History Funny / CounterMonkey

** In the same game, Bards are divided into several different colleges, based on level. Bards of a certain college do not associate with those of a lower level, which Spoony compares to lower level bards having a dream for [[{{Senpai Kohai}} Sempai]] to notice them.

--> Oh, by the way, be careful when throwing fire. Really I've seen so many guys, they want to be that guy who carries a shitload of alchemist's fire. You know the guy. Yeah I've had that guy you know in like several games. I've had that asshole who's like "I want to set fire to everything. *chuckles* I've got like 10 flasks of alchemist's fire and I just chuck it out whenever I feel like. You know, I've got four ranks in alchemist so I can make more frickin' alchemist fire haha!". That guy's gonna set himself on fire and he's gonna take you with him, I guarantee it. Because one of these days he's gonna throw his alchemist fire, he's gonna botch the roll and not only does he fail to throw it forward he throws it behind himself. And guess who's behind him? You are! So guess what, he just set your ass on fire, have fun with that! And worse yet he's like only five foot in front of you so when the alchemist's fire goes up, he goes up and guess what he's wearing? He's wearing nine more flasks of alchemist's fire and if the DM is an asshole (which I am) he's gonna be like "Oh guess what, guess what also goes up?" So he rolls a saving throw for every single alchemist's fire. Two of them fail which is actually pretty good rolls for the nine flasks of alchemist's fire. He still explodes. Seen it. Seen it a lot. That's also the... That's also the case in any kind of western game. There's always the guy who carries around dynamite because he's like "Wow dynamite does a shitload of damage. I'ma throw dynamite at those guys, cuz' they're hiding behind barrels and they're really hard to shoot". One of these days he's gonna mess up his throwing roll. He drops... he drops the dynamite five foot in front of him and then you got bad times. Yeah, that guy.

--> Oh, by the way, be careful when throwing fire. Really I've seen so many guys, they want to be that guy who carries a shitload of alchemist's fire. You know the guy. Yeah I've had that guy you know in like several games. I've had that asshole who's like "I want to set fire to everything. *chuckles* I've got like 10 flasks of alchemist's fire and I just chuck it out whenever I feel like. You know I've got four ranks in alchemist so I can make more frickin' alchemist fire haha". That guy's gonna set himself on fire and he's gonna take you with him, I guarantee it. Because one of these days he's gonna throw his alchemist fire, he's gonna botch the roll and not only does he fail to throw it forward he throws it behind himself. And guess who's behind him? You are! So guess what, he just set your ass on fire, have fun with that! And worse yet he's like only five foot in front of you so when the alchemist's fire goes up, he goes up and guess what he's wearing? He's wearing nine more flasks of alchemist's fire and if the DM is an asshole (which I am) he's gonna be like "Oh guess what, guess what also goes up?" He rolls a saving throw for every single alchemist's fire two of them fail which is actually pretty good odds for the nine flasks of alchemist's fire. He still explodes. Seen it. Seen it a lot. That's also the... That's also the case in any kind of western game. There's always the guy who carries around dynamite because he's like "Wow dynamite does a shitload of damage. i'ma throw dynamite at those guys cuz they're hiding behind barrels and they're really hard to shoot". One of these days he's gonna mess up his throwing roll. He drops, he drops the dynamite five foot in front of him and then you got bad times. Yeah, that guy.

* [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/2011/10/24/counter-monkey-the-toilet-pizza/ The Toilet Pizza]] ([[http://countermonkeybook.blogspot.com/2007/11/chapter-6-toilet-pizza.html Text Version]]), from Spoony's musings about what brought it about to him putting it to use. Though at the end he notes that the only reason the story is funny is because nobody got seriously ill and/or died, which could have easily happened.
* [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/2011/11/06/counter-monkey-invisible-jason/ Invisible Jason]] ([[http://countermonkeybook.blogspot.com/2008/02/chapter-7-invisible-jason.html Text Version]]), where he recounts one of his friends managing to stand perfectly still on a car hood (and not even his own car) for ''sixteen hours'' just to avoid getting killed out of a game. By the time he's describing his returning the next morning and shouts "He's still there!", Noah is clearly right back in that moment of pure disbelief.

