History Funny / BrowsHeldHigh

* Kyle quickly runs through a range of films that ripped off Rocky's montage, going from Film/ChariotsOfFire to WesternAnimation/{{Mulan}} to Film/TheKingsSpeech, before ending on a clip of ComicBook/{{Persepolis}} which seems like an artsy-TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers gag... until "Eye of the Tiger" starts playing.

* The montage of clips from various media (''Film/ClerksII'', ''Series/WhoseLineIsItAnyway'' ''Series/{{Torchwood}}'', ''WebVideo/DoctorHorriblesSingAlongBlog'', ''Creator/FoxNewsChannel'', Creator/LouisCK stand-up, and ''WesternAnimation/SouthParkBiggerLongerAndUncut'') to demonstrate that the use of [[BestialityIsDepraved bestiality]] as shock value has lost its effect due to it frequently being used as BlackComedy. It just ''keeps going''.

'''Moments pages are Administrivia/SpoilersOff. Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.'''

---> '''He''': I'd like to do one more exercise, it's like role playing.
---> '''Oancitizen!He''': Now, I'm going be a half-elf ranger. Here's a character sheet. Now, you can pick anything you want but don't pick half elf or ranger since we need to diversify our skill sets. The talking fox will be the DM.

--> '''Oancitizen''': Makeup sex! That could be helpful for their relationship-
--> '''She''': Hit me!
--> '''Oancitizen''': Nope.

--> '''He''': There's no such constellation.
--> '''Oancitizen''': Thank you!

--> '''He''':Tell me what you think is supposed to happen in the woods.
--> '''Oancitizen''':Bears shit there?

-->'''Kyle:''' In Süskind's novel, this is the key to his alienation: Jean-Baptiste Grenouille's sensory input cripples his emotional output, and so we see--
-->''[[SuperReflexes Jean-Baptiste dodges an apple thrown at him... from behind.]]''
-->'''Kyle:''' [''astounded''] Oh my God he's ComicBook/{{Daredevil}}!

-->'''Oancitizen''': She's watching numerous people engage in simultaneously pleasurable experiences of a sexual nature.
-->'''[[MemeticMutation O RLY? Owl]]''': O RGY?
-->'''Oancitizen''': YA RGY!

-->'''Dueling Demi-God Auteur/The Young Man’s Inner Psyche and Id:''' How are you going to address me? What do you call me?
-->'''Oancitizen:''' Roll clip.
-->'''[[Film/BackToTheFuturePartII Fujitsu]]:''' '''''MCFLY!!!'''''
-->'''Oancitizen:''' ''(with a look of pure glee on his face)'' Tee-hee!
-->'''The Young Man:''' [=McFly=].
-->'''Oancitizen:''' ...''Oh, you’re good''...

-->'''Kyle:''' The Wizard of... oh, wait- OH! OW!
-->'''Zed:''' The Wizard of Oz. Zardoz.
-->'''Kyle:''' AAAAUGH!
-->'''Zed:''' ''The Wizard of Oz'' was a fairy story about an old man that frightened people with a loud voice and big mask.
-->'''Kyle:''' [[GoMadFromTheRevelation Sean Connery is Dorothy! SEAN CONNERY IS DOROTHY!]]

-->'''Roo:''' I... took notes...
-->'''Kyle:''' [enthusiastically] Oh ''good'' man! [snatches]

--> "It's a terrible stereotype that the French are much hornier than other nations..."
--> *Picture of {{WebVideo/Benzaie}}*
--> "... but it's a stereotype that has some basis in fact..."
--> *Picture of [[RunningGag Benzaie]]*
--> "... French culture is quite open when it comes to sexuality..."
--> *Picture of [[RuleOfThree Benzaie]]*
--> "... they're famously blase when it comes to talking about sex and are more willing to discuss taboos..."
--> *Picture of [[OverlyLongGag Benzaie]]*
--> "...at least compared to most Americans."
--> *Picture of Oancitizen*

---> "I live three blocks from the red light district, and I think you're being gross!"

