Funny / The Abyss

  • Lindsey: "So raise your hand if you think that was a Russian water-tentacle."
  • When Coffey steals One Night's sub, and the music starts to play.
  • Bud and Lindsey's squabbling.
  • Catfish waking up and seeing the water-tentacle. He freaks out and grabs a FREAKIN POTTED PLANT!
  • Lindsey is trying to convince the crew that she isn't crazy and that she actually saw something out in the ocean. The only person who believes her is Hippie, who immediately dives headfirst into a Conspiracy Kitchen Sink. Lindsey's reply: "Hippy, do me a favor? Stay off my side."
  • Bud at the beginning of the film: "Yeah, I'm calm, I'm a calm guy, why shouldn't I be calm? Is there a reason for me to not be calm?" *someone on the other end mentions his soon-to-be-ex wife's imminent arrival on the rig* "WHAAAAT?!"
  • Hippie commenting on Lindsey's decision to call the aliens a "non-terrestrial intelligence".
    Hippie: NTIs. Oh, man, that's even better than UFOs! Though I guess that works, too, huh? "Underwater flying objects"!
  • Bud after meeting the NTI's in person, they saved his life and he shows his thanks by vomiting on their floor. Granted he was taking the liquid breathing apparatus off, but it still comes across as unintentionally funny.
  • At the beginning of the movie, the technician watches Lindsey exit the helicopter on her way to the control room on the Benthic Explorer. He comments "Man, when she finds out about [the military taking over the rig and interrupting her field test], they are going to have to take her down with a tranq[uilizer] gun!".
  • When Coffey finally snaps and holds people hostage, he ends up creepily close to Lindsey, stating that there was something he's wanted to do to her since they first met. It looks like he's about to lean in to kiss her, but instead he just tapes her mouth shut, because he was sick of her talking. Even funnier on the trivia track:
    What did you expect to happen in a PG-13 movie?"