''The Sidehackers'' (aka ''Five The Hard Way'') is a 1969 ExploitationFilm which follows the attempts of a garage mechanic and amateur motorcycle racer to avenge the rape and murder of his girlfriend.

The trouble starts when one JC and his gang bring their motorcycles to be repaired by the film's hero, Rommel. The topic of conversation turns to "sidehacking", which is basically a motorcycle race with sidecars (ostensibly for balance while turning). Rommel invites them all to his ranch to see a demonstration of this sidehacking; and JC gets totally into it, desiring to form a partership of sorts. Rommel, for reasons unspecified, is not too keen on this idea, and JC gives us a first glimpse at his [[BerserkButton hair-trigger temper]] (further developed in a later scene in which JC [[DomesticAbuse beats up his girlfriend Paisley]]).

Paisley, smitten with Rommel, goes to him and flirts, apparently hoping he will whisk her away from JC. Too bad for her, Rommel is faithful to his own girlfriend Rita, and rebuffs Paisley rather harshly. Enraged, Paisley goes back to JC and [[FalseRapeAccusation claims Rommel raped her]]. However, JC takes his vengeance to the extreme -- he goes and beats up Rommel, sure, but then he [[RapeAsDrama rapes and murders Rita, right in front of the helpless Rommel]].

[[PoliceAreUseless The police seem unable to locate JC]]; so Rommel, with nothing left to live for, sells all his worldly possessions in order to hire a gang to go exact his own revenge. He gets help from an unexpected source; a couple of JC's henchmen, Gooch and Nero, defect to Rommel's side. Except Gooch is TheMole and is secretly reporting Rommel's moves to JC. Ah, but Rommel is aware of Gooch's secret, and so this plot point... ultimately goes nowhere. In the meantime, JC gets bad vibes about Paisley's rape story and strangles her in a jealous fit.

It all leads to a final showdown in an old rock quarry, with the two gangs essentially wiping each other out and leaving JC and Rommel to have a climactic one-on-one. Rommel narrowly defeats his nemesis; but just as the police are finally arriving to arrest JC, [[DownerEnding JC shoots Rommel dead]].

[[ShootTheShaggyDog Can't you feel the joy of life just OOZING through your veins right now???]]

The film is best known for its appearance on ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'', which wound up changing the show's history. The creators of ''[=MST3K=]'' were unaware of and unprepared for the graphic rape/murder scene, which horrified them so much that they altered the process for screening films; from this point forward, all potential movies would be screened in their entirety '''before''' being chosen for inclusion on the show. For more info on the episode, please go to the [[Recap/MysteryScienceTheater3000S02E02TheSidehackers episode recap page]]. The original uncut film can be seen starting [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMuF2XvPEO0 here.]]

!!''The Sidehackers'' contains examples of:

