Funny / The Demon's Lexicon

  • From The Demon's Lexicon when Jamie walks into the kitchen while Nick and Alan are arguing. He unsuccessfully tries to cover up the awkward silence:
    Jamie: Oh look, coffee. Excellent.
    Alan: You don't like coffee, Jamie.
    Jamie: It was just a random burst of enthusiasm for - the general concept of coffee.
  • "Thanks. I grew them myself."
  • Monkey chef, anyone?
    Nick: You're raving. I know that's the only way Jamie communicates with people but I expected better of you, Mavis.
    Mae: We're cutting out the whole Mavis thing right now, Nick.
  • Nick attacks Mae accidentally when she came to wake up Jamie:
    Mae: (to Jamie) You'll never guess what just happened.
    Jamie: I bet I will. I got up in the night to go to the bathroom.
    Nick: I get edgy in strange places.
    Jamie: In your sleep?
    Nick: You'd thank me if we were attacked by magicians in the night.
  • This conversation between Mae and Seb from The Demon's Covenant:
    Seb: You okay? I mean, is there anything I can do about you obviously not being okay?
    Mae: Not really.
    Seb: Would it help if I stood around uselessly, not knowing what to say?
  • Midway through The Demon's Covenant when Mae impulsively kisses Nick and he freezes up on her
    Mae's first impulse was to die of shame, but she realized after a hot, stomach-clenching moment that this was probably impractical.
    • Mae tries to apologize and the result is even more awkwardness:
      She paused and knew for a sinking moment that Nick wasn't going to respond, and she could think of absolutely nothing to say, and the best she could hope for was that he would just leave in total silence so she could work on her dying-of-shame plan.
  • Towards the end of The Demon's Covenant, Mae and Sin are discussing their plan to trap the magicians, and Mae is nonplussed when Sin mentions archers. "She wondered if this was a secret second stage to their plan. Step one: Defeat evil. Step two: Enact Robin Hood play."
  • When Seb suddenly kisses Jamie on the mouth after a night with the Magician Circle
    Seb: It was horrible. I hated it.
    Jamie: Look, I was caught off guard!
  • Mae finds an effective way to get Nick's attention:
    Mae: Oh God, Alan's down. Alan's down- I can't see him. I think he could be-
    Nick: What? {immediately gets up) Where's Alan?
    Mae: Oh, Alan's fine. I was lying so you'd get up. Sorry about that.
  • Mae, in The Demon's Covenant after hurriedly scrambling out of bed and into her clothes one morning:
    The mirrored door covered in her stickers presented her with a wild-eyed girl whose pink hair looked like a rosebush gone rogue.
  • Pretty much every word out of Jamie's mouth. Especially when he's drunk.
    Drunk Jamie: I love you Mae! Your hair is the color of flamingos! And I love Nick as well! Sometimes when you are not being psychotic, you are quite funny.
  • The author's bonus short story, "Nick and Jamie go to the Movies," is pretty much a nonstop Crowning Momentof Funny. Highlights include knife-throwing practice, Jamie's literary interpretation of Pride and Prejudice, and the titular trip to the movies.
    Jamie: Have I offended you in some way? Do you hate kites?
    Nick: What?
    Jamie: (looks at the knife a centimeter away from his hand) You threw a knife at me.
    Nick: Have you been stabbed? No? Then I didn't throw a knife at you. I threw a knife to you.
    Jamie: You're a demon. Surely you shouldn't be playing cruel word games with me.
  • From "The Demon's Surrender":
    Jamie: As soon as this whole magical war is over, I'm going to make us some friendship bracelets, and we will wear them everywhere because we are best friends.
    Nick: Drop dead.
  • Mae tries to explain to Nick that waving a knife at people can be scary. Nick explains in his classic Nick fashion:
    Mae:Sometimes when you pull knives on people, they get this impression that you're going to hurt them, and then they're completely terrified. Crazy, I know!
    Nick: Okay, (takes out his knife) Look.
    Jamie: Which part of 'completely terrified' did you translate to 'show us your knives, Nick?' Don't show me your knives, Nick. I have no interest in your knives.
    Nick: This is a quillon dagger. That's a knife with a sword handle. I like it because it has a good grip for stabbing.
    Jamie: Why do you say these things? Is it to make me sad?
    Nick: I didn't have you cornered. You could've run. And this dagger doesn't have an even weight distribution; it's absolute rubbish for throwing. If I had any intention of hurting you, I'd have used a knife I could throw.
    Jamie: I will remember those words always. I may try to forget them, but I sense that I won't be able to.
  • "It did not accept her apology, on account of being a tree."
  • Anything involving the Crawford family's communal lack of cooking skills.
    Jamie: *fiddles with oven mitt*
    Nick: Don't hurt yourself with that.