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Changed line(s) 2 (click to see context) from:
* One employee at the heraldry office says they want a new hippo for mating purposes, but Lord Vetinari says they already have two hippos and shouldn't need another. The problem with this is that the two hippos are named Roderick and Keith, with the employee quickly adding that he's not passing judgment on the idea of two male hippos having sex.
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* One employee at the heraldry office says they want a new hippo for mating purposes, but Lord Vetinari says they already have two hippos and shouldn't need another. The problem with this is that the two hippos are named Roderick and Keith, with the employee quickly adding that he's not passing judgment on the idea of two male hippos having sex.sex, the implication being that they ''are'' doing exactly that.
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Changed line(s) 51 (click to see context) from:
** After observing Vimes at length throughout the whole series, the reader may come to the conclusion that Nobby was being perfectly rational here.
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** After observing Vimes at length throughout the whole series, the reader may come to the conclusion that Nobby was being perfectly rational here. Especially considering what another (in)famous Vimes did to a king he felt was unjust...
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* There's a nice AcceptableProfessionalTargets BaitAndSwitchComment when the guild leaders talk about everything Vetinari has done for the city.
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* There's a nice AcceptableProfessionalTargets BaitAndSwitchComment when the guild leaders talk about everything Vetinari has done for the city.
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Changed line(s) 88 (click to see context) from:
* The BigBad has snuck into [[OnTheWagon tea-total]] Vimes' office to plant a bottle of very good whiskey where he will find it, and a bag of arsenic where he will not. Some city bigwigs have been given an anonymous tip off that Vimes is Up To Something and ask to search his office in the presence of Carrot. They find Vimes passed out at his desk, the office reeking of booze. They open a desk drawer and find a bag of white powder. Vimes "wakes" up and "defends himself" from the people breaking and entering his personal office and desk - the Master of Assassins receives a swiftly broken nose and has his fingers trapped in the rapidly-closed desk drawer.
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* The BigBad has snuck into [[OnTheWagon tea-total]] Vimes' office to plant a bottle of very good whiskey where he will he’ll find it, and a bag of arsenic where he will not.won’t. Some city bigwigs have been given an anonymous tip off that Vimes is Up To Something and ask to search his office in the presence of Carrot. They find Vimes passed out at his desk, the office reeking of booze. They open a desk drawer and find a bag of white powder. Vimes "wakes" up and "defends himself" from the people breaking and entering his personal office and desk - the Master of Assassins receives a swiftly broken nose and has his fingers trapped in the rapidly-closed desk drawer.
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Changed line(s) 38 (click to see context) from:
** Dorfl, confronted by the priests of Ankh-Morpork's various gods, states he is willing to let himself be subject to a test. Namely, the priests can smash him into the tiniest fragments and search him for a single atom of Life. ''But'' only if they allow one of their own to be subject to the same test. And Dorfl can be simply rebuilt.
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** Dorfl, confronted by the priests of Ankh-Morpork's various gods, states he is he’s willing to let himself be subject to a test. Namely, the priests can smash him into the tiniest fragments and search him for a single atom of Life. ''But'' only if they allow one of their own to be subject to the same test. And Dorfl can be simply rebuilt.
Changed line(s) 51 (click to see context) from:
** After observing Vimes at length in whole series, the reader may come to the conclusion that Nobby was being perfectly rational here.
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** After observing Vimes at length in throughout the whole series, the reader may come to the conclusion that Nobby was being perfectly rational here.
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--> Vetinari: “Many fine old manuscripts in that place, I believe. Without price, I’m told.”
--> Vimes: “Yes, sir. Certainly worthless, sir.”
--> Vimes: “Yes, sir. Certainly worthless, sir.”
