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Funny / Blade (1998)

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Per wiki policy, Spoilers Off applies here and all spoilers are unmarked. You Have Been Warned.

  • Right after Blade cuts off Quinn’s arm, he is shot repeatedly by two hospital security guards, leading to this quip:
    Blade: Motherfucker, are you out of your damn mind?!
    • The above scene is improved by the fact that the security guards exit as suddenly as they appeared, as though they suddenly realized dealing with a man in bullet-proof armor is well above their paygrade.
    • It's also the only scene where Blade doesn't have his voice (outside of the Say My Name moment to Frost in the climax), with the delivery more in line with Snipes's comic performances.
  • "You tell him it's open season on all suckheads."
    • Also Blade’s face right after Krieger tells him that the passageway of Frost’s underground base is in the freezer. It's an expression of "Are you serious? What do you take me for?", then Blade slaps him around some more before Krieger pleads he's being honest. Blade opens the freezer...and is mildly surprised it actually is a secret entrance.
  • In the archives, Blade comes across what seems like a young human girl (actually one of Deacon's minions). When he takes his eyes off her to see other bad guys coming his way, she hops up and kicks him through Soft Glass. Blade's expression is again more like surprised amusement than anything as she continues the attack, as if the last thing he expected was this girl to start throwing down with him.
  • Blade finds Pearl, who is on a call with Frost:
    Pearl: Krieger, is that you? OH, HE'S HERE! He's here!
    Blade: This must be Pearl, the record keeper.
    (Pearl lets out a loud, wet fart, causing Blade to grimace in disgust and block his nose.)
    Pearl: He's going to kill me! You need me, Frost! (sobbing with fear) You need me!
    Frost: Pearl... You're history. Have the good grace to die with some fucking dignity.
    Pearl: Frost! Ruthless bloodsucker!
    • One of the monitors in front of Pearl appears to display a cooking channel segment.
    • Really, the entire scene with Pearl is hilarious.
      Pearl: What is that?
      Blade: That, biscuit boy, is a UV lamp. We're gonna play a little game of 20 questions. Depending on how you answer, you may walk outta here with a tan. What's that?
      (Blade points to a 3D rendering of the ritual displayed on one of the screens)
      Pearl: Oh, that? Aw, it's nothing. It's routine research! (Nervous giggle) Actually, it's a video game!
      (Karen blasts Pearl with the UV lamp, frying him as he squeals and wails in agony)
      Blade: That must’ve hurt.
      Pearl: (Panicking) IT'S A FRAGMENT! A PIECE OF THE PROPHECY!
      Blade: What prophecy?
      (ZAP!)
      Pearl: EEEEUUUURRRAAAAAGGGHHH! (Speaking vampire language) LA MAGRA IS COMING! THE SPIRITS OF THE TWELVE WILL AWAKEN THE BLOOD GOD!
      (Karen turns off the UV lamp.)
      Pearl: (Speaking English) AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT, DAYWALKAH!
      Blade: Is that so?
      Pearl: (Meekly) ...Well, that's what Frost says.
  • When Blade is subdued, one of Deacon's henchmen makes the mistake of picking up Blade's sword, which harms anyone who picks it the weapon without disabling the safety.
    Henchman: Look! I got his pig-sticker! [holds up the sword triumphantly]
    [failsafe goes off, henchman's hand explodes as the mini-blades on the hilt pop out]
    Quinn: [mocking] Hahaha! 'Look, I got his pig-sticker!' [laughing hysterically, as is the sap who got his hand blown off]
  • One of Whistler's lines:
    Whistler: I'm too old for this! Somebody get me a goddamn wheelchair!
  • In the climax as Blade prepare to fight Frost. Quinn, one of Frost's dragons and who has at the beginning got his arm slice off, shows up
    Quinn: I got two arms now Blade and I don't know which one to kill you with! (He charges...and is unceremoniously bisected into dust.)
  • Frost admires Blade's sword and wants to demo it, so he orders Quinn to hold out his arm. Quinn is scared shitless, as he has already lost limbs to Blade's sword, as he dutifully does so and pleads with Frost not to do it. Frost holds the sword to Quinn's arm...then puts it away and deadpans, "Just kidding."
    Quinn (laughing with relief): HE WAS JUST FUCKING WITH ME!
  • Frost also has had it with Quinn treating Blade as the Terror Hero:
    Quinn: You don't understand, this guy is fucking bad! Like, he has, like twenty guys around him, I was there, he's got shit he throws at you, and with the sword—
    Frost (with mock excitement): He's got the sword—
    Quinn: Exactly—
    Frost: He throws it into the air—
    Quinn: Yeah, he's got the shit he throws—
    Frost: Yeah, he catches it underneath, yeah, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
  • When Frost kills the leader of the House of Erebus and removes his fangs
    Quinn: Sorry, old dog, you just got a little too long in the tooth. Hahahahaha...what, man, that was funny! "Long", "tooth"?
  • When Blade slices Frost, the baddie's newfound powers reattaches his torso back to his body before it hits the ground and makes him good as new, eliciting Blade to silently mouth "What the fuck?"

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