Funny / Freelancers

• “Your eagle is BOGUS!”
• While scrounging for money to raise $4000 dollars to avoid a lawsuit, Owen says a pretty girl paid him to be in a medical study. He lifts the back of his shirt to reveal a grid of patch test spots. Every single dot is positive.
  Micah: [holding out his hands over Owen's back] I can feel the heat from over here!
  Owen: I am very allergic to whatever she did to me.
  • Ryan gives foot rubs at his grandma's retirement home for five cents. He makes $300 and rubs off his fingerprints in the process, leaving his hands raw and red.
    Micah: [gasps] Now you're a man of mystery!
    [They high-five. Ryan screams in agony.]
• A disgruntled client claiming to be a medium throws magic powder out of a clutch and declares them cursed. None of them actually believe in the curse except for Micah.^note He turns out to be right.
  Zona: Ryan, you make sure Micah doesn't freak out about the curse.
  Ryan: I won't let him out of my sight. [door slams as Micah runs out the door] He is gone and I have failed you.
• Devin's idea of breakfast is to pour a quart of milk into a bag with three slices of bread and shake it up.
  Devin: Wet milk bread?
  Zona: I'm good.
  Devin: More for me! [eats a spoonful of soggy bread]
  • Ryan eats (off-brand) Froot Loops out of a frying pan for breakfast (or, more likely given the time of day, lunch.) He calls them Hot Sugar Loops.
• "Heads will ROLL for this! Faces will be EATEN!"
• One of the audio takes in their videos has several gasps in the background. Micah confesses that he's afraid of his breath will be picked up by the mic, so he holds it in, but "some of the takes were really really long" so he ended up gasping. He becomes defensive when Devin points out the take was fifteen seconds. After a lengthy argument between Owen and Zona breaks out, Devin abruptly gasps and clicks a stopwatch.^note The exact time between these events, and likely the result displayed on the stopwatch, is 109 seconds.
• After one karate lesson, Owen becomes sagely condescending about the illusions of time and the meaninglessness of material things. But when Zona finally snaps and tries to slap him, he deftly blocks her strike. Even he is surprised at his dexterity.
  Owen: [sitting in a meditative pose] Control your emotions, young Padawan, or your emotions...
  [Zona snarls and lashes out to hit Owen. He blocks her with his arm.]
  Owen: [slowly turning to face her] ...will control you.
  Zona: [recoils in shock]
  Owen: [whispering hoarsely] I feel so cool right now, I can't even describe...
  • It turns out he was just reaching for the slinky behind him and blocked Zona's slap completely by accident.
• When Devin rages about her beloved motor scooter being tipped over, Zona tells her it was probably just a raccoon, since they're always rummaging through that alleyway. Devin becomes incensed that the raccoons would trespass on her "rummage territory" and storms off to "find their leader and make an example."
  • During her stakeout as she watches her scooter from behind some trashcans, she can be seen sewing something. In the next scene she's wearing a coonskin cap.
• This exchange:
  Zona: Owen... I completely emasculated you.
  Owen: [wincing] ...Would we say complete?
  Zona: Completely emasculated you...
  Owen: We don't have to... repeat it...
  Zona: There's just... none left.
  Owen: I have some left...
• When a power outage leaves Owen without an Internet connection, he borrows "an eagle that can smell hot blondes" from Devin to send a message to a girl he met on Tinder. While the first girl who answers the message turns out to be the wrong girl, five more blondes show up to the doorstep at the end of the episode. Owen invites all of them in and asks if any of them would care for a macaroon. After he declares macaroons all around, he returns to the living room and asks, "Does anybody know what a macaroon is? I just offered a lot of them to people."
• In the same episode, Devin laments that they had not acquired a backup generator in the event of a power outage, like their creepy neighbor Mr. Gandolfini. Devin then opens the curtain to reveal Mr. Gandolfini in a fully lit upstairs room, running a fan, blasting a boom box, and using jumper cables to play air drums while singing, "ELECTRICITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" and sparking them.
  • Later in the episode when Owen plugs an extension cord into Mr. Gandolfini's backup generator, he says he was sleeping on a tanning bed in front of an open refrigerator.