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* The BigBad has snuck into [[OnTheWagon tea-total]] Vimes' office to plant a bottle of very good whiskey where he will find it, and a bag of arsenic where he will not. Some city bigwigs have been given an anonymous tip off that Vimes is Up To Something and ask to search his office in the presence of Carrot. They find Vimes passed out at his desk, the office reeking of booze. They open a desk drawer and find a bag of white powder. Vimes "wakes" up and "defends himself" from the people breaking and entering his personal office and desk - the Master of Assassins receives a swiftly broken nose and has his fingers trapped in the rapidly-closed desk drawer.
** With gleefully manic energy, Vimes then disproves the visitors' claims that he is drunk by reciting tongue twisters: "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper damn well picked! Do you want me to continue, it doesn't get much better!"
** They then confront him with the bag full of the dangerous substance. Vimes declares that since he's been caught he must dispose of the evidence, and tips the contents of the bag straight into his mouth, to the horror of the bigwigs.
--->'''Downey''': But that's arsenic!
--->'''Vimes''': Really? Y'know, I've got a Dwarf downstairs, with all these chemicals and test tubes and things, and it'd take them a while to find out what this was, and you can tell just by looking? Amazing!
--->''[Carrot approaches diffidently and does a FingertipDrugAnalysis on the bag's remaining contents]''
--->'''Carrot''': It's sugar.
--->'''Downey''': But you admitted it was a highly dangerous substance!
--->'''Vimes''': ''[Still chewing and spraying sugar everywhere]'' Right! You should see what too much of it does to your teeth!
** With gleefully manic energy, Vimes then disproves the visitors' claims that he is drunk by reciting tongue twisters: "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper damn well picked! Do you want me to continue, it doesn't get much better!"
** They then confront him with the bag full of the dangerous substance. Vimes declares that since he's been caught he must dispose of the evidence, and tips the contents of the bag straight into his mouth, to the horror of the bigwigs.
--->'''Downey''': But that's arsenic!
--->'''Vimes''': Really? Y'know, I've got a Dwarf downstairs, with all these chemicals and test tubes and things, and it'd take them a while to find out what this was, and you can tell just by looking? Amazing!
--->''[Carrot approaches diffidently and does a FingertipDrugAnalysis on the bag's remaining contents]''
--->'''Carrot''': It's sugar.
--->'''Downey''': But you admitted it was a highly dangerous substance!
--->'''Vimes''': ''[Still chewing and spraying sugar everywhere]'' Right! You should see what too much of it does to your teeth!
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Changed line(s) 2 (click to see context) from:
* One employee at the heraldry office says they want a new hippo for mating purposes, but Lord Vetinari says they already have two hippos and shouldn't need another. Th problem with this is that the two hippos are named Roderick and Keith, with the employee quickly adding that he's not passing judgment on the idea of two male hippos having sex.
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* One employee at the heraldry office says they want a new hippo for mating purposes, but Lord Vetinari says they already have two hippos and shouldn't need another. Th The problem with this is that the two hippos are named Roderick and Keith, with the employee quickly adding that he's not passing judgment on the idea of two male hippos having sex.
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Changed line(s) 38 (click to see context) from:
** Dorfl, confronted by the priests of Ankh-Morpork's various gods, states he is willing to let himself be subject to a test. Namely, the priests can smash him into the tiniest fragments and search him for a single atom of Life. ''But'' only if they allow one of their own to be subject to the same test. And Dorfl can be simply rebuild.
to:
** Dorfl, confronted by the priests of Ankh-Morpork's various gods, states he is willing to let himself be subject to a test. Namely, the priests can smash him into the tiniest fragments and search him for a single atom of Life. ''But'' only if they allow one of their own to be subject to the same test. And Dorfl can be simply rebuild.rebuilt.
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Changed line(s) 5 (click to see context) from:
** This gets a BrickJoke later on when Angua jokingly says to a citizen who has a complaint, "Makes you wonder why you pay your taxes, I excpect."
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** This gets a BrickJoke later on when Angua jokingly says to a citizen who has a complaint, "Makes you wonder why you pay your taxes, I excpect.expect."
