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->''"We're both called Phoenix, but I'm a destroyer of worlds and you're a lawyer. I wonder which one of us is more hated?"''
-->-- '''ComicBook/JeanGrey''' to '''[[Franchise/AceAttorney Phoenix Wright]]''', ''Ultimate VideoGame/MarvelVsCapcom3''

Lawyers, who often defend people or practices that are considered unpopular or wrong (or justify draconian laws in the case of prosecutors), are an infamous {{Acceptable Target|s}}. It is often stereotyped that students of Law, Political Science, any debate-intensive course, etc. are total, aggressive, shameless and argument-prone {{asshole}}s who, for example, [[AmbulanceChaser profit massively from the misery and misfortune of others]], [[TheAlcoholic drink like fish]], [[WackyFratboyHijinx join fraternities]], [[ManipulativeBastard manipulate the system and everybody else around them]] as [[AmbitionIsEvil ambitious opportunists]] as if they follow [[Creator/NiccoloMachiavelli Machiavelli]] as their equivalent of Muhammad, and so on.

Note that this refers to an explicit or implicit suggestion that all or most lawyers are evil, by:

# A character making a joke about lawyers being evil, or
# Giving lawyers AnimalMotifs that classify them as evil (typically a [[SnakesAreEvil snake]] or a [[ThreateningShark shark]])

The word ''{{Satan}}'' can be translated as "accuser/prosecutor", which might have helped inspire the OccultLawFirm trope.

Tends to be associated with America (especially in TheNineties) although it's a global trope to some extent.

One reason lawyers make such AcceptableTargets may be that, not only are aggression and opportunism both important in the litigation career, people generally only interact with them directly at difficult times in their lives (when facing criminal sanction, civil suits, or the complexity of land laws when buying a house), meaning individuals are not associated with the good parts of the legal system, like public order and good lawmaking.

See also AmbulanceChaser and AmoralAttorney, for the evil lawyers themselves.

Lawyer jokes are fairly common in the profession, [[NWordPrivileges for the obvious reasons]]. But ''anyone'' who uses them should remember one thing: Nobody likes lawyers until they need one.

For real life lawyer jokes, see the quotes page.



* In [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuBmSbiVXo0 this poem,]] Taylor Mali knows that there are so many evil lawyer jokes out there that he just lets listeners fill in the blanks for themselves:
--> I bite my tongue, instead of his, and resist the urge to remind the other dinner guests that it's also true what they say about lawyers--because we're eating, after all, and this is supposed to be polite conversation.
* "The Saruman Blues" from ''AudioPlay/TheUnfinishedSpellingErrorsOfBolkien'' has the line "I've got this guy called Grima, he's a slimy troublemaker, more disturbing than a lawyer who's a part-time undertaker."

[[folder:Comic Books]]
* In ''ComicBook/TheSandman'', one minor character makes the "not enough catshit" joke.
* In ''Comicbook/TopTen'', the lawyer Larry "Frenzy" Fischmann is an anthropomorphic shark. One character insults him, saying that his people haven't evolved in millions of years. Frenzy takes offense, saying that's a common misconception about sharks. The guy wasn't talking about sharks.

[[folder:Fan Works]]
* In ''Fanfic/TheLegendOfTotalDramaIsland'', a school of sharks won't harm Courtney out of "professional courtesy" because she plans to be a lawyer when she grows up.
* In the AU ''Fanfic/KitsuneNoKenFistOfTheFox'', [[ObviouslyEvil Orochimaru]] has been turned into a lawyer. While [[AdaptationalHeroism he's good in this story's continuity]], he's first seen having successfully got Dosu, Zaku and Kin (members of Mizuki's gang) out on bail... And [[GenreSavvy complains that he's going to be on the receiving end of these]].
* In the Universe of ''Fanfic/PokemonResetBloodlines'', Lawyers are one of the five mortal enemies of Ninjas.
* Several characters make cracks in ''[[https://www.tthfanfic.org/Story-28404-174/DianeCastle%2BXendra.htm Xendra]]'' after Wolfram & Hart appear on the scene.
-->'''Joyce:''' I thought lawyers were evil after my divorce, but apparently ordinary lawyers only make it to the first couple circles of Hell. Wolfram & Hart gets all the way down to the very deepest circles.
* ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12768475/4/Mistakes-and-Second-Chances Mistakes and Second Chances]]'':
-->Hey, who said Slytherins were all dark and evil? I mean yeah, [Daphne's] dad is a solicitor which is just one step below being a Dark Lord, but it's not like everyone's brimming with magical power and has a hankering for the dark arts.

[[folder:Films -- Animation]]
* From ''WesternAnimation/BeeMovie'':
-->'''Cow:''' You're a lawyer?\\
'''Mosquito:''' Ma'am, I was already a blood-sucking parasite. I just needed a suitcase.
* ''Disney/TheAdventuresOfIchabodAndMrToad'' gives us Cyril Proudbottom's epic slam against the crown prosecutor, when asked how Toad got the motorcar:
-->'''Cyril:''' The only way a gentleman gets anything: the honest way.
-->'''Prosecutor:''' And WHAT IS the honest way?
-->'''Cyril:''' HAHA! I THOUGHT you wouldn't know ''that'' one, guv'na!
* Cousin Mel's lawyer from ''WesternAnimation/GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer'' goes by I. M. Slime.
-->'''Jake:''' [[DeadpanSnarker You said it, not me]].