--> '''Goldmember:''' Hey, everybody, I'm from Holland! Isn't that weird?
--> '''Kyle:''' (in Dutch) Kiss my dirty asshole, cancer-suffering nutbag.

-->'''Woman:''' You know, you're not at all like my father.
-->'''Oancitizen:''' ''(to the tune of "Fame")'' Pain.

-->'''Lupa:''' I've been reviewing horrible movies for ''far'' too long. Today, I'm gonna treat you to something ''classy''; something ''artistic''. Today, I'm treating you... to ''Shakespeare''.
-->'''Kyle:''' [''Looks up from his copy of The Franchise/EvilDead Companion''] Shahkespeeahr?!
--> [''Lupa explaining the gist of the movie, followed by a scene of Kyle booking it from one end of the hotel to the other.'']

--> I think this girl agreed to help me with this project out of pity.
--> She has since gone on to found a non-profit organization that supports girl's soccer in South Africa.
--> I have since gone on to squirt corn syrup up my nose, hump a trash can and scream "fuck" on the internet.
--> I have made good life decisions.

--> How did you know I was in Rome?
--> (Cut to Twitter page) ZOMG I found a gelato place with a view of the Colosseum! Rome = win!]

-->'''Oan:''' ♪[[Series/ReadingRainbow Butterfly in the sky, I can fly twice as high.]] Take a look, it's in a book, pig-fucking movie♪
-->'''Series/SesameStreet Martians:'''Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh! Pig-fucking, pig-fucking, pig-fucking, yipyipyipyipyip!

--->'''Oan:''' It's just nice talking to people.\\

--->'''Oan:''' Wait, wait--you're an actual, published critic in your chosen field?
--->'''That Opera Chick:''' Yes?
--->'''Oan:''' And you want to get into internet reviewing?
--->'''That Opera Chick:''' Is that rare?
--->'''Oan:''' That's ''mythological.''

-->'''Caller''': Hey man, love your stuff.
-->'''Oan''': Why, thanks!
-->'''Caller''': I just don't get why you hang out with those other losers.
-->'''Oan''': Ha ha, fuck you they're my friends.

--->'''Ven''': By the way, the Escargoancitizen people are now shipping snail-you with a blender.
--->'''Kyle''': '''WHAT??''' ''WHAT?'' What.

-->'''Kyle''': The nuns do work helping the poor, and Herzog gets in awkward, presumably improvised conversations with various people-You're probably wondering how this all ties in to the Michael Jackson storyline, aren't you? (''[[OverlyLongGag Smiles at the camera for an uncomfortably long time]]'')
-->'''Ven''': (''pokes head into frame'') [[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail A moose bit my sister once]]. (''Kyle [[{{Corpsing}} corpses]]'')

-->'''Ven''': (''pokes head into frame'') ♪''[[Music/EltonJohn Goodbye, Norma Jeane / Though I never knew you at all...]]''♪
-->'''Kyle''': (during the singing) '''''[[DudeNotFunny WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!]]'''''

-->'''Abe Lincoln Impersonator''': I'm Abe ''[[PrecisionFStrike fucking]]'' Lincoln.
-->'''Kyle''': Noooo comment.

--->'''Little Red Hiding Hood Impersonator''': (flatly) Hello, I'm Little Red Riding Hood...
--->'''Kyle''': [[{{Beat}} ...]] (incredulous) [[Series/{{Survivor}} Why has she not been kicked off the island?]]

-->'''Ven:''' Should I read my fanfic?
-->'''Kyle:''' Ummmmmmmm...
-->[Cut to]
-->'''[[LargeHam Ven:]]''' Princess Diana, Creator/RoddyMcDowell, Music/EltonJohn and UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan went into a grocery store, taking two carts with them so their kangaroo had a place to ride. Elton and Ronald slipped into a corner to be alone near the milk, when who should show up but Gianni Versace and Music/{{Prince}}!

