History Funny / TheDailyShowWithJonStewart

* February 19th, 2024: When his good old frenemy Tucker Carlson attempts to sugarcoat modern-day Russia and UsefulNotes/VladimirPutin, Jon takes the oppurtunity to take the piss out of him once again, with a particular highlight being his response to Carlson's [[ItMakesSenseInContext praising and sniffing of the bread in a Russian supermarket]].
-->'''Jon:''' He, uh... this f**king guy really likes bread. I hate to think what would've happened [[DoubleEntendre if he had found a bagel]].

* Mar 11th, 2024: When discussing the State of the Union and the response to it, Jon points out that Senator Katie Britt's insistence on keeping a smile through the whole thing kinda ruins the tone a bit, complete with his own SlasherSmile.
-->'''Jon:''' I'm sorry, who smiles when saying the words "steeped in the blood of patriots"?

** Their coverage of the RNC lesbian bondage sex club scandal, including a fake video of Michael Steele ([[RunningGag as the customer]] from ''Series/SesameStreet'') watching two lady Muppets make out [[http://www.cc.com/video-clips/tbpdqv/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-2-girls-1-gop "I have a total disregard for my donors!"]]. Plus, WyattCenac gets a little ''too'' into JohnOliver's description of the club.

** also in the clip, Series/JohnOliver, Wyatt Cenac, and Jason Jones analyze "how will the Democrats blow [this election]?"

* April 7, 2011: [[http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-april-7-2011/intro---jon-tells-the-truth-while-wearing-glasses The sendoff to]] Radio/GlennBeck. Must be seen to be believed...

-->''Colbert'': OH my daddy doesn't love me! Oh boo hoo hoo! Well [[IHaveNoSon MY SON IS DEAD!]]

-->'''Inner Jon''': Awright. Home stretch. Sitting Senator, fabulous interview. Now knock this last one outta the park, Stewart.\\
'''Outer Jon''': Poo-py. ''(Cackles)''

-->"Rob Corddry, ''The Daily Show with Jon Stewart''." ''[The senator and several journalists look amused.]'' [[BaitAndSwitch "How can you justify repealing some or all of Bush's tax cuts when leading economic indicators say that the economy is slowly picking up steam?]]\\

** Even better, the reenactment is then a rescored version of [[Theater/ByeByeBirdie "Telephone Hour"]].
-->'''Jon''': So... in your research, that's how it happened, Sam.
-->'''Sam''': That's exactly how it happened. Only in reality, the choreography was ''even gayer''.

--> '''Rob Corddry:''' In a post-9/11 world, the American people expect their leaders to be decisive. To ''not'' have shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.

-->'''Carell''': Two words Stephen: Dow ten-thousand.\\
'''Colbert''': White-water.\\
'''Carell''': Welfare reform.\\
'''Colbert''': Monica-gate.\\
'''Carell''': ''Eight years of peace''.\\
'''Colbert''': ''Shut the '''fuck''' up''! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! God your voice is like a jackal picking at ''my brain''. I hate you! I hate who you ''are'' and what you ''do'' and how you ''sound'' and what you ''say''! You're like a ''cancer'' on my ''life''! '''God!'''\\

'''Carell''': Well that was ugly and humiliating. You feel any better now?

-->'''Jon:''' (''shrugging'') HereWeGoAgain!
-->(''cue "Yakety Sax"'')

-->'''Jon Stewart''': ''(rubbing temples)'' Obama...forcing us to live in an area between absolutes...''BRAIN '''HURT!!!'''''

* January 21, 2010: [[http://www.cc.com/video-clips/wegwzd/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-special-comment---keith-olbermann-s-name-calling Jon Stewart's response]] to [[Series/CountdownWithKeithOlbermann Keith Olbermann]]'s tearing into Sen. Kennedy's Republican replacement (air date January 21, 2010) ended, like his "11/3 project" skit, with a parody/pastiche that was hilariously on the mark (granted, while being a lot more sympathetic, likely because he has a lot more respect for Olbermann). It ends with him pontificating in true Olbermann-esque over the top style, about how Olbermann's lately slipped from respectable news coverage into basically silly, immature name-calling:

-->"...you know what, you're right. I have been a little over the top lately. Point taken. Sorry! :)"

-->'''Jon Stewart:''' I'm going to fuck your ears with the truth.

-->'''Robin:''' Here's a little relapse, kid, good luck!

