[[folder:2010 reviews]]
* Chris's reaction after watching an episode where the club owner's mother performs a lapdance for her husband?
--> [[BrainBleach This is why I do reviews on an empty stomach...]]

[[AC:Veronica Mars]]
* His reaction to the shocking swerve of the reveal of the killer in season 1.
-->"Yeah, all those clues you were collecting for the whole season to try and find out who done it? They meant absolutely ''BUPKIS'' because we left out the only clue that mattered until the very last act...SCREW YOU, OUR LOYAL FANBASE!!!"
** Also, his reaction when the show used the same shocking swerve type of twist for a ''third'' time.

[[AC:My Mother the Car]]
* "Boy, the only person I can think of who has bigger mommy issues is Norman Bates."

[[AC:Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation]]
* His rant to the Saban executives that this show was why the Ninja Turtles fans hate the Power Rangers fans, which ends with him calmly stating that he is [[{{Understatement}} "not thrilled"]].
* At the end, he wonders what could be worse than this. [[spoiler: (singing) "We're the turtles! You can count on us!"]]
* In his Turtles Retrospective, he notes when a guy is staring at a mirror with a warning of great evil being released onto our world, he quips "So that's where the Kardashians came from!"

[[AC:Sex and the City]]
* Rowdy saying that Carrie spends her money more on clothing than ''he'' does on baseball tickets.

[[AC:Men Behaving Badly]]
* After a character uses underwear as a coffee filter: (''FacePalm'') "That was in the promos, people!"
* "FYI: When [[ComicStrip/{{Garfield}} Jon Arbuckle]] isn't as pathetic around women as you are, you're ''doing something wrong!''"

[[AC:Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer]]
* When he first mentions Grandma [[UnfortunateNames Spankenheimer]]'s name, he adds "And NO, I'm NOT commenting on that name whatsoever".
* "Oh great, two unlikable busty redheads in a month. I'm popping in ''Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit'' when this is over."
* His [[TemptingFate reaction]] to Cousin Mel putting Mr. Bucks' business card [[VictoriasSecretCompartment somewhere other than a pocket]].
* When Jake is e-mailing Santa:
-->'''Jake''': (reading aloud) To santaclaus@santaclausisreal.com
-->'''Chris''': Yeah, I'm guessing "santaclaus.com" was taken by a porno site.
* When Grandma gets run over AGAIN:
-->'''Chris''': Predictable comic ending coming RIIIIGHT ABOUUUUUUUT......''(points at camera)''
-->'''Grandma''': NOT AGAIN..... ''(Santa and his reindeer run over Grandma. Again.)''
-->'''Chris''': [[Music/BritneySpears OOPS, HE DID IT AGAIN!]]

[[AC:It's Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown]]
* After breaking down over Charlie Brown being mocked for something that Lucy did...
--> '''Caption''': Fifteen minutes later..
--> '''Chris''': ''(disheveled and reading off of a piece of paper)'' "[[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 It's just a show, I should just relax!]] [[MST3KMantra It's just a show! I should just relax!]]"
* At the end, when he wishes that [[TheScrappy Lucy Van Pelt]] had some comeuppance, he turns to the infamous scene from ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' where Peter roundhouse kicks Lucy. He then realizes that he's laughing at child abuse.

[[AC:Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip]]
* "But there's one thing neither Creator/AaronSorkin, ''Series/ThirtyRock'', nor ''Series/SonnyWithAChance'' can top - [[Series/TheMuppetShow PIG VIKINGS SINGING ALONG WITH THE VILLAGE PEOPLE!]]"

--> '''Joel''': You are tearing me apart!
--> '''Chris''': What did he say?
--> '''Joel''': You are tearing me apart!
--> '''Chris''': Oh my god! It's [[Film/TheRoom Tommy Wiseau]]! I KNEW there was a bigger reason for me to hate this!
* His reaction to the show's depiction of cavewomen.
--> I used to have a thing for [[ActionGirl strong-willed women]]. [[BrainBleach THANKS FOR RUINING THE FANTASY]]!

[[AC:Happy New Year, Charlie Brown]]
* After Patty realizes that Charlie is head over heels for the Little Red-Haired Girl:
--> "Don't worry! You still have your future life partner- NO! NO! I'm NOT stooping to any Patty/Marcie lesbian jokes!"
** And after seeing Patty and Marcie dancing at the party: "Must! Resist!"
* "Charlie Brown was my own inspiration for attracting girls! I am so going to die alone!"
* This exchange:
---> '''Lucy''': There's dog germs in my root beer!
---> '''Chris''': Well, you're already a bitch, so what's the big deal? HEY-O!

[[folder:2011 reviews]]
* He stated that Pam was at least trying in ''Stripperella''. He then realizes that he said something NICE about ''Stripperella''. He has to restrain himself from destroying the DVD.
-->"It's a rental! ''It's a rental!''"
* He is so depressed at the end (it was his 1st anniversary), that he needs something to pick him up. [[spoiler: Cue ALF.]]

