Funny / Running Scared (1986)

• The lineup scene.
• Danny telling all of Snake's neighbors he's carrying around $50,000 under the guise of asking them to guard Snake and his money.
• Danny and Ray decide to take Julio's car from the police impound lot. Then Julio's car phone rings while they're driving:
  Ray: (answering the phone) Hello? Hola, Julio!
  Danny: Tell him I said hello!
  Ray: We've been looking all over for you, man. Donde esta? Julio...Jul...(turns to Danny) He's very excited. Something about his car being stolen.
  Danny: His car was stolen?
  Ray: I guess so. (back into the phone) Jul...Julio, look, you wanna file a report, amigo? Huh? (the line goes dead)
  Danny: You didn't tell him I said hello!
  Ray: I tried to, he hung up on me!
  • Earlier, the scene where they have Julio's car towed is pretty funny.
• Danny and Ray laying out Snake's options:
  Ray: We'll let you out to make your buy. We'll follow you to Gonzalez, bust him, we'll be heroes, and you'll go free.
  Snake: Drop dead.
  Danny: Then you'll be wanting to hear your other option.
  Ray: Which is we nail Gonzalez *without* you, arraign you two together, drop the charges against you, he thinks you rolled over on him, and *you* drop dead!
• Snake saying that Julio's old boss fell on a knife four times.
• Ray and Danny guessing that the presumed jumper died of cement poisoning.
• Ray smashing in the back of their undercover car. "Now it looks like a taxi!"
• A lawyer comes in looking for Danny while he's trying to have a serious conversation with Anna, so Ray agrees to wander off and pretend he's Danny. When the lawyer searches the station and can't find "Danny", even in the men's room, Danny suggests he try the ladies' room. Sure enough:
  Ray: (leaning on a sink) Take one more step, and I'll arrest you for indecent exposure.
  Lawyer: What about you?
  Ray: I'm on a stakeout.
• The fire department responds to the crime scene of an apparent sucide jumper because the locals refuse to call the cops on principle.
• Ray and Danny claiming to Julio they have him right while he want them as he has them completely trapped and is having their car over a garbage truck.
• This threat during a Mexican Standoff: "You have the right to remain dead. You have the right to a coroner, if you cannot afford one we will appoint a medical examiner."
• The captain declaring that he sees Danny and Ray as anti-role models and is assigning the other two detectives to them so they'll know what not to do.
• The Who's on First? conversation about what another cop means by saying the drugs are shit (he means that they're of poor quality and worthless).
• Danny waking up Ray and his date by turning on a police siren.
• Their car being labelled "Unmarked police car" with gang graffiti.
• While their in Florida, Danny wins a bet about which one of them caught the bigger swordfish only for a bunch of beer cans he'd stuffed inside to inflate the weight to go pouring out the mouth, causing Ray to take his money back.
• This conversation between Roy's ex-wife and his aunt.
  Aunt Sophie: Oh, it's good to see you two back together again.
  Anna: Ah, we're still divorced.
  Aunt Sophie: Italians don't get divorced. It's a sin. They're just not together, that's all.
  Anna: We're still not together.
  Aunt Sophie: Thank heavens. He's no good for you.
• Danny impersonating Captain Logan on the phone.
• A pair of muggers trying to hold up Ray and Danny, only to freak out when they realize who they're robbing. They try to run away, with the detectives bickering a bit before chasing them and then emptying their guns to disable the car (which is hit six times). Once the car has came to a stop and the two are surrendering, Ray and Danny accuse each other of missing all six shots and argue about it for a while.
• Snake swiping the police radio while handcuffed in the car and calling in a UFO landing.
  • And getting belted in the face for it by Danny.
• Danny and Ray being accused of police brutality by a suspect and denying it, "This is just harassment, if it doesn't work, then we'll get brutal."
• During a shootout, Gonzalez being chased out of his apartment in his underwear. To recapture his Villain Cred he forces Ray and Danny to throw him down their pants, then steals their "Unmarked Police Car." Making matters worse for the two cops is the arrival of the backup Ray insisted on calling, who arrive just in time to see their humiliation.