-->'''Jon''': Okay, makes sense. Oil rig, disaster, spill... Doctor could be a crucial contact, especially a marine biologist like Dr. Lutz. I see no problem here.\\
'''Clip''': The problem is, that Dr. Lutz has been dead for five years.\\
'''Jon''': He added:\\
'''Sound bite''': '''DUN DUN DUUUNN!'''

--->'''Jon''': ''in high pitched voice'' Ooooh! Racist jokes, porn, and bestiality! I was told this was going to be a Tea party! I didn't know they fucked horses at tea parties!

---> [[ThisIsForEmphasisBitch Not the White Man's Bitch]]
---> New Booty.

---> [[SeriousBusiness We need new booty]]

---> "That's what I said, cheddar bread!"

--->'''Jon''': ...That's a little too intellectual...

-->'''Knightley''': [[SchmuckBait I just googled "santorum."]] I feel like my innocence has been taken away.

--->'''Jon''': [[BerserkButton ARE YOU EATING IT WITH A FORK]]?! [[UnstoppableRage A FUCKING FORK]]?! AW, ''[[BilingualBonus MARONE]]''! [[BilingualBonus La forcella è satanico! Uno strumento del diavolo!]][[note]]"You force of Satan! Instrument of the devil!"[[/note]] Creator/DonaldTrump, why don't you take that fork and stick it right in New York's eye?! Donald Trump, we work hard. And you do this? You disrespect us in our own house? [[BilingualBonus Scadagouch]]--you can put your name on anything you wanna build, your fucking glass and gold-plated buildings ''to the sky'', blocking out the Central Park sun, it's fine. It's fine! But you invite an important visitor to our house, to our town, and you eat your pizza with a fucking fork right in front of us?! Who the fuck do you think you're--you know what, hey, why don't you take a shit in Fiorello [=LaGuardia's=] hat and feed it to [=Joe DiMaggio's=] crying ghost on Liberty Island, you son of a bitch? You son of a bitch!

-->'''John Oliver''': [[JewishComplaining Don't be so Jewish about it]], you're fine!\\
'''Jon Stewart''': ''Incoherent laughter at the ad-lib''

-->'''Jon Stewart:''' I should be Catholic? I should turn it into a ''drink''?

-->'''Jon Stewart:''' ''[[BigWhat WHAT!?]]'' The congressman had a scandal and had to apologize, to ''Bill Clinton''? For ''what?!'' Copyright infringement?! A patent violation?! Are you insane?! That is insane! I can hear the big dog taking a call! '''''(Clinton voice)''' "Anthony, I'm very disappointed! Now, this "Twitter" thing... can anyone sign up for it?"''

--->'''Puppet Senator [=McCain=]:''' Jon, you can't deny we have a problem. Immigrants are stealing my pills, they're making my legs twitch; they took my reading glasses and I haven't been able to seen a damn thing for three weeks!

** When Fox News came down on Stewart for the satirical voice he used when imitating a (black) Presidential candidate, he was accused of, among other things, [[{{Hypocrisy}} not being fair and balanced]] and an extreme left viewpoint. He then counters with a video package containing ''[[http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/tue-june-28-2011/oh--for-fox-sake---who-s-the-biggest-a--hole- virtually every time in the show's history when he used a satirical voice to imitate somebody.]]''
-->'''Stewart''': If my ridicule of silly things with bizarre caricature voices has given FOX what appears to be several days of very strong programming...your cup's about to runneth over, motherfuckers! Grab a knife and fork, FOX! Because I have turned my crack research team on myself! In a brand new segment called--\\

'''Stewart''': I thought we weren't gonna...[[RunningGag I though you were gonna run these by me before]]...

-->'''Jon''': Thank you, ghost of Sir Alec Guinness. The thing that's sapping my ability to make fun of Dick Cheney is that Darth Vader jokes are now more true than funny!

-->'''Obama''': "[[spoiler:[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Yes! We! Can!]]]]"

-->'''Larry''': That's your proof of racism? That people smoking crack are sitting in prison longer than people smoking coke?[...]I don't recall Dr. King dreaming of the day crackheads and coke heads would be singing "Free at last, free at last".

-->'''Gingrich''': [The other candidates] were the new kid on the block and "isn't this wonderful" and "boy, it'd be great if it worked out", and we don't know anything about them. I'm the guy who's been around forever.\\
'''Jon''': ''That's Newt Gingrich's pitch!'' "I'm the thing that has been in your pantry forev--you can try your newfangled Popped Tarts and your Eggoed Waffles, but if you look way back in there, there's a can of La Choy Baby Corn, a product that may or may not still be offered by the La Choy company; you don't remember buying it, ''yet you don't remember ever being without it.'' And now, you have no choice but to elect it president. "I'm Newt Gingrich and I approve this message."

