In an episode of ''WesternAnimation/GarfieldAndFriends,'' Jon tries to order in French and gets served a pair of soft boiled athletic shoes. In another episode he ends up ordering the name of the chef. Both times he has to deal with FrenchJerk waiters.
%% * ''WesternAnimation/InvaderZim'': "Howdy squichy. We are here to vomit language with a young man who lives in this shelter unit." '''ZCE'''
* In one episode of ''WesternAnimation/JamesBondJr'', the snotty rich kid takes a girl to a restaurant and orders a meal in French. On his first attempt he orders a live lobster. When the focus returns to him after cutting to Bond's adventures for a while, he's finally managed to order ''something'' edible in French - a cheese sandwich.
* Peggy from ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill'' does this a few times in Spanish, making the "embarazada" mistake from the top of the page, among others. The sad thing is, she's a substitute teacher who thinks her best subject is Spanish. It becomes a major plot point in one episode. Peggy leads a class trip to Mexico and accidentally brings a Mexican girl home with her. When she brings the girl home, Peggy is arrested and charged with kidnapping. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpdeCdUC9r4 Hank finally allows Peggy to take the stand in her own defense, and her Spanish is so terrible that the court realizes it must have been a horrible misunderstanding.]]
-->'''Judge:''' No es culpable (Not guilty).
-->'''Peggy:''' Oh god, I'm going to jail!!!
* In ''WesternAnimation/TheLionGuard'' episode "Can't Wait to be Queen", Simba has to give a tribute to his deceased elephant friend in Elephantese which he has trouble speaking, and when he attempts to say "He had good in him", he says "He had poop on him" by accident. Thankfully, he doesn't get into trouble as the elephants simply laugh as his daughter explains that happened frequently. This was done presumably to tone down the seriousness of the scene to make it preschool kid friendly.
* In the ''WesternAnimation/MenInBlack'' cartoon:
** In "The Undercover Syndrome", Agent J is required to learn some of an alien language to effectively masquerade as a member of that species, and puts too much stress on a single syllable, causing nearby aliens to laugh. Agent K informs him that he just turned "hello" into ''"Hello, sailor!"''
** It happens with aliens, as seen with the Emperor Worm when he visits Earth in "The Mine, Mine, Mine Syndrome"; he claims to have learned English from "Books on tapeworm," and greets humans with things like, "Greetings from my bottom!". The only phrase of English he can speak properly is "I am large and in charge."
* In the ''WesternAnimation/MightyMax'' episode "Beetlemania", Max attempts to calm a Peruvian woman down by talking to her in Spanish. Bea giggles and informs Max that he just said "Don't cry. We'll eat your feet."
* In an episode of ''WesternAnimation/PinkyAndTheBrain'', Brain tries to take over the world with an army of sea lions since he [[SpeaksFluentAnimal learned their language.]] Pinky tries speaking it too, but his phrases translate to, "Fetch me a big clown hat", a ghost story, "There's a school of overweight fish swimming near by" and "I'm a big billy goat so you'd better beat it sister."
* ''WesternAnimation/ThePowerpuffGirls'':
** Blossom and Buttercup's attempt at speaking Squirrel ends up like this:
-->''"Ouch! The broccoli is on the roof."''
-->''"Happy to you log pony."''
** In "Little Miss Interprets," Blossom's attempt to show the Professor her Chinese language skill has the superimposed caption with fractured statements.
-->''"This is a box. This is a girl. Please pass the pork buns. Your fly is open."''
* ''Franchise/ScoobyDoo'': When Mystery, Inc. go to Italy, Fred continually manages to misread his perfectly legitimate phrasebook, causing him to do things like requesting to rent a car that can outrace a flying hamster and ordering a potted plant at a restaurant.
** In an episode in Greece, he misread again when trying to figure out what a man who was chasing them was shouting. (Unfortunately, the phrasebook had "The Greek gods shall bring chaos into your lives!" right under [[spoiler: "I'm trying to return your purse!"]] ). Later, he tries to thank a shaman for his sage advice. It ends up being, "Thanks for your wise words of ostrich."
* ''WesternAnimation/TheSecretSaturdays'': In "Into the Mouth of Darkness", Drew is less than impressed by Doc's grasp of Arabic as he attempts to apologize to a local for destroying his boat:
-->'''Drew:''' "You do realize that you just promised to buy him new butter?"
* When Krusty is running for Congress on ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' he adresses a gathering of Hispanic voters in Spanish, only for Bumblebee Man to tell him that he just promised to vomit on their mother's grave. Krusty now understands why his maid left.
* At one point in ''WesternAnimation/{{Sing}}'', Buster tries to offer the red panda GirlGroup who [[RunningGag keep showing up]] a chance to fill in a new vacancy in the performance schedule. However, since they only speak Japanese, he has to resort to using a phrasebook to get his point across; [[TakeOurWordForIt whatever he says]], the girls are so offended that they slap him and storm off. Apparently what he inadvertently said was, "You are smelly. Like toenails."
* While Harry Osborn is showing a female foreign exchange student around his campus in ''WesternAnimation/SpiderManTheNewAnimatedSeries'', as a sign of farewell, he says that "Until we meet again, your beauty will cough in my raincoat."
%%* ''WesternAnimation/TimeSquad'' has: "My name is Silly Suzy and I am wearing rubber underpants." '''ZCE'''
* [[http://www.cc.com/video-clips/g1i1dh/ugly-americans-albert-s-rehabilitation Mark's early attempts]] at speaking manbird in ''WesternAnimation/UglyAmericans'', as it's an ''extremely'' tonal language consisting almost entirely of variations on "Suck my balls!"
* From ''WesternAnimation/TheWeekenders'': Whenever Tish's mother tries to say an English phrase, it comes out with all similar-sounding words instead, leaving the three non-Tish protagonists to mull over what she meant before Tish "translates".
* There's an episode of ''WesternAnimation/WhatsWithAndy'' where Andy pretends to be his cousin from Quebec. In order to prove it, Lori asks him to say "You just won the Stanley Cup" in French; instead he says "Your ears are as big as the Stanley Cup."
* [[TeenGenius Zach]] from ''WesternAnimation/WhereOnEarthIsCarmenSandiego'' can speak several languages with varying amounts of fluency. In one episode he tries to ask some men a question in Chinese. Zach is uncertain what he said: "I either asked for directions or said they wash ugly camels."