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Changed line(s) 8 (click to see context) from:
* A bull's [=POV=] scene reveals that beef cattle believe [[ReleasedToElsewheregood and deserving cows will be taken through a magic door and experience good eating and something about horseradish.]] This is true enough, just not in the way they think.
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* A bull's [=POV=] scene reveals that beef cattle believe [[ReleasedToElsewheregood [[ReleasedToElsewhere good and deserving cows will be taken through a magic door and experience good eating and something about horseradish.]] This is true enough, just not in the way they think.
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Changed line(s) 8 (click to see context) from:
* A bull's [=POV=] scene reveals that beef cattle believe [[good and deserving cows will be taken through a magic door and experience good eating and something about horseradish.]] This is true enough, just not in the way they think.
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* A bull's [=POV=] scene reveals that beef cattle believe [[good [[ReleasedToElsewheregood and deserving cows will be taken through a magic door and experience good eating and something about horseradish.]] This is true enough, just not in the way they think.
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** In another BrickJoke, an anti-Golem bigot who hasn't been paying taxes makes the mistake of complaining to Carrot that he has rights as a taxpayer. Carrot innocently comments that he's never seen that man's name on any tax forms and will be coming by to help him file some.
* A bull's [=POV=] scene reveals that beef cattle believe [[good and deserving cows will be taken through a magic door and experience good eating and something about horseradish.]] This is true enough, just not in the way they think.
* When several conspiring nobles try to convince Nobby to become King, he cheerfully agrees about all of the qualities that a king needs while commenting that whoever gets the job will be a lucky man. One exasperated noble adds that a king would also need to recognize a hint that has just been dropped on his head from a great height (with the others hurriedly shushing him).
* When the nobles discuss if they really want Nobby as a king, one of them says that comparing Nobby to a pig wallowing around in muck is [[InsultToRocks unfair to pigs.]] Another conspirator says that Nobby's ugliness means that they won't have to worry about him getting married and siring heirs smarter than he is. A third man admits that he found one of Nobby's crude jokes to be funny.
* During the hysteria that spreads from Golems being murder suspects, Mr. Sock kicks out Dorfl, saying [[HypocriticalHumor he doesn't want a killer working at his slaughterhouse.]]
* A bull's [=POV=] scene reveals that beef cattle believe [[good and deserving cows will be taken through a magic door and experience good eating and something about horseradish.]] This is true enough, just not in the way they think.
* When several conspiring nobles try to convince Nobby to become King, he cheerfully agrees about all of the qualities that a king needs while commenting that whoever gets the job will be a lucky man. One exasperated noble adds that a king would also need to recognize a hint that has just been dropped on his head from a great height (with the others hurriedly shushing him).
* When the nobles discuss if they really want Nobby as a king, one of them says that comparing Nobby to a pig wallowing around in muck is [[InsultToRocks unfair to pigs.]] Another conspirator says that Nobby's ugliness means that they won't have to worry about him getting married and siring heirs smarter than he is. A third man admits that he found one of Nobby's crude jokes to be funny.
* During the hysteria that spreads from Golems being murder suspects, Mr. Sock kicks out Dorfl, saying [[HypocriticalHumor he doesn't want a killer working at his slaughterhouse.]]
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* Several dwarves get mad at a restaurant owner who ''hasn't'' [[ForeignQueasine been putting rat meat in their food]]. The man talks about how he only serves "good plump rats from the best locations. None of your latrine rubbish," and insists that his tables are so clean you could eat off them (with the clear implication that this is the exception and not the rule for tables in local restaurants). His rats are advertised as "hygienically prepared," which means that the cook washes his hands afterward.
--> ''The assembled dwarfs nodded. That was certainly pretty hygienic You didn't want people going around with ratty hands.''
--> ''The assembled dwarfs nodded. That was certainly pretty hygienic You didn't want people going around with ratty hands.''