[[AC:Cop Rock]]
* When a group of drug dealers suddenly start rapping:
--> "Ladies and gentlemen, the birth of modern-day gangsta rap!"
* Chris can't seem to decide which is worse: The "horrific" musical numbers in ''Series/CopRock'', or "[[NYPDBlue Dennis Franz's bare ass]]!"

[[AC:Scooby-Doo Meets the Boo Brothers]]
* His review ends with him saying that he would rather watch the live action movies than the animated trio that the titular movie was based off of, because Scrappy got his ass kicked, and...
--> '''Chris''': That...and they had Creator/SarahMichelleGellar.

[[AC:Sonic Underground]]
* His reaction to Jaleel White reprising his voice as Sonic, as well as his brother Manic and his sister Sonia.
--> "[[Series/FamilyMatters Urkel]] times 3. That might be enough to make [[TakeThatMe MY voice]] tolerable by comparison!"
* Then Sonic picks up a guitar and starts singing.
** "When the WesternAnimation/MuppetBabies sing better than you, you should STOP TRYING!!!!!"
* Chris' impression of The Oracle.
--> "And ''I'' may be partially to blame for it. [[WhatAnIdiot I really suck at this!]]"

[[AC:Heil Honey I'm Home]]
* This:
--> '''Chris''': We're four minutes into this, and I [[TemptingFate can't see how this can POSSIBLY get worse]]!
--> '''Eva''': What is it, honey?
--> '''Hitler''': It's the Goldenstiens!
--> '''Chris''': ''[[LampshadeHanging WHY DO I TEMPT FATE??]]''
* "Yeah, I was imagining Lynda Carter coming in and bashing their heads together!"
* After hearing the godawful theme song to the show, Chris puts a Nintendo Zapper to his head.

* At the beginning of the episode, Chris is in a huge funk. He decides to listlessly flip through TV. Within seconds of seeing TMZ, he is up, dressed, and cleans up his studio.
--> "Oh, yeah! [[HesBack It's ON!]]"
* His reaction to the "songs" performed in the show:
--> "I take back EVERYTHING I SAID about ''Sonic Underground'' and ''Cop Rock''!"
** "[[SarcasmMode Oh yeah, these guys are]] ''[[SarcasmMode really]]'' [[SarcasmMode gonna give]] [[Music/WeirdAlYankovic Weird Al]] [[SarcasmMode a run for his money!]]"

[[AC:Yo Yogi!]]
* This:
-->'''Cindy:''' Jellystone Mall! Just THINK of all the opportunities!
-->'''Chris:''' Yeah, they torn down all of our trees and bushes, but.....[[AttentionDeficitOohShiny LOOK, HOT TOPIC!!!]]"
* When we get our first glimpse of Ranger--AHEM, Mall Cop Smith:
--> "Spoiler alert: He makes [[Film/PaulBlartMallCop Paul Blart]] look competent! Not a good comparison."
* "How ridiculous, [[HypocriticalHumor a character who always has to wear a HAT all the time]]!" ''({{Beat}})''

[[AC:Family Guy: "Road to the Multiverse"]]
* The face Chris makes upon seeing Mort get beaten up in the Disney universe for being Jewish.
** Followed up by his reaction; he walks into his restroom, a callback to his review of ''Series/NinjaTurtlesTheNextMutation''. This time, though, he is reduced to pure {{Angrish}}... before storming out of the restroom and going on a brutal rant.
* "A universe without God where Meg is hot? Gee... could this be referencing ''another episode''?"

[[AC:Family Guy: "Family Gay"]]
* "Well, at least they're equal opportunity offenders: stereotyping straight people as well as gays!"
* His final grade for the show's attempts at a GayAesop? ''[[FMinusMinus "Quintuple F-Minus!"]]''

[[AC:Family Guy: "Not All Dogs Go to Heaven"]]
* "You know that episode of ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' that says that 'WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'' is written by a bunch of manatees? [[InsultToRocks The manatees should be INSULTED!]]"
* The last two minutes of his review. After taking a look at the worst WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy episodes, he declares "What's left to talk about?" He then launches into a [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech brutal rant against Seth]], with the speech being a parody of the one Quagmire gave to [[AuthorAvatar Brian]] in "Jerome is the New Black". Doubles as an AwesomeMoment.

* After noticing all of the {{Fanservice}} in the show......
--> "I'm just going to skip to the clip and stop ogling her now...I'm still ogling her, aren't I?"

[[AC:Kath and Kim]]
* Chris's sister is blasting her music too loud. Chris lays down some ground rules:
--> "You pick up after yourself, you keep the music down, and no, you ''can't'' use Jeannie to go to Vegas or change your credit rating!"

* After learning that the princess selected the ThisLoserIsYou type heroes as the best examples of humanity (wise, handsome and noble), all he can do is laugh and fall to the floor.
--> '''Caption''': Fifteen minutes of uncontrollable laughter later...
* After hearing T-Bird say [[Film/BackToTheFuture "Where we're going, we don't NEED tires!"]]
---> "There is now NOTHING sacred anymore!"

[[AC:Olive, the Other Reindeer]]
* "Note to self: watch the ''WesternAnimation/{{Madagascar}}'' movies again, to be reminded of how penguins can actually be funny."

