Funny / McLintock!

  • Love Wayne's very first lines in the movie:
    "Don't say it's a fine morning or I'll shoot ya!"
  • Ol' Running Buffalos' often repeated line.
    Running Buffalo: Swell party, where's the whisky?
    • When helping up McLintock during the mud brawl:
    Running Buffalo: Swell party, hah?!
    G.W.: (Looking THIS close to rolling his eyes) Yeah.... "Swell party"....
    • And finally:
    Running Buffalo: Great party! ...But no whisky. We go home.
  • "Tiny Mouse"
  • When McLintock and Drago are standing on the porch trying to explain the situation to Ching the cook. Instead of being reasonable, Ching stands there with a rather large meat cleaver. Ready to defend his position.
    G.W. McLintock: Well you old Cantonese reprobate, how 'bout it?
    Ching: Ya fire me? I kill myself!
    G.W. McLintock: I'm not talkin' about firing you I'm RETIRING you! You've been rustlin' food for us for forty years! We're gonna put you out to pasture. All you'll have to do is give advice, be one of the family!
    Ching: I kill myself!
    G.W. McLintock: I may save you the trouble.
    Drago: Hey Ching, you kill yourself, I'll cut of your pigtail and y'ain't never gonna get to Heaven! (swishes his pocketknife, ready and able)
    Ching: (Ching pauses) I'll be one of the family?
    G.W. McLintock: I give you my solemn word.
    Ching: Pretty crummy family! Drinkee too muchee! Get in fight! Yell alla time!
    G.W. McLintock: (gestures at Drago) Cut off his pigtail! (Drago starts to walk up the stairs, pocketknife in hand)
  • The whole fiasco at the mud hole, not to mention the lines that started it all.
    I know—I know; I'm gonna use good judgment—I haven't (poke!) lost my temper in forty years, but (poke!) pilgrim you caused a lot of trouble this morning, (poke) might have got somebody killed... and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth! But I won't. (poke) I won't. (Beat) The hell I won't—! (belts Jones in the mouth)
    • McLintock, as he tumbles down the mud hole into Kate, lets out a big "YEEEEEEEEEEEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...!!!"
  • Becky asks McLintock to shoot Devlin Warren because he called her a trollop. McLintock immediately takes out a gun out of the cupboard and shoots him with a blank. Becky getting furious with her father. Devlin's realization as he takes the blank shot point-blank and falls over, figuring he's dead.
  • McLintock comes home late drunk, and insists on sharing a few drinks with Mrs. Warren, who is initially quite hesitant but soon takes a liking to the liquor. Between the series of faces she makes as she drinks the whisky, and how she rapidly gets thoroughly shnockered, to the point of forgetting what she needed to talk to McClintock about ( She's quitting because she's marrying the Sheriff) and decides to go to bed, cheerfully tripping over half of the furniture and the stairs before McClintock decides to help her (making the situation no better in any way at all).
    • Later, after they fall down the stairs and Katherine finds Mrs. Warren sitting on GW's lap, Mrs. Warren finally remembers what she needed to say. Katherine warmly congratulates her, then points out that she's still sitting in McClintock's lap.
  • The finale after falling down the stairs fiasco that got G.W. hit on the head for his troubles and unjustly yelled at by his wife (again).
    McLintock: Drago, I am sleeping in the den!
  • The spanking scene.
    • Both of them.
  • This little exchange
    Drago: That divorce business. Is that whatcha get when you pay a woman not to live with ya?
    McLintock!: That's about it.
    Drago: Some women I know'd be worth it.