* August 28, 2012: The brief segment in Part Two of John Oliver's coverage of the 2012 [=RNC=], in which a shirtless surfer strides easily across the rocks and a skinny, suit-clad Englishman stumbles awkwardly behind him, gesturing with his microphone.

* August 29, 2012: Jon notes that the CatchPhrase of the Republican National Convention, "We Built It!", sounds less like a BadassBoast and more like Creator/CharlieSheen's odd catchphrase [[MemeticMutation "Winning!"]].

-->'''Jon:''' [[Music/FleetwoodMac "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow,"]] 'cause it's a half-hour away!

-->'''Jon:''' (''yelling and gesticulating''): Holy shit! I can't believe it! In my estimation, that woman shouldn't be driving at all!

-->'''Jon:''' Like when [[Film/TheTrumanShow Truman Burbank discovered the world he was living in was not what it seemed]], discovery would take a voyage.

-->'''Jon''': What?! You've never seen a show hosted by an aging French whore? Prudes! Pussies! Don't judge me! I judge you!

* April 9, 2013: Jessica Williams' [[http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/cdnpoy/beasts-of-the-southern-wild coverage]] of the decline of pubic lice. Featuring cameos by Creator/JohnWaters and [[spoiler:Amy Mann]], a fake ad advocating for the protection of lice (à la Music/SarahMcLachlan's [[MemeticMutation ads for the SPCA]], and the digs at [[spoiler:Brooklyn and Baltimore]].

-->'''Jon:''' [[GodHelpUsAll God help us]], [[ViolationOfCommonSense if the Muslims ever decide...]] to form [[RightWingMilitiaFanatic a well-regulated militia]]. [[HoistByHisOwnPetard We'll have no way to stop them.]]

--> '''Aasif Mandvi:''' You know, I have to be honest, you're kinda awesome at that.\\

---> '''Marty Nemko:''' They end up doing jobs they could have done straight out of high school, like selling extended warranties. Or they are bartenders.\\

---> Oh please, Paula Deen's racism isn't hurting black people as much as her recipes.

-->The following joke (hereafter referred to as the "Joke") is provided solely to amuse and entertain the intended listener. The Joke-teller expressly denies any liability resulting from any offense, embarrassment, pain, and/or suffering raised by said Joke.
-->'''Paragraph II: The Joke'''
-->This Joke hereby provides notice to you that a rabbi and a priest, pursuant to an oral agreement, jointly purchase a car (hereafter referred to as the "Automobile"). After the said purchase, the rabbi witnesses the priest sprinkling water on the Automobile and asks, "What are you doing?" The priest allegedly responded that he was blessing the Automobile (although the description of this statement is not intended to prove the truth of the matter asserted nor to endorse the existence or effectiveness of a blessing). The rabbi replied, "OK, since we're doing that," and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tailpipe.
-->The Joke-teller reserves full rights concerning the repetition, dissemination and modification of said Joke. *drops mike* I'm out of here.

-->'''Larry Wilmore:''' John, we can't have a conversation when we're not even on the same page. Or even in the same book!
-->'''John Oliver:''' True. Or even in the same library, no?
-->'''Larry:''' You're not supposed to talk in the library, John. Or maybe that's how they do it in the white libraries.

'''Joe Johns''' This is a civil suit, so no one's going to jail.\\

-->'''Jon:''' And it's time we kicked those bastards to the curb because we have to remember this network was created by Ted Turner, not Ike Turner.

-->'''Stewart:''' You ask them to design a puppy, you get something with no face, two assholes and a semiautomatic machine gun for a tail.

-->'''Jon:''' (''looks diligently through his breast pocket'') Hold on, hold on. I got-I got-wait, that's my weed, I got my weed...I got-I got a couple'a rubbers here, I go--''*jerks hand out*'' AH!! Son-of-a-bitch, that's the monitor lizard I use in there to guard my copy of the Constitution! ''*reaches back in*'' I think I got some Band-Aids in there a--SON-OF-A-BITCH, he bit me again!

-->'''Jon:''' You can tap the German chancellor's phone, but Bitchy [=McSnarkington=] was 3 cubicles away and no one knew what was going on?

-->'''Jon:''' I'm sorry, did you say ''zero''-tolerance for drugs, or [[Music/TheDoors Jim Morrison]]-like high tolerance?