[[folder:2012 reviews]]
[[AC:You're in the Super Bowl, Charlie Brown]]
* His concern that they can not say the words "Super Bowl", so the title is "You're in the Su…Big Game, Charlie Brown."
** When we first meet [[MarySue Melody Melody]]
--> '''Linus''': "Who is that, Charlie Brown?"
--> '''Charlie Brown''': "I don't know. I've never seen her before."
--> '''Chris''': "I think it's one of those things that we were told causes cooties. GET YOUR BOOSTER SHOTS!"

[[AC:SWAT Kats]]
* The beginning: Perkins and Cecil decide to "Occupy Hollywood" for their mistreatment of cats, and even go as far as to put black labels on the DVD boxes.

[[AC:Gary the Rat]]
* "Gary's a jerk, he's better than everyone else, he cheats to get his way, and he always comes out on top with no remorse or retribution. He's the freaking Barry Bonds of cartoons!"
* "Now, after having to endure this piece of crap, my producer and I are going to go have a philosophical discussion." (''brandishes a baseball bat'')

* After his review of the second season, he lays with a shirt that says "Yankee Voice" (A reference to the episode where New Direction wore shirts about stuff they didn't like about themselves), and then dreams where he sings an off-key version of Music/BonJovi's "It's My Life".

[[AC:The Mighty Ducks]]
* The beginning of his crossover with [[WebVideo/HewysAnimatedMovieReviews Hewy Toonmore]]. As Chris is ranting about the emails he got for his ''Series/{{Glee}}'' review, Hewy cuts in.
--> '''Hewy''': Don't you know that every reviewer has a remote to cut into others video feeds?
* After Toonmore breaks in, Chris decides to let him do a crossover, and let him pick the review.
---> '''Hewy''': "WesternAnimation/TheMightyDucks."
---> '''Chris''': "Cartoon critic named after the greatest band ever say what?"

[[AC:Tom and Jerry]]
* Perkins and Cecil actually take over for the ''WesternAnimation/TomAndJerry'' review.
* And Chris appearing at the end, asking if they messed with his equipment.

[[AC:It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown]]
* "Really, do [[Series/DoctorWho Time Lords]] design all the pet homes in this world or what?"

[[AC:Charlie Brown's All Stars]]
* His fit over the climax of ''Charlie Brown's All Stars'', where Charlie Brown [[spoiler: fails to slide into home plate]].
-->'''Chris''': AHHHHHH!!!!! (Falls to floor) WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHHY?!?!?!?!
--> '''Perkins''': Woah. Didn't think he'd take it so hard.
--> '''Cecil''': Compared to the tantrum he threw after the World Series, this is nothing!!

[[AC:Club Mario]]

[[AC:The Groovenians]]
* At the beginning of his review, he gets the DVD in the mail. Given the stuff he has watched, he says it [[TemptingFate "can't be worse than what I've watched over the past year, right?"]] Three seconds later? [[OhCrap "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"]]. One scene later? He is taking pills to dull the pain.
* When one of the main characters first appear, the appearance is so sudden and startling it leaves Chris yelling "What the--what--what--'''''what?!?!'''''".
* Due to the similarities between the characters to what he calls "Creator/DrSeuss rejects", along with the [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar sexual innuendo]] he declares that if Audrey Geisel saw this, that she would give Film/TheCatInTheHat movie a pass.
* "Oh, and Jett's voiced by [[Series/PeeWeesPlayhouse Pee-Wee Herman]]. Seriously. I think it was while recording this that Paul Reubens began wishing [[CaughtWithYourPantsDown he kept it in his pants.]]"
* He calls the titular Groovenians crosses between cyclopses and "Dairy Queen ice cream cones".
* Hewy Toonmore shows up, trying to warn him about the show.
---> '''Chris''': You're too late.
---> '''Hewy Toonmore''': ''(beat)'' You poor, unfortunate bastard.
* "And tomorrow is another day." "[[WaxingLyrical And I'm thirsty anyway, so]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bring_On_the_Rain bring on the rain]]. Just SHUT UP!"
* "''AND WHY IS THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT ON THE SHIP A [[MultiBoobage THREE-BREASTED]] WOMAN VOICED BY'' '''''[[WhatTheHellCastingAgency RUPAUL]]?!?!?!!'''''"

[[AC:You're the Greatest, Charlie Brown]]
* An OverlyLongGag, but "Marcie Loves Chuck", even going as far as to admit that it is a bit of a cliché.
* His reaction to Snoopy actually losing an event
--> "What am I going to do with all my [[MarySue Benji Stu]] jokes?"
* "I know I'm no better for enjoying her misery.... AND I DON'T CARE!"
* After [[spoiler: Marcie wins the Junior Olympics due to Snoopy and TheRival getting tangled up]]
---> "Yeah, I guess WE would have loved to see that, too. [[CoughSnarkCough cough*Show, Don't Tell*Cough]].