'''Kyle:''' ''[snaps]'' That's it!

--> '''Alien:''' Bikinis and big booty, y'all, that's what life is about!
--> '''Crowd:''' *cheers*
--> '''Kyle:''' [[PunctuatedForEmphasis All! Hail! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTS!]]

--> '''Aura''': (Arguing with her mother) [[{{Wangst}} I am a young, young person who is trying VERY HARD!]]
--> '''Kyle''': (VO) [[TakeThat WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!]]

-->'''Tybalt''': [[FunetikAksent Peash. Peash? I hate the word]]!
-->'''Kyle''': [[WesternAnimation/IceAge Ima ground schloth]].

-->'''Clark Gregg as Leonato''': Hath no man's dagger here a point for me?
-->'''Kyle''': Eh, I don't know. What do you think, more accomplished Shakespearean actor Creator/TomHiddleston? (''Cue clip of [[Film/TheAvengers2012 Loki stabbing Coulson with his spear]].'') *wincing* ...it's bit harsh!

-->''... Play the music.''
-->[[Music/VillagePeople In the Naaavy!]]

-->'''Robert Cecil:''' Elizabeth had several bastard children, Edward. She was sixteen for the first. The foundling, of course, had to be reared a nobleman... John De Vere, the previous Earl of Oxford agreed to accept the task. ''(Angrily)'' ''[[SuddenlyShouting He would teach you EVERYTHING he knew about statecraft, marry you to his daughter, and after Elizabeth's death, proclaim YOU...]]'' heir. His own grandchild to follow you on the throne, but he could not ''[[SuddenlyShouting POSSIBLY predict what kind of FAILURE you would become!]]'' All to write... ([[MusicalisInterruptus The music suddenly cuts out]]) ...Poetry. ({{Beat}}, as DramaticThunder booms in the distance) [[{{Understatement}} Nor could he have predicted that you would commit]] ''[[ParentalIncest incest.]]''
-->([[DelayedReaction Kyle simply stares at the camera for a very long and awkward pause]])
-->'''Kyle:''' ...[[BrickJoke Remember how I said that]] '''[[UsefulNotes/SigmundFreud Freud]]''' [[UsefulNotes/OedipusComplex believed in this]]?

--> '''Kyle:''' His response to the bourgeoisie’s high-hat / Was to spell out his fairy-tale tone!
-->'''SJWAC:''' Can't believe Creator/MichaelBay never tried that.
-->'''[[WebVideo/WhatWeHadToWatch "Michael Bay"]]:''' You know, kids think this movie makes sense.
-->'''[[WebVideo/RBGProductions "Kid"]]:''' No we don't!

-->'''Jerk''': How old is this tale?\\

-->'''Jerk''': You prefer\\

-->'''SJWAC:''' Stay tuned next week when we compare Disney's version of ''WesternAnimation/{{The Hunchback of Notre Dame|Disney}}'' to [[Film/TheHunchbackOfNotreDame1939 Charles Laughton's]]!
-->''One Week Later (while "A Guy Like You" plays)''
-->'''Kyle''' (wearing a smug smirk)''':''' Laughton wins.
-->'''SJWAC''' (frowning and looking down)''':''' I know.

-->'''SJWAC''': Ven! Kyle has gone Oswald!
-->'''Ven''': WesternAnimation/OswaldTheLuckyRabbit or [[AxCrazy Lee Harvey Oswald?]]
-->'''SJWAC''': ... ''both''.

--> ''Dham dham dharam dharaiya re'' (''[[Film/{{Shaft}} Who's the Indian private goon]]'')
-->''Sab se bade ladaiya re'' (''[[Film/{{Shaft}} who makes his Desdemona swoon?]]'')
-->''OMKARA''
-->''Hey'' (''[[Film/{{Shaft}} ya damn right]]'')
-->''OMKARA''

--> '''Macaulay (actual quote):''' I have never found one among them who could deny that a single shelf of a good European library was worth the whole native literature of India.
--> '''Kyle!Distant Voice:''' What about the ''Literature/{{Ramayana}}''?
--> '''Kyle!Macaulay:''' No thank you, I already had lunch.

