Funny / Beyond Skyrim

Multiple Projects

• There's a series of travel guides written by a Khajiiti author named Za'Dakki, and it's written in pretty much exactly the tone you would expect a Khajiit travel guide to have.
  A WORK BY ZA'DAKKI, PART OF HIS 'KHAJIIT'S PERSPECTIVE' SERIES ON THE CULTURES OF TAMRIEL. PURCHASE OTHER INSTALLMENTS FROM ALL GOOD BOOK STORES! REMEMBER - IF THEY DON'T SELL IT, PESTER THE STORE OWNER UNTIL THEY DO!
  • On the music of High Rock.
    This one has also a special song recommendation: ask the musicians for the one that goes 'da da, doo, doo, da, daa doo, da, doo, da, da, doo, da, doo, da, da doo da doo da doo da doo...'. Khajiit sadly does not remember the song's name, but this one is sure that they will recognize it by this description.

Beyond Skyrim: Cyrodiil: The Seat of Sundered Kings

• The Nord bard, Renod Even-Toned, going on an angry rant, proclaiming to be Surrounded by Idiots after being told by his employer, Stantus, that his terrible singing distresses the customers.
  • Then you learn from Stantus what Renod was doing before he got the job at the Jerall View Inn:
    Stantus: I hear the Jucanis paid him to watch and entertain their kid Banus while they were out of town. Apparently, his attempts at lullabies scared the child so much that he ran away from the bard and cried in the streets until his parents got back.
• If you ask the local blacksmith in Bruma where he learned to smith, he will joke that asking a Nord where he learned to smith is like asking a High Elf where he learned to make you want to hit him... before awkwardly apologizing to an Altmer Dragonborn.
• Harald Burdsson's guided tour around his "Hall of the Champion" museum in Bruma, which makes it clear that the place is a tourist trap through and through. This is made even more evident by the fact that, during the tour, he attempts to squeeze the Dragonborn for a little extra cash by offering them to touch the Champion's used handkerchief and sword against payment.
• In Capstone cave you can find some notes written by a bandit who was experimenting with alchemy. After wasting a lot of money on ingredients that they weren't able to do anything useful with, they decided to eat some of the mushrooms.
  Ha! He's wearing a pot on his head! And he's riding a unicorn! I never thought I'd see the day when he- wait a second, is that Titus Mede? Why's he wearing such a revealing- and why's he riding a guar? Damn it Titus, I'm yours.
  • The next entry simply reads:
    NEVER AGAIN.
    Still going to harvest these and sell them for a tidy profit.
    BUT NEVER AGAIN.

---