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* There's a nice AcceptableProfessionalTargets BaitAndSwitchComment when the guild leaders talk about everything Vetinari has done for the city.
--> '''Mr. Potts:''' Life has certainly been more reliable under Vetinari.
--> '''Mr. Boggis:''' He does have all street-theater players and mime artists thrown into the scorpion pit.
--> '''Mr. Pots:''' True. But let's not forget that he has his bad points too.
* When Mr. Slant points out there have been past proposals to revive the monarchy, Mr. Boggis says that all of the past proposals have been made by madmen.
--> '''Boggis:''' It's part of the symptoms. Put underwear on head, talk to trees, drool, decide Ankh-Morpork needs a king...
--> '''Mr. Potts:''' Life has certainly been more reliable under Vetinari.
--> '''Mr. Boggis:''' He does have all street-theater players and mime artists thrown into the scorpion pit.
--> '''Mr. Pots:''' True. But let's not forget that he has his bad points too.
* When Mr. Slant points out there have been past proposals to revive the monarchy, Mr. Boggis says that all of the past proposals have been made by madmen.
--> '''Boggis:''' It's part of the symptoms. Put underwear on head, talk to trees, drool, decide Ankh-Morpork needs a king...
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* Upon being told that the curator of the Dwarf Bread Museum was killed with a piece of bread, Vimes asks if the killer made him eat it. Carrot is not amused.
* One employee at the heraldry office says they want a new hippo for mating purposes, but Lord Vetinari says they already have two hippos and shouldn't need another. Th problem with this is that the two hippos are named Roderick and Keith, with the employee quickly adding that he's not passing judgment on the idea of two male hippos having sex.
* When Nobby arrives at the heraldry office, the employees initially mistake him for a baboon they ordered. Then, upon learning of Nobby's noble lineage, they start fawning about how regal he supposedly looks.
* When Ironcrust, an earlier victim of the three unlicensed thieves, thanks Carrot for stopping them, Carrot jovially says that he's just doing his duty for the taxpayers. Ironcrust shifts uncomfortably, as he doesn't pay taxes. Carrot picks up on this and says he'll be back later to help him fill out the forms. Ironcrust furiously tries to attack the thieves once Carrot leaves, raging about how this is their fault.
** This gets a BrickJoke later on when Angua jokingly says to a citizen who has a complaint, "Makes you wonder why you pay your taxes, I excpect."
--> In some ways Igneous was a ''lot'' brighter than say, Mr. Ironcrust. He ignored the remark.
* One employee at the heraldry office says they want a new hippo for mating purposes, but Lord Vetinari says they already have two hippos and shouldn't need another. Th problem with this is that the two hippos are named Roderick and Keith, with the employee quickly adding that he's not passing judgment on the idea of two male hippos having sex.
* When Nobby arrives at the heraldry office, the employees initially mistake him for a baboon they ordered. Then, upon learning of Nobby's noble lineage, they start fawning about how regal he supposedly looks.
* When Ironcrust, an earlier victim of the three unlicensed thieves, thanks Carrot for stopping them, Carrot jovially says that he's just doing his duty for the taxpayers. Ironcrust shifts uncomfortably, as he doesn't pay taxes. Carrot picks up on this and says he'll be back later to help him fill out the forms. Ironcrust furiously tries to attack the thieves once Carrot leaves, raging about how this is their fault.
** This gets a BrickJoke later on when Angua jokingly says to a citizen who has a complaint, "Makes you wonder why you pay your taxes, I excpect."
--> In some ways Igneous was a ''lot'' brighter than say, Mr. Ironcrust. He ignored the remark.
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* Vetinari and Vimes stoically discuss how a fire that "accidentally" started during the apprehension of the BigBad destroyed all of the city's genealogical records. Vetinari insincerely praises Vimes for his heroic efforts to limit the spread of the fire. He then laments what a shame it is that Vimes couldn't save the records which all of the city's pompous and sleazy aristocrats need to prove their BlueBlood lineage. He then pauses and asks if he just saw Vimes smiling, something that Vimes quickly denies.
