History Funny / Parksandrecreation

-->'''Andy:''' (pointing at the churned butter) Now is that made from the milk from the goat's penis?\\
-->'''Leslie:''' (beat) Do you WANT it to be...?\\

--->'''Jean-Realphio:''' ''(smirks at Donna)'' I hope you brought a change of clothes... 'cause your eyes are about to piss ''tears.''\\

* Ron starts undoing Tammy's brain-washing by offering Jamm one of his gold bars if he says something bad about Tammy. Seeing Jamm caught in-between his desire for Tammy and his usual greed is hilariously pathetic.

* Ron comparing going against Tammy to going to war, capped off with his statement that, "Tammy does not abide by the Geneva Convention." Followed by Leslie wafting some of Tammy's perfume in Jamm's face and then ''violently slapping him'' whenever he reacts to it so he associates the smell with physical pain as a form of Pavlovian conditioning. Made even funnier by Jon Glaser's [[LargeHam utterly ridiculous facial expressions]] throughout the whole thing.

* The museum dedicated to William Henry Harrison has so much difficult in trying to fill the museum with stuff about his life (since his presidency was so short) it has spaces dedicated to hypotheticals, other things that were famous for a month, and other famous Harrisons.

-->'''Chris:''' [[invoked]] [[{{Understatement}} This has been a difficult year for me, romantically]]. Millicent Gergich, Ann Perkins, Andy's professor. Lots of disappointment. [[MemeticMutation But, if I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair!
** It's worth noting that Chris is saying this all with [[StepfordSmiler a huge smile on his face]].

-->'''Donna:''' I'm down to one word per minute! And that word is "perflipiscup"!

* Chris' comment on the crushing disappointment that has been his love life for the past year:
-->'''Chris:''' This has been a difficult year for me, romantically. Millicent Gergich, Ann Perkins, Andy's professor. Lots of disappointment. But, if I keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, I will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.
** And he says all of this with [[StepfordSmiler a huge smile on his face]].

* Andy's security code names for the Knope campaign team.

* When Leslie notices that her daughter is sitting and talking with Ann's son, she immediately [[ShippingGoggles hopes they fall in love]]. Ann warns her not to seem too approving. Leslie agrees, then gives her daughter a big smile and a thumbs up.

'''Ron Dunn:''' I'm a big believer in environmental conservation. Recycling and composting and the like. ''[[[OhCrap the smile on Ron Swanson's face suddenly becomes a frown]]]'' I'm a yoga nut, and I'm a [[JustForPun nut nut]]. They make delicious milks, man. I'm a vegan, of course, slowly working towards full freegan-vegan.\\

'''Leslie:''' ''(crying)'' You don’t even know one thing, I didn't even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and I didn't even do it once!\\
'''Tom:''' I'm like an elephant, OK? If I walk into a room, it's like OK, he's in there.\\

'''Ben:''' ''(giggles like an idiot)'' Baba booey.\\
'''Andy:''' Turn this music down. ''(singing)'' Farts and boobs and love and stuff... macaroni salad...\\
'''April:''' ''(rambles in incomprehensible Spanish)''\\
'''Jerry:''' ''(giggles and then coughs, holding a glass of Snakejuice)''\\

* Creator/PattonOswalt's turn as Garth Blundin begins with a filibuster focused on his proposal for ''Film/TheForceAwakens'', which devolves into a MassiveMultiplayerCrossover between ''Franchise/StarWars'' and the Franchise/MarvelComics universe (including ComicBook/TheAvengers, ComicBook/SpiderMan, ComicBook/XMen and ComicBook/FantasticFour). The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYNDssdsVnM uncut version]] needs to be seen to be believed.

* [[CoitusEnsues April full on mounting Andy in public when they re-unite]].

* ''Everyone's'' [[{{Squee}} reaction to]] [[HundredPercentAdorationRating Li'l Sebastian]]. Especially Ron's glee.

** Fittingly, the first person to leave the meeting? Creator/ChrisPratt, [[Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy whose future character was never mentioned during the filibuster]] despite the direct tie to Thanos.