!!RealLife Examples:
%% Please don't add examples to this section unless they're actual events or anecdotes involving people taking one meaning for another. "This word sounds kind of like that other word in some language" is not sufficient.

* The story is told of an ambassador to an Arabic country, whose wife stood in the bazaar one day shouting "God bless you" (or so ''she'' thought) to passers-by. Unfortunately, in Arabic only a very slight difference in pronunciation distinguishes "bless" from "bugger"...
* Prepositions tend to cause a number of oddities when non-native speakers attempt Arabic, particularly when the speaker has a grasp of basic structure and vocabulary but no understanding of construction. The most commonly told anecdote in Arabic classes involves ''in'' and ''on'' -- "I'm ''on'' the bus," for example, would imply that the speaker is riding on top of the vehicle. The preferred construction swaps ''on'' with ''in.''[[note]]Many, many English speakers make this mistake when learning Arabic abroad, either as part of formal study or due to relocation. It's less likely to be a fatal error if the person you're conversing with knows you're not a native speaker (and accent and appearance almost always give that away instantly).[[/note]]

* Bill Clinton was once giving a speech to a Chinese crowd. He opened by saying "hello" in Chinese, ni(2) hao(3) [你好]. Unfortunately, he pronounced it ni(4) hao(4)[你嚎], coming up with "you are barking". Nobody had the heart to correct him.
* Linguist David Moser illustrates this trope with an anecdote about practicing his Chinese with some Chinese friends. "I want to go to sleep now", due to tiredness and bad intonation, became "I stand by where the elephant urinates."
* Another joke also illustrates this, where a speaker is announcing a plentiful harvest. First he tries to say the food is enough [for everyone] to eat (g'''ò'''u chi le)[食物够吃了], but due to dialectal differences, he says that the food was eaten by dogs (g'''ǒ'''u chi le)[食物狗吃了]. Then he tries to say "everybody go eat a big bowl [of food]" (da4 jia1 dou1 '''shi3''' ge da4 '''wan3 ba''') [大家都使个大碗吧] but ends up saying "everybody here is a big dumb bastard" (da4 jia1 dou1 '''shi4''' ge da4 '''wang2 ba1''') [大家都是个大王八].
* This also applies to idioms and synonyms; cue running joke in certain circles where a young man who has recently returned to China eats a meal with relatives he hasn't seen in decades. At the end of the meal, he stands up and says "Wo man le" [我满了] It literally means "I'm full", but full as in physically filled, generally used for inanimate objects. (The proper way to say it is "Wo bao le." [我饱了]) Everyone sitting with him cracked up.
* Before an official translation occured, Chinese venders chose random ideographs which pronounced phonetically sounded more or less like the name of Coca Cola but resulted in gems like "BiteTheWaxTadpole" and "female horse dipped in wax" (which does sound like something you might encounter in traditional Chinese medicine). The official Chinese name for Coca-Cola now doesn't sound ''exactly'' like "Coca-Cola," but it has the advantage of meaning "tasty and fun."
* Another urban legend tells of how, after mistranslating the phrase "finger lickin' good," KFC ended up advertising its chicken as resulting in the eater biting his own fingers off.
* A third urban legend tells of Pepsi-Cola accidentally translating their slogan, "Come alive! You're the Pepsi Generation!" as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave." Got a ShoutOut in ''VideoGame/MassEffect2'' where a vending machine says "Tupari! Brings your ancestors back from the grave!"
* Many Mandarin Chinese speakers not yet familiar with the language may make a mistake when ordering a fried egg. The proper name is "jian dan" [煎蛋]. However, as the word for "deep-fry" is "zha" [炸], the customer may inadvertently order "zha dan" [炸蛋], or a "bomb" [炸弹]. Which, in a food-related context, is one way to refer to Scotch eggs.
* The Chinese ideogram for the concept of "dry" or "dried" [干] also has a less polite slang meaning and is [[http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/005195.html sometimes]] mistranslated into English as "fuck."
* Former Canadian politician Jack Layton (RIP) told a story about having dinner with his future mother-in-law, who came from Hong Kong. He tried to say, "Thank you for the good food," in Cantonese, but he used the wrong tone and accidentally said, "Thank you for the good sex." Fortunately, his future mother-in-law was amused rather than offended.
* A joke about the census; the census worker asked how many people are there. The person replied with '''Shi4 yi1''' kou3 ren2 (one person) [是一口人], but the worker thought he/she said '''Shi2 yi1''' kou3 ren2 (11)[十一口人]. The person tries to tell them that it's just one person [就是一口人], but the results are the worker being surprised. [[spoiler:Jiù shì yī [就是一] was mistranslated to 91 [九十一] persons in the household.]]
* American clothing and tattoos with Chinese and Japanese characters that are utter nonsense. There's a [[http://hanzismatter.blogspot.com blog]] dedicated to pointing those out.
* Careless use of any Pinyin based input programs for Chinese can cause this problem as well, since tone marks are often omitted during input.
* The first British governor of the colony of Hong Kong was called Sir Henry Longstaff. A well-meaning local resident who thought he knew Chinese offered to translate his name into Chinese so that the governed class knew who to kow-tow to. Unfortunately, his rather literal translation of "Longstaff", as in "long inflexible rod made of wood", was also the Chinese for "erect penis". Combined with the honorific that meant "Great...", this meant the Chinese were being invited to call their colonial overlord a great big prick. Which they did. It took a long time and better translators before the British caught on...

