History Main / EvilOverlordList

# I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the [[WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong control is ever broken]], it will not [[TheDogBitesBack immediately come after me for revenge]].

# All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, [[SpoonyBard no-talent bards]], and [[LovableCoward cowardly thieves]] in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of [[PluckyComicRelief comic relief]].

# If I must have [[ViewerFriendlyInterface computer systems with publicly available terminals]], the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. [[LuredIntoATrap That room will be the Execution Chamber]]. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

# All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide [[ASideOrderOfRomance no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot]] for the hero or his sidekick.

# If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not [[IShallTauntYou taunt him]]. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely [[HeelFaceTurn return to the path of righteousness]]. [[HeelFaceMole (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)]]

# Finally, to [[BreadAndCircuses keep my subjects]] [[TVTropesWillRuinYourLife permanently locked in a mindless trance]], I will provide each of them with [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything free unlimited Internet access]].

# All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

# My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

# After I kidnap the beautiful [[EverythingsBetterWithPrincesses princess]], we will be [[AltarTheSpeed married immediately]] in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

# I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all [[AbsurdPhobia extremely unusual phobias]] and bizarre compulsive habits which [[SanityHasAdvantages
could prove to be a disadvantage]].

# I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all [[SanityHasAdvantages extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits]] which could prove to be a disadvantage.

# [[invoked]]I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an [[GameBreaker unstoppable superweapon]], I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of [[HoldingBackThePhlebotinum keeping it in reserve]].

# When I capture the hero, I will [[AndYourLittleDogToo make sure I also get]] his [[NonHumanSidekick dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around]].

# I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear [[ChainmailBikini a stainless-steel bustier]]. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

See also EvilOverlordListCellblockA and EvilOverlordListCellblockB. If you wish to add points of your own, see the TVTropesAdditionalEvilOverlordVows. See also EvilPlan and StockEvilOverlordTactics for more general information.

The original EvilOverlordList was compiled in 1990 by several members of the [=FidoNet=] Science Fiction and Fandom email echo. The [=FidoNet=] list originated with a 1988 Saturday Night Live skit featuring Bond Villains touting a book "What Not To Do When You Capture James Bond". The [=FidoNet=] list arose out of discussions regarding what sort of advice might be in that book, and was compiled and published by Jack Butler.

Read them, and you'll be DangerouslyGenreSavvy, able to [[DefiedTrope avoid dooms of many villains]]. Fail to read them, and your GenreBlindness will condemn you to pick up any VillainBall you see, perhaps even demoting you to the rank of HarmlessVillain, and [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption failure will be your only option]].

# One of my advisors will be an [[VanVonHunter average five-year-old child]]. Any [[VillainBall flaws in my plan]] that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

# If I am fighting with the hero [[ConveyorBeltODoom atop a moving platform]], have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

# I will not use any plan in which the final step is [[ComplexityAddiction horribly complicated]], e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "[[MST3K Push the button.]]"

# When my guards split up to search for intruders, [[NeverSplitAParty they will always travel in groups of at least two]]. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy quizzically peering around a corner]].

# I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by [[TrainingThePeacefulVillagers a handful of savages]] [[RockBeatsLaser armed with spears and rocks]].

# I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any [[AbsurdlySpaciousSewer secret passages and abandoned tunnels]] that I might not know about.

# If I must have [[ViewerFriendlyInterface computer systems with publicly available terminals]], the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

# When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy quizzically peering around a corner]].
# If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
# If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

# When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "[[OperationBlank Project Overlord]]" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

# I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
# I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "[[MST3K Push the button.]]"

# If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely [[HeelFaceTurn return to the path of righteousness]]. [[HeelFaceMole (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)]]

# If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they [[SlapSlapKiss spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives]] at which point there are hints of [[BelligerentSexualTension sexual tension]], I will immediately order their execution.

# [[NoMrBondIExpectYouToDine If I'm eating dinner with the hero]], put [[PoisonedChaliceSwitcheroo poison in his goblet]], then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of [[ThePrincessBride trying to decide whether or not to switch with him]].

# [[ColorCodedForYourConvenience I will dress in bright and cheery colors]], and so throw my enemies into confusion.

# I will not include a [[SelfDestructMechanism self-destruct mechanism]] unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a [[BigRedButton large red button]] labelled "Danger: [[SchmuckBait Do Not Push]]". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a [[BulletHell spray of bullets]] on anyone [[TooDumbToLive stupid enough to disregard it]]. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

# I will not have a son. Although [[TheStarscream his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power]] would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.