[[folder:Films -- Live-Action]]
* ''Film/BackToTheFuturePartII'': "The justice system works swiftly in the future now that they've abolished all lawyers." Note that Doc does not necessarily say that as good news. Considering the context of the line it's more likely that no lawyers mean no protection from the StateSec.
* ''Film/BladeII'' has Blade meet a representative of his enemies, and sees he's got the mark of [[LesCollaborateurs a Familiar]], starting this exchange.
-->'''Blade''': You're human.
-->'''Man''': Barely. I'm a lawyer.
* In ''Film/TheHebrewHammer'', the Jewish Justice League is trying to find a Jewish hero to defeat the new Santa Claus:
-->'''JJL Member''': Robert Shapiro!
-->'''JJL Chief''': He's a lawyer! We're looking for heroes here, people!
* From ''Film/{{Hook}}'':
-->"I hear scientists are replacing their lab rats with lawyers. One, the scientists were starting to get attached to the rats. And two, there are some things even rats won't do."
** We also get this exchange:
-->'''Ruffio''': We kill pirates.
-->'''Peter Banning''': I'm not a pirate. It so happens I am a lawyer.
-->'''Rufio''': Kill the lawyer!
-->'''Peter Banning''': I'm not ''that'' kind of lawyer!
* In ''Film/IndependenceDay'', when Marty Gilbert finds out the aliens are about to attack, he quickly worries about who he needs to warn.
-->'''Marty Gilbert''': A countdown... wait, a countdown to what David?
-->'''David Levinson''': [[ChessMotifs It's like in chess:]] First, you strategically position your pieces and when the timing is right you strike. They're using this signal to syncronize their efforts and in 5 hours the countdown will be over.
-->'''Marty''': And then what?
-->'''David''': ''Checkmate''.
-->'''Marty''': [[OhCrap Oh, my God.]] I gotta call my brother, my housekeeper, my lawyer. Nah, forget my lawyer
* From ''Film/LiarLiar'':
-->'''Max Reede:''' My dad? He's... a liar.\\
'''Teacher:''' A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.\\
'''Max Reede:''' Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.\\
'''Teacher:''' Oh, you mean he's a lawyer.
* ''Film/AMurderOfCrows'' is a subversion, since the hero is a (mostly) heroic lawyer, who matches wits with a serial killer who goes after lawyers ''because of this trope''. The reason was that his son was killed by a drunk driver, but the driver's lawyer got him off on a technicality... and when they walked out of court, he could tell that the killer was repentant, genuinely sorry about the damage he'd caused... but the lawyer was smiling. He had won.
* During a song in ''Film/MuppetTreasureIsland'', a pirate sings, "I could've been a lawyer, but I just had too much heart."
* ''Film/OsmosisJones'': "We'll go down to the haemorrhoids and get you a good lawyer."
* In the [[AffectionateParody western-spoof]] ''Film/RustlersRhapsody'', good-guy gunfighter Rex O'Herlihan faces off against good-guy gunfighter and lawyer Bob Barber. When Barber shoots O'Herlihan in the arm (rather than shooting the gun out of O'Herlihan's hand, as good guys are supposed to do), O'Herlihan's shocked that Barber isn't really a good guy. Barber's response: "I'm a lawyer, you idiot!"
* ''Film/PoolHallJunkies'': [[Creator/ChristopherWalken Uncle Mike's]] introduction in the film has him walking out onto a balcony and telling one (while at a party where almost everybody attending happens to work for the same law firm, [[SelfDeprecation including Uncle Mike]].)
* A rather dark version of this trope happens in the 2001 HBO / BBC movie ''Film/{{Conspiracy}}'', about the Wannsee Conference where the Holocaust was planned. Stuckart, a lawyer representing the Interior Ministry, starts objecting to the proposed "[[DeadlyEuphemism evacuation]]" of millions of Jews [[LawfulEvil because it violates the Nuremberg Laws]].
-->'''Dr. Gerhard Klopfer:''' [[ScrewTheRulesIMakeThem We make the law we need!]] Why am I telling you this? How many lawyers are in this room? Raise your hand. ''(half the room put their hands up, including Klopfer)'' Oh Jesus Christ, it's worse than I thought.
* In ''Film/AngelHeart'', [[spoiler:Louis/Lucifer]] jokes that "one less attorney" in the world doesn't really matter, even though there has been nothing to suggest that Winesap is corrupt or evil in any way ([[spoiler: or knew who his client really was]]), and the fact that he had a "nasty accident" suggests that he wouldn't have gone along with [[spoiler:his client's]] plan and needed to be silenced.
* During the discussion over dinner in ''Film/JurassicPark'', Grant, Ellie, and Malcolm argue against Hammond's plans for the park. He laments that the only one to side with him is the "bloodsucking lawyer" Donald Genarro, who's only concerned in the potential profits.
* The spoof movie ''Film/TheSilenceOfTheHams'' had a gag in the part parodying ''Film/TheSilenceOfTheLambs'' where the protagonist is walking through the prison of mentally insane criminals--he walks past a bunch of maniacal, howling lawyers standing in a pit, with a warning sign reading "Don't feed the lawyers".
* In a British musical version of Creator/CharlesDickens' ''Literature/TheOldCuriosityShop'' aka ''Mr. Quilp'', in the number "When a felon needs a friend", [[AmoralAttorney Brasses]] and Quilp praise the profession of a lawyer and its advantages before Richard Swiveller.
--> ...For he'll rob the rich and poor with equal grace\\
And while lying in his tooth\\
He would sometimes tell the truth\\
It's amazing what will do to win a case!
* In ''Film/VeronicaMars'', Veronica uses the existence of this trope as proof that Private Detectives are more respected than lawyers.
-->'''Veronica''': Tell me ''one'' Private Detective Joke...
* This exchange from ''Film/TheGeneralsDaughter'':
-->'''Colonel Robert Moore:''' Then wouldn't it behoove me to retain the services of an attorney? I know a good one.
-->'''Warrant Officer Paul Brenner, C.I.D.:''' Two problems there. First the obvious: there are no good ones. Second, you're not a civilian, Colonel, you're in the army. You have no rights to an attorney. You have no right to remain silent. And if you don't cooperate I may have to put you in jail and that would make me feel really bad.
* In ''Film/ILoveYouPhillipMorris'', Steven tells one of these to the receptionist. She finds it funny, and the joke is quickly told to anyone and everyone in the firm, with plenty of variations, including a nasty anti-Semitic one.

* What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? [[labelnote:Answer]]You take your cleats ''off'' when you jump on a trampoline.[[/labelnote]]
* What's the difference between an enraged chicken and a lawyer? [[labelnote:Answer]]One clucks defiance, and the other...[[/labelnote]]
* How many Rottweilers does it take to rip a lawyer limb from limb? [[labelnote:Answer]]I don't know. Lets round up a couple of rotties and a lawyer and find out.[[/labelnote]]
* What is the difference between a burbot and a lawyer? [[labelnote:Answer]]One is a bottom-dwelling slimy carrion feeder, [[BaitAndSwitchComment and the other is a fish]].[[/labelnote]]
** Is there any other difference between a burbot and a lawyer? [[labelnote:Answer]] Yes. A burbot tastes excellent when sautéed in cream sauce.[[/labelnote]]
* A man is driving down the road and sees a hitchhiking priest, so he stops to pick him up. A little while later he sees a hitchhiking lawyer, and attempts to run him over with his car. At the last second he remembers the holy man in the car with him and swerves to avoid hitting the lawyer. The man gasps "Oh my God, that was close! I almost hit that lawyer!", trying to play it off like it was an accident. The priest says "Don't worry, my son. I got him with my door."
* After losing a lot of money in a lawsuit, a man goes to a bar to [[DrowningMySorrows drown his sorrows.]] While drunk, he loudly proclaims that all lawyers are scumbags. The man next to him says "Hey, I take offense to that!" The drunk guy asks "Why, are you a lawyer?" The other man responds [[InsultToRocks "No, sir, I am a scumbag."]]
* Why don't sharks eat lawyers? [[labelnote:Answer]]Professional courtesy.[[/labelnote]]
* What do you get when you have three lawyers up to their neck in sand? [[labelnote:Answer]]More sand.[[/labelnote]]
* A Russian, a Frenchman and two American lawyers are on a long train ride in the same cart. Russian takes out loads of vodka and caviar, treats everybody aplenty, and just throws the rest out the window. "Oh, we have an overabundance of that!" Next, Frenchmen takes out loads of vine and cheeses, treats everybody aplenty, and just throws the rest out the window... After some deliberation, one of the American lawyers gets up, grabs and throws the other out the window.
* A lawyer was once running late for a meeting, and when he got in the Judge said "SpeakOfTheDevil..." The lawyer [[DeadpanSnarker replied]] "I believe you are confusing me with my employer."
* What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? [[labelnote:Answer]]There are skid marks in front of the snake.[[/labelnote]]
* What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer? [[labelnote:Answer]]One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.[[/labelnote]]
* Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a little girl, and an honest lawyer are in an elevator. There is a $100 bill on the ground. Who picks it up first? [[spoiler:The little girl, because the others don't exist.]]
* If you consider that umpires, for all intents and purposes, function more or less as baseball's lawyers in game-related matters:
-->One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling, the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."\\
"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."

