Funny / Aliens (Steve Perry Trilogy)

• Earth Hive, Colonel Stephens finally agrees to meet the "civilian expert" on the Aliens (Billie) Wilks smuggled aboard his ship.
  Stephens: Alright, trot him out and let me see him
  Wilks: See her.
  Stephens: Where did you get her?
  Wilks: I broke her out of a mental hospital. Sir.
  • Considering the fit Stephens threw when his head count came up plus-one, it's a shame we don't get to see his reaction to this piece of news.
  • Stephens is also pissed because adding the weight of an extra person might have thrown them catastrophically off-course. Wilks states he dumped "40 kilos of that raspberry-flavored shit" to balance things out. Bueller notes that he likes "that raspberry-flavored shit." Considering he and Billie quickly have sex, it's safe to say the raspberry-flavored shit was an acceptable tradeoff.
• Colonial Marine Sergeant Wilks officially submits his petition for elevation to the Pantheon by having absolutely zero fucks to give, even about sterilizing an entire planet in an act of petty revenge against the Aliens.
  He wondered what the penalty for blowing up a whole planet was? Why, he might be court-martialed.
  Imagine that.
• In Nightmare Asylum, Billie luring some Marines behind some crates by stripping naked and beckoning them over. She can't believe they fell for it.
  Billie: Jesus, Wilks, are these the guys who have been protecting the civilized galaxy? No wonder the aliens are ahead.
  Wilks: What can I say? If you can find your way to the test site, the galaxy's finest will let you join up.
  • Then five minutes later, Wilks and Billie head back to where the horny Marines had been, in their new uniforms, towards a third who wasn't quite as dumb.
  Marine: That was quick. How was she?
  Billie: I was great.
• Wilks quotes Apone from Aliens, saying "Another glorious day in the Corps." when he and Billie come out of hypersleep and explaining it's something his Sergeant always used to say.
  Billie: What happened to him?
  Wilks: Something he disagreed with ate him.
• In Female War, Wilks reflecting on the crew they've assembled to go to the real Alien homeworld and kidnap the Mother Queen. They're down with stealing a ship for the mission, and seem to feel they've been granted a special privilege to be included. A good crew, Wilks thinks. Not to bright, maybe, but Wilks has no room to criticize them for that.
• In the process of stealing their ship, the group is surprised by a worker just outside the dock. Dunston, the group's martial arts master, takes him down quickly, but notes someone else is coming. Wilks wonders how the hell he could possibly know that, if he has some kind of psychic power. . . then spots the two place settings and cups of steaming coffee.
  Dunston: Pretty mystical. Ancient secret of the Orient, multiple-coffee awareness.