* Pavel Dostál, a then [[UsefulNotes/TheCzechRepublic Czech]] Minister of Culture, once mentioned his experience with this trope in a magazine interview. His friend Creator/MilanKundera, a Czech expatriate writer living in France, invited him to a fancy Parisian restaurant. Their waiter, also friends with Kundera, thought that he treated him with polite expressions in Czech like "How do you do?" and "Bon appetit", yet he kept telling him some of the most obscene and filthiest words. Pavel Dostál said he hadn't been able to keep a straight face. He told the poor waiter what had been going on. But ''he'' never believed him, thinking that Kundera was pulling his leg about Dostál being a Minister. And admittedly, Dostál was a Bohemian looking figure, wearing an earring in one ear and one of his signature shawls around his neck.

* There is a story or joke about a Dutch horsebreeder conversing with an Englishman where she uses the Dutch word for breeding (fokken) and then mistakes the Englishman's "pardon" for the Dutch word for horses ("paarden"). Both ''fokken'' and ''fucking'' have the same Germanic stem in both meaning and grammar (see ''ficken'' in German). In some versions of the joke, it's the Prime Minister of the Netherlands on a state visit to the United States.
-->'''Englishman''': So what is it you do?
-->'''Dutchwoman''': I fok horses.
-->'''Englishman''': Pardon?
-->'''Dutchwoman''': Yes, paarden.
* Napoleon's brother Louis was appointed King of Holland. Hoping to connect to his new people, he tried to introduce himself in Dutch. Unfortunately, he got his pronunciation muddled and called himself their "konijn" ("rabbit"), rather than "koning" ("king").
* Former Dutch prime-minister Joop den Uyl once remarked that "the Dutch are a nation of undertakers" when he meant to say they were entrepreneurs ("ondernemers" in Dutch). "Undertaker" ''is'' the literal translation of "ondernemer," as in "an undertaking."

* {{Engrish}} is pretty much the epitome of this trope. Many of the problems stem from the fact that, in Japan, English looks cool and interesting, so fashion designers tend to use random English words for the sake of fashion. In those cases, it's common to use curse words and other dirty phrases. Some clothing tends to be plastered with the word "fuck" and it's seen as nothing, and one infamous t-shirt had the phrase "Spread Beaver, exposing the vaginal area". One ad for Bubble Tea says "The joy of sucking on balls". In China, this is common on public buildings, though normally these are [[BiteTheWaxTadpole close translations that just have different connotations here]]. Common ones include "flesh" in place of "meat" and "cock" instead of "chicken"; others might say things like "Carefully Fall Down", "Baby on Road", or "Don't Touch Yourself, Please Let Us Help You." A particularily bad one was during the olympics where a korean shop's attempt at english said "Server Translator Error". Engrish can be found all throughout Asia, South America, and even Europe. This is part of the problem with [[MemeticMutation Backstroke of the West]] and its infamous "Do Not Want" -- while it's a BlindIdiotTranslation to be sure, ''many'' of the errors can be traced back to this trope.
* The English signage on the Taipei subway currently warn that in the event of a mechanical problem with the train, you should "defend yourself with what you can find". [[ImprovisedWeaponUser Not exactly]] the intended meaning...
* A great example from a Japanese rent a car driving instructions book: "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigour."
* Place names in Beijing were all given English translations for the 2008 Olympics. Because of a combination of this and FunetikAksent, one park named in honor of China's ethnic minorities got the ironic name of "Park of the Racists."
* Some place in China was entitled "Translate Server Error" on the above. Ouch.
* "[[http://books.google.com/books?id=e0FhX6ddHfEC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_v2_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q=&f=false English As She Is Spoke]]", a SoBadItsGood Portuguese-to-English phrase book, has a few of these. See [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_As_She_Is_Spoke The Other Wiki.]]
* The infamous comments of Madam Ngo Dinh Nhu, describing the Buddhist self-immolations in South Vietnam as "barbecues", may be an example of this. According to historian Warren Carroll, Madame Nhu overheard American journalists using the word "barbecue" to describe the incidents, and, not being familiar with English and therefore, not realizing that the word was an UnusualDysphemism, used it in a national broadcast, provoking worldwide outrage. (Although one must question the veracity of this explanation, given the other offensive things Madame Nhu had said, before and since.)
* A student at the [[IvyLeague University of Pennsylvania]] had gone to a Hebrew-speaking high school. Apparently, the Hebrew word for water buffalo, ''behema'', is slang for a thoughtless, rowdy person. And the sorority girls outside his dorm were being thoughtless and rowdy. So he poked his window out of his room and yelled, "Shut up, you water buffalo!" Unfortunately for him, the sorority girls in question were black and (justifiably, if inaccurately, in retrospect) thought that he had called them some new racial slur. [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_buffalo_incident Thus began one of the great tempests in teapots of the 1990s]].
* During UsefulNotes/WorldWar2, an American airman was captured and placed in a prison camp with other captured airmen, many of whom were British. Trying to be friendly, they kept telling him to remain hopeful and "keep his pecker up". Evidently, for a while he was confused as to [[DoubleEntendre which part of his anatomy they were referring to]].

