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[[caption-width-right:300:The book that some men are certain every woman reads.]]

->''"Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY."''
-->-- From [[http://depts.washington.edu/psy210/1894.html this]] wedding night guide; it's a joke, although even ''{{Website/Snopes}}'' doesn't [[http://www.snopes.com/weddings/newlywed/advice.asp know where it originated.]]

In some parts of Fictionland, sex is something women just give to men to shut them up for a while. But women don't ''enjoy'' sex, and they definitely don't desire it. The only reason a fictional woman should ever want sex is if she wants to get [[BabiesMakeEverythingBetter pregnant]]. Similarly, if the story involves a teenager who resists having sex and prefers to wait until marriage, or just decides that now isn't the right time, you can bet money that the character will be female, and that her decision to say no will be seen as a moral victory rather than a personal choice. And many times, it is clearly implied that a desirable woman ''[[MyGirlIsNotASlut shouldn't]]'' [[MadonnaWhoreComplex want sex in any way, shape or form]] if she wants to be respected.

Many modern folk believe this to be OlderThanFeudalism. However, it's actually a CyclicTrope. The humor in ''Theatre/{{Lysistrata}}'' in its own time, for example, came from the trope that AllWomenAreLustful and therefore would be incapable of [[LysistrataGambit withholding sex from men]]. The common belief that a woman needs to have an orgasm to get pregnant (putting "pleasing your wife" high on the list of a man's priorities) also precedes this trope. Both this trope ''and'' its inversion, AllWomenAreLustful, can be invoked to support claims for MarsAndVenusGenderContrast. This is also part of the reasoning behind AManIsAlwaysEager.

The corollary to this {{trope}} is that AllMenArePerverts: see also HandsomeLech, and ImAManICantHelpIt.

Contrast AllWomenAreLustful and CoyGirlishFlirtPose, the other side of the cycle that is slowly becoming more prominent in fiction.

Compare and contrast with MyGirlIsASlut, BeAWhoreToGetYourMan, and GoodBadGirl, all of which address women's sexuality on the opposite of the spectrum. Also compare & contrast SourPrudes and VirginShaming.



[[folder:Anime & Manga]]
* In a [[GenderFlip gender flipped]] example, The stereotypical trait of the {{uke}} in many, many {{yaoi|Genre}} manga/anime is this reluctance to have sex.
* {{Subverted}} by ''LightNovel/BakaAndTestSummonTheBeasts''. Several of the girls (most notably [[{{Tsundere}} Minami]], [[SugarAndIcePersonality Shouko]] and [[CoolBigSis Akira]]) appear to dislike any sexual attitude from the guys, but [[SubvertedTrope actually]] [[AllWomenAreLustful they're rather perverted themselves]] and just very very jealous and possessive of their guys.
* Not stated, but [[DownplayedTrope implied]] in ''Manga/{{Claymore}}'', where the release of Yoma powers replaces lust, which explains [[AllMenArePerverts why none of the men are Claymores]].
* Few [[{{Hentai}} H-Doujinshi]] (since most [[AllWomenAreLustful depict]] [[ExaggeratedTrope the opposite]]) seem to have this as the default. Finding one where the girl seems to be enjoying sex is difficult.

* Subverted and lampshaded in the ''WebAnimation/{{RWBY}}'' fic ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10745563/1/OTP-Addiction OTP Addiction]]''. Jaune hesitantly tells Pyrrha that her outfit shows cleavage, apparently expecting her to be upset. He's shocked when Pyrrha asks if he [[MaleGaze enjoyed the view]].
* Part of the premise of Franchise/{{Pokemon}} fanfic ''Fanfic/OlivineRomance''- Jasmine abhors all notions of sexuality and romance, actively condemning all males as nothing more than lust-crazed animals. Her sexually-progressive friends get fed up with her attitude and devise ways to break her of her prudishness. It's only later in the plot when they think to ask the important question as to ''why'' Jasmine is this way.