'''Ron Dunn: Nice to see ya, Ron. I couldn't help but overhear. Sure am sorry about your loss. And every time we lose a compadre, our collective lantern gets a little bit dimmer.\\

-->'''Ron:''' Death does not scare me. What I am worried about is spoiling my children. I don't want them to be the kind of people who never work, live off of their trust funds, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking who]] ''[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking buy]]'' [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking their wooden furniture.]] ''(Ben gives an AsideGlance)

'''Ron:''' ''({{beat}})'' ''(mutters)'' I'm not gonna lose to a ''boar.''

-->'''Ron''': So, not only does this thing exist but you have also [[TheCakeIsALie deprived everyone of cake!]]

* When Ron Swanson discovers the horrifying truth about Ron Dunn:

'''Ron Swanson:''' [in a [[TalkingHeads talking head]]]'' I no longer like Ron.

'''Ron Swanson:''' Dunn and done.

-->'''Pawnee Resident:''' What's wrong with corn syrup? It's natural! [[CriticalResearchFailure Corn is a fruit. Syrup comes from a bush!]]\\

-->'''Andy:''' How about Germany? [[CriticalResearchFailure They've never been the bad guys.]]

* After two little girls demand that Ron and Andy ask their permission to work on the pothole in their kingdom:

''[cut to a TalkingHead of Ron in his office, holding a copy of the chart]''\\

* [[http://originaldave77.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/ron-swanson-pyramid-of-greatness-wallpaper-2560x1600.png The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.]]
-->'''Ron''': Under my tutelage, you'll grow from boys into men, from men into gladiators and from gladiators into Swansons. Behold! The Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.

-->'''Ben''': No, Orin, I don't know how I'm going to die. Wait, are you asking me or telling me?

--> '''Old Man''': I picture a park with rides and sexy cartoon characters. I call it Disney Land.
--> '''Leslie''': How did you get in here?
--> '''Old Man''': Broke a window.
** When Leslie and Co are in the decrepit district of Pawnee April and Andy live in and announces she has a plan.
--> '''Old Man''' (Showing up out of nowhere): I'll help. (Startles everyone else)
--> '''Leslie''': Where did you come from?
--> '''Old Man''': Came through the sewer.
** Bidding 50 dollars on the Red Hot Chili Peppper's guitar... [[TakeThat and then trying to wipe the signature off]].
** "That's my slogan... "Who needs a slogan" and then a picture of him flipping everyone off.

--> '''Old Man:''' Oh, those are nipple rings.
--> '''Ben:''' And you know that because...they were yours. *drops rings in disgust*

-->'''Woman''': I found a sandwich in one of your parks and I wanted to know [[TooDumbToLive why it didn't have]] [[WhatDoYouMeanItsNotHeinous mayonnaise]]!\\

'''Woman''': What's so funny?!

---> '''Woman''': I made this in one of your pottery classes. '''[[NeverMyFault It's terrible]]!''' (''[[RageQuit Smashes it on the floor]]'')
* One popular [[https://youtu.be/C4eqLn1f8Ro?t=184 outtake]] from "Born and Raised": after Andy (as Burt Macklin) steals Leslie's birth certificate and "some dude's briefcase", he throws the briefcase away, and the lights switch off. After a beat, it dawns on everyone that Chris Pratt accidentally threw the briefcase at the light switch, ''shattering it''.
-->'''Chris Pratt''': ''That's not something that props can fix. That's gonna be a little harder to fix. I'm sorry.'' '''I'm out!''' (''runs off'')

-->'''Andy''': I have hot snakes, you guys!
-->'''April''': What's 'hot snakes'?
-->'''Andy''': (beat) It's when the diarrhea comes out like a hot snake!
-->'''April''': Andy!
-->(Nick Offerman starts laughing hysterically)
-->'''Andy''': I get hot snakes and bubblegut!

-->'''Andy''': Sometimes, when I wipe, (Aubrey corpses and turns her back) I'll wipe and I'll wipe and I'll wipe... a hundred times...still poop, still poop...it's like I'm wiping a marker or something.

