Funny / Ms. Wiz

Ms Wiz Spells Trouble

• Ms Wiz has a school inspector visiting, and wonders where Herbert her pet rat has gotten to. No one has told him about the inspector, so of course he gets excited exploring this new tunnel that is of course the poor man's trouser leg. The inspector drops his pants and runs out into the playground.
• After Ms Wiz teaches the children about the French Revolution, there's mention about them re-enacting a protest in the playground. These 8-year-olds are marching around with plaques reading "behead the aristocrats", and Jack carrying a potato on a stick meant to stand in for someone's head.
• Archie's math lesson, where whenever Jack gets a sum wrong, he...ahem...
  Ms Wiz: The correct term is 'guano'.
  • She also clarifies that each time Archie does said guano, it means fifty lines.
  Katrina: You'll need a new basket soon. Jack's never going to get it.
• Mrs Hicks and Ms Gomez getting Laser-Guided Karma for spying on the class - their noses get stuck to the windows! And of course it's then break time and all the children get their entertainment.
• Threatening to whip your child shouldn't be funny, but Cuthbert Harris chooses his words interestingly.
  "I'm going to give you a proper larruping when you get home!"
• Ms Gomez and Mrs Hick's Skewed Priorities when Mr Harris is turned into an animal; neither of them bat an eyelid at the fact that he's undergone Involuntary Shapeshifting, as they're too busy arguing about whether he's been turned into a warthog or wild boar.
• The last line of the book is Ms Gomez and Mrs Hicks changing back from geese, and continuing their rant uninterrupted. Jack sighs "I think I preferred them as geese."

In Stitches with Ms Wiz

• The way one of the nurses describes Jack's father following the ambulance, and then having "a disagreement with a double decker bus".
• Podge and Caroline asking about the operation.
  Jack: All they did was take out a small, useless bit of gristle.
  Caroline: Oh no! You mean it was a brain operation!

You're Nicked, Ms Wiz

• Caroline sassing Mr Bailey when he's unkind to Lizzie worrying about her lost cat. He's demanding she give them a simile, so Caroline draws a comparison between Mr Bailey and an insensitive Jerkass with no regards for anyone else's feelings. She then adds "or is that a metaphor, sir?"
  • Fridge Brilliance: it's a simile if the comparison uses 'like' or 'as', so Caroline was indeed correct.
• Ms Wiz using her magic to free all the animals that made Mrs Darcy's coat. She wails that "everything I'm wearing is fur!" and hurries away before she's lost all modesty.
  • Ms Wiz sets the police on Mrs Darcy at the end too. He tries to arrest her by approaching her sitting in her car.
  "You're nicked! You're...nacked. No! You're...absolutely...naked!

In Control Ms Wiz

• Cuthbert Harris trying to get the council to open the library before Philip Yadsick eats everything in his living room. The Chief Leisure Officer only hears him screaming for Philip not to eat the television. She assumes he just had a lot to drink at lunch.
• Philip wreaking havoc by eating everything in the Harris kitchen.
  Mrs Harris: Our Sunday lunch!
  Podge: I don't think he can wait until Sunday.
  Mrs Harris: He'll eat us out of house and home!
  Podge: I think he'll eat the house and home first.
• When Peter Rabbit ends up under a bus.
  Mr Goff: Peter Rabbit under a bus? This could change the whole shape of children's literature!
  Podge: It's certainly changed the shape of Peter Rabbit...
• Mr Goff has a fit when he reads a notice from the council, prompting an old man to wake up and assume it's a fire alarm.
  "Fire! Don't worry, I heard the siren. Pensioners out first!"
• Caroline having the time of her life doing the voice of Fergie. Especially how Helen Leaderer does it in the audio book. She improvises that 'Fergie' is so keen to have the library re-opened because "I read my very first book there". The Chief Leisure officer takes the time to note that Fergie certainly doesn't sound like she's from that area.
• The Chief Leisure Officer arriving at the library before everyone else gets there.
  CLO: Your highness walked?
  Caroline-pretending-to-be-Fergie: We..er...like to meet the common people.
  Jack: Common? That's nice.