* When the Soviet Union occupied Estonia during WWII, they started a wide range of propaganda publications all over the country. As Estonian is a Finno-Ugric language, closely related to Finnish and unrelated to the Indo-European languages such as Russian[[note]]Aside from Finnish, Estonian, Hungarian, and Basque, chances are if a language is European, it's Indo-European. The Germanic languages (such as English, German, Dutch, and Swedish), Romance languages (such as Spanish, French, Italian, and Romanian), and Celtic languages (the most common being Irish, Scottish Gaelic, and Welsh) all fall under this category.[[/note]], the Russians often didn't quite know what they were doing. For example, in the Estonian town of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tapa,_Estonia Tapa]], they started a newspaper called "Tapa Kommunist", which could mean "The Tapa Communist". However, "tapa" in Estonian is also the imperative form of "to kill" (as it is in Finnish - see below), meaning that Estonians, who were at the time engaged in guerilla warfare against Soviet troops, read the newspaper's title as "Kill the Communist". When the Russians became aware of this, they decided to rename the newspaper, and using an Estonian dictionary, came up with the name "Tapa Edasi", meaning "Tapa Forward". However, "edasi" in Estonian not only means forward, but also onward, making this new headline mean something along the lines of "Keep on Killing". Apparently, [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast this town was not to be messed with]].
** In the Soviet and post-Soviet era, this town is well-known in Estonia for its prison.
* There are numerous examples of Estonian words which may sound funny or rude in Russian. It becomes even more hilarious due to 30% of the present-day Estonian population being Russians, and Estonians themselves tend to know at least some Russian words. Kindergarten "Mudila" ("Asshole" in Russian), for instance. A bit of an outdated example (since it no longer exists) is the Estonian University of Experimental Biology located at ebi.ee and its e-mail ebi@ebi.ee. "Ebi" in Russian is the imperative form of "to fuck" and the "@" [at] is pronounced as [собака] ([dog]). The .ee domain is spelled similarly to the Russian word for "her", which gives us an undying "fuck [her], dog, fuck her!".

* The word "Tae" appears in many words and names in the Korean language, but in the Philippines (specifically, the dominant Tagalog local dialect), "tae" means "feces/shit." Initially, this was met by a fit of giggles among Filipinos, but ever since Korean Dramas bought more of Korean culture to the Philippines, the joke ran off its course.
* In some Tagalog dialects, "kiki" is slang for "young woman's vagina" Unfortunately it is also a Japanese name, adding new, terrible meaning to things such as ''Kiki's Delivery Service''
* Conversely "puki" (pronounced pookie), is used a common English pet name, but is slang for "old woman's vagina".

* One Canadian working abroad in France was flustered one day when she was trying to introduce a guest around her workplace, using the word "introduire" repeatedly as she made the introductions, which on the surface sounds correct. Unfortunately, the correct way to introduce someone is to "presenter" them, as in "may I present so-and-so". Introduire means literally to 'insert'. It also means to have anal sex with, in French slang.
* The French words ''poisson'' (fish) and ''poison'' (a toxic substance) are close enough to be confused. The former is pronounced with unvoiced 's' (pwa-so*) while the latter woth voiced 'z' (pwa-zo*). ''Poisson sans boisson, c’est poison!'' (Fish without drink - it's poison!)
* The French '''noun''' ''baiser'' means "a kiss". However, the French '''verb''' ''baiser'' means "to fuck" (originally it meant "to kiss", but the euphemistic meaning gradually took over and became obscene rather than euphemistic). This has tripped up quite a few enthusiastic non-native speakers. In a quite hilarious case of HaveAGayOldTime, some older books have repeatedly translated "to kiss" as ''baiser'' rather than the modern ''embrasser''. Suddenly, ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings'' became a '''lot''' more HoYay-ish to French audiences...
* The French word meaning "preservative" is ''conservateur''. The word ''préservatif'' means "condom". Hence, an old joke wherein the clueless American sees that the milk in a French supermarket is unrefridgerated and, in French, attempts to ask whether there are preservatives in said milk.
* In French, definite article + plural noun conveys the meaning "all the X", similar to English speaking about, say, "the French" or "the Jews". However, English doesn't carry these meanings over to common nouns, while French does. Hence, English speakers often seeing nothing wrong with ordering "the peas" at a restaurant, only to confuse a French waiter by ordering all the peas in the world.
* ''Plein'' or ''pleine'' means ''"full"'' when applied to objects, so a novice French speaker who has had enough to eat might say ''"Je suis pleine"'', accidentally announcing their pregnancy.
* Asking to use the guillotine (also known as [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paper_cutter paper cutter]]) in a French office will get you some funny looks for [[UsefulNotes/TheFrenchRevolution obvious reasons]]. The correct word is ''massicot'' or ''massicotier'' after its inventor.