* During his Shadowrun: The Squirt Gun Wars V-Log, his new puppy Oreo's various interruptions of his story which include jumping up on the couch beside him and trying to play (which involves biting his arm) and running into the camera while he is recording causing the whole camera to shake.

*** "This dog... [[VideoGame/{{Ripper}} Is un-fucking-believable]]!

** The subject matter of the V-Log itself is pretty hilarious. Just goes to show the raw potential of chemical warfare when you put thought into it.

* The epic rise and fall of Vegan Steve after sending one of Spoony's old ''Dungeons & Dragons'' campaigns {{Off The Rails}}.

* Oreo shows up again briefly in [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/2011/10/29/counter-monkey-all-jedi-or-no-jedi/ All Jedi or No Jedi]], and just as Spoony describes something as "boring" she gives a [[FunnyBackgroundEvent big, perfectly-timed yawn]].

* [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/2011/11/06/counter-monkey-vampire-spoonys-jyhad/#disqus_thread Vampire - Spoony's Jyhad.]] His ultimate revenge is mainly a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome, but also hilarious.
* [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/2011/11/22/counter-monkey-tandems-last-ride/ Tandem's Last Ride]]

** Him singing "He's trying to enchant us! He's trying to enchant us! FUCK-ING-KILL-HIM~!" Also the idea of an elven bard singing Iron Maiden as a counter-song. And he did it at the table.

*** Also somewhat impressive, given one of Athena's titles was 'the virgin'.

* [[http://spoonyexperiment.com/2012/01/10/counter-monkey-the-age-of-manure/ Age of Manure]]. "Everything went to shit!"
** The entire story of the Manure Golem, covering three pages front and back. Be prepared to stop the video because it hurts to keep laughing.

--->'''Bennett''' ''(reading)'': "'It wasn't long before a man named Hinsty David tried using [magic dog crap] on a golem. [[CaptainObvious The result was devistating]](sic).'"\\
'''Spoony''': [[{{Understatement}} I bet it was!]]

--->'''Spoony''': [[ToiletHumor I create a rod of manure every day.]]\\
'''Bennett''': ''*laughing his ass off*'' I do that every morning.

--->'''Spoony''': Mr. Mockingham, you've gotta come! ''Look what I did!!'' I made a golem out of ''shit''!!\\
'''Bennett''' ''(near tears)'': Not just any shit! Are you sitting down?\\
'''Both''' ''(in unison)'': [[MundaneMadeAwesome MAGIC DOG SHIT!!]]\\
'''Spoony''': It moves! It was devastating!

* While the ''Literature/ThievesWorld'' story gets ''[[http://blip.tv/the-spoony-experiment/counter-monkey-thieves-world-part-1-poor-impulse-control-6001618 really]]'' dark, '''[[http://blip.tv/the-spoony-experiment/counter-monkey-thieves-world-part-2-the-chicago-way-6001413 really]]''' fast, the story of some no name idiot mage throwing a bottle of acid at Tempus Thales face still had me laughing for five minutes straight. It couldn't have been a better punchline if Spoony had ''planned'' it because it was all set up perfectly, from the minor tangent early on talking about the devious horror of chucking flasks of acid at people in combat, to the descriptions of how he reacted to getting '''acid in the face''', it will leave you gasping for breath.
---> He got a flask of acid to the face- ''there's no good way to take that!''
** What makes that particular moment even more hilarious is that, usually it's impossible to hit Tempus Thales, and in fact, Spoony intended to have him dodge the flask or simply get hit in the chest and shrug it off as a mild annoyance. The problem was that the mage - precisely at that place and at that time - ''rolled a crit''. Spoony proceeds to reenact his reaction to it by facepalming and going "Oh... oh no...".