* Literature/DoctorDolittle got a call from the Audubon Society one day, asking him to explain strange vulture behavior; a man had died and the vultures, instead of eating the body, were giving it a decent burial. Doctor Dolittle arrived and saw that it was true. He asked one of the vultures what was going on. "It's professional courtesy," said the vulture. "He was a lawyer."
* ''Homeward Bound'', the final book in Creator/HarryTurtledove's ''Literature/{{Worldwar}}'' series, has Johnathan Yeager discover, to his amusement, that the Race has the same attitude towards lawyers as humans, and spends some time exchanging jokes with appropriate cultural alterations.
* ''Literature/TheBible''
** {{Satan}} appears as a prosecutor in {{God}}'s court. In Jewish theology, this is in fact the extent of his villainy, and his entire narrative role. Insert joke about how the Christians made him less evil by turning him into God's direct antagonist and enemy of mankind (God's people in particular).
** Jesus is compared to an ''Advocate''(DA), but then it does say he came to take our sins upon him and [[FridgeBrilliance lawyering is the greatest sin isn't it?]]
* In ''Literature/TheGeneral'' series by Creator/DavidDrake and Creator/SMStirling, there's a species of fish called Advocati. Advocati are invertebrate, foul-smelling, slimy bottom-feeders, that only are useful as dog-fodder, and only that if the dogs haven't been fed for a few days.
* This quote from ''[[Literature/HarryPotterAndTheDeathlyHallows Deathly Hallows]]''--and WordOfGod points out that, ironically, [[spoiler:Hermione became the magical equivalent of a lawyer and used her position to improve the lot of [[FantasticRacism House-elves, Muggles and Muggle-Borns]]]].
--->'''Scrimgeour''': Are you planning to follow a career in Magical Law, Miss Granger?
---> '''Hermione''': No, I'm not. I'm hoping to do some good in the world!
* In ''Literature/TheDevilsDictionary'', Creator/AmbroseBierce defines "liar" as "A lawyer with a roving commission." He does at least give lawyers the credit of being discriminate....
* ''Discworld'':
** In ''Discworld/TheFifthElephant'', Angua points out that the only reason Uberwald switched from Trial by Ordeal to Trial by Lawyer is because they learned that lawyers are crueller.
** Whenever Mr. Slant - a centuries-old zombie lawyer - appears, expect at least one such joke to come. In ''Discworld/TheTruth'', one of the Dwarfs suggests killing Slant, and William points out there's probably some law against killing lawyers -- otherwise, there wouldn't be any left.
** The Nac Mac Feegle have swords that glow blue in the presence of lawyers, the way Sting reacts to orcs in ''Literature/LordOfTheRings''.
* ''Literature/TroyRising'': One morbid joke following the Horvath [[ColonyDrop bombardment]] of Earth is that the Horvath only read one bit of human culture, and that was Shakespeare's ''Theatre/HenryVIPart2''. Due to a quirk of demographics, the profession with the heaviest casualties from the bombardment was the American Bar Association (that's what happens when Washington DC and Los Angeles are major targets).
* Louise Fa of ''Literature/ProjectNRI'' lashes out one of these at Richard Engarde.
-->“Just because you know how to rob fat old men of their money doesn't mean you're the most competent.”
* Temple, one of the main protagonists of ''Literature/RedCountry'' has had [[JackOfAllTrades many jobs]], the most recent of which was as the corrupt attorney to a company of seedy mercenaries. Even though said mercenaries were [[RapePillageAndBurn raping and pillaging]] and Temple, the TokenGoodTeammate, was only involved in drawing up contracts and making land deals (and disapproves of/had no involvement in the killings), he decides that he will likely get less hate identifying himself as a mercenary rather than a lawyer.
* Creator/MichaelConnelly novels:
** ''Literature/TheConcreteBlonde'': Before the opening statements of Harry Bosch's trial, the judge told the jurors what the attorneys say during those statements wasn't necessarily true since they're lawyers. The judge's accent even makes it sound like "lie-yers".
** ''Literature/TheLincolnLawyer'': Mickey Haller is told a joke that uses the BaitAndSwitchComparison.
* In "The Devil's Thoughts" by Creator/SamuelTaylorColeridge and Robert Southey, the sight of a lawyer killing a viper reminds the Devil of CainAndAbel.
* ''Literature/TheNewAmericanDictionary'' defines a lawyer as "a paid criminal".
* As he was pre-law student, Jon-Tom in ''Literature/SpellSinger'' is subjected to this trope fairly regularly throughout the series. In the final novel, he (accidentally) kills a bandit leader in the most awful way imaginable: he summons a lawyer owl who buries his unfortunate victim alive under a mountain of paperwork.
* In ''A Proud Taste for Scarlet and Miniver'', it's the job of existing residents of Heaven to advocate for historical figures to be allowed "Up." UsefulNotes/HenryTheSecond, thanks to his work on the English judicial system, has actual lawyers arguing for him, but it takes a few centuries for enough of them to get into Heaven to make a case.
* ''Literature/TheDresdenFiles'': Harry gets a decent amount of mileage out of the fact that the resident GoodShepherd Father Forthill not only passed the bar exam before discerning his vocation to the priesthood, but still occasionally helps his parishioners with their legal troubles.
* In ''No Way to Treat a First Lady'' by Creator/ChristopherBuckley, the LongList of despicable types successfully defended by [[AmoralAttorney Boyce "Shameless" Baylor]] concludes with "even fellow lawyers."
* ''Literature/DoraWilkSeries'': When vampire Antoni glamours his lawyers, exasperated with the amount of trouble he has with them, Dora is full of understanding.
-->'''Dora''': In a room with a lawyer, a notary, a tax collector and a vampire, the vampire is hardly the most bloodthirsty one.
* Creator/BruceCoville's ''Nina Tanleven'' series does this in ''The Ghost in the Big Brass Bed'', where Chris remarks that her father says "You shouldn't believe anything you hear from a lawyer."
-->'''Nine''': "I thought your uncle was a lawyer."
-->'''Chris''' (laughing): "He's the reason my dad says that!"