* "Ich bin ein Berliner!" This famous line was spoken by UsefulNotes/JohnFKennedy to express solidarity with the people of Berlin during the UsefulNotes/ColdWar. A common urban legend states that the real phrase should be "Ich bin Berliner," but with the indefinite article ''ein'' added, it became "I am a jelly donut" (''Berliner'' being a type of donut originating in Berlin). The supposed error is similar to the English phrases, "I am Danish" vs. "I am a Danish". Which shows less than perfect understanding of German grammar, since in this context, the presence or absence of the indefinite article doesn't actually ''make'' that sort of difference. In either case, video recordings of the speech exist and the crowd clearly understands the phrase and takes it as it was meant.
** "Ich bin ein Berliner" ''could'' be read as a reference to jelly donuts (but only if you wanted to deliberately misconstrue it). Saying "Ich bin Berliner" could not.
** "Ich bin Berliner" translates to "I am a Berliner." "Ich bin ein Berliner" means "I am a particular Berliner" or "I am one of many Berliners." It's also worth noting that the kind of jelly donut known as 'Berliner' in other parts of Germany is usually called 'Pfannkuchen' (literally pancake, and used in that sense elsewhere for extra confusion) in and around Berlin itself. For more detail, see [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ich_bin_ein_Berliner this page]] on the Other Wiki.
* In what may be an urban legend, a cautionary tale is told to [=GIs=] learning German. A young serviceman is in a German bar trying to pick up a lovely young lady. Trying his best to impress her, he says, "Ich möchte dich heute nackt sehen." He gets a drink in his face and spends the rest of the night alone and/or humiliated. What he was trying to say was, "Ich möchte dich heute Nacht sehen," or "I would like to see you tonight." What he said was, "I would like to see you naked today." (The "ch" in "Nacht" is the guttural sound of "loch" in Scottish English and Scots.) Note that the "ch" sound in "ich" is not the same sound as in "Nacht". (German speakers distinguish the two by referring to those sounds as "ach laut" ("oh sound") for the sound that was botched here and "ich laut" ("I sound") for the one that seems to have been been pulled off at least well enough to not sound like something else).
* If a German speaker wanted to explain what crops their farmer father grew, they might say they grew 'mice' if they didn't know that Mais translates as corn (though maize would be correct, the listener was evidently not familiar with this crop).
* This regularly occurs in English classes at German schools: In German, "prägnant" means "concise/to the point". Hence the German phrase "kurz und prägnant", which legions of students have translated to "short and pregnant". Pregnant in the sense of "expecting a child" is ''schwanger''.
* English speakers learning German often have trouble with the sounds spelled "ie" and "ei". In military language schools, you can count on at least one student in each class habitually confusing the verbs ''schießen'' (shoot) and ''scheißen'' (shit). Similarly, "Liebchen" is a term of endearment like "sweetheart", while "Leibchen" refers to an old-fashioned undershirt. The problem arises from the different spelling conventions of English and German: In German "ie" is always pronounced like English "ee" and "ei" like English "eye", while in English whether "ie" and "ei" are pronounced as "ee" or "eye" depends on the context (e. g. "fancied" vs. "tied" and "Keith" vs. "either" in British pronunciation), which also leads to frequent misspellings of German names and loanwords in English. For instance, it is not uncommon to see the spelling "weiner" for "wiener" -- in German "Wiener" (pronounced "veener") means "Viennese", while "Weiner" (pronounced "viner") looks like "cryer", which is actually quite close to its English near-homophone, "whiner".
* In the 1950s the British manufacturer of Coventry-Climax engines discovered the hard way that "Climax" in German has only ''one'' of its several English meanings...
* German school books tend to have fun with this. As an example given, an English man orders a dry martini in a bar. The bartender gives him three martinis, because "dry" (which in German is "trocken") sounds like the German number "drei" (i.e. "three").

* During the [[UsefulNotes/ArabIsraeliConflict Six-Day War]], an Egyptian propaganda broadcaster made a small mistake in the plural form of "front" ("Hazitot"), and ended up announcing that "Our forces are advancing on all bras" ("Haziot"). He was considered a ripe source of amusement by the civilian population.

* In a March 2011 ''Marie Claire'' article about women moving overseas for their careers, an American who moved to India describes visiting a clothing store, trying to ask the young male employees if she could see a "lehenga (a type of traditional Indian outfit)," and [[AccidentalInnuendo accidentally using the word "linga (phallus)" instead]].