* While the ''[[http://blip.tv/the-spoony-experiment/counter-monkey-the-prisoner-dilemma-6010925 Prisoner Dilemma]]'' vlog ([[http://countermonkeybook.blogspot.ca/2007/11/concerning-alignments-throttling.html Text Version]]) is mostly a serious talk about CharacterAlignment, the part about ChaoticNeutral characters is worth a chuckle.

* An especially flaky player in the same ''Thieves World'' game once called in to say he'd be late, because he had to go back home to get his pants. "[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer It's so stupid, it had to be true]]" and Noah spends the next 15 seconds assuring us that he didn't make it up.

*** And then he tells her that the friend she calls a wetback (i.e. Mexican) is actually Polish, and that on top of being a racist she was also massively stupid.
** The title of the Vlog alone is comedy gold. "The Importance of Wearing Pants."

* In ''[[http://blip.tv/the-spoony-experiment/counter-monkey-dungeon-mastering-a-great-game-6049938 Dungeon Mastering A Great Game]]'', he provides a tip for dealing with players addressing a PlotHole: simply saying "Yes, that is odd..." or a similar phrase (coupled to an enigmatic smile) can turn an immersion-breaking error into an OhCrap moment, getting the players paranoid that things aren't what they seem.

* In "The Dungeon Master's Secret Weapon", his bit of HypocriticalHumour about how outraged a party of adventurers will get that someone ''else'' "stole their stuff that '''they''' had rightfully stolen!"
** Another gem from the Dungeon Master's Secret Weapon video is Spoony's impression of the party after finding out their boots were stolen. "They stole our '''boots'''. They're wearing our '''boots'''."

* "Don't Be That Guy" is a serious treatise on how NOT to play. It is filled with things you should do, like always know more than one type of spell (some things are immune to fire, so don't specialize in doing only fire damage and things like that), carry extra empty sacks and always carry more than one type of weapon just in case you meet zombies (resistant to piercing damage) or moving skeletons (resistant to everything but blunt damage)... Then he comes to alchemist character and why you shouldn't be one or even standing near one. It causes one of his epic rants.

--->'''DM:''' Congratulations guys, you mugged a bunch of Dungeons and Dragons geeks.

* From ''Never Get On The Boat'':

* The titular Bardic Knock Spell, which consists of simply knocking on a locked door and punching the person who opens up.
* In "Hey Fatty! Let's Go To Mordor!", Spoony discusses the problem of setting a game in a franchise where the players already know what's going to happen and who turns out to be a bad guy, such as ''Series/BabylonFive'':

** After ranting for ''over two hours'' about every topic that popped into his head, he finishes by summarizing it thusly: "[[ComicBook/XMen Cyclops]] is a douchebag, ''Call of Cthulhu'', awesome."
* "Thou Shalt Not Fuck With the Lady of Pain": "Ah, [[Anime/{{Pokemon}} Jessie]], you top-heavy bitch."

*** This is followed by several people in the comments talking about pizza and donuts.

** The repeated callbacks to Tandem's Last Ride and how Zeus kicked his ass off Olympus.
** Spoony pointing out that in the Dragonlance setting you can play a [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot Pirate Wizard Minotaur]].

--->'''Spoony (in confused tone):''' ...[[CallBack What's a paladin?]]
* The description of a succubus in "Beware Women, for They Come from Hell":

* In "Laundry Day in the Tower of High Sorcery", we start out with Spoony obsessing over the [=D&D=] Ninjas handbook, wondering aloud why he never rolled a Ninja, then getting more and more convinced Ninjas were meant to be a practical joke, as their skills included Giant Kite Flying.

** He mentions that the main god of goodness in Literature/{{Dragonlance}} is called Paladine. Cue "[[RunningGag What's a Paladine]]?"
* Oreo's interventions in "Counter Monkey Punk" are even more hilarious than usual, looking plaintively into the camera even when Spoony's looking away, 'reading' Spoony's Cyberpunk source books when he's trying to leaf through them, and jumping up into his lap at just the right moment to surprise him into losing his train of thought.

