On the day of her high school graduation, Buffy discovers that she has a Text Parser in her head, constantly narrating her life in the second person. At first Buffy doesn't mind - as a retro gamer, she's familiar with parsers, and this one offers her advice, guides her through complicated actions initiated by simple commands, and even lets her erase her mistakes. But the parser won't go away even when she becomes sick of it, and soon her life starts to crumble.
Post-High School Reality Quest contains examples of:
- 20 Minutes into the Past: Set during Buffy's freshman year of college, in 2009 and 2010.
- Abandoned Area: There's an area of town that used to be full of businesses, but became largely deserted when Buffy was in middle school after the new town center was built closer to the highway. Now her mom avoids the area because it isn't safe. At the end of the book, Buffy goes to the abandoned arcade across the street from the abandoned nail salon her mom used to visit in the hopes that going there might help her get rid of the parser.
- Bridal Carry: While drunk at a frat party, Buffy tries to text her boyfriend Tristan, but accidentally texts Merrill instead. He shows up, carries her to the car, and drives her back to her dorm.
- Cat Scare: While Buffy is in the abandoned arcade, she hears scratching at the door. Thinking it's a criminal, she picks up a metal rod and creeps closer to the door. Then she hears a meow. Even after the cat stops scratching and leaves, she keeps gripping the metal rod.
- Character Tics: Buffy's high school frenemy Sephora repeatedly tucks her hair behind her ears, which Buffy thinks is a mannerism calculated to attract boys.
- Constantly Changing Name: Sephora has spent the last four years changing her name every time she gets a new boyfriend. She was previously known as Angelica, Octavia, Lynn, and Marie. Buffy doesn't even know her real name, and is shocked when she starts dating Tristan and doesn't change her name.
- Dating Service Disaster: On a dating site, Buffy meets a boy who goes by TheDisasterRoom. He seems nice, even sending her photos of chocolates and roses. When they meet in person, she learns that he's an otherkin who identifies as a ferret and was attracted to her because, due to a misunderstanding, he thought she identified as a narwhal. Once they realize the mistake, they break up two minutes into their first date.
- Daydream Surprise: In the chapter "Graduation: May 12, 2009", in the bathroom, the parser doesn't let Buffy actually do something:> Wrestle Sephora to the ground
You wrestle the lipstick from her hands and scream “You whore!” and write mean things on the mirror. Then you stuff her head in the toilet and prevent this horrible story from actually happening.
And by that, you only daydream of wrestling Sephora to the ground. - Death Is a Slap on the Wrist: Buffy has a handful of save slots that she can restore to if she dies. Restoring is so easy that she often commits suicide in order to undo bad decisions.
- Dedication: "For Vince, and all those walks and pep talks that kept me writing."
- Exiled to the Couch: A platonic example. Alice is mad at Buffy for supposedly having sex with Jeremy, the guy she likes, even though nothing actually happened between them. Late at night Buffy hears Alice crying and asks what's wrong, but Alice gets so mad at her that she moves to the lobby and sleeps uncomfortably on the loveseat. At 3 AM, Aquitane stumbles into the lobby, having been exiled by Alice as well.
- First Kiss: Buffy has hers with Merrill, a childhood friend she's not attracted to, leading to a relationship that lasts all of two weeks. When it's over, she notes that she can at least say she's been on a date now.
- Goodbye, Cruel World!: Tristan always expected to be the next Einstein or Steve Jobs. But in college, he finds himself struggling more than he expected. Then Merrill punches him in the chest, which due to his Marfan syndrome puts him in the hospital, causing him to miss so much school that he's guaranteed to fail at least two of his classes, which means the best grad schools won't want him. Thinking his future is over, he texts Buffy, telling her to bring all his friends over, and then hangs himself. His note says, "Thought I'd have one last reunion of the whole group. Haha. Thanks, Buffy - I knew you could get everyone to come together. And thanks, Merrill, for helping me realize I really can't be anything extraordinary. Saved me a lot of time and frustration."
- Poster-Gallery Bedroom: Buffy's college roommates, Aquitane and Alice, have covered their walls with Taylor Swift posters in an effort to hide the peeling paint.
- Self-Harm: Sephora has bulimia. Once she develops massive food cravings, eats a huge meal and then pukes it all up, and is so frustrated with herself for eating so much that she cuts. She does a bad job of hiding the injury, so her mom takes her to the hospital. The doctors there are more concerned about her weight than they are about the self-harm.
- Shout-Out: Tristan's favorite shirt is an xkcd T-shirt.
- Signature Scent: Merrill smells like his mom's cigarettes and crocheted dolls. If Buffy spends too much time at his house, she starts smelling that way too.
- Surprise Party: On Buffy's birthday, Chase texts her, saying his car flipped over, he's on his way to the hospital, and he needs her to go to Merrill's house to help him with the car. When she arrives, she finds Chase, Merrill, Tristan, Sephora, and a cake that says "Happy birthday, Buffy!" in binary. The others are surprised by how concerned Buffy was over Chase's fake accident.
- Their First Time: Buffy has sex with Tristan against the advice of the parser.
- This Is Reality: At a frat party, Buffy commands the parser, "Make it happen like in the movies." She clarifies that she wants someone to come out of nowhere and talk to her so they can become great friends, as happens all the time in movies and TV. The parser replies, "I hate to break it to you, Buffy, but this isn't a TV show or a movie."