-->'''Andy''': (pointing at the churned butter) Now is that made from the milk from the goat's penis?
-->'''Leslie''': (beat) Do you WANT it to be...?
-->'''Andy''': No, I just noticed it tasted different from when I was drinking it...
* The main cast singing "Bye Bye Li'l Sebastian" at [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZQQfkJ7hZY#t=89 Late Night with Seth Myers]]. Aubrey Plaza and Jim O'Heir are making out in the middle with everyone else laughing and Chris Pratt trying to keep a straight face.

* Meanwhile, Mark, April, and Tom do find someone who's interested:
-->'''Man''': Also, is the park gonna be at least a thousand feet from my house? Because, y'know, I really can't move again.\\
'''Mark''': April, please stand behind me.

-->'''Town manager''': My god, she's filibustering her own meeting.

-->'''Ron''': One guy who sits in a small room at a desk, and the only thing he's allowed to decide is who to nuke. The man is chosen based on some kind of IQ test, and maybe also a physical tournament, like a decathlon. And women are brought to him, maybe... when he desires them.

-->'''Ron''': My ex-wife Tammy cheated on me, then we divorced, then last week I ran into her sister Beth here; turns out she hates Tammy too, so we started dating. It's like a fairy tale!
-->'''Beth''': Yeah, Tammy stinks.

-->'''Ron''': Hey, who wants to see me climb a tree?
-->'''Tom''', '''Wendy''', '''Beth''': [''enthusiastically''] I do!

* [[https://youtu.be/rxnXfzIRp_A Leslie trying to do a British accent.]] It's a lovely little bit of {{Cringe Comedy}}.

* The entirety of Old Gus's [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech retirement speech]]. Made even better with Andy [[ComicallyMissingThePoint cheerfully laughing at Gus's speech]] while everyone else awkwardly stares at him.

* When Mark asks Tom for advice on how to handle Andy’s attempts to get back with Ann, Tom tells him to take the high road. Then we immediately cut to Tom’s talking head: “I never take the high road. But I always tell other people to, so that there’s more room for ''me'' on the ''low road''.” Complete with appropriately ridiculous-looking hand gestures.

* [[https://youtu.be/sGUkc9ajgiU Andy's reaction to Ron... enjoying his shoeshine.]]

-->'''Leslie''': I got that tunnel vision that girls get. I let my emotions get the best of me. I cared too much, I guess. I was thinking with my... lady parts. I was walking and it felt icky. I thought there was gonna be chocolate. I don't even remember! I'm wearing a new bra, and it closes in the front, so it popped open and it threw me off. All I wanna do is have babies! I'm just going through a thing right now. I guess when my life is incomplete, I wanna just shoot someone. This would not happen if I had a penis! What? Bitches be crazy. I'm good at tolerating pain; I'm bad at math, and... I'm stupid.

--->'''Donna''': [[PersonaNonGrata I can't go back there.]] But if you see Jasmine, tell her she can keep Anthony, but I want my microwave back!\\
'''Leslie''': ''[[[ThousandYardStare reflects for a moment]] on Donna's life outside of work]'' ...Okay, good! You're gonna take April home.\\
'''April''': No, I want to go to the Glitter Factory!\\
'''Leslie''': Well, drop out of school and start doing meth.
* Leslie mistakes the name of a stripper as "Seabiscuit"; she's corrected that it's "Sierra". Tom admits that he's not interested in a lap dance or anything else, and Leslie tells "Seabiscuit" to move along.
* Leslie's stripper name would be "Equality".

-->'''April''': ''["smoking" a pen like a [[FemmeFatale cigarette holder]]]'' Do you want me to seduce [news anchor] Perd Hapley?\\

* Leslie's reaction to Ron and Diane's wedding.

* When Leslie and Ann confront the Sweetums/Paunch Burger PR lady about [[https://youtu.be/Ish8NBunrQU the sizes of the sodas.]] To elaborate: a "Little Swallow" is a puny cup, but five cents more gets you a "Small" (64-oz), a "Regular" is 128-oz,[[note]]"Most people call it a gallon."[[/note]] and [[UpToEleven "Child-size" is 512-oz!]]