* The capital of Nunavut, the Inuit-majority territory in the Canadian Arctic, is called Iqaluit (roughly ''eek-kah-loo-eet''; the "q" stands for [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voiceless_uvular_stop a sound that doesn't exist in English]]), "many fish." It is fairly frequently misspelled Iqualuit (''ee-koo-ah-loo-eet'') -- including in one case in a press release by the office of the Prime Minister -- which unfortunately means "unclean buttocks."

* There's a story (possibly apocryphal) of a Christian missionary, who thought he had said "we must take up our crosses and follow Christ" during a sermon, which caused laughter amongst the congregation. He'd apparently fallen afoul of the differing inflection problem, and was informed that while everyone knew what he '''meant''', what he'd actually said was "we must pull up our pants and follow Christ".
* A story tells about a pastor who wanted to say "Jesus rid us of our sins", but instead of "sin" (tsumi), he said "wife" (tsuma). Apparently all the men started clapping...
* ''Series/{{Heroes}}''' Japanese-language scenes provide several examples:
** Masi Oka once said that while filming a scene in the first season of with George Takei, Takei's line in Japanese was (paraphrasing) "I am proud of your progress (shinpo)" that Oka misheard as "I am proud of your dick (chinpo)".
** As Takei notes in the DVD commentary of one episode, every time Hiro says Nathan's name, it sounds rather like ''onē-san'', which is Japanese for "big sister".
* It's not uncommon for western fans of all things Japanese to mispronounce "kawaii" (kah-wah-ee) as "kowai" (kah-why/koh-why) meaning "scary". GwenStefani included.
** Another trap is that in Japanese, you can add "so" to some adjectives to mean "it looks ...". For example, "oishii" means "delicious" and "oishiso" means "it looks delicious". But "kawaii" is an exception as "kawaiso" means "I feel sorry" or "pitiful" rather than "it looks cute".
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EinACxyI7k4&list=TLkyJavKA95Aww_UxLwpJl9q9TgpHbeYnW This guy]] made a small misspelling in a text to a girl he was interested in. Unfortunately for him, she probably thinks he's a stalker now.

Yes, under "Real Life". Who knows if it's actually true, but...
* From [[http://www.reuters.com/article/2010/09/10/us-klingons-idUSTRE6891EZ20100910 this article]] about the production of a Klingon-language opera:
--> THE HAGUE (Reuters) – [=DaHjaj=] 'oH Qaq jaj vaD bI'reS. No, your screen is not broken -- that, for the uninitiated, is how one says "Today is a good day for opera" in Klingon.
* Then in the comments[=:=]
--> I don't know who Reuters got to do their translation, but {[=DaHjaj=] 'oH Qaq jaj vaD bI'reS} means more like 'The beginning of a flexible day acts falsely honorable it today [sic].'
* Nerd hats on: the famous Klingon proverb 'Today is a good day to die' is {Heghlu'meH [=QaQ=] jajvam}, and the word for opera is {ghe'naQ}. [[CriticalResearchFailure And this is pretty easy to google.]]

* For a big speech in Poland, President UsefulNotes/JimmyCarter's staff engaged a translator who rendered Carter's "I left Washington" as "I abandoned Washington", and "I love the Polish people" as "I desire the Polish people carnally". As soon as the mistake was discovered, the translator was fired posthaste. It turned out that the interpretor excelled in translating written Polish, but didn't have experience with interpreting spoken Polish at full speed.

* The word "bomba" can mean any of "bomb", "pump" or "éclair" (the pastry). It's rarely noticed because these contexts never overlap, unless you're bringing your bicycle supplies through airport security and don't speak English very well.

* Sports journalist Michael Green once accompanied a British rugby side on an unprecedented tour of Ceauşescu's Romania, where rugby was and remains a big sport. He recalls that a very senior man from the English Rugby Union had to respond to a speech from his Romanian counterpart, and was fretting over not knowing any of his hosts' language. Then he had a brainwave: at least he could get the words for "Ladies" and "Gentlemen" from whatever was written on the local lavatory doors. He did this, and was gratified at the smiles and the round of applause his speech got, culminating in a standing ovation. Afterwards, the president of the Romanian Rugby Federation said to him that it had been a wonderful speech, Sir Richard, but whatever in the world possessed you to begin it with "Urinals and Water Closets"?