[[AC:Ed, Edd n Eddy: "If It Smells Like an Ed"]]
* Declaring that Ed acts like his parents "dropped him on his head as a baby. [[AbusiveParents Several times]]. [[CrossesTheLineTwice For fun]]."
* Stating that Edd's nickname, Double D, is [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar one of the most blatant innuendos to get past the censors since]] [[WesternAnimation/RockosModernLife "Chokey Chicken"]].

* After making a mention of [[CatsAreMean Catbert]]:
--> '''Cecil''': Oh, really? An evil cat character?
--> '''Chris''': The dog wants to take over the world! This show is equal opportunity!
* When a plot point revolves around an all-you-can-eat buffet, and [[spoiler:Dilbert's father refuses to leave until he's had all he can eat]]: "Oh sure, it works for him, but I try it, and I get banned from every Ryan's in the state! Maybe the sleeping bag was a bit much."

* At the end, he declares that centerfolds are more feminist then the aforementioned strip, because women take advantage of men's desires and make money off of it. He then takes his stack of magazines into the bathroom to "contribute to the feminist movement".
* During the argument between Cathy and her mother: "It's like switching between MSNBC and Creator/{{Fox News|Channel}}. Eventually you find out they're both full of crap."
* "This story is about a whiny, petulant woman who obsesses about one man, and now says she's sick and tired of nice guys? Creator/StephenieMeyer was a ''Cathy'' fan, wasn't she?!"

[[AC:Baby Blues]]
* His review begins with him waking up two days late (this episode was released on Wednesday instead of its traditional Monday release), where it is revealed that his hatred of the accidental anti-feminism in ''Cathy'' caused him to find some real admirable women and had Jeannie send him to London, causing him to have photos of him and Hope Solo on the internet somewhere, and having his passport possibly revoked.
* After a joke about the Ku Klux Klan in the final episode, three words. Three simple words. '''"''CUT THE FEED!''"''' One scene later, he is seen messed up, with a baseball hat in his hands, and state that he is lucky to have a Genie to repair the result of his frustrations afterward. One of the darkest, and yet the funniest, scenes in the show.

* "Ah yes, the baby photo albums. How quaint and nostalgic. Some of you might be too young to remember this, but back in the dark prehistoric times, all pictures had to be printed on glossy, easily-damaged paper, and easily stored in these huge, cumbersome books. One of the greatest fears of man back then was when parents would pull out the giant tomes and insist their friends look at the countless monotonous images of their kids as ugly little brats, or the many boring sites they visited on vacation. And that's not even getting into the horror that was… ''slideshows.''"
* "Wow, willing to step away from a child before he's a year old. Jenny's got a lot more restraint than most comic strip moms."
* This:
-->'''Jenny''':…sat down beside her, and frightened Miss Muffet away.
-->'''Marvin''': Spider? Gruesome. Is she sure this nursery rhyme is G-rated?
-->'''Rowdy''': That's nothing, kid. Wait 'til she reads ''Literature/TheLittleMermaid'' and realizes it's a ''little'' different from [[Disney/TheLittleMermaid the Disney version]].

* "So I find [[WesternAnimation/EdEddNEddy a bunch of horny girls molesting boys]] disturbing but I find an old woman beating an old man hilarious. I should really get help!"

[[AC:For Better or for Worse]]
* "Seriously, are all comic strip boys born without the [[GirlsHaveCooties cootie-fearing gene]]? See, this is why we needed a ''ComicStrip/FoxTrot'' cartoon show."

* The review begins with Chris getting pizza delivered from the P.O.ed Pizza Guy.
--> "Nice guy, but sure he can do something about that potty mouth."
* His RuleOfThree TemptingFate when referring to how it ripped off ScoobyDoo.
* His final take: "At least it's not ''Webcomic/CtrlAltDel''?"
* On seeing "Fangpuss", he breaks down sobbing.

[[AC:Homeboys in Outer Space]]
* Also an Awesome and Heartwarming moment, but he dresses up [[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic in a tie and a coat.]]
--> "I'm the Rowdy Reviewer, and I remember it [[SelfDeprecation because I have no life]]."
* It takes 5 seconds for him to realize that he will hate the show, declaring it a record.
* "I think I can hear Sydney Poitier, Danny Glover, and James Earl Jones all banging their heads of tables together!"

[[AC:Electra Woman and Dyna Girl]]
* Almost every single moment of the last four minutes, in which Rowdy fights Malicia.
** "You're going to kill me with your harpy voice [[LampshadeHanging and exposition]]?"
** "What have you used this power for? To bring life to a bunch of stuffed cat-dolls?"
** This exchange
---> '''Jeannie''': I sent Malicia to a far-away, desolate place devoid of life or civilization!
---> '''Chris''': [[{{Joisey}} So New Jersey?]] Yeah, Oklahoma's not far enough!

[[AC:Totally Spies!]]
* "If this was the first thing Stuart Snyder and Robert Scorcher saw when they took over Creator/CartoonNetwork, no wonder [[NetworkDecay they wanted to destroy that network]]!"
* He declares that W.O.O.H.P. is a better acronym for crime fighting then [[WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.]] is for evil.

[[AC:The Boondocks]]
* His look of disgust at some of the nudity.