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* In ''Series/{{Smallville}}''
-->'''Jailed meteor freak''': You're not a lawyer.
-->'''Tess's minion''': I'll take that as a compliment.
* In ''Series/TheMentalist'', one VictimOfTheWeek, a lawyer, is killed when his speedboat is destroyed in an explosion. Lisbon and Jane, who were already on the scene when the bomb went off, rush over, only to see the man's severed arm suddenly get tugged underwater by what is almost certainly a shark.
--->'''Jane''': So much for professional courtesy.
* ''Series/{{Angel}}'':
** Cordelia discusses the evil law firm Wolfram and Hart, comparing them with vampires Angel and Darla. "You were soulless bloodsucking demons, and they're lawyers." A humbled Angel agrees with her. "We were amateurs."
** This season one gem as said by Gunn: "Whoo! Whoo! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe em. Damn. Here it is! Evil white folks really do have a Mecca." Let's just say that Wolfram & Hart take evil lawyers to a whole 'nother level.
** "They're the law firm Johnny Cochran was too ethical to join." Really, Wolfram & Hart is the personification of the trope.
* ''Series/{{Charmed}}'':
** In the episode "Black As Cole" (episode 8 season 4), when Paige learns about Cole's past she says:
-->'''Paige:''' So you were a demon ''and'' a lawyer? Insert joke here!
** When the Charmed Ones' father, Victor, was threatened with being ripped into a thousand pieces by a group of shapeshifters, he simply responded "Ah, so you're ''lawyers.''"
* A lawyer in ''Series/{{CSINY}}'' makes one himself: "What do you call a thousand dead lawyers? A good start."
* Similarly, in the ''Series/LawAndOrder'' episode "Savior," defense attorney Margot Bell says, "What does a lawyer have in common with a sperm cell?" ADA Claire Kincaid replies, "Both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being," then tells Margot there's a law that once you pass the bar, you have to stop telling lawyer jokes. Then there's this exchange in "Divorce":
-->'''D.A. Adam Schiff:''' Where on earth did these people learn their ethics?
-->'''A.D.A. Jamie Ross:''' Law school.
-->'''D.A. Adam Schiff:''' Of course.
* From a Creator/RowanAtkinson sketch, "Welcome to Hell":
-->'''The Devil:''' Now murderers...murderers over here, please. Thank you. Looters and pillagers over here. Thieves if you could join them and ''lawyers'', you're in that lot.
* ''Series/BoardwalkEmpire'''s resident AmoralAttorney Bill Fallon is the butt of an excellent one from his client, [[MagnificentBastard Arnold]] [[DeadpanSnarker Rothstein]]:
-->'''Fallon''': (impressed by Rothstein's skill at lying) It's not too late to go to law school, Arnold.
-->'''Rothstein''': I picked [[TheGambler an honest profession]].
* Sebastian Stark is nicknamed ''Series/{{Shark}}''.
* In an episode of the ''Series/HoneyIShrunkTheKids'' series, it's revealed that Wayne keeps embarrassing Diane every time they go to her law firm's picnics together since he keeps making these jokes.
* ''Series/ModernFamily'': When Mitchell and Cameron are staying at Jay's house because theirs is being fumigated, Jay leaves a book of lawyer jokes in the guest bedroom to irritate Mitchell. He cracks these kind of jokes throughout the episode, including "What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?"[[note]]One's a slimy, scum-sucking, bottom-dwelling scavenger, the other's a fish.[[/note]]
* In the last episode of season 1 of ''Series/LasVegas'', Ed Deline says to a group of lawyers that it might seems strange to them to try to do the right thing for once.
* In ''Series/TheGoldenGirls'', Sophia is having a near-death-experience where she's in Heaven:
-->'''Angel:''' Just make yourself comfortable. I'm really anxious to meet this next guy. He's a lawyer.\\
'''Sophia:''' Why is that special?\\
'''Angel:''' He's the first one we've had here!
* Creator/StephenFry on ''Series/{{QI}}'':
-->"What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in fifty million have a chance to become a human being."
* ''Series/{{Dinosaurs}}''
** In the episode "Life in the Faust Lane", when Earl is about to sell his soul:
-->'''Earl:''' Maybe I should have a lawyer look at this...\\
'''Dinosaur Devil:''' I am the KING of lawyers! Just SIGN IT!
** According to Mr. Ashland in "Power Erupts", the leaders of the [=WESAYSO=] MegaCorp do not eat their enemies- that's what their lawyers are for.
* ''Series/ThirtyRock'' riffs on a classic old lawyer joke with Stephen Black, a lawyer who works at the firm "Dewey, Cheatham and and Livingston." This is a subverted reference to the old joke firm of "[[TheLawFirmOfPunPunAndWordplay Dewey, Cheatham and Howe]]", which is a pun on "Do we cheat 'em? And how!"

* Music/{{Tool}}'s song "The Pot" says: ''Liar, lawyer, mirror, show me. What's the difference?''.
* Music/TomWaits, "God's Away on Business":
-->''Who are the ones that we kept in charge?''\\
''Killers, thieves, and lawyers!''
* The Music/CapitolSteps' song "'Atsa Lawyer".
-->''Nothing else looks as good''\\
''As a Doberman would''\\
''On a lawyer!''
* The protagonist of Music/WarrenZevon's "Mister Bad Example"
-->''Of course, I went to law school''\\
''And took a law degree''\\
''And counseled all my clients to plead insanity''
* Music/{{WeirdAlYankovic}}'s Jurassic Park
-->''A huge tyrannosaurus ate our lawyer''\\
''Well, I suppose that proves''\\
''They're really not all bad''

