Funny / Congo

  • Peter wakes up to find a leech attached to his penis.
    Munro: It's your leech. You take it off.
    • After Munro gives Peter his cigar to burn it off, he hands it back to Munro. Who immediately throws it to the ground.
  • Richard's conversation with an African porter.
    Richard: So, what's your name again?
    Claude: Claude.
    Richard: Oh. Well, that's a very odd name for someone from... uh... where are you from again?
    Claude: Mombasa.
    Richard: Yeah, that's a very odd name for someone from Mombasa.
    Claude: Have you ever been to Mombasa?
    Richard: Um, no.
    Claude: Then what do you know about it?
    (Claude puts out his cigarette and walks away.)
    Richard: I wanna go home!
  • The detention scene.
    Richard: This is pure Kafka...
  • Delroy Lindo's One Scene. ALL OF IT.
    Captain Wanta: Have some coffee and cake. (When they do not immediately take him up on this offer) Have some!
    (two bundles of hundred-dollar bills - twenty grand - are placed before him. Beat.)
    Captain Wanta: More.
    (Three more bundles)
    Captain Wanta: Mister Homolka; stop eating my sesame cake. (Beat) Stop! Eating my sesame cake!
    Captain Wanta: (puts money in paper bag) So, I'll put this away. (staples bag shut) Don't-want-no-body-peeking!
  • Peter and Amy talking about Dr. Karen Ross who's sitting across from them.
    Amy: Ugly. Woman.
    Peter: Yes, yes. Very ugly woman.
    • Peter gave Amy an egg to eat, only for her to throw it at Karen.
    Peter: You upset her.
    Karen: What did I do?!
    • Karen's incredulous reaction to Peter mixing Amy a martini to calm her nerves while on the plane.
  • Eddie Ventro asks whether or not Amy is for sale. Homolka asks how much she'd go for, to Peter's indignation. "I'm just curious!"
    • In fact, pretty much everything Eddie Ventro has to say, but these two gems in particular:
    A group of armed and apparently agitated soldiers runs past their cart on the airport tarmac
    Eddie Ventro: Hyia, fellas!
    Karen Ross: Who are they?
    Eddie Ventro: Fucked if I know, and it don't pay to ask. We're on our third government in two years.
    And later...
    Eddie steps out of a DC-3 with a bandage on his forehead
    Munro Kelly: Eddie! What happened to your head?
    Eddie Ventro: Customs agent hit me in the head with a can of peanut oil for stamping visas! I'm telling you, I'm never going back to that country; they have permanently wigged out.