* Sets off the plot of the film ''Film/{{Extract}}'', [[spoiler: then inverted when the wife was entirely willing to have a great deal of sex with the pool boy.]] Lack of sex in the marriage was really the symptom of deeper problems.
* PlayedWith in, of all things, ''Film/{{Hobgoblins}}'' with the hero's girlfriend, seemingly a living example of this trope until the wish-granting beasties of the title reveal that [[MyGirlIsASlut his girl is an aspiring slut.]].
-->''Crow'': "So, Mike, I learned from today's movie that Daphne was a slut, and Amy wasn't fun until she ''became'' a slut."
-->''Mike'': "Well, that's the fun message of today's movie."
* In ''Film/IThinkILoveMyWife'', this trope is a problem in Richard and Brenda's marriage. Richard complains of Brenda not wanting to have sex with him unless it's for having a baby.
* PlayedStraight in the film ''Film/{{Mr and Mrs Smith|1941}}'', where a married couple find out their marriage is invalid, and so the former wife is astonished that her husband thinks they still can have sex.
* The 1961 film ''Film/SplendorInTheGrass'' (set in 1928), is a {{Deconstruction}} of this trope. When teenager Deanie asks her mother if she ever felt "that way" about her husband, she explains that that no nice girl has sexual desires, and she never enjoyed sex with her him: "I just gave in because a wife has to. A woman doesn't enjoy those things the way a man does. She just lets her husband come near her in order to have children." The rest of the movie deals with [[SexIsEvil sexual liberation]], and ends on quite a [[BittersweetEnding bittersweet note]].

* Averted in ''Literature/ABrothersPrice'': Women talk openly about sex, and many women are seen chasing after men they desire. Both sexes are expected to remain chaste until marriage, because of STD risk, but it's clear that most people like sex very much.(And others are just not interested in it.)
* In ''Literature/DragonBones'' the culture is a patriarchal one that implicitly ''expects'' women to be prudes, but the female protagonists do not live up to this expectation. Ward recalls having been unexpectedly popular with the ladies, despite his ObfuscatingStupidity, and he's very certain that their purpose was ''not'' marriage, but that they desired his body. Women who don't enjoy sex with their husbands are unhappily married rather than prudish.
* {{Inverted}} in Literature/{{Kazohinia}}, where the MainCharacter approaches a Hin woman expecting this and trying to act all sensitive. The woman's reaction? Asking him is he's "interested in providing her with sexual service". She even remarks that woman from the main character's homeland must be very unfortunate if all they get is 'romance' when they ask a man to satisfy them. TheHero even takes note of how indecent Hin women can sometimes act.
* In ''Literature/{{The Guardians|MeljeanBrook}}'', this is the opinion of 18th century Henry Grey, Alice's first husband. When Alice expressed dissatisfaction with their love life, he scolded her and blamed her parents for letting her learn ideas beneath her station.
* In Creator/StephenKing's ''Literature/TheTommyknockers'', Becka Paulson is actually relieved when her husband starts an affair and doesn't have sex with her anymore. To her, sex was "just as her mother had told her it would be, nasty, brutish, sometimes painful, always humiliating".
* Played with in ''How Few Remain'', the first book in the ''Literature/{{Timeline 191}}'' series by Harry Turtledove. During the [[FetishRetardant much maligned]] Samuel Clemens sex scene, he reflects to himself that his wife seems to genuinely enjoy sex, despite everything he's been told to the contrary. He doesn't go so far as to actually ask her opinion of sex, however.
* This trope is {{invoked|Trope}} by the Party in ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour''. Goldstein's book specifies that the Party ideal is that sex should only be carried out for purposes of procreation, and that in the course of the act there should be no pleasure on the part of the woman. They would ideally prefer if men didn't enjoy it either ([[spoiler:O'Brien]] at one point proclaims that the Party's neurosurgeons are currently working on abolishing the orgasm), but at that point an ejaculation is a necessity for procreation.
* ''Literature/{{Discworld}}''
** Played straight with Granny Weatherwax. When told that "everyone is naked under their underwear", she replies that she is not, she wears a second layer of underwear. She doesn't just act like it, Granny ''is'' able to tame unicorns ("Granny" is an honorary title-she is not actually anyone's grandmother). She is also scandalized when Magrat wears trousers: "You can see her legs!" Despite her disapproval of nakedness and sex in general, she is not prone to punishing other women for it; as a witch, she has to act as midwife, and will ''not'' let women die in childbirth. It is also implied that she does know a lot about how sex works in theory-she knows about herbal aphrodisiacs and the like. The only instances where she scolds other women for acting indecently are with her fellow witches Nanny and Magrat.
** Subverted in ''Discworld/MenAtArms'' and other books following the Watch; Angua likes sex, engages in sex early in a relationship or sometimes in outright casual sex (being a werewolf, relationships rarely last more than a month for her), and at the same time doesn't use sex to string men along or manipulate them. The women of the Disc in general are hardly prudish; [[CoolOldlady Nanny Ogg is a prominent example.]]
* Allen Sherman (yes, the "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" guy) wrote a book called ''The Rape of the A*P*E*'' in which he claims that women are less obsessed with sex than men because any woman, no matter how ugly she is, knows that if she wants to she can have sex tonight. Men, in contrast, wake up in the morning thinking "I don't know if I can have sex tonight. In fact, I don't know if I will have sex this week, my God, ''I may never have sex again!''".
** Which creates a chicken-or-the-egg scenario: women aren't obsessed with sex because men are obsessed with sex so women can get sex whenever they want. Men are obsessed with sex because women aren't obsessed with sex so men don't know whether or not they'll ever have sex again.
* Creator/VCAndrews' heroines are made of this trope. Somewhat justified in that they're usually the victims of rather horrendous rape and incest, and even normal sex is usually punished in some terrible way.
* The protagonist's female friend Honey in Creator/LurleneMcDaniel's ''Prey'' comes off as this, chastising their attractive female teacher for not covering herself more, and tells the protagonist she doesn't approve of him having sex with anyone. Part of this may come from [[GreenEyedMonster Honey having feeling for Ryan]] and [[EntitledToHaveYou being upset that he doesn't return them]].