Ms Wiz Goes Live

• Little Musha throwing such an epic tantrum that glasses on the sink rattle, neighbours close their windows and cats disappear into trees in terror.
• Ms Wiz doing the evening news. Deciding it's too depressing, so she instead reporting on what Caroline's parents' night out. The producer tries to stop her and...
  Ms Wiz: Oh look, a television producer has just been transformed into a panda. As we all know, the panda is a threatened species. (pulls the panda's ear) In fact, I'm threatening this one right now.

Ms Wiz Banned

• The children insisting the Meaningful Name behind Miss N Chanter. The teacher just says her first name is Nicola.
• Even hearing they're about to be spirited away to a small island in the Caribbean, Podge pouts that they don't get to go to Milton Keynes.
• The school inspector's little Continuity Nod.
  "That's it! Rats up trouser legs are one thing! Disappearing children, quite another!"
• Ms Wiz kicks a door down at the Paranormal Operative headquarters. Carl is in awe and asks if it was magic. She replies no, just anger.

Time Flies For Ms Wiz

• Podge declares he'll be writing a report on the man who invented the most important thing the world has ever seen.
  Mr Bailey: What did he invent?
  Podge: Chocolate! Thick, chunky, creamy...
  Mr Bailey: A serious suggestion, please!
• Nabilla says she'll be doing her project on Joan of Arc. Jack asks if that was Noah's wife.^note As in Noah's arc.
• Ms Wiz getting offended at Elizabeth's I "weak and feeble woman" speech, and making it more 20th century friendly.
• Despite being able to time travel to 1854, Ms Wiz can't get the fashion right.
  Nabilla: People weren't wearing powdered wigs and huge, silly skirts in 1854! We're at least a hundred years out of date!
• The solution to the above is to change them into modern clothes. Lord Cardigan then finds them, taking note of "ladies in breeches and...odd coloured shirts" - then assuming they must be Russian spies.
  "Ruskies! Ruskies disguised as ladies in breeches!"
• Lord Cardigan also seems quite taken with Ms Wiz's Mickey Mouse alarm clock.

Power Crazy Ms Wiz

• Podge nearly goes into hysterics when they come face to face with the Prime Minister. Jack meanwhile just remarks "he's smaller than he looks on television."
• In the audio books, the sound Helen Leaderer uses for when Ms Wiz turns the speaker into a gorilla.
• A Take That! to Margaret Thatcher as many a 90s children's book contained has Ms Wiz's power craziness being coded with her saying "this lady's not for turning!"

Ms Wiz Loves Dracula

• This book has a hilarious chapter when Ms Wiz shows up at Lizzie's house floating in mid air with butterflies buzzing around her and reciting dreamy poetry. Jack and Lizzie's reactions are even better:
  Lizzie: Ms Wiz, just think about this. You cannot fall in love with a vampire.
  Jack: Yeah, after a few nights out with him your neck would be like a pin cushion.
  • We also get this little gem as they all set out...
  Lizzie: (calling back into the kitchen) Mum, me and Jack are just going off to reunite Ms Wiz with the love of her life who may be a bloodsucking lord of the undead.
  Mrs Thompson: (who has a massive hangover) Mmm-hmm.

You're Kidding Ms Wiz

• Jack explaining Ms Wiz's new situation to the parents.
  Jack: Ms Wiz got married and the magic faded.
  Mrs Smith: (looking grumpily at her husband) I know the feeling.
• Ms Wiz's baby William turns out to be fully able to talk, and snark - making him almost a proto Stewie Griffin. He frequently annoys his mother by calling her 'Doll'.
  • He also costs himself the win in a beautiful baby contest when the Lady Mayoress comments "what a chubby little chap".
  "I only told her she was no bloomin' supermodel herself!"

Ms Wiz Supermodel

• Due to the fashion show, all the girls at school have been going on diets and giving their lunch time chips to a delighted Podge.
• The end has Ms Wiz leaving a five figure number written on the mirror. The children first assume it's a phone number, but it turns out it's her age. They guess she had to have been around when cavemen were. She comments that they were nice, but just had a tendency to drag people by the hair.