* Russian jokes about the Chinese frequently feature use of the syllable ''hui'', which appears in both languages. In Chinese, it is used in several innocent words. In Russian, it roughly means "dick" (but is far more taboo, being part of the so-called [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mat_(Russian_profanity) mat]] vocabulary). HilarityEnsues.
* A new Chinese ambassador is to meet Gromyko. When the latter enters, the Chinese presents himself: "Zhui Hui!" Gromyko, unperturbed, retorts "Zhui sam!" The surprised Chinese asks: "And where is Gromyko?" [[spoiler:(The pun is that "zhui hui" (a mock Chinese name) means "chew a dick" in Russian and "zhui sam" means "chew [it] yourself").]]
* There is at least one website for teaching Russian that has this trope's name as one of the phrases taught.
* There is an old example of machine translation well-known in Russian community where system instructions "Execute installer by tray icon and insert ms windows binaries or another os with custom mouse driver support in current boot drive" are translated into Russian as something like "Put the mounter to death by the picture of tea-tray and paste sets of two items of mistress' windows or any other mouth with customhouse support of mouse teamster in current shoe engine". What's hilarious is that the result is grammatically correct (while normally random word sequence wouldn't make any sense in Russian) and the thing is especially bizarre thanks to the mounter's execution part.
* A recently published Russian ''"Babylonian phrase-book"'' IS this trope. It has the weirdest of things translated into different languages [[JustForFun as it's sole purpose]]. The very idea is making them sound like you've just said something wrong. Includes masterpieces like "Can I devide by zero in your country?", "These pickles are confusing", "Do you take money as a payment?", "Let me go, I have a right to call my avocado!"[[note]]In French, "avocado" and "lawyer" are the same word, "avocat".[[/note]] and such. It's friggin' brilliant.

[[folder:Sign Language]]
* Adam Hills has had [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O53q8MlGAFk fun with this]], as did a stewardess who has enjoyed his earlier fun with sign language. Sort of.
* One comedian tells a story that he once choked in a restaurant, and began to flail his arms. He accidentally proposed to a deaf lady.
* A religion teacher for the deaf once confused the signs "to feed" and "to eat" -- in telling the story of the feeding of the five thousand. This same religious teacher, in trying to sign "water", made the sign with the wrong hand, consequently signing "beer" instead. When her audience was incredulous, she dug herself deeper, trying to sign that we need water to live, that our bodies are made mostly of water, and that the oceans are filled with water (only she kept signing "beer" instead of "water").
* In British Sign Language, Australian Sign Language and New Zealand Sign Language (collectively known as BANZSL), the sign for the letter Q (index finger of the dominant hand hooked onto a ring made of the thumb and index finger of the other hand) and the sign for sex (index finger through the said ring) are sadly easily confused by the uninitiated.
* The "nanny nanny boo boo" gesture that is popular with children in America (with putting the thumb on ones's nose and wagging one's fingers) means "kiss my ass" in American Sign Language. One teacher told her class about how she did not know that when she was a young ASL student working with deaf children for the first time
* It emphasises the importance of lip pattern in British Sign Language to differentiate between similarly signed words when you learn that "Where do you live?" looks identical to "Where is the toilet?".
* In Australian Sign Language and New Zealand Sign Language, 12 is signed double-2, while 22 is signed double-2 with the second to the right of the first (the same rules apply for 13 and 33, 14 and 44, etc.) Hence signing "my girlfriend is 22 years old" incorrectly may [[MistakenForPaedophile get you in trouble with authorities]].