[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
* ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'':
** Dr. Kelso uses everyone's belief in this trope as part of a ruse involving the one night of the year his wife lets him sleep with her. [[spoiler:His wife has nothing to do with it.]]
** Carla points out that one of the advantages of getting married is that she won't have to have sex anymore unless she wants to. The implication being, of course, that women use sex to get a man to marry her and buy her things. Carla will also deny Turk sex if Elliot asks her to. She doesn't even need a reason, just "No sex for Turk tonight!"
** Inverted in one episode with Jordan's visiting friend, who gets shaky if she doesn't have sex every few days. And averted with Jordan herself.
* Frequently used on the American version of ''Series/MenBehavingBadly'' to drive various plotlines.
* ''Series/{{Frasier}}'''s famous line, "How can [men] possibly [[LysistrataGambit use sex to]] [[SexForServices get what we want]]? Sex ''is'' what we want!" ...implying that it isn't what women want. Or, in a more nuanced view, that women can want many things, but [[AllMenArePerverts sex is all that men want]].
* Averted in the BBC show ''Series/{{Chef}}'' where Janice is very interested in sex and the fact that Gareth is usually too tired is a sore point in their marriage.
* ''Series/MarriedWithChildren'':
** Inverted. Peg wants to have sex a whole lot more than Al does, while StrawFeminist Marcy is shown to have a definite and ongoing interest in it as well.
** Subverted in the episode "Raingirl", where Peggy gives this speech to Kelly:
-->Kelly, maybe it's time we had a little talk. You're getting to be a big girl now, and there's something I've been putting off telling you for a while. But time is slipping by quickly, and I don't want you to learn about it on the street. Honey, there is a thing out there that men will want you to do. In fact, they'll expect it. Now, no woman really enjoys it, but we do it, get them to marry us, and then never have to do it again. That horrible thing is called "work".
* ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}'':
** The main characters engage in a bet to see who can go the longest without ... ''[[ADateWithRosiePalms pleasuring]]'' themselves. While Jerry, George, and Kramer each bet $100, they insist that Elaine put down $150, since, as a woman, the odds are in her favor.
-->'''Jerry:''' It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man. We ''have'' to do it; it's part of our lifestyle. It's like shaving.
-->'''Elaine:''' Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.
-->'''Kramer:''' Not everyday!
** Played straight by Marla the Virgin, who broke up with Jerry after he told her about the contest. That is, until she met John F. Kennedy, Jr.
** Taken even further in another episode where she makes ''another'' bet with Jerry that she could break up with Puddy. Cue the montage of her paying Jerry over and over again after making up with Puddy. And by make up I mean 'make up sex'. That's the reason she couldn't stay away, the sex was too good.
** Then there was another episode where Jerry tried to perform the "roommate switch" (dumping the girl he was with and dating her roommate). The entire plan hinged on the girl he was dating getting disgusted at the idea of [[ThreeWaySex a "ménage-à-trois"]], while the roommate is flattered by her proposed inclusion and decides to go out with him. Instead, both girls are into the idea and [[InvertedTrope Jerry decided not to do it]] because he's "not an orgy guy".
** The proposal of a "ménage-à-trois" returns in a later episode. George is uncomfortable with his new girlfriend having a male roommate (that looks a lot like him to boot) and gets his girlfriend to make him move out. When it turns out that all of the apartment's velvet furniture that George loved belonged to the roommate, he attempts to get out of the relationship by proposing a three-way, hoping to disgust her. Not only are the girl and the roommate both into the idea, they had already been discussing it beforehand!
* Debra's disinterest in sex with Ray is such a RunningGag in ''Series/EverybodyLovesRaymond'', it's a wonder the two ever had kids at all. How adverse is she? Her biggest turn-on in the show was when Ray said ''he'' didn't want to have sex. This seems to be the most common variation, where women will only use sex to get a man to marry her and then later have kids.
* ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'':