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** Dorfl, confronted by the priests of Ankh-Morpork's various gods, states he is willing to let himself be subject to a test. Namely, the priests can smash him into the tiniest fragments and search him for a single atom of Life. ''But'' only if they allow one of their own to be subject to the same test. And Dorfl can be simply rebuild.
--->'''High Priest:''' We're on shaky ground here, lads...
--->'''High Priest:''' We're on shaky ground here, lads...
Changed line(s) 23,24 (click to see context) from:
* When Vimes heard Cheery Littlebottom's name for the first time, his keeping professional, talking about the naming being "traditional" (as in Grumpy, Happy, ...), all the while avoiding the elephant in the room of the surname and trying not to snicker. [[spoiler:Only exploding after everyone left the room]].
** [[spoiler:With his coat over his head to make sure no one hears him!]]
** [[spoiler:With his coat over his head to make sure no one hears him!]]
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* When Vimes heard Cheery Littlebottom's name for the first time, his keeping professional, talking about the naming being "traditional" (as in Grumpy, Happy, ...), all the while avoiding the elephant in the room of the surname and trying not to snicker. [[spoiler:Only Only exploding after everyone left the room]].
room.
**[[spoiler:With With his coat over his head to make sure no one hears him!]]him!
**
Changed line(s) 59 (click to see context) from:
* When Carrot and Detritus bring in Dorfl to be rebuilt, Detritus helps to strong-arm Igneous, the troll in charge, into giving Dorfl a tongue by threatening to bring him in for Slab, doing a FingertipDrugAnalysis in the process. After Igneous agrees, Detritus suddenly realizes what he's just done:
to:
* When Carrot and Detritus bring in Dorfl to be rebuilt, Detritus helps to strong-arm Igneous, the troll in charge, into giving Dorfl a tongue by threatening to bring him in for Slab, doing a FingertipDrugAnalysis [[note]]Previously mentioned early on as having been banned since the last Troll officer who did this said "yup, this is definitely slab weeble weeble sclup", and had to be tied down until the spiders went away[[/note]] in the process. After Igneous agrees, Detritus suddenly realizes what he's just done:
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Changed line(s) 46 (click to see context) from:
* Vetinari seems to be trying not to laugh about Vimes punching Downey:[[note]]Even more HilariousInHindsight after ''Literature/NightWatchDiscworld'' where we find out Downey (unsuccessfully) attempted to bully Vetinari while they were at the Guild school together[[/note]]
to:
* Vetinari seems to be trying not to laugh about Vimes punching Downey:[[note]]Even more HilariousInHindsight after ''Literature/NightWatchDiscworld'' ''[[Literature/NightWatchDiscworld Night Watch]]'' where we find out Downey (unsuccessfully) attempted to bully Vetinari while they were at the Guild school together[[/note]]
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Changed line(s) 38 (click to see context) from:
* In the diverse cultural mix of Ankh-Morpork, the words with lost or non-translated meanings get a lot of laughs; to wit, the robbers fainting in the horror that their dwarfish victims have gotten allies and were now going to hang them by the ''Bura'zak-ka'' in punishment. Carrot makes it even scarier by admonishing them that they don't do things like that anymore in the modern city of Ankh-Morpork (mainly because Ankh-Morpork doesn't have a town hall).
to:
* In the diverse cultural mix of Ankh-Morpork, the words with lost or non-translated meanings get a lot of laughs; to wit, the robbers fainting in the horror that their dwarfish victims have gotten allies and were now going to hang them by the ''Bura'zak-ka'' ''Bura'zak-ka''[[labelnote:*]]town hall[[/labelnote]] in punishment. Carrot makes it even scarier by admonishing them that they don't do things like that anymore in the modern city of Ankh-Morpork (mainly because Ankh-Morpork[[labelnote:**]]because Ankh-Morpork doesn't have a town hall).hall[[/labelnote]].