* Spanish lesson time.
-->"Tengo quince años." - I am fifteen years old.
-->"Tengo quince anos." - I have fifteen anuses.
** There's a story of a guy new to Spanish who wondered why, every time he asked a kid their age, the kid would burst out laughing and answer, "Uno" (one).
** In the 1990s, there was an ad on the back of a magazine for Amazon.com's Spanish-language site, depicting the book cover "Cien anos de soledad" (Gabriel García Márquez's ''Literature/OneHundredYearsOfSolitude''), illustrating the common Web 1.0 problem of websites that don't take accent marks seriously.
** The US government used to fund a digital ticker in Cuba that would display pro-American propaganda. The problem: the ticker had no Ñ. When the sign scrolled through the Gettysburg Address in Spanish, it made the same mistake.
* Supposedly, when the pope visited Miami, one enterprising person printed up t-shirts. Unfortunately, instead of "I saw the Pope" (Vi al Papa), the shirts said "I saw the potato" (Vi la papa).
* The Spanish word for "pregnant" sounds a lot like "embarrass". One pen company supposedly ran into this problem when an advertising campaign in Mexico claimed that their pens would not leak in your pocket and get you pregnant.
** Also because of how gendered adjectives work in Spanish, the word is always "embarazada". "Embarazad''o''" [[MisterSeahorse will usually get you laughed at.]]
** A lady went on a mission trip to Mexico (or somewhere). As she was wrapping up her work with the local church, they threw a dinner. At the dinner, the pastor of the Mexican church made a long speech thanking her. When it was her turn to speak, she stood up and attempted to make a statement about how excessive the thanks were. What she actually said was, "ahora el pastor me ha hizo embarazada" (translation: "Now the pastor has made me pregnant").
* A humorous example results from the mispronunciation of the phrase "Hace juego con", meaning "matches with". If read/pronounced as "Hace jugo con", it means that something makes juice with something else.
* The Spanish word for "question" also sounds a lot like "pregnant" (pregunta). At least one high school Spanish book uses this in an extended gag dialogue to illustrate the dangers of false cognates.
* There's an urban legend that Chevrolet (and their foreign counterparts) apparently came up against quite an issue when they attempted to market the Nova in Hispanic markets since "no va" means "doesn't go". In actuality, a Spanish speaker wouldn't read "Nova" as "no va", any more than an English speaker would read "notable" as "no table". Especially since "nova" is clearly related to 'nueva', meaning "new".
* The Mitsubishi Pajero which, despite its name coming from an Argentinian cat, had to have its name changed to Montero in certain countries -- you see, "pajero" roughly translates to "wanker" in in certain dialects of Spanish (including Mexican Spanish, which is why the name was changed in the US as well).
* Studio Ghibli ran into trouble while marketing [[Anime/CastleintheSky Laputa: Castle in the Sky]] in Spanish-speaking countries. "La puta" means "the whore" and the name was likely deliberately chosen as satire when Jonathan Swift wrote ''Literature/GulliversTravels''. Not a word you want to find in the children's section, at any rate. This is why Spanish children versions of the book (those that actually bother to tell what happened after Liliput, that is) change the floating island's name to Lupata or Lámputa.
* There is a section in New Mexico which in the original Spanish is "Peña blanca" or 'White Rock'. This has been Anglicized into "Pena blanca". This one change in letter means the section is now technically named "White Sorrow".
* Gorillaz song 'El Manana', 'El Mañana' (The Tomorrow). It has no awkward Spanish meaning, however; it just sounds silly, not to mention the fact that it was done so because their keyboard had no 'ñ'.
* An Arabic Christian Orthodox bishop who had just been assigned to Chile (and his command of Spanish was still a bit lacking) gave his first sermon during his first mass in the country. He kept saying that a life of virtue would lead every man to "la ''libertad'' del pecado" ("freedom ''to'' sin") instead of "la ''liberación'' del pecado" ("freedom ''from'' sin"). While somewhat this trope, this is more a case of "idioms and prepositions vary wildly, from dialect to dialect and from language to language." In instances in which everything ''but'' the preposition is right, the problem is likely due to lack of knowledge of the non-native construction or simply "thinking in the wrong language" (thinking of the sentence in the native tongue and translating exactly, which happens often when speaking).
* The Filipino word for "rice cake" is identical to the Spanish word for "male whore". That's just for one type of rice cake, mind you.
* Many people new to Spanish will say "con yo", rather than "conmigo", when trying to say "with me". Unfortunately, "con yo" is pronounced similarly to coño, which is Spanish for 'cunt'.
* Another false cognate: 'excitado' does not translate to "excited", it means "aroused".
* Costa Rican legend tells that, when the Spanish first arrived there, they were offered "Cacagua" by the Native Americans. This is what the natives called the drink that they concocted out of cocoa beans and other spices. Unfortunately, "Caca Agua" roughly translated into Spanish as "Poop water." HilarityEnsues.
* Happens often with Spanish speakers as well: the Spanish word "bizarro" and the English word "bizarre" are just one letter away and both come from the Italian word "bizarro" which means "Coleric", but they have vastly different meanings. In English it means "extravagant, unusual" while in Spanish it means "brave". This doesn't stop Spanish speakers from using "bizarro" as its meaning in English while it makes no sense most of time.
* The word "Bicho" gets similar treatment. The word is generally translated as "bug", which in most common usages fits perfectly, but some people think that those word are actual fully valid translations and make the distinction between bugs as synonymous with insects and other invertebrates wrongly [[YouKeepUsingThatWord correcting people for incorrect usage]], however the word "Bicho" is a much more vague term that can be used derogatorily to refer to any kind of animal, so refering to a spider as "Bicho" is as correct as to using said word to refer to an elephant or a mouse.
** The fact that in some (not all) Spanish-speaking countries bicho is also slang for penis doesn't exactly help, either.

* This troper had a funny moment when he brought home a business gift named ''Bad-Termometer''. Mrs. Troper asked "Why is it so lousy?". Since the troper understands Swedish perfectly, he remineded ''bad'' is Swedish for "bath" - it was actually a decent bath thermometer.
* Likewise, buying ''mat kimchi'' in an Oriental foodstore in Sweden produces moments of hilarity - what are the other kinds of kimchi then, fodder? ''Mat'' means "food" or "edible" in Swedish, while it means "cut" in Korean.

[[folder: Urdu]]
* A fire department in Scotland sent out leaflets in Urdu for people of South Asian origin describing what to do in a fire. One bulletpoint was supposed to say "Never jump straight out of a window, lower yourself onto cushions". Only they got the word for cushion (gadha) confused with another word (gadda). Which created the interesting fire safety tip of; "Never jump straight out of a window, put yourself on a donkey".

* A platoon of American soldiers were looking for their transport to take them back to base and asked a local man where the convoy could be found. The man pointed to a hill and told them to go over the next hill where they found, instead of their convoy, an elephant grazing in a field. They went back to ask the man again and he pointed to the same hill where they'd found the elephant. Turns out that due to tonal differences, "Where is the convoy?" can be translated to "Where's the elephant?".

* [[http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/tm_objectid=17564553&method=full&siteid=50082-name_page.html Another]] Welsh road sign was supposed to be bilingual and say "Cyclists Dismount"; it did in English, but the Welsh was gibberish from which the only vague sentence that could be deciphered was "[[{{Squick}} Bladder Disease Has Returned]]".
* I went to a Welsh university and was told the story of one of the lecturers who, while learning Welsh since it was the done thing to be bilingual, was late for one of her classes due to the cold weather and the slippery pavements. She rushed in and excused herself, in Welsh, due to the ice on the street. Unfortunately, ice or frost (rhew) is easy to confuse with sex (rhyw) when just learning the language. Hilarity ensued.
I wish to plead incompetence.