** Averted in a funny way , the men are in a tailor's when Marshall urges Ted not to attempt a LongDistanceRelationship with Victoria, saying "long distance was invented by women. All talking and no sex? Kill me now". In a scene which is shown later but took place around the same time, Lily (Marshall's fiance) urges Victoria not to attempt a long distance relationship with Ted, saying "all talking and no sex? Kill me now". Lily has also been shown in other episodes to have a fairly high sex drive.
** And then it and the DoubleStandard counterpart AManIsAlwaysEager are played straight when Stella, justifying her five-year streak of celibacy, says seriously "Men regret the women they don't sleep with. Women regret the men they do." Granted, she may have been referring to the fact that her last sexual partner left her with a daughter, which clearly affects her life a lot more than it affected his.
* An episode of ''Series/YesDear'' had the woman who was supposed to babysit the kids on Valentine's Day cancel because she had a date. Kim is on the phone asking her to reconsider, saying that "Guys are only after [[AllMenArePerverts one thing]], and as soon as he finds out you're not going to give it to him, he'll move on." Combines with ContractualPurity when the babysitter admits to having ''already'' given it to him. Kim immediately hangs up and says she doesn't want her around their children anymore.
* PlayedForLaughs in the ''Series/{{House}}'' episode "Open and Shut".
-->'''[[BiTheWay Thirteen]]:''' A woman who likes sex must be sick?\\
'''House:''' Just because everybody in this room wishes that all women were horny all the time, doesn't make it so.
* An interesting inversion in Series/TheBigBangTheory: Amy seems deeply interested in sex, but is dating [[{{Asexual}} Sheldon]], who is himself a inversion of [[AllMenArePerverts the opposite trope]]. Amy did play it straight when she first appeared on the show, however.
* A split-screen conversation between Eric/Hyde and Donna/Jackie in ''Series/That70sShow'', about Eric and Donna having cut each other off from sex:
-->'''Hyde''': Secretly, I think women love sex just as much as we do.
-->'''Eric''': Yeah, right!
-->'''Jackie''' (to '''Donna'''): If men find out we love sex just as much as they do, we'll never get jewelry again!
** In the end that episode showed both Donna and Eric were equally interested in sex, though Donna was able to hold out a microsecond longer.
* Liz Lemon of ''Series/ThirtyRock'' started off as disinterested in sex and this was later {{Flanderized}} into an ParalyzingFearOfSexuality. Subverted, in that her attitude is portrayed as being unusual and part of her geekiness. The season-five episode "Reaganing" provides a FreudianExcuse for her fear of sex.
* Discussed in the ''Series/AllInTheFamily'' episode "The Joys of Sex". Edith tells Archie that before they got married, her mother told her that there'll be one thing about marriage she won't like, but it's the wife's duty. Edith assumed [[InnocentInaccurate it was doing the laundry.]] Later, she figured out her mother meant sex, which Edith actually enjoyed, but couldn't admit this to her mother.
* Similarly on ''Series/DrQuinnMedicineWoman''. After Mike and Sully have married, she and the other women are attending their weekly quilting circle. Mike mentions that her own mother had given her the "wifely duty" talk and that even though she initially felt the same, she now finds marriage very "agreeable". At which point, all the other women cheerfully concur, thus averting this trope, despite their apparently prudish appearances.
** In that same episode, even though it's now been well established that she enjoys sex, Mike is still very shy, almost to the point of embarrassment about making advances to Sully--"I was always taught that a woman shouldn't ask." Sully assures her that he doesn't think less of her for it.
* On Creator/MargaretCho's short-lived sitcom ''All-American Girl'', her teenage character was written to ''always'' turn down sex from her love interests, even though the show is based on Cho's real life and she has stated that she personally would have said yes in many of the scenes where her character said no. This was one of her biggest gripes with the producers, since she is a proud EthicalSlut who has always advocated for healthy sexual practices and reproductive choice.
* Series/LittleMosqueOnThePrairie played a LysistrataGambit that averted this. Sarah banishes Yasir from the bedroom and they both become frustrated and distracted.