-->'''Anna!Claire''': ♪Do you wanna see a gas giant? We won't get pummeled by a gas giant.♪
-->'''Elsa!Justine''': The Earth is evil. We don't need to grieve for it.
-->'''Anna!Claire''': ♪Okay, bye...♪

-->'''Kyle:''' Ran. A single word, single syllable. Translated from Japanese, it means...
-->'''Google Translate:''' [[Main/ShapedLikeItself Ran.]] ''[Kyle presses the button again]'' [[Main/ShapedLikeItself Ran.]] ''[Kyle presses the button again]'' [[Main/ShapedLikeItself Ran.]]

-->''(cut to image of Roland Emmerich smiling with two thumbs up)''
-->'''Kyle:''' No. Go away. Go away.

--> '''Kyle:''' By all means, have all the Oscars.
-->''[canon releases, fills the screen with Oscars again]''
-->'''Kyle:''' [[AwardSnub Except the one that should have gone to]] ''Film/SavingPrivateRyan'', [[AwardSnub because come on.]]

-->'''Kyle:''' [[SelfDeprecation Now here comes the part where I namedrop a French dude.]]
-->'''Kyle (V.O.):''' Structural literary theorist Gérard Genette...
-->'''Kyle:''' There we go...

* Kyle applying multiple theories of film studies, [[WebVideo/TheNostalgiaChick a la Lindsay Ellis and her]] [[{{Film/Transformers}} ''The Whole Plate'' series]], to [[Creator/McElroyBrothers Monster Factory]].

-->1. Movies are director's fault
-->2. Gud directors make pretty
-->3. gR8 directrs r 2deep4u

--->'''Kyle''': Oops! How did that Miley clip get in there?

-->a real site (2001 - on)
-->yea that's it thats the site

-->Philosopher, Boring
-->Also Boring but [[SharpDressedMan A Far Better Dresser]]

''click''\\

''photo of gathered Nazis, including Hitler; the highlighted circle starts on Hitler, then moves up to von Braun''\\

--> Dir. The Entire Population of the UK
--> 1963-Heat Death of the Universe

--> "If you are saying 'yikes' - do not be alarmed. This only means that you are still sane."

-->'''Moira Brown''': I think I'm turning into a Ghoul.
-->'''Kyle''': You should be turning into a corpse.

-->'''Sad Panda:''' Neckties are lame.
-->'''Oancitizen:''' *looks at tie:* Aww...

-->And personally, I cannot wait to make ''[[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Carville James Carville]]: Adventures in Time''.
-->And I cannot wait to make ''[[Franchise/BackToTheFuture Super-Pac to the Future.]]''
-->''[[Film/InTheLoop In the]] Film/{{Looper}}''.
-->''[[Film/BillAndTedsExcellentAdventure House and Senate's Excellent Adventure]]''.
-->''Film/{{Primer}}''... ar... y...

-->'''[=@KyleKallgren=]:''' I'm making it my goal to have no pleasures I could possibly feel guilty about.
-->'''[[WebVideo/ToddInTheShadows @ShadowTodd]]:''' I solved that one by having no pleasures.
-->'''[=@saintwalker98=]:''' I solved it by having no guilt
-->'''[=@Kenori_Merrik=]:''' I solve it by having no goals :D

-->Creator/CharlieBrooker: writer, nerd, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piggate Pig PM]] [[LifeImitatesArt/BlackMirror prophet]]
-->Creator/MaryShelley: writer, [[TakeThat cooler than]] [[Creator/PercyByssheShelley Percy]]
-->[[Theatre/{{RUR}} Karel Capek]]: novelist, playwright, OG Antifa
-->Creator/RobertHeinlein: Novelist, Possibly Created Scientology On A Bet
-->Creator/HarlanEllison: Writer, Will Definitely Sue You
-->Creator/WilliamGibson: Writer, Better at VideoGame/{{Shadowrun}} than you
-->Creator/NealStephenson: I can't believe we're getting a Literature/ReadyPlayerOne movie before a Literature/SnowCrash movie
-->Creator/DouglasAdams: Don't Panic - Mostly Harmless

