Funny / Charlie Brooker

  • From the 2012 Wipe: Barry Shitpeas' thoughts on the Olympic opening ceremony.
    The coverage of the opening ceremony was amazin'! It wasn't just the most spectacular broadcast ever, it was educational 'cause it taught you all about British history. Like how we started out as primitive morris dancers and cricket people all livin' in this field, and then Abraham Lincoln turned up and started shoutin' at everyone. And, like, chimneys grew out of the ground, raising up like big, sort of penises made out of bricks. And it showed you how the Victorians invented Gangnam style, and how we got invaded by the people from the Quality Street tin, and how the Mafia turned up to help us, but they were black! And then this volcano went off, and we hit the lava with hammers until it flew in the air and turned into the Olympics! And I didn't know that any of that actually happened, but it had all actually happened!

  • A particular piece he wrote during the 2008 US Presidential Election is hilariously vicious in its bile towards George W. Bush, who Brooker describes as having "so much blood on his hands that it's surely in dange of caking and congealing and turning his fists into heavy balls of scab, each one the size of a cabbage, good for thumping against desks and doors but not much else".
    "Although even if that did happen, even if Bush called a press conference on the White House lawn and stood there demonically beating out a funeral march with his scabby orbs on a nightmarish drum fashioned from human bone and skin– even under those circumstances, you sense he'd somehow get away with it. Because that aw-shucks grin looks good on camera."
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