* Averted in "Hold Me" by K.T. Oslin: "Don't kiss me like we're married. Kiss me like we're lovers".

[[folder:Stand-Up Comedy]]
* A very common topic in comedy, to the point where a comedian or comedienne who denies it will usually be working blue.
* In a stand-up routine, Bill Engvall says that women can go without sex "like a camel", much to the frustration of their lovers. Of course, he also says that they don't necessarily ''like'' to do that, and could just as easily be referring to a LysistrataGambit.
* Creator/ChrisRock's stand-up routine claims that women can easily turn down sex because they've been offered it by pretty much [[AllMenArePerverts every male in their life]], implicitly or explicitly, since they were thirteen, on a constant basis.
-->"It's easy for you to say no! You know why? Every woman in here, ever since you was THIRTEEN, every guy you ever met's been trying to fuck ya!"
-->"Can I get that for you? How about some dick? Do ya need some dick??"
-->"Nobody offers us ''shit''! [[MenActWomenAre We have to fend for ourselves]]! We can't believe it when we get an offer! We're like, ''Damn! It's my lucky day!''"
* ''Creator/LouisCK'' in ''Live at the Beacon Theater'' says that the reason for both this trope and AllMenArePerverts is because women are great at sex while men are terrible at it.
--> "Why don't they just want to fuck all the time? I do!" Of course you do! Because when you fuck, you get to fuck a ''woman''! When she fucks, she has to fuck a '''''guy'''''!

* ''Webcomic/SaturdayMorningBreakfastCereal'': InAWorld where [[EnforcedTrope tropes are enforced]], [[http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1818 this one really sucks.]]
* ''Webcomic/ASofterWorld'': See [[http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=558 this strip]].
* Parodied in [[http://www.stickydillybuns.com/strips-sdb/meow_like_a_kitty this]] ''Webcomic/StickyDillyBuns'' strip. Ruby, who ''is'' a prude (having a pretty good FreudianExcuse for the fact), really wants to believe that most women are the same, aside from her ex-porn star sister Amber. However, not only does she think that cats also mostly avoid sex (which would be news to a lot of cat owners), she keeps involuntarily imagining cute guys making out, which rather calls into question even her own prudishness.

[[folder:Western Animation]]
* Clay teaches this trope to Orel by in "The Blessed Union" episode of ''WesternAnimation/MoralOrel'' when after Clay catches him leaving the sex shop. Clay tells Orel that women don't need fancy bells and whistles like genital piercings in order to be happy. He continues by saying that Bloberta doesn't care one lick about the sex part of their relationship. Clay then tells Orel that the reason why women are smarter than men is that they found the simple way to be happy is by cooking, cleaning and bearing children and not by having sex.
* ''TheSimpsons'': While otherwise HappilyMarried, this trope is an ongoing tension in Apu and Manjula's marriage. Apu clearly enjoys sex much more than his wife, who only voluntarily does it when they're trying to get pregnant. The rest of the time, she's very reluctant, if not outright refuses. This becomes a major plot point in an episode where [[spoiler:Apu's sexual frustration drives him to have an affair]].
-->'''Manjula:''' (''upon learning the pregnancy test is negative'') All that sex for nothing!\\
'''Apu:''' (''reluctantly'') Y-yeaaah...