--> '''Kyle:''' In the early 1970s, a celebrated novelist wrote a story... about a strange vacation. A traveler's tale, about a place where one can be taken out of everyday life and into a fantasy land. A land made entirely of robots. He described them as they 'moved, danced, slept, popped their eyes, sniggered, drank - really. You realize that they are robots, but you remain dumbfounded by their verisimilitude...'. He also wrote that the place's creator 'reconstructed a fantasy world more real than reality, breaking down the wall of the second dimension, creating not a movie, which is illusion, but total theater...'.
--> ''(beat)''
--> '''Kyle:''' The traveler was an Italian novelist and medieval art scholar, named Umberto Eco. And the place he was describing was ''Pirates of the Caribbean'' at Disneyland.
--> ''(footage of cheerful singing by animatronic pirates)''
-->
--> '''Kyle:''' Simple enough of a sci-fi hook. What if ''Pirates of the Caribbean'' broke down? ''(snigger)'' I mean, when they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked...
--> '''Ian Malcolm''' ''(to John Hammond):'' But John... when ''Pirates of the Caribbean'' break down, the pirates don't eat the tourists!

* Oan and Ven Gethenian completely ''eviscerate'' the Creator/RolandEmmerich film ''{{Film/Anonymous}}''. The review is one long Moment of Funny, as well a SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome. The best and funniest parts of the review are Ven's expressions as Oan describes the utter insanity they saw on screen.

** "For some reason I see the cover art of a ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' ripoff novel."

** "This couple has now made made [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward and Bella Cullen]] look like John and Abigail Adams."

* His comments on the folk-heavy soundtrack, (which, though not mentioned by Kyle, includes a song written for [[Recap/TheTwilightZoneS5E154ComeWanderWithMe a Twilight Zone episode]]. [[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer Yes, really]].) to which he says, "I'm not sure this soundtrack is working. Change it up." Cue the opening music from ''Film/{{Birdemic}}''.
-->'''Kyle''': "Oh yeah. ''I went there''."

* Kyle expresses surprise that Creator/EmilyBrowning can and has been typecast as something narrow as "[[Literature/ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents girl who gets exploited by older]] [[Film/SuckerPunch male figures while unconscious]]." Even more so considering she was almost cast as Bella from ''{{Literature/Twilight}}'', and that had the infamous sleepwatching scene...

* They talk about how influential [[WesternAnimation/BeautyAndTheBeast both]] [[Film/BeautyAndTheBeast1946 versions]] were. And how if you think about it's an inherently messed up story about a woman choosing between two monstrous men ([[BeautyIsBad Gaston]] and [[TrueBeautyIsOnTheInside the Beast]]), only to realize if ''Literature/BeautyAndTheBeast'' never existed, ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' probably would have never happened. Cue SJWAC's HeroicBSOD.

-->'''Ven''': "Hey. ''*snaps fingers*'' You remember how I started out saying that what this guy's gonna do, [[EarthShatteringKaboom he should be blowing up planets]], [[DisasterMovie instead he blows the globe]]. [[JustForPun He actually]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Globe_Theatre does that!]]"

* When Gus Van Sant talks about how he first discovered ''VideoGame/TombRaider'' when his secretary told him he could download the first level and that he was amazed at the discovery that there are many different kinds of video games, Kyle shouts "'''CASUAL!!!'''"

* His rant at the end towards the other members of Website/ThatGuyWithTheGlasses for being sheltered:

* Kyle notes that Griffith's dramatic short subject, ''A Corner in Wheat'', doesn't entirely thread the needle when it comes to its disparate story elements, [[AcceptableTargets "but it DOES end with a millionaire being buried in wheat, so that's cool"]].