[[folder:Newspaper Comics]]
* ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}''
** [[https://garfield.com/comic/2004/02/26 A spider showed up with a lawyer and a restraining order against]] Garfield, who was smiling because he'd "never squished a lawyer".
** Also, "Beware of the Dog's Lawyer".
---> '''Garfield''': The times they are a-changin'...
* In one arc of ''ComicStrip/NonSequitur'' Danae [[FrivolousLawsuit sues the state for allowing her teacher to flunk her]]. The judge dismisses the case, calling it [[StupidestThingIveEverHeard the second stupidest thing he'd ever heard]].
--> '''Dad:''' Okay, I'll bite. What was the stupidest?\\
'''Danae:''' [[spoiler:That there's no shortage of lawyers willing to take the case.]]
** ''One'' arc? ComicStrip/NonSequitur ''lives and breathes'' this trope!
* In ''{{Peanuts}}'', Snoopy often fantasizes about being an attorney, and he tends to get these a lot, mostly from Lucy. It's lampshaded once, after he appears to have lost a case (where he represented Peter Rabbit who was suing Mr. [=McGregor=]) and he gets upset at Woodstock. ("No, I do NOT want to hear a funny attorney joke!" he snaps.)
* [[http://www.gocomics.com/theflyingmccoys/2014/08/24 This]] shows two sharks watching "Lawyer Week" on the Discovery Channel, week after Shark Week.
* Used frequently regarding Steve Dallas in ''ComicStrip/BloomCounty''. In one of the collections, Breathed remarked about how frequently lawyers would respond positively (often asking to buy a print) to the jokes.
* ''ComicStrip/PearlsBeforeSwine'' does this every once in awhile; the cartoonist is Creator/StephanPastis, an ex-lawyer, and is known to delve into these jokes occasionally.
** "I heard you used to be a lawyer. Do you ever miss those days?". Cue hysterical laughter.
* ''ComicStrip/DeRechter'': The Lawyer is frequently the target of these kind of jokes. One example: during his vacation, the Lawyer goes diving and runs into a shark. The two politely greet each other as colleagues.

* One appears in ''Pinball/ScaredStiff,'' when Creator/{{Elvira|MistressOfTheDark}} speculates as to what's the horrible unspeakable evil to be found in "Terror From The Crate":
-->'''Elvira:''' "Mosquitos? Leeches? Vampires? ''LAWYERS!''"

* Once on ''Radio/WaitWaitDontTellMe'' Peter Sagal related a conversation in which he'd mentioned to an acquaintance that his brother was a lawyer. When the acquaintance expressed sympathy, Peter hastened to reassure him.
-->'''Peter Sagal:''' No, no, he's a ''good'' lawyer.
-->'''Acquaintance:''' Oh, when did he pass?

[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
* The ''{{TabletopGame/Munchkin}}'' Card Game has several lawyer monsters, including So Suu Mee--the Chinese lawyer demon.
** And they won't attack Thieves. It's a professional courtesy.
** The Munchkin Booty "Sea Lawyer" even counts as a [[ThreateningShark shark]].
** In the Munchkin ''RPG'', Lawyers are LawfulEvil monsters. Their ChaoticEvil arch-enemies are Insurance Salesmen.
* In the CollectibleCardGame version of TabletopGame/{{Illuminati}}, there is a card referencing Creator/WilliamShakespeare, (see below) called "First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers" which destroys all law cards in play. In order to use it the player must say "Now seriously, Lawyers are an important part of our judicial system and we'd all be worse off without them." The card notes that the player has to '''try''' to say it with a straight face, but is not expected to succeed.
* In ''TabletopGame/BleakWorld'' a [[NintendoHard Nightmare Level]] enemy is "The Board of Executives" a group of Lawyers who sold their soul for immortality and the knowledge of all universal laws.

* OlderThanSteam: Creator/WilliamShakespeare's famous "The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers." He made several other jabs at lawyers in his works, but the line from ''Theatre/HenryVIPart2'' is the most famous and well known. (Lawyers are quick to point out that's part of [[PeoplesRepublicOfTyranny a plan to create anarchy and tyranny in revolution]].)
* There's a song about this in ''Theatre/LegallyBlonde TheMusical'': "Blood in the Water"
* ''Theatre/SeventeenSeventySix''
** One of UsefulNotes/JohnAdams' first lines: "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace; that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress!" A touch of HypocriticalHumor on his part, since he ''was'' a lawyer. Who would go on to serve in Congress, sort of, as the presiding officer of the Senate (i.e. the vice president)
** Later, Adams got into a shouting match with John Dickinson:
--->'''John Adams''': You cool, considerate men. You hang to the rear on every issue so that if we should go under, you'll still remain afloat!\\
'''John Dickinson''': Are you calling me a coward?\\
'''John Adams''': Yes... coward!\\
'''John Dickinson''': Madman!\\
'''John Adams''': Landlord!\\
'''John Dickinson''': LAWYER!\\
[a brawl breaks out]
* In ''Two on an Island'' by Elmer Rice (who studied law in his early years before quitting to pursue a writing career), the theatrical producer Lawrence Ormont gripes:
-->"What is a lawyer? A eunuch who spends the first thirty years of his life training himself to think in terms of five per cent. A parasite who has neither the agility of the flea nor the curiosity of the louse."
* "Spooky Mormon Hell Dream" from ''Theatre/TheBookOfMormon'' has Johnnie Cochran appear in hell alongside Genghis Khan, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Hitler.