[[AC:10 Worst South Park Episodes]]
* It begins with an intervention that Chris is going too far deep with this one. It ends with [[spoiler: Chris getting bombarded by the trolls]].
* "Everything starts changing on [Stan], from his parents breaking up to… president Obama getting replaced by a duck? Who wrote this, [[ComicStrip/PearlsBeforeSwine Stephan Pastis]]?"
* His critique of WesternAnimation/SouthPark-styled commentary, mentioning that the current episodes of WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons and Disney/WreckItRalph are funnier than WesternAnimation/SouthPark. Also doubles as an AwesomeMoment.
* The caption of the beginning of the episode, mocking his own poor production quality and how he does not have a life.

[[AC:Ally [=McBeal=]]]
* During the first part, his mockery of the show is interrupted by Mark and [[WebVideo/HewysAnimatedMovieReviews Hewy]] who each thought they were going to do collaborative reviews.

[[folder:2013 reviews]]
[[AC:Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures]]
* Chris's summary of the show: "THIS SHOW WAS TOTALLY BOGUS!!!"
* "Next thing you know, they'll commission a book series by Stephenie Meyer!"
* "Morons can exude energy all of the time! Just look at Film/DumbAndDumber! [[TakeThat Or any presidential debate!]]"

[[AC:Snoopy's Reunion]]
* "…wait, an adult is on-camera in a ''Peanuts'' cartoon?… And we can actually understand what he's saying?! What backwards alternate universe is this special taking ''place'' in?!?"
* The list of fake songs performed by Snoopy and his siblings.
* "They supposedly have a [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy sarcastic cousin living up in Rhode Island, but they don't really like to talk about him too much]]". This is funnier when you notice that the beginning of "Rhode to Road Island" is a parody of "Snoopy's Reunion". Even FUNNIER when you watch his review of "Not All Dogs Go To Heaven" and shows his disdain for Brian's behavior.
* This:
-->'''Sally''': What's-his-name is right. You can't go home.
-->'''Rowdy''': I think Jon Music/BonJovi and [[Music/{{Sugarland}} Jennifer Nettles]] might have [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_Says_You_Can%27t_Go_Home something to say]] about that.

[[AC:Shasta [=McNasty=]]]
* The beginning of the review, where Chris has been stupefied by watching the show and needs to drink "Liquid IQ" to do the review.
** Then, he suggests the viewers that the show is so mind-numbingly awful that they should pause the review, go get "take out from Long John Silver's" and come back once they've got enough brain food to endure the show being reviewed.
* His reaction to a scene where one of the main characters gets attacked by a guard parrot and throws it at a wall:
--> "GET ME PETA."

[[AC:Someday You'll Find Her, Charlie Brown]]
* "I bet when Charlie Brown grew up, he spent as much money as possible at the strip club, [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial ...not that I would know anything about that kind of thing]]"

* He points out that it's been his trend to "celebrate" the anniversary of his first review, ''WesternAnimation/{{Stripperella}}'', by reviewing either another Pamela Anderson show (''Stacked'') or another show from Creator/SpikeTV's cartoon block (''WesternAnimation/GaryTheRat''). He then claims that he has to "bite the bullet" and review ''[[WesternAnimation/TheRenAndStimpyShow Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon"]]''. Cue him being told from off-camera that they couldn't procure the episodes in time, followed by a shot of Rowdy rolling on the floor, laughing gleefully.

[[AC:Glee Season 3]]
* The first several seconds after the theme song is just him with a JawDrop, and then him yelling "What happened?!"
* He tries to recap the entire 2nd season in a way similar to the opening of every episode, and fails.
* After New Directions does a song relating to ''Film/TheWizardOfOz'', the camera jitters around, with Chris falling off his chair.
--> "Good night! You caused a freaking earthquake from how many times Judy Garland turned over in her grave!"
* His reaction to [[Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial "The Glee Holiday Spectacular"]]
--> "OK! That's it! This show is now officially TROLLING the geek community! (gets lightsaber and NES gun out) The war... is ON!"
* "(The writers) should either watch the previous episode, or lay off the funny brownies!"

[[AC:The Simpsons: "The Principal and the Pauper"]]
* When going into Skinner's past, he realizes the comparisons between Skinner's past and [[Music/BruceSpringsteen "Born in the USA"]].
-->'''Principal Skinner''': They gave me a choice: Jail, the army, or [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking apologizing to the judge and the old lady]]. [[TemptingFate Of course,]] [[HarsherInHindsight if I'd known there was a war going on, I probably would've apologized.]]
-->'''Rowdy''': [[LetMeGetThisStraight So, in other words...]]
-->'''Bruce Springteen''': (played over footage of the flashback) Got in a little hometown jam...\\
So they put a rifle in my hand...\\
Sent me off to a foreign land...\\
[[UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar To go and kill the yellow man...]]
* "Now I have to wait for the deluge of comments comparing me to Comic Book Guy!"
* "Mmmmmm... processed horse innards!"