* "Connection Time Out" has Oreo just rising into the shot approximately six minutes in.
* In "Cthulhupunk", Spoony makes a "[[ComicBook/AmazonsAttack Bees.]] [[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall My God.]]" joke concerning, well, a deadly bee weapon.
* "The Jedi Hunter":

* His April 1st video "Gary Gygax Interview" is essentially one giant self parody where Spoony makes fun of just about every common occurrence in his CM videos including going on tangents about obscure [=RPGs=] and at one point actively encouraging Oreo to "come over here and disrupt everything".

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1495Y-oa4SM Dem Bones]], his video on various dice:

** His amusement with the electronic dice when musing over TabletopGame/{{Shadowrun}} and Series/ThePriceIsRight applications.

* In "Spoony Gets Mazed," his reaction upon being eaten by the Dragon after almost making it.

* In "Childe Spoony to the Dark Tower Came":

* In "Shadowrun: The Code", he is pissed with the players derailing his game so badly after the hard work he put into giving them a cool adventure, not to mention their slaughter of nine security guards and janitors, that when they enter the sewers he tells them that [[spoiler:the [[CyberneticsEatYourSoul Cyber]] [[AxCrazy Psycho]] [[GodzillaThreshold Squad]]]] is waiting for them. "Their assholes dilate so tight they could crush coal into diamonds...not all of them are gonna die. [[FalseReassurance Just most of them]]. And that's the point. That's [[TitleDrop The Code]]."
** Spoony getting increasingly annoyed at the players insistence that they should find a secret exit out of the museum on the map. A public map. Like the ones you get at the zoo with cartoon elephants pointing at the exhibits.
--->"Eight successes"! *Flips the double bird to the camera with a little {{Angrish}}* You could have rolled eight ''hundred'' successes, dickweed! The cartoon elephants aren't going to reveal a secret fucking door!
** Noticing that one of the players had loaded his shotgun with dragons breath shells. On mission to rob a public museum. Resulting in one security guard having his leg burned off. What sells it is his impression of how the player reacted towards to Spoony's incredulity.
*** Also trying to remember who of the party members it was and after a short while recalling that it was the Elf-before immediately reprimanding himself for referring to player characters by their job, or worse, race because it's bad form.

* His amusement at Wrestling/TheUndertaker having a Strength score of 21 in the ''Know Your Role'' RPG book. He even goes rummaging through his d20 books to see how that translates to lifting power. And later, when he gets to Wrestling/BigShow's stat block:

* From the "The Dirtiest Book in this Game" two-parter:

** His utter failure to keep a straight face for ''any'' amount of time when discussing the [[spoiler: Cock Sheath of Pleasure]] magic item.
* In "[[http://spoonyexperiment.com/counter-monkey/counter-monkey-they-duel-thats-what-they-do/ They Duel. That's What They Do.]]", Spoony recounts a story of his only game of TabletopGame/LegendOfTheFiveRings, where he spent an hour creating a character, another hour being confused at the setting (which he knew nothing about at the time), five minutes offending the Crane party member (by [[BlueAndOrangeMorality accepting an offer of tea before refusing it three times]] and carrying a katana) and the final five minutes being chopped into fishbait by said Crane party member ("Because they duel."). He's still bitter about it.

* "An Entirely Miscible Episode": Spoony's first character, Lance Stormshield, drinks two potions... and explodes. It gets even funnier from there.
* "BABOON!". The title itself clues you in that this is gonna be silly. Moments include one guy [[NeverLiveItDown getting frog-splashed by said baboon]], and the party, being his current group, being smart enough to try and [[GenreSavvy avoid getting on the show for stupid shit]].
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIuavbDijZM It's A Long Way to the Top if You Want To Rock & Roll]], in which Spoony goes into the requirements of an original Bard, and just how ridiculous it was that they had higher stat requirements in certain areas than, say, a Paladin.
--> '''Spoony:''' So Bards, usually, can out-bench a ''Paladin''. ... Just remember that. You know, hey, "Sturm Brightblade"? Don't go [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] with me. I can squat more than you, alright?
* He compares Bards in AD&D to the [[Literature/{{Dune}} Kwisatz Haderach]], which is not all that inaccurate, given the high stats required for entry into the class.

