Funny / The Alienist

1994 Novel

  • Chapter 1: When Stevie comes knocking on Moore's door to summon him to the murder scene, Moore comes running downstairs to answer, and his grandmother calls, "John! Is that you?" Moore sarcastically replies, "No, Grandmother, it's Dr. (H.H.) Holmes."
  • Chapter 20: the team finds themselves at a restaurant on a particular corner known for its cable-car accidents, which has given rise to the patrons of the restaurant betting on whether or not a car would crash, or a person would be killed/injured in an accident. several pages are dedicated to dissecting the letter that the killer sent to Mrs. Santorelli. They're discussing a letter that talks about a man viciously mutilating a young boy, and it's all very serious until:
    A sudden shout of "Jesus Christ, I never seen a fat man move like that in my LIFE!" came from across the terrace.
  • Chapter 9: Sara pulls out her Derringer pistol and starts (basically) bragging about how effective it is- she specifically says it's powerful enough to shoot Cyrus through the head and knock him through the window behind him. "Not that I prefer this kind of gun, but we are going to the Opera."
    Vintage Sara, [Moore] thought, and then swallowed an entire glass of vodka.
  • Chapter 7: Moore goes to the Institute to find Kreizler, and encounters Cyrus outside.
    Moore: Afternoon, Cyrus. Is Dr. Kreizler here?"
    Cyrus: That's his carriage, sir. [[...]he answered in a pleasant enough voice that still managed to make me sound like one of the bigger idiots in the city. But I just grinned resolutely on.]
    Moore: I expect you've heard that the doctor and I will be working together for a while?
    Cyrus: I've heard, sir.
    Moore: Well! I guess I'll go find him. Afternoon, Cyrus! [I got no answer from the man as I entered, not that I deserved one; there was no reason for both of us to behave like morons.]
  • Chapter 16: Moore goes to leave the house and finds his grandmother's hosting a luncheon. In attendance is "one of her dim-witted nieces, the niece's equally-engaging husband, and one of my cousins."
  • Chapter 32: Delighted to have possibly located their murderer, Kreizler rambles on about how well the man fits their profile for him and Moore, after repeated attempts to get his attention, finally says, "Kreizler! Will you please shut up and let me look at this?"

2018 Television Series

  • Sara describing the police officers she works with, such as Connors, as "Mutton shunters".
  • Moore tells Joseph that he's an illustrator, in an attempt to get him thinking about other things he could do in life; Joseph expresses disbelief, asking if Moore gets paid for his drawings, and Moore says he does. It's set up to be quite the poignant bonding moment until Joseph says, "That's stupid."
  • Marcus' terrible jokes are only matched by his brother's dismayed reaction as soon as he sees the inevitable punchlines coming.
    • Really, most of the brothers' constant nattering and low-key bickering is pretty amusing.
  • From Requiem:
    Moore: What if I were the killer?
    Joseph: ...Yeah, no offense Mr. Moore, but there's more chance of pigs flying.