[[AC:Reality Television]]
* The entire review!
--> "Welcome to TV Trash! Reality TV sucks! See you next time!" (roll credits)
** [[spoiler: This was an April Fools' joke]]

[[AC: Turnabout Intruder]]
* "If I make one more year's worth of Captain's Log entries, I can have a book."
* "The stupid is spewing out of these characters like Mount Vesuvius!"
* "I was imagining Billie Jean King coming in out of nowhere and backhanding her with a tennis racket!"

[[AC: Adventures in Wonderland]]
* Chris remarks that occasionally, surprises come out of stuff ordered second hand. Flash back to years earlier.
--> "What a ripoff! I paid $200 for this replica [[Series/IDreamOfJeannie Jeannie bottle]], and they did not even take the time to PAINT the damn thing! You know, I'm going to pull the cork on this thing right now, and if a real genie doesn't pop out, those guys are going to be hearing from my lawyer!"
* "Unless [the white rabbit on rollerskates] is going to perform a duet with Olivia Newton-John, I ain't interested!"
* He decides to take some time out to relax. Then, he realises that the show has songs. He just says "No" a few times, flatly.
* His reaction to Franchise/WinnieThePooh [[UncannyValley in live action]].

[[AC: Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain]]
* Chris questions who would think combining Pinky And The Brain with Elmyra was a good idea.
--> ''(As a Warner Bros. executive with a sideways hat and a deliberately misspelled "Warner Executive" tag)'' "Durrr, I think it brilliant!!!"
* He was about to rant about Brain choosing spending two weeks without Elmyra as opposed to actually going into space and controlling the world via a satellite--but then he realized that that made perfect sense.
* The call-back to ''The Groovenians'' review at the beginning.
-->'''Chris:''' You know if you open this, it's going to reveal something SO godawful it'll drive you into near insanity. So ''why'' are you gonna open it? Because I'm an internet critic, it's my duty! ''(walks back into house)'' ''[[FreakOut NNNNYAAAAAAAaaaaauuuuggghhh!!!]]''
* His criticism of the show [[TheyWastedAPerfectlyGoodPlot wasting what would've been not-so-bad of a concept]].
-->'''Chris:''' And you know, THAT might've worked with the right concept! They could've had Pinky and the Brain vs. WesternAnimation/{{Freakazoid}} Pinky and the Brain join the Franchise/DCUniverse and battle ComicBook/{{Superman}} and ComicBook/{{Batman}}! '''''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis ANYTHING! BUT! THIS!!!!!]]'''''
-->'''Brain:''' Pinky and I are being held hostage by some HORRIBLE little girl whose name escapes me right now.
-->'''Elmyra:''' ''(pounding him on the head with her fist)'' '''E-L-M-Y-R-A!''' I'm Elmyra, silly cranky big-head mousy!
-->'''Chris:''' ''(crosses fingers)'' ''DEMON!!!!'' '''''DEEEEMOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!'''''
* "I can't say what'd I like to see HAPPEN to you without Cartoon Child Services coming after me!"

[[AC: Dinosaurs]]
* Chris declares he will not be stopped in his attempt to find the sender of the "WesternAnimation/PinkyElmyraAndTheBrain" DVD. Cue him realizing that it is August, his traditional theme month.
* His discomfort about Baby Sinclair being puppeteered by KevinClash. [[note]] For those unaware, Clash was most famous as Elmo from ''Series/SesameStreet''... and resigned over a sex scandal that went nowhere.[[/note]]

[[AC:Denver, the Last Dinosaur]]
* "Something sealed up in a container for 60 million years? Eh, sounds like [[ItCameFromTheFridge half the stuff in my freezer]]."

[[AC:The Land Before Time/Dink the Little Dinosaur]]
* Saying that he gives ''Dink the Little Dinosaur'' a pass even though it contains one of his {{Pet Peeve Trope}}s — namely, averting GirlsHaveCooties — since "it's set in the Stone Age, and I'm pretty sure cooties weren't discovered until sometime around the Dark Ages."

* He sets the pencil-esque opening to ''Dino-Riders'' with "Take on Me" by A-ha.
* The basic premise (aliens trying to learn about humanity) and baseball episode of ''Dinosaucers'' give off some strange vibes. He then makes the connection; the show is similar to ''Series/{{Galactica 1980}}''.
-->(''on seeing the footage of the'' Galactica 1980 ''episode "Spaceball"'') "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO BURN THAT FOOTAGE!"
-->(''on the similarities between'' Dinosaucers ''and'' Galactica 1980) "My doctor says that I could get BRAIN DAMAGE from taking out my frustrations! (''takes out baseball bat'')
* When he sees the heroes and villains of WesternAnimation/DinoRiders fighting with armed dinosaurs, his mouth hangs open and we get a caption that says '''AWESOMENESS METER OVERLOAD'''.