[[folder:Video Games]]
* In the intro to ''VideoGame/{{Bully}}'', Jimmy describes "corporate lawyers" among the despicable alumni of Bulworth Academy, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking right after arms dealers and serial killers]].
* ''VideoGame/EarthwormJim'' had a LOT of fun with lawyer jokes. Notably, they're reoccurring enemies in "What the Heck?" in the first game.
* Guybrush Threepwood does a whole string of these in ''VideoGame/EscapeFromMonkeyIsland'' when he travels to Lucre Island to consult the Marley family lawyers. Of course, none of the lawyers actually get the jokes...
-->'''Guybrush''': Why don't sharks eat lawyers?[[note]]Professional courtesy.[[/note]]
-->'''Confused Lawyer #1''': But sharks eat lawyers all the time!
-->'''Confused Lawyer #2''': Once they've signed all the right ''corpus delecti'' waivers...
* As the resident lawyer in ''VideoGame/UltimateMarvelVsCapcom3'', [[Franchise/AceAttorney Phoenix Wright]] is often a target of these from other characters. The ''other'' Phoenix, Jean Grey, is just one of those who poke fun at him, then there's this lovely quote from Comicbook/GhostRider...
-->''"Do you have any idea how many lawyers are in hell?"''
* In ''VideoGame/{{Scribblenauts}}'', there is a level where you have to get bad guys up from hell to heaven. One of them's a lawyer.
** In ''Scribblenauts Unlimited'', the Starite shard "Liar Liar Pants On Fire", awarded for placing two people who never tell the truth next to each other, can be earned by spawning two lawyers in close proximity. Getting another shard, in the Saurus Park level, involves putting something that sucks blood in a chunk of amber, and a lawyer works just fine.
* The ''Franchise/AceAttorney'' series as a whole likes to use these kind of jokes. Considering the basic nature of the series's concept (hero lawyers, fighting for justice), they're mainly used ironically. Most of the time they're self-deprecating humor from the lawyers themselves.
** Apollo Justice has a go at himself with these occasionally.
-->''"I'm a lawyer. I live for needless procedures."''
** And in one of the cases from ''VisualNovel/PhoenixWrightAceAttorneyDualDestinies'', one character thinks he's a demon lawyer from hell. The dialogue is pretty subtle about it, but there's no doubt that Apollo's lines, such as "I'm not a demon, I'm a lawyer", were intended to be subtle forms of these.
** Apollo cracks a crack at himself when Trucy says that revealing a magician's secrets isn't very nice.
-->''I'm a lawyer. I'm not supposed to be nice!"
** In ''[[VisualNovel/PhoenixWrightAceAttorneyDualDestinies Dual Destinies]]'', one of the witnesses calls Apollo a no good shyster.
--> ''(A lying thief calling me a shyster. This has to be the low point of my career.)''
** Another case of the self-deprecating variety in ''Dual Destinies'' when talking to Athena about the trial during the second day's investigation prompts a conversation about how "Tenma Taro" made an appearance in court.
-->'''Athena''': I heard the Judge actually held an exorcism in his courtroom after that.\\
'''Apollo''': Good. Hopefully that's the last we'll see of that pain-in-the-neck yokai.\\
'''Athena''': I don't know...I think Temna Taro could exorcise an exorcist.\\
'''Apollo''': As an attorney defending a demon, I know exactly how that feels.
* In ''VideoGame/GrimFandango'', when the PlayerCharacter, Manny, is trying convince slimy lawyer Nick Virago to help spring his friend from prison, he wants Manny to stroke his ego by asking if you want a good lawyer or the best. One of the player's reply options is "Well, logically, the best lawyer would be a dead one", which causes him to caustically point out that that definition includes every single attorney in the Land of the Dead.
-->'''Nick:''' And, by the way, Manny... Lawyer jokes... not funny.\\
'''Manny:''' Okay, so this lawyer, his mother, and a chicken are all on this lifeboat, see... They're getting hungry, and the chicken says...\\
'''Nick:''' I have a gun, Manuel.
* In the manual of every Legend Entertainment game there was a lawyer joke inserted into the licence agreement. These jokes were almost never repeated from game to game.
* Sleazy Lawyers from ''VideoGame/ClickingBad'', who are so oily they eventually become supervillains.
* ''VideoGame/UnrealTournament'' makes note of this in the description for one of the opponents in the singleplayer Deathmatch ladder, claiming that economists are one of the few things close to being as bad as a lawyer, and that the audience for the tournament will pay big bucks to see such "scum" get blown to pieces repeatedly.
* ''VideoGame/MedievalCop: Death of a Lawyer'':
-->'''Gru:''' Some lawyer was found dead in his home earlier this morning. We suspect it is a case of murder.\\
'''Dregg:''' So, is my job to find this guy and give him a medal?

* In the world of ''Webcomic/AllOverTheHouse'', lawyers are Satan-proof because [[http://www.alloverthehouse.net/2011/01/20/waste-bill/ they have no souls]].
* ''Webcomic/{{Bug|Martini}}'' in the strip called [[http://www.bugcomic.com/comics/sympathy-for-the-devil/ "Sympathy for the Devil":]]
-->'''Satan''': [[HoistByHisOwnPetard I wish I'd never invented you guys]].
* In a ''Webcomic/CheckerboardNightmare'' strip, Lyle's lawyer firm superiors decide to [[YouHaveFailedMe punish him for a recent failing]] by [[LockedInAFreezer locking him in a room and lower the temperature]] until...he puts his hands in his pockets. Despite [[TheStraightMan Lyle]] pointing out that that's just a lawyer joke, said superiors persist.
* In ''Webcomic/DanAndMabsFurryAdventures'' the most evil and feared monster in all of Furrae is possibly [[http://www.missmab.com/Comics/Vol_337.php Moira Gianna: Attorney at Law.]]
* ''Webcomic/DominicDeegan'' {{lampshade|Hanging}}s it [[http://dominic-deegan.com/view.php?date=2005-10-12 here.]]
* The final panel of [[http://eheroes.smackjeeves.com/comics/2111623/talking-sensibly/ this]] ''Webcomic/EverydayHeroes'' is an extended evil lawyer joke, half of which is [[SelfDeprecation spoken by a lawyer]].
* ''Webcomic/ExterminatusNow'', [[http://exterminatusnow.comicgenesis.com/d/20070413.html as shown here.]] Apparently, the Inquisition lawyers are a snake, a vulture, and a hyena. A later comic mentions that they represent the law firm of [[TheLawFirmOfPunPunAndWordplay Carrion, Carrion and Diamondback]].
* ''Webcomic/{{Freefall}}'' has a few, such as [[http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff900/fv00840.htm this one.]]
* ''Webcomic/GetMedieval'' has a RunningGag along these lines:
-->See, I used to be a lawyer in Narbonne...
-->And then you decided you'd rather go to heaven?
-->Oh, I've NeverHeardThatOneBefore!
* ''Webcomic/ImpureBlood'' has the level two of the prison, for gladiators, murderers, thieves, rapists and lawyers.
* In the ''Webcomic/KevinAndKell'' universe, most--if not all--lawyers are, in fact, sharks, leading to frequent jokes... for example, when Herd Thinners Inc. is flooded (due to drooling resulting from having an injured rabbit on the premises), Angelique comments that it's not a total loss--now their legal staff can work on-site.
* One ''Webcomic/IrregularWebcomic'' strip contains this bit of dialogue:
-->'''[[OddJobGods The Death of Choking on a Giant Frog]]''': Oh... no, sir.
* ''Webcomic/{{Narbonic}}'': After [[spoiler:Mell]] falls from heavens: [[http://narbonic.com/comic/january-2-7-2006/ "Holy cheese, do they need lawyers up there!"]]
* Candy from ''Webcomic/{{Precocious}}'', enjoys making these jokes about herself, in her second appearance alone she claimed she works best [[http://www.precociouscomic.com/archive/comic/2012/04/26 without a soul]]. Another time her wife (who was smoking something hand-rolled) claimed that she [[http://www.precociouscomic.com/archive/copperroad/2013/06/12 breaks more laws daily than she does]].
* ''Webcomic/SchlockMercenary'' has an entire HiveMind of snake-like lawyers. There's a standing bounty on them so the crew kill them at every opportunity.
--> '''Narrator''': Okay, so they are all lawyers. Right now you are supposed to be feeling sorry for the heroic, human one...
** Best summarised during Massey's first appearance, when the Partnership Collective attempted to link him to their HiveMind.
-->'''Massey''': Ohhhh...it's full of stars.\\
'''Snake''': Must have pulled the wrong switch. [Amends this]\\
'''Massey''': AAAIEEE! It's full of ''lawyers!''
*** Note Massey himself is a lawyer who subverts any and all Evil Lawyer tropes; so much so that occasionally he has to use lawyer-speak when talking to his employer to hide the fact that ''moral concerns'' are the real reason he thinks the current plan is a bad idea.
** Or [[http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2000-08-16 this]]:
-->'''Tagon''': ...Attorneys do it all the time.
-->'''Breya''': Then it's probably ''unethical'' or ''immoral''.
* ''Webcomic/{{Sinfest}}'' has lawyers in hell... this is instantly {{lampshade|Hanging}}d [[http://www.sinfest.net/view.php?date=2009-07-23 by Slick.]]
-->'''Slick''': Well, ''this'' comes as no surprise.
* ''Webcomic/SluggyFreelance'' had various running gags involving lawyers in the early years that only rarely show up now.