* The ending of "The Other Dirtiest Book in the Game", where he talks about a monster called Creamy Ooze. Yes, it's exactly what you think it is.

* In "Roll for Initiative, Jesus!", the audience manages to [[ActuallyPrettyFunny get some laughs out of Noah]] with their suggestions. One asks if you get an Attack Bonus for collecting foreskins like David, and when another asks "Did they stat out Satan?" Spoony starts flipping through the book, remarking "Let's go get that motherfucker!" Sadly, it doesn't.

* "Sorbo The Conqueror" continues Spoony's tradition of characters with UnfortunateNames and just gets funnier from there.
** WarElephants were one of the possible things you could inherit from a roll table, and Spoony happened to get one. Which he named [[FluffyTheTerrible Daisy]]. And references how WesternAnimatoin/TheSimpsons shows feeding one is a bitch.

* In ''Exploding Head Syndrome'', he imagines using "Death Field" to wipe out zombies with ease, proposing trick shots and likening it to a firework display. Which he emphasises by humming the 1812 Overture.

* In the above video, he recounts about the Bard ability ''Vicious Mockery'' which could kill people with just insults, which was the M.O. for one of his characters.

* In ''Trouble with Superheroes'', he explains that the problem is with the powers defining what heroes can do.
--> '''Spoony:''' It is not much fun playing Cyclops. Whenever your turn comes up, the DM asks you: What are you going to do? And your answer is always going to be "I'm going to shoot the bad guy with my eye beam." Okay, roll to hit. And next time your turn comes out, the DM asks you: What are you going to do? And your answer is still going to be "I'm going to shoot the bad guy with my eye beam". Boring!

--> Oh, by the way, be careful when throwing fire. Really I've seen so many guys, they want to be that guy who carries a shitload of alchemist's fire. You know the guy. Yeah I've had that guy you know in like several games. I've had that asshole who's like "I want to set fire to everything. *chuckles* I've got like 10 flasks of alchemists fire and I just chuck it out whenever I feel. Like you know I've got four ranks and alchemist so I can make more frickin alchemist fire haha". That guy's gonna set himself on fire and he's gonna take you with him I guarantee it. Because one of these days he's gonna throw his alchemist fire, he's gonna botch the roll and not only does he fail to throw it forward he throws it behind himself. And guess who's behind him? You are so guess what, he just set your ass on fire have fun with that! And worse yet he's like only five foot in front of you so when the alchemists fire goes up he goes up and guess what he's wearing? He's wearing nine more flasks of alchemist fire and if the DM is an asshole which I am he's gonna be like "Oh guess what, guess what also goes up?" He rolls a saving throw for every single alchemists fire two of them fail which is actually pretty good odds for the nine alchemists fire. He still explodes. Seen it. Seen it a lot. That's also the... That's also the case in any kind of western game. There's always the guy who carries around dynamite because he's like "Wow dynamite does a shitload of damage. i'ma throw dynamite at those guys cuz they're hiding behind barrels and they're really hard to shoot". One of these days he's gonna mess up his throwing roll. He drops, he drops the dynamite five foot in front of him and then you got bad times. Yeah, that guy.