-->'''Councillor Denzil Minnan-Wong:''' Have you purchased illegal drugs in the last two years?\\

-->'''Jon:''' Somewhere, in a basement, through his tears, Anthony Weiner is going, [[EveryoneHasStandards "What the fuck?!"]]

* December 4, 2013: Samantha Bee keeps getting turned down at various news sources when she tries to get information out about the Blackstone loans scandal. It goes from the ''New York Times'' to Buzzfeed to getting a weather anchor to deliver it in front of a green-screened thunderstorm. Finally, it all leads up to [[spoiler:making a Website/YouTube video with kittens. And when THAT doesn't work, she makes a parody of Wrecking Ball]].

* January 29th, 2014: The entire rant about NY1, especially if you live in New York, after NY Congressman Michael Grimm [[IsThisThingStillOn was caught on camera threatening a NY1 reporter]].

-->'''Putin!Jessica''': This is nice desk. ''Wow''. Hey, Putin want desk. Putin want desk. 97% of people say take desk, so I take desk.
-->'''Jon''': Oh, oh, um, okay.
-->'''Putin!Jessica''': Thank you.
-->'''Jon''': You can't do that, though.
-->'''Putin!Jessica''': Yes I can, I'm Putin. Desk is Putin's desk now!
-->'''Jon''': [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Ok first of all I didn't notice you were as tall as me sitting down]]
-->'''Putin!Jessica''': I am large woman. Really, I am large woman.
-->'''Jon''': That's somewhat upsetting, even more than the taking of my land. This is my land though, this is ''my'' desk.
-->'''Putin!Jessica''': Well, historically is Putin's desk.

--->'''Jon''': By the way, we spent all day looking up old stuff on the Internet of Stephen, it's ''really'' fun. [''{{beat}}, while the audience cackles''] Uh. [''clears throat''] I mean working. We were ''working''.

* May 1, 2014: Jon [[http://www.cc.com/video-clips/fyu9wm/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-the-bad-news-mayor checks in]] with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and does [[ZigZaggingTrope an unbelievably elaborate waltz]] with a SpitTake. By the time he learns that [[spoiler:Ford will seek re-election ''despite'' admitting himself to rehab]], Jon sits there for a {{Beat}}, drinks a sip of water and spits it out in disgust.

* July 23, 2014: [[http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/t5te2u/sin-subsidy]] Jon Stewart plays a video while screaming and holding a severed head in response to the "chaos" over an Affordable Care Act ruling. Fun begins at 3:25.

-->'''Williams:''' Are you sure you're a Republican?
-->'''Winter:''' I'm a Republican.
-->'''Williams:''' Because you don't sound like one. Name three hip-hop artists; [[Music/{{Eminem}} Eminem]] does not count.
-->'''Winter:''' [[Music/TupacShakur Tupac]], uh, would be one.
-->'''Williams:''' Mm-hmm.
-->'''Winter:''' And then, uh, there's...um...and, uh...
-->'''Williams:''' You're taking too long.
-->'''Winter:''' [[EpicFail Uh, there's several others.]]
-->'''Williams:''' Okay, you're a Republican.
* October 29, 2014: [[http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/94qtlx/democalypse-2014---south-by-south-mess--mex-tex Al Madrigal addresses the Texan stance on immigration]], which entails an interview with a sheriff who seems profoundly misinformed. This is capped off by Madrigal baiting the sheriff into making points against immigrants...[[{{Irony}} and turns his points into]] [[spoiler:[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_New_Colossus the inscription on the Statue of Liberty]]]]. Starts at 3:29.

-->'''Wilmore''': You know, I have a dream, Jon, that one day, the actions of a handful of a few sh*{[[SoundEffectBleep beep]])*y white people as discrediting ''their'' entire race.

--> So I was looking at the internet earlier, and... Did I die?

--->'''Jon''': You could say the "system-IC" or "sys-TEM-ic".
--->'''Kristen''': Both of them, gross!
--->'''Jon''': It's barbar...
--->'''Kristen''': -IC!