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Changed line(s) 22 (click to see context) from:
* The line after Dorfl has released the animals in the slaughterhouse district: 'The street was, as it were, coated with anxiety.'
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* The line after Dorfl has released the animals in the slaughterhouse district: 'The street was, as it were, [[ToiletHumor coated with anxiety.anxiety]].'
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* Carrot and Vimes reacting to Cheery's numerous feminine additions to her ensemble being little more than variations of "Oh. Fine. Right."
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** After observing Vimes at length in whole series, the reader may come to the conclusion that Nobby was being perfectly rational here.
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Changed line(s) 21 (click to see context) from:
** Dorfl's parting words to the mob of various priests are that he'll debate the advocates of "The Most Worthy God" on his day off. As he and Vimes walk away, a fight starts breaking out behind them...
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** Dorfl's parting words to the mob of various priests are that he'll debate the advocates of "The Most Worthy God" on his day off.off (and then indicates that he may be voluntarily forgoing taking days off). As he and Vimes walk away, a fight starts breaking out behind them...
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Changed line(s) 7 (click to see context) from:
* Those poor, idiot unlicensed thieves. First they try to rob a dwarf bakery that is across the street from Captain Carrot's favorite cafe. Then they barge into the policeman's bar and take ''Angua'' hostage.
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* Those poor, idiot unlicensed thieves. First they try to rob a dwarf bakery that is across the street from Captain Carrot's favorite cafe.cafe (it doesn't help matters that dwarfish baked goods can often be used as deadly weapons--it ranks up there with trying to rob a gun store). Then they barge into the policeman's bar and take ''Angua'' hostage.
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* When Carrot and Detritus bring in Dorfl to be rebuilt, Detritus helps to strong-arm Igneous, the troll in charge, into giving Dorfl a tongue by threatening to bring him in for Slab, doing a FingertipDrugAnalysis in the process. After Igneous agrees, Detritus suddenly realizes what he's just done:
-->Detritus blinked at his finger, which was still white with the dust, and sidled over to Carrot. “Did I just lick dis?” he said.
-->“Er, yes,” said Carrot.
-->“T’ank goodness for dat,” said Detritus, blinking furiously. “’D hate to believe dis room was really full of giant hairy spide…weeble weeble sclup…”
-->He hit the floor, but happily.
-->Detritus blinked at his finger, which was still white with the dust, and sidled over to Carrot. “Did I just lick dis?” he said.
-->“Er, yes,” said Carrot.
-->“T’ank goodness for dat,” said Detritus, blinking furiously. “’D hate to believe dis room was really full of giant hairy spide…weeble weeble sclup…”
-->He hit the floor, but happily.
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Changed line(s) 44 (click to see context) from:
* Vetinari seems to be trying not to laugh about Vimes punching Downey:[[note]]Even more HilariousInHindsight after ''Discworld/NightWatch'' where we find out Downey (unsuccessfully) attempted to bully Vetinari while they were at the Guild school together[[/note]]
to:
* Vetinari seems to be trying not to laugh about Vimes punching Downey:[[note]]Even more HilariousInHindsight after ''Discworld/NightWatch'' ''Literature/NightWatchDiscworld'' where we find out Downey (unsuccessfully) attempted to bully Vetinari while they were at the Guild school together[[/note]]
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** Then after Vimes leaves, Vetinari - who has already worked out how he's being poisoned - thinks that Vimes had better work things out soon, or he'll have to start giving him clues.
* Vimes mentioning that he should charge whoever tried to frame him with "Forcing Commander Vimes To Tip a Whole Bottle of Single Malt on to the Carpet".
* Vimes mentioning that he should charge whoever tried to frame him with "Forcing Commander Vimes To Tip a Whole Bottle of Single Malt on to the Carpet".
