* The Johnnycab scene:
-->'''Johnnycab''': Please state the street and number.
-->'''Quaid''': Drive! drive!
-->'''Johnnycab''': I'm not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
-->'''Quaid''': Anywhere just go! Go!
-->'''Johnnycab''': I'm not familiar with that address. Would you please repeat the destination?
-->'''Quaid''': Shit! shit!
-->'''Johnnycab''': I'm not familiar with the address. Would you please repeat the destination?
-->'''Quaid''': [Quaid rips the Johnnycab out and starts to drive himself] Aaahhh!
** In an earlier scene:
-->'''Quaid:''' ''(confused)'' Where am I?\\
'''Johnnycab:''' You're in a Johnnycab.\\
'''Quaid:''' How did I get in here?\\
'''Johnnycab:''' I'm sorry. Would you please rephrase the question?\\
'''Quaid:''' How did I get in this taxi?\\
'''Johnnycab:''' The door opened, you got in. ''(rolls his eyes)'' Hell of a day, isn't it?
** "Quit while you're ahead."
* Beeeny!! [[ThisIsADrill SHKLEEEEW EWE!!]]
* "Hahahahaha! [[{{Hologram}} You think this is the real Quaid?]] [[OhCrap It is!]]"
* Ahnold's animatronic "big lady" disguise fails him, so he pulls off the fake head and throws to a guard coming for him:
-->'''Quaid:''' Here. Catch.\\
[A surprised security guard catches the head]\\
'''Disembodied Fake Head:''' Get ready for a surpriiise!
-->'''[[StuffBlowingUp BOOM!]]'''
** '''''[[ChewingTheScenery "TWWOOOOO WEEEEEEEEKS!!"]]'''''
* After a door gets shut, causing Richter to lose Quaid, this happens.
-->'''Richter''': Open the goddamn door!
-->'''Everett''': I can't.
-->'''Richter''': [grabs him] OPEN IT!
-->'''Everett''': [pushes him off] THEY'RE ALL CONNECTED!\\
[They both then just awkwardly stand and look at each other for a moment]
* "In 30 seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for cornflakes."
* This little exchange:
-->'''Richter''': I want that fucker dead!
-->'''Helm''': I don't blame you, man. I wouldn't want a guy like Quaid porkin' my old lady.
-->'''Richter''': You saying she liked it?
-->'''Helm''': Uh... no... I'm sure she hated every minute of it.
* "They were going to kill me! BUT I KILLED DEM!"
* "[[CaptainObvious You are not you. You're me.]]" "...No shit."
** "Just shove real hard."
* Lori's death scene:
-->'''Lori:''' Doug, honey... you wouldn't hurt me, would you, sweetheart? Sweetheart, be reasonable. After all, we're married! ''[Lori goes for her gun, Quaid shoots her through the head]''
-->'''Douglas Quaid:''' [[BondOneLiner Consider that a divorce]].
-->''[Melina gets up]''
-->'''Melina:''' That was your wife? ''[Quaid nods]'' What a bitch!
* [[IronicEcho "See you at da party, Richta!"]]
** [[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic "We'll have a farewell to arms!"]]