[[folder:Web Original]]
* Used in ''Webcomic/AHDotComTheSeries'', "Heart of Steel", in a flashback--upon hearing that the new crewmember is a lawyer, the two American crewmembers are reflexively thrown into a psychotic rage.
* In ''{{Literature/Pact}}'', Blake is discussing summoning help.
-->'''Blake: '''Alright, sounds like a plan. Sounds like we’ve got some disturbing, soulless freaks of nature to summon. [[BaitAndSwitchComparison When we’ve done that, we can take a break and summon some ghosts.”]]
** Note that [[OccultLawFirm Mann, Levinn, and Lewis]], the lawyers in question, rival Wolfram and Hart in this regard.
* When Mack from ''Literature/TalesOfMU'' has to visit her lawyer, Lee Jenkins, in his office, and discovers the elevator warded against infernal entry, this comes into play in the form of a joke regarding how long a law firm could last if infernal beings weren't permitted to enter its offices.
* ''Inverted'' in ''Roleplay/InkCity'' when [[VideoGame/{{Portal2}} Cave Johnson]] meets [[Franchise/AceAttorney Edgeworth]] and automatically punches him upon hearing his profession. The whole reason ''he'' considers lawyers AcceptableTargets is because they try to regulate his MadScience, imposing unwanted ''morals'' and ''values'' upon his work.
* Literature/WhateleyUniverse has Jadis' lawyer, who works for a super-villain. In a minor subversion, he's basically helping the good guys, if only because Jadis tends to get wrongfully accused. A LOT!
* In ''Literature/TheSalvationWar'', God gets sued by the State of Louisiana because of the damage caused by Hurricane Katrina, since it was an "Act of God". Michael suggests taking them into court, but points out that most of the lawyers that are not alive are in Hell.
** Though this may be because [[GodIsEvil God closed the gates of heaven centuries ago]], before any kind of modern judicial system was set up.
* In Webvideo/{{The Blockbuster Buster}}'s honest review of ''Series/{{Angel}}'', he says that Angel's main antagonist was Wolfram & Hart, and evil law firm - "sorry if that sounds redundant."
* In ''Franchise/HomestarRunner'', "lawsuits" consist of little more than pelting the defendant with water balloons or snowballs, sometimes followed by a mugging.
* In ''20 Haunting Halloween Facts'' by WebVideo/MatthewSantoro, Matthew says, "There are people around the world that are 'vampires', who actually drink peoples' blood and claim to drain their life and take everything but their very life. These people are better known by their day name, 'lawyers'."
* In his review of ''Film/JurassicPark'', WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic is quick to make one of these when the ''TyrannosaurusRex'' kills and eats a lawyer.
-->'''NC:''' Mmm, lawyer! Tastes like deep-rooted insecurities and bitterness!
* One episode of WebOriginal/SocietyOfVirtue has a Galactus-like alien menacing earth. The heroes initially don't understand what it wants until Flaring Roach correctly deduces that it is a lawyer threatening to destroy earth for a copyright violation. Big Bang initially dismisses the idea saying that just because the alien is a HumanoidAbomination PlanetEater does not mean it's a lawyer, he then realizes that Flaring Roach is right.