* "Don't Be That Guy" is a serious treatise on how NOT to play. It is filled of things you should do, like always know more than one type of spell (some things are immune to fire, so don't specialize in doing only fire damage and things like that), carry extra empty sacks and always carry more than one type of weapon just in case you meet zombies (resistant to piercing damage) or moving skeletons (resistant to everything but blunt damage)... Then he comes to alchemist character and why you shouldn't be one or even standing near one cause one of his epic rants.
--> Oh by the way be careful when throwing fire. Really I've seen so many guys, they want to be that guy who carries a shitload of alchemist's fire. You know the guy. Yeah I've had that guy you know in like several games. I've had that asshole who's like "I want to set fire to everything. *chuckles* I've got like 10 flasks of alchemists fire and I just chuck it out whenever I feel. Like you know I've got four ranks and alchemist so I can make more frickin alchemist fire haha". That guy's gonna set himself on fire and he's gonna take you with him I guarantee it. Because one of these days he's gonna throw his alchemist fire, he's gonna botch the roll and not only does he fail to throw it forward he throws it behind himself. And guess who's behind him? You are so guess what, he just set your ass on fire have fun with that! And worse yet he's like only five foot in front of you so when the alchemists fire goes up he goes up and guess what he's wearing? He's wearing nine more flasks of alchemist fire and if the DM is an asshole which I am he's gonna be like "Oh guess what, guess what also goes up?" He rolls a saving throw for every single alchemists fire two of them fail which is actually pretty good odds for the nine alchemists fire. He still explodes. Seen it. Seen it a lot. That's also the... That's also the case in any kind of western game. There's always the guy who carries around dynamite because he's like "Wow dynamite does a shitload of damage. i'ma throw dynamite at those guys cuz they're hiding behind barrels and they're really hard to shoot". One of these days he's gonna mess up his throwing roll. He drops, he drops the dynamite five foot in front of him and then you got bad times. Yeah, that guy.

* "Don't Be That Guy" is a serious treatise on how NOT to play. It is filled of things you should do, like always know more than one type of spell (some things are immune to fire, so don't specialize in doing only fire damage and things like that), carry extra empty sacks and always carry more than one type of weapon just in case you meet zombies (resistant to piercing damage) or moving skeletons (resistant to everything but blunt damage)... Then he comes to alchemist character and why you shouldn't be one or even standing near one.
--> "There's always one guy who says that he wants to start shit on fire and is carrying something like ten flasks of Alchemist Fire and throwing them around. And he also has four points in alchemy, so he can make more if he runs out. Well, guess what? One day he will fumble his attack roll and throw that flask behind himself. Where YOU and other party members stand. Probably within five feet of him. And when it explodes then you're dead and the bastard dungeon master, which I am, will make him roll to save against other nine flasks he is carrying on his person catching fire. He'll get 7 out of 9 saves but will fail two, which is quite a good result. Nevertheless... whoosh!" *mimics explosion*

"It is not much fun playing Cyclops. Whenever your turn comes up, the DM asks you: What are you going to do? And your answer is always going to be "I'm going to shoot the bad guy with my eye beam." Okay, roll to hit. And next time your turn comes out, the DM asks you: What are you going to do? And your answer is still going to be "I'm going to shoot the bad guy with my eye beam". Boring!

* In "Shadowrun: The Code", he is pissed with the players derailing his game so badly after the hard work he put into giving them a cool adventure, not to mention their slaughter of nine security guards and janitors, that when they enter the sewers he tells them that [[spoiler:the [[CyberneticsEatYourSoul Cyber]] [[AxCrazy Psycho]] [[GodzillaThreshold Squad]]]] is waiting for them. "Their assholes [[YouKeepUsingThatWord dilate]] so tight they could crush coal into diamonds...not all of them are gonna die. [[FalseReassurance Just most of them]]. And that's the point. That's [[TitleDrop The Code]]."

*** Made even funnier with the [[UpToEleven "Double Spiked Club"]].

*** His reaction to Zeus [[CoitusUninterruptus walking in on them]]: "What?! '''She''' came onto '''me'''!!"

** If you're watching it for the first time, it's also hilarious when you realize partway through that [[spoiler:he's narrating the plot from Army of Darkness]]

--->'''Spoony:''' ''I guess I'm a fucking Nazi!''