-->'''Trevor''': Oh shit!!! ''[runs off]''
* June 1, 2015: [[http://thedailyshow.cc.com/videos/zag7v8/lindsey-graham-enters-the-presidential-race Jon mocks the usage of]] James Brown's "I Feel Good" in Lindsey Graham's presidential campaign announcement, applying it to other inappropriate moments, and finishing off with "Get On Up" during another inappropriate moment.
* June 15, 2015: Rachel Dolezal, the head of the Spokane, Washington branch of the NAACP, is revealed to actually be a white woman. Jon tries to discuss the story with TDS's Senior Black Correspondent... Jordan Klepper, who also tries to insist he's black, until Jessica Williams enters to bring order.
* June 16, 2015: Donald Trump announces he wants to seek the nomination for President in '16. Jon is practically frothing at the mouth, and realizes his show is now on "comedy hospice" thanks to this, knowing he'll have no shortage of material in the last weeks of his show. (It's not enough to get him to keep his promise to not retire if Trump does run, though).
* July 21, 2015: For his last interview by Jon, President Obama bemoans how Jon is leaving his job before him, and issues an Executive Order making him stay on The Daily Show.
* August 6, 2015:

--->'''Rahm Emanuel:''' What has nine and a half fingers and won't miss you at all? This guy!
--->'''Chris Christie:''' I'll never forget you, Jon! ...But I will be trying.
--->'''Hillary Clinton:''' And ''just'' when I'm running for President. [[BlatantLies What a bummer]].
--->'''Wolf Blitzer:''' Jon, I just don't know what to [[ExactWords say]]. [''cue monitor displaying "SCREW YOU, STEWART"'']
--->'''John [=McCain=]:''' So long, jackass.

---->'''[=McCoy=]:''' [[Franchise/StarWars But if Hutt is a species, then why does he call himself "Jabba the Hutt"]]?
---->'''Kalan:''' It's an ethnic epithet, like "Jimmy the Greek"!

* February 12, 2024: On Jon's first day back, Creator/RonnyChieng nearly breaks him and the rest of the correspondents by talking (and nearly choking) while eating a plate of potato skins.
* Mar 11, 2024: When discussing the State of the Union and the response to it, Jon points out that Senator Katie Britt's insistence on keeping a smile through the whole thing kinda ruins the tone a bit, complete with his own SlasherSmile.
--> '''Jon''': I'm sorry, who smiles when saying the words "steeped in the blood of patriots"?

* June 1, 2011: Jon Stewart's reaction to [[http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-june-1-2011/me-lover-s-pizza-with-crazy-broad?xrs=share_copy Donald Trump demonstrating what is the antithesis of true New York pizza,]] such as stacking the slices and (what really slams on Stewart's BerserkButton), eating them with a knife and fork.

** Dr. Bagelman's earlier appearance in response to the Palestinan MickeyMouse rip-off should not go amiss either, especially when they bring in the new character and the show devolves into JewsLoveToArgue.

** His use of InsaneTrollLogic when it came to Creator/{{CNN}}'s botched coverage of the Boston Marathon bombing. He responded to an "apology" by CNN's president by interpreting that his apology was saying that CNN doesn't care what they do because the audience will keep coming back, and then interprets that by saying that the audience is in an abusive relationship with CNN.

*** Members of the studio production are noted as having the hardest job of all...watching the news all day. We come across a group of people watching Creator/{{Fox News|Channel}}, Creator/{{CNN}}, and Creator/{{MSNBC}} on adjacent monitors. We see that this has left them with dead, blank stares and bleeding eyes.

'''Stewart''': (''hopelessly {{corpsing}}'')

-->'''John Oliver:''' The base level of respect will be enough.

--->'''Jon''': [[BerserkButton ARE YOU EATING IT WITH A FORK]]?! [[UnstoppableRage A FUCKING FORK]]?! AW, ''[[BilingualBonus MARONE]]''! [[BilingualBonus La forcella è satanico! Uno strumento del diavolo!]][[note]]"You force of Satan! Instrument of the devil!"[[/note]] Creator/DonaldTrump, why don't you take that fork and stick it right in New York's eye?! Donald Trump, we work hard. And you do this? You disrespect us in our own house? [[BilingualBonus Scadagouch]]--you can put your name on anything you wanna build, your fucking glass and gold-plated buildings ''to the sky'', blocking out the Central Park sun, it's fine. It's fine! But you invite an important visitor to our house, to our town, and you eat your pizza with a fucking fork right in front of us?! Who the fuck do you think you're--you know what, hey, why don't you take a shit in Fiorello LaGuardia's hat and feed it to Joe DiMaggio's crying ghost on Liberty Island, you son of a bitch? You son of a bitch!

* July 24, 2013: [[WhatAnIdiot Anthony Weiner gets caught texting a picture of his penis]] ''[[WhatAnIdiot again]]'', this time, using the alias "Carlos Danger," leading John Oliver to say "Danger... is my user name.", also starting a RunningGag where John dances and plays the song "Danger (Been So Long)" by rapper Mystikal whenever "Carlos Danger" gets mentioned.