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Daria}}''--Helen (an attorney) is often in the background talking to her boss about cases. At one point she says something to the effect of "No, no, absolutely not! It's unethical, it's immoral, it may well be illegal. I'll have no part of it. ''[pause]'' Okay, I'll do it."
** She's also cruel to her staff (which is, sadly, TruthInTelevision in too many real law offices); she once tells her assistant: "Look, our entire strategy depends on you analyzing those printouts before the weekend. ''I don't care if your mother's getting married!'' '''I don't care if your mother's getting executed!''' Do you understand?!"
* On one episode of ''WesternAnimation/{{Duckman}}'', there is a law firm called Manson, Dahmer, Gacy, and Bundy, all names of serial killers.
* ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'': Peter claims that he'd sell his soul to be famous. Cue a scene in Hell where Satan is pleased to hear that, only to learn that Peter's sold his soul twice already. Angry, he asks if anyone in Hell is a lawyer. Everyone raises their hands.
* ''WesternAnimation/JusticeLeague'', when a bunch of aliens are persecuting the Green Lantern:
-->'''The Flash''': "Don't you have any lawyers here?"
-->'''Alien Judge''': "We solved our lawyer problem a long time ago. However, you could speak for him if you wish. However, be warned: If you lose, you will share the same penalty as the accused."
-->'''The Flash''': "The same penalty? You mean... That's crazy!"
-->'''Alien Judge''': "No, that's how we solved our lawyer problem."
* ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''
** The family have hired Lionel Hutz to help them with one of their many lawsuits. For some reason, they've invited him over to dinner, where Bart says that he wants to be a lawyer when he grows up. Lionel responds with "Good for you, son. If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2VxpTMAbas Can you imagine a world without lawyers?"]] The scene shifts into his imagination, which shows a peaceful utopia where people of all colors and cultures are holding hands and singing. Fade back to Hutz, who shudders in horror at the thought.
** From the episode "My Mother the Carjacker"
--->''(Homer crashes into the police station)''\\
'''Chief Wiggum:''' All you destroyed were bricks, mortar, and attorneys!\\
'''Attorney:''' Remember me... as a drain on society!
** There's also an episode where the "Blue-Haired Lawyer"[[note]]who was confirmed by WordOfGod to be partially based on the much despised [=McCarthy=] era lawyer Roy Cohn[[/note]] is shown with hairy hands and really long, wolf-like claws.
** In the episode ''The Sweetest Apu'', Manjula, contemplating divorcing Apu, sees a divorce lawyer, who frequently [[EvilLaugh chuckles demonically]], cites the landmark case ''Lawyers vs. Justice'' and dances gleefully on the desk when she mentions they have eight children. When Manjula admits she still has feelings for her husband, the lawyer says, "When will [[NotQuiteHuman you humans]] learn that your '[[LackOfEmpathy feelings,]]' [[LackOfEmpathy as you call them]], can stand in the way of big cash payoffs?"
* In a ''WesternAnimation/{{Wunschpunsch}}'' episode where the [[MonsterOfTheWeek Curse Of The Week]] turns all people into animals, the heroes need to put them all on one ship to reverse it. They initially fail as the curse won't stop working--apparently someone is missing--until the ship starts sinking and a pair of sharks swim in--three guesses who those two people were.
* In ''WesternAnimation/HouseOfMouse'', Hades, the god of the Underworld, calls Goofy over because an item on the menu uses his name without his permission. Hades tells him "A word to the wise, I have all the lawyers." [[note]] He technically has ''everyone'', god of the dead and all. [[/note]]
* In "[[WesternAnimation/TheFairlyOddParents Timmy's Secret Wish]]", Timmy was brought to Fairy Court on charges of being the worst godkid ever and Foop was the prosecutor. Foop explained that he became a lawyer to be evil enough to defeat Poof.
** Timmy originally outsmarted [[JackassGenie Norm The Genie]] by realizing he needed "someone as dishonest and devious" as him. So he wishes for a lawyer that helps him get Norm to undo the previous wishes.
* ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}'' has this exchange. Note that the lawyer in question was the only person who fought for Zoidberg and believed he didn't do anything wrong when he ate an Earth flag on Freedom Day--even the ''president of the ACLU'' thought Zoidberg should have been executed.
-->'''Dr. Zoidberg:''' Ambassador Moivyn, you killed my lawyer!
-->'''Moivyn:''' You're welcome!
* [[Disney/{{Hercules}} Disney's Hercules TV Series]]: A monster is terrorizing Athens and Zeus arrives to stop him and they have this exchange:
-->'''Zeus''': Put down those innocent Athenians!
-->'''Monster''': Innocent? They're ''lawyers''.
-->'''Zeus''': Well...Put them down anyways. You know they give you gas.
* In the two-part ''WesternAnimation/EvilConCarne'' episode "Devolver", General Skarr is seen devolving into lower life forms. After he turns into a smelly skunk, he turns into a lawyer.
* In ''WesternAnimation/TheAmazingWorldOfGumball'' episode "The Internet", Gumball says that everything except for jellyfish, zombies, and lawyers have beating hearts.
* Chadzmuth, an AmoralAttorney in ''WesternAnimation/Ben10Omniverse'', exhibits proud SelfDeprecation about his chosen career.
-->'''Ben:''' You know, it's sleazebags like you that give lawyers a bad name.
-->'''Chadzmuth:''' Young man, lawyers have ''always'' had a bad name.
* ''WesternAnimation/TheGrimAdventuresOfBillyAndMandy'' used this joke in "Grim or Gregory?", where Mandy went as a lawyer for Halloween, complete with monster gloves for "rending human flesh".

[[folder:Real Life]]
* Sea Shepherd, of ''Series/WhaleWars'' fame, had to rename one of their ships, which was previously named "[[Franchise/{{Godzilla}} Gojira]]". As they put it, "It’s a great name... BUT the only thing scarier than Godzilla itself is Godzilla’s lawyers."
** It probably doesn't help that Godzilla is the intellectual property of a Japanese company... and that Japan is one of the nations most frequently criticized by environmentalists for whaling. In fact, the moniker was chosen specifically so it (in addition to the fearsome appearance of the ship) would have an impact on Japanese whalers.
* You wanna bet [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bela_G._Lugosi Bela Lugosi, Jr.]] has heard every bloodsucking lawyer joke ever?
* There's a pub located in Canada called "The Honest Lawyer", with the word lawyer having a pitchfork for the W and the Y having a spaded tail.
* The crew of ''Film/{{Jaws}}'' [[ProductionNickname named]] the mechanical shark "Bruce" after Spielberg's lawyer Bruce Raimer.
* The word for 'lawyer' in each of the Romance languages is pretty similar to "avocado": avocat (French), avvocato (Italian), abogado (Spanish), etc. Hilarity ensues when translating a guacamole recipe in one of these languages into English using computer software--you may end up being instructed to chop up three lawyers and then put them in a blender.
* Even the law profession is not immune to this. On exams, the hypothetical legal firm is usually TheLawFirmOfPunPunAndWordplay. Most famously, the firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe ("do we cheat 'em? And how!")
** That's also the name of the firm that allegedly has [[Radio/CarTalk Click and Clack]] as clients (their counsel is Hugh Louis Dewey, also known as [[WesternAnimation/DonaldDuck Huey Louie Dewey]]). It's also (really!) the name of ''Radio/CarTalk'''s production company.
** Another made-up name, especially in Britain, is ''PrivateEye'''s Sue, Grabbit, and Runne.
*** A third one is Chatham, Cheatham and Runne. If you ask to meet a senior partner, you will inevitably be told:
--> Mr. Chatham is in Cheatham, Mr. Cheatham is in Chatham and Mr. Runne has gone for a walk.
** Referenced by Creator/RobinWilliams in his 2009 stand-up special ''Weapons of Self-Destruction'', when doing a bit on the Bernie Madoff incident:
-->'''Robin Williams:''' An embezzler named "Madoff". Hmmm... was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?
* A prominent firm of libel lawyers in Great Britain who are renowned for their tenacity in pursuing cases--and fees--are called Carter-Ruck. ''PrivateEye'', a magazine often stung by them, renamed them ''Carter-Fuck''. The alternative title has taken off, much to their annoyance.
* Bernard Cornwell named two antagonists in the ''{{Sharpe}}''-series, Lieutenants Berry and Gibbons, both of whom were malicious, sadistic and dumb as rocks, after his first wife's divorce attorneys.
* So fun fact: in the 19th century one of the then-current Emperors of Austria basically said "you know what? Everyone hates lawyers, they make our lives miserable, let's just get rid of them!", and so having a lawyer and suing people was outlawed. He overturned that decision within a year when the murder rate had risen ''400%''. Turns out that when you can't take legal action against a person for a grievance, it's suddenly a lot easier to want to kill them.
* Embraced by the Dutch law firm that adopted the vultures in Artis, the zoo of Amsterdam.
* In Scots Law law students hoping to "call to the bar" (become advocates (specialist court litigators)) must undertake additional training under senior advocates. This is called a devilingship and the student referred to as an "Advocate's Devil"