* BigGuyFatalitySyndrome: Big Jake is the first one of Rommel's team to die.
* BerserkButton: Any time JC doesn't get his way.
* BittersweetEnding: Though the story is a DownerEnding, it could be seen as a bittersweet one [[FromACertainPointOfView from a certain point of view]]. Almost everyone, including the hero, gets killed (while the villain lives)....but the villain is implied to get arrested afterwards. Rommel's friend at the garage knew a bit about what was going on and even asked Rommel, "Why don't you just call the police?". In a nutshell; The whole flick boils down to J.C. having KarmaHoudiniWarranty[[note]]J.C. will eventually be punished with either Life or the Death Penalty[[/note]] and the stupidity of not calling law enforcement to do their job [[note]]Which was probably the {{Aesop}} of this whole story to begin with[[/note]].
* BlackDudeDiesFirst: Inverted; [[spoiler: Nero, the only black character, is one of the only characters who DOESN'T die.]]
* BrickJoke: ''Very'' poorly executed. Crapout is telling a joke involving prisoners shouting numbers at random. The numbers stand for jokes the prisoners already know. Nero starts to tell a joke, but Crapout stops him and tells him he knows that one already. [[MemeticMutation "That's a number 5!"]]
* DisproportionateRetribution: Guy turns you down and is a bit tactless about it? Don't just falsely accuse him of rape, do so to your psychotic boyfriend and his gang of armed thugs!
* DomesticAbuse: JC to Paisley.
* DownerEnding, bordering on ShootTheShaggyDog.
** Well; Just short of ShootTheShaggyDog. If it's of any consolation to anyone, it is implied that the cops catch and arrest J.C. They were arriving on the scene just as [[spoiler: JC shoots Rommel to death]]. [[note]]Also; If you believe in an afterlife, you could perhaps imagine that Rommel and Rita are [[TogetherInDeath reunited there]], living HappilyEverAfter.[[/note]]
* EvilIsHammy: JC. Ain't that right? WELL? AIN'T IT?! AIN'T IT RIGHT?!
* ExploitationFilm
* FallingInLoveMontage
* FalseRapeAccusation
* HalfwayPlotSwitch: ...with perhaps echoes of FirstLawOfTragicomedies. The film starts off as a goofy, cheesy motor-sport flick about Sidehacking. Then, after his initial comically-disastrous introduction, J.C. has that blow-up during dinner....then it gets dark from there. This was the main reason those at ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'' picked this movie to begin with. They were expecting a goofy, "hep-cat", teeny-bopper motor-sport flick, not a dark "Murder-Rape-Revenge" flick.
* HeelFaceTurn: Averted in that Nero was never a bad guy. He helps Rommel because he's sick of JC's abuse.
%%* LostLoveMontage
%%* MeadowRun
%%* MightyGlacier: Big Jake.
%%* TheMole: Gooch
* KarmaHoudiniWarranty: As downer-riffic the movie is, J.C. still gets arrested. The cops were just pulling up at the end of the big fight and saw what happened to Rommel. J.C's bound to have quite a rap-sheet. It's either "Life" or "The Chair" for the psychopath.
* MyGodWhatHaveIDone: Paisley comes to regret lying about Rommel, saying she doesn't know who she hates more, JC or herself. She tells JC she wants to get away from him, which throws JC into a rage and he strangles her, pushing him off the slippery slope.
* OffscreenMomentOfAwesome: The titular sidehacking competition largely occurs off-camera, focusing instead on the in-universe audience's [[DullSurprise unimpressive reactions.]]
* PoliceAreUseless: They can't seem to find JC after the murder, even though he's hiding in a local rock quarry.
** Even worse, he was hiding in his hotel for ''ten days'' before moving to the rock quarry.
* PoliticallyIncorrectVillain: JC. That bit where he starts yelling at Nero, the sound goes out and the ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'' crew yells at him to shut up? Yeah, it's just what you're thinking.
** Plus, he's a misogynist who beats, rapes & kills women.
* PsychopathicManChild: JC
* RapeAsDrama:
** Invoked in-story, when Paisley falsely cries "rape" in order to incite JC against Rommel.
** Rita's murder.
* {{Revenge}} drives most of the film, either one way or the other.
** RevengeBeforeReason: Rommel going after JC, rather than telling the cops where he is.
* RuleOfSymbolism: So screwed up only the makers of this film could possibly explain the symbolism of a racist, misogynistic Jesus Christ.
** And the hero's named after a [[ThoseWackyNazis Nazi]] [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII General.]]
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: After gunning down JC's gang, Nero and Crapout head for the hills and end up being the only characters who survive.
* StrengthEqualsWorthiness: How Rommel recruits bodybuilder "Big Jake" to his gang - kinda.
* TechnicalPacifist: Rommel won't allow his Vengeance Gang to use guns, even though he knows JC's men will. His gang feels differently.
* ThirdPersonPerson:
-->'''Big Jake:''' ''(after Rommel hits him)'' He hit Big Jake!
* TooDumbToLive:
** Gooch, did you really think anyone would believe you were shitting in the bushes for ''over an hour?''
** Rommel tells his men "no guns" when they start the assault on JC's lair, even though every single one of JC's goons are packing heat.
** JC finds nothing odd about how casually Paisley tells him she's been raped.
* TogetherInDeath: Rommel and Rita...ev-evidently? What ''was'' that?
* TokenMinority: Nero.
* WordSaladTitle: ''Five The Hard Way''. Ostensibly a reference to dice-rolling ("the hard way" refers to rolling doubles, which of course cannot add up to an odd total), but this does not play into the film in any manner except for the song that plays at the beginning... which also does not relate to the film in any way other than being there.
** "Five the Hard Way" [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial definitely has nothing to do]] with the Creator/JackNicholson movie ''Film/FiveEasyPieces'', released earlier the same year.