[[AC: The Jersey]]
* Upon finding out that the jersey wasn't destroyed, he assumes that the kids are still entering athletes' bodies today.
--> "But they better not have been in Nelson Cruz during the 2011 World Series!"[[note]](In Game 6 of said series, The Rangers were an out away from winning their first World Series when David Freese hit a ball to Nelson Cruz, who missed the ball and allowed a game-tying triple.)[[/note]]

[[AC:Allen Gregory]]
* After the title character throws a temper tantrum: "I haven't seen that much childish whining since… well, since the 2011 World Series. And no, you can't see it. I burned all the photographic evidence."
* "Nope! No, it doesn't work that way. You can ''not'' make your main character an asshole who talks down to everyone, encourages pedophilia, and then try to make us sympathetic to him with a poop joke! Go back to middle school English class and '''''TRY AGAIN!'''''"
* After a sex tape between the title character and his elderly principal is mentioned, Chris [[TheUnsmile smiles]] quietly for several seconds, then walks all the way to a train station and lets out a [[OverlyLongScream drawn-out scream.]] Cue the ad break, and then Chris writing a letter reading "Dear producers of ''Stripperella'': I am so very, ''very'' sorry…"
* "I could play the ''WesternAnimation/RobotChicken'' '[[DudeNotFunny This isn't funny!]]' gag in a loop 50 times in a row, and it still wouldn't convey how unfunny that is."
* The ending joke:
-->'''Chris:''' I don't know if I could hear anything that could make my day even worse after this.
-->'''Perkins''' Did you hear ''WesternAnimation/PinkyElmyraAndTheBrain'' is getting a DVD release?
-->'''Chris:''' '''''GHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!''''' (brandishes a baseball bat)

[[AC:You're a Good Sport, Charlie Brown]]
* "A charity dirt-bike race run by kids? Does the Charlie Brown universe take place in [[Franchise/PowerRangers Angel Grove]]?"
* His over-the-top reaction to Charlie finally [[spoiler:winning the race]].

[[AC:Mork & Mindy: "Mork in Wonderland"]]
* While reviewing the ''Series/MorkAndMindy'' episode "Mork in Wonderland", [[CloudCuckoolander Exidor]] states that everyone is getting bigger after seeing Mork shrunken from [[BizarreAlienBiology the cold medicine he took]], which causes Rowdy to have a moment of SelfDeprecation where he squishes his paunch.

[[AC: Film/{{JFK}}]]
* His RapidFire explanation of what's wrong with the conspiracy which also doubles as a CrowningMomentOfAwesome.

[[AC: South Park: "Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants"]]
* After the boys are captured by the Taliban, Osama Bin Laden begins recording when the review swaps the footage with footage from ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', which causes Rowdy to scold Perkins for doing that.

[[AC: [[Film/HomeAloneTheHolidayHeist Home Alone (5): The Holiday Heist]]]]
* After a character says "Will you look at that snow? Never got that in California", Rowdy frowns, then cues a picture of a snowy landscape captioned "Fresno, CA". "That's Hollywood for you, thinking that California doesn't go any farther north than Bakersfield."
* His pointing out that the film is so cheap that the parents are crammed into a twin-size insted of queen-size bed.
* This:
-->'''Rowdy''': You know, we're about halfway through this movie, so just so I know, are we gonna have much more stupid coming forth in this thing?
-->'''Caption''': LOTS MORE STUPID!!!!
-->'''Rowdy''': OK, I'm gonna go make some eggnog laced with [[CallBack Liquid IQ]] to get through this thing. We'll be right back.

[[folder:2014 reviews]]
[[AC: Series/{{Supertrain}}: Express to Terror]]
* Rowdy's parody of the theme from ''Series/TheLoveBoat''.
--> "Supertrain! Soon we'll be melting into goo!"
* "About the only thing dumber is to expect to make all that money back via internet ad revenue! [[HypocriticalHumor Speaking of which, we'll be right back.]]"
* Rowdy's jabs at the CloudCuckoolander owner of the company that built Supertrain.
--> "You are the second-dumbest old fart I've heard open his pie-hole this week. [[UnintentionalPeriodPiece You should thank Red McCombs for not being first!!]]"

[[AC: Glee Season 4]]
* Moore declares his impartial method of judging the music in the show... whenever a song comes on, he throws on his iPod and listens to 80s Rock. The second he learns that "Call Me Maybe" will be the first song, he plops on his headphones and sings "Living on a Prayer".
* He rejects the typical opening narration from Glee to start the episode.
* "(Finn's return) was so soon, it wasn't even available in the pool!"
* "If (going to Washington" means you'll be gone from the show, who do I have to bribe to get you on the committee?" Complete with Chris ripping out his chequebook.
* "(Brittney's fondue show) [[TakeThat might be more entertaining than]] [[WebVideo/TheIrateGamer The Irate Gamer's!"]]
* "Sue's hatred of New Directions might just be a tic of hers... [[SelfDeprecation much like my hatred of the NFL]]."
* When the episode "Guilty Pleasures" makes a ''LiveActionTV/SmallWonder'' reference, Chris wonders which is sadder: ''Glee'' pandering to nerds with a reference to an obscure '80s sitcom, or that ''he'' knows they got the reference ''wrong'' by putting VIKI's control box in her chest when it's supposed to be in her back.

[[AC:Ren and Stimpy Adult Party Cartoon]]
* "Who am I kidding, a barf ''dumpster'' wouldn't be enough for this show..."
* After discussing the end of the second episode, the show cuts to Chris calling an insane asylum to get John K committed.
** He also declares that the horse in that episode is his favorite character in the show.
* [[spoiler: Professor Stupidiot]] is just one long love letter to [[WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb Doctor Doofenschmirtz]].