-->'''Kyle:''' ...[[BrickJoke Remember how I said that]] '''[[UsefulNotes/SigmundFreud Freud]]''' [[OedipusComplex believed in this]]?

* Every appearance of Creator/CrispinGlover has him with a snail pasted over his face and referred to as "the guy I don't like to talk about."
* He gives the movie two thumbs up, with hot dogs tied to his thumbs.

* His comparison of [[SpecialEffectFailure the main character's thumbs]] to [[{{Film/ManosTheHandsOfFate}} Torgo's knees]].

** Even better, the GagCensor for that scene is the album cover of Music/{{Divinyls}}’ “I Touch Myself”.

* “Ask yourself this; if you were 9 years old, and you saw something make [[https://goo.gl/images/EYRLqn that]] [[NightmareFace face]] at you... would you follow it?”

* "I can't mock this! I... ''(look of sudden realization)'' I can't mock this. I CAN’T MOCK THIS! ''CRISPIN GLOVER, YOU TACTICAL '''GENIUS!'''''"

* The extended "Basically, it's ''Film/TheRoom''" montage.

* Among a list of "deeply personal" art films made by the creators for the sole purpose of self-expression: ''Film/TheRoom''.

* Kyle renaming the review [[LongTitle "Mr Nobody is a Bad Movie and Please Stop Trying to Convince Me Otherwise"]].

* [[ADateWithRosiePalms "What's black and white and shuddering all over?"]][[note]]The unstated punchline being: "A masturbating nun."[[/note]]

Okay, um, that one too. (''[[Film/ErnestPWorrell Ernest Goes To Africa]]'') ...who the hell suggested that- \\
Um, okay, let's try an African film that's not about a white guy. (''Film/DistrictNine'')\\

--> '''Ian Malcolm''' ''(to John Hammond):'' But John... when ''Pirates of the Caribbean'' break down, the pirates don't eat the tourists!

* The [[http://thefump.com/fump.php?id=1841 alternate lyrics]] to the song include a bridge about the sordid history of Disneyland Paris...and a verse about a murderous teapot uprising.

-->'''Robert Cecil:''' Elizabeth had several bastard children, Edward. She was sixteen for the first. The foundling, of course, had to be reared a nobleman... John De Vere, the previous Earl of Oxford agreed to accept the task. ''(Angrily)'' ''[[SuddenlyShouting He would teach you EVERYTHING he knew about statecraft, marry you to his daughter, and after Elizabeth's death, proclaim YOU...]]'' heir. His own grandchild to follow you on the throne, but he could not ''[[SuddenlyShouting POSSIBLY predict what kind of FAILURE you would become!]]'' All to write... ([[MusicalisInterruptus The music suddenly cuts out]]) ...Poetry. ({{Beat}}, as DramaticThunder booms in the distance) [[{{Understatement}} Nor could he have predicted that that would commit]] ''[[ParentalIncest incest.]]''

* When the two female character end up having [[ComicSutra some particularly acrobatic oral sex]] (censored by stacking two upright Venus de Milo torsos on top of one another, if that tells you anything), Kyle is aghast: "''That's not a first-date position!''"

* While Kyle opens the episode speaking in Dutch... a Dutch citizen off camera calls him out on his accent.

* When describing Greenaway's verbatim staging to mimic Rembrandt's paintings, [[Series/ArrestedDevelopment it quickly cuts to George Sr. and Buster at the Living Classics Pageant]].

* "Ah, yes, Botticelli's ''The Birth of [[Creator/RobertCrumb R. Crumb]].''"

* Noting all the drinking the characters do, Kyle comes up with a possible theory for the IdiotPlot of the play: they're all drunk!

* When witnessing the appearance of some UncannyValley animals; he pauses, takes a sip of Listerine, spits it out, then ScreamsLikeALittleGirl.

* The UncannyValley is exemplified by [[Film/{{Twilight}} Renesmee Cullen]].