[[AC: Brickleberry]]
* Rowdy's faces of shock and disgust after hearing/seeing the tasteless jokes.
* "Gee, television really DOES encourage violence! I now want to hunt down these writers and chop off their fingers so they can never TYPE AGAIN!"

[[AC:10 Worst Commercials]]
* "Advertising/HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead…" (''grabs baseball bat'') "How about I apply THIS directly to your forehead instead?!"

[[AC: E! Network]]
* At the beginning of the review, The Wrestling Mark is depressed over the events of Wrestlemania.
** Close to the end, Mark barges in, blasting Rowdy for almost taking on E's coverage of wrestler's private lives.
* As Rowdy lists the Kardashian spin-offs, he gets to Khloe and Lamar when he's wearing Mavericks clothes and snarls, "Why YES, these ARE the two I hate the most from that family! What ever made you guess?"

[[AC: Hulk Hogan's Rock-N-Wrestling]]
* In lieu of Rowdy C (who disappeared off of the face of the Earth around the same time as Professor Stupidiot), the review is done by The Wrestling Mark.

[[AC: Alvin and the Chipmunks: "Dreamlighting"]]
* The entire review is done by "The Slacker Sis", played by Chris's real life sister. The review proceeds to take some stabs at the Recap/Review-type webshow, as well as Chris himself.
* "Welcome to ''TV Trash''. ''(beat)'' REALLY? THAT'S the best intro my brother could come up with?"

[[AC: Small Wonder]]
* "That robot will take away thousands of jobs. Let's hope the Koch Brothers don't see this!"
* Immediately afterwards, after an unfortunate camera angle: "Let's hope Roman Polanski doesn't see this!"
* "Who'd this guy learn robotics from? Dr Frankenstein?"
* "Ah, who knows, maybe robots are naturally snarky. [[WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}} They certainly will be in the 31st century.]]"

[[AC: [=ProStars=]]]
* When referencing Michael Jordan's TechnoBabble: "Yeah, let's see them train you to be a superhero over at Duke!"
* Regarding the bizarre intro to the live-action segments of ''[=ProStars=]'' (which involve one-liners, '80s animation and ''lots'' of flipping around):
-->'''Rowdy''': When the best that I can say is that it's still better than ''Club Mario'', that ain't good.
** Then, when the titular [=ProStars=] say their catch phrase "It's game time!", Rowdy points his finger and is about to say something...then stops in his tracks, and says "Nope, still not worse than 'Let's get warty'."

[[AC:Coupling U.S.]]
* "WOW, 30 seconds in and you've reinforced just about every negative stereotype concerning men! Could you make me hate you any quicker?!"

[[AC:He's a Bully, Charlie Brown]]
* When [[spoiler:Charlie Brown wins the marble contest]], Rowdy can't help but sing a slightly rewritten version of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia".

[[folder:2015 Reviews]]
[[AC: The Adventures of Electra Elf]]
* The Cold Open for the review has Chris simply looking traumatized, before pulling up the DVD box and pointing at it.
-->'''Chris''': "[[CurseCutShort WHAT THE FUUUUU]]-"''(cue theme music)''
** He is unable to finish his sentences immediately afterwards.
* After the opening credits to ''Electra Elf''...
--> '''[[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Krusty the Clown]]''': ...what the hell was THAT?
--> '''Chris''': A gateway to hell, Krusty!
* On the topic of [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotForKids the adult humor]] [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar spread throughout]]--"SUBTLETY? WHAT'S THAT?"
* "I need Liquid IQ...NOW!!!!" ''(falls over)''
* At the end of the review, he hopes for some good news to start 2015. Perkins announces that ''WesternAnimation/{{Brickleberry}}'' has gotten the axe. Cue him partying on his couch, to the tune of "Celebration".

[[AC: Susie Q]]
* Rowdy's reaction to who's playing [[Creator/AmyJoJohnson Susie Quinn.]]

[[AC: Johnny Test]]
* The beginning of the episode has Rowdy struck comatose thanks to watching this show. "Get me a gallon of Liquid IQ and a funnel!"
* "[Mr. Black and Mr. White] would get pantsed by [[WesternAnimation/ThePinkPanther Inspector Clouseau]], [[Series/GetSmart Maxwell Smart]], WesternAnimation/InspectorGadget, ''and'' [[Series/PoliceSquad Frank Drebin!]]"
* "Even I take a break on the [[NoIndoorVoice high volume]] [[LullDestruction more often than this show!]] But don't expect too much of that in this review, because I don't think my rage will allow it."


[[folder:2016 Reviews]]
[[AC: Spaceballs: The Animated Series]]
* The series of "D'OH!"s Chris makes regarding Creator/{{G4}}'s failures are utterly perfect.

* From his analysis of ''VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaTheMinishCap'', his reaction to the presence of the Tingle group:
-->'''Chris:''' No no no no, no-no-no-no, OH MY GOD, THEY'RE MULTIPLYING!