[[quoteright:254:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/kindergarten_cop_film.jpg]]

->''"Who is your daddy and what does he do?"''

''Kindergarten Cop'' is one of Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger's earlier comedic roles, following his comedy debut in ''Film/{{Twins}}''.

Arnold plays Detective John Kimble, a cop trying to put away drug dealer Cullen Crisp. Hoping to locate Crisp's estranged wife and son in order to draft them as witnesses, and having no information about them except the name of the school where the son goes, Kimble goes with his partner to find them. Initially it is his partner who is supposed to teach the kindergarten children with Kimble as the muscle, but when she gets a stomach flu on the journey, Kimble has to do it.

HilarityEnsues when tough guy Arnold turns out to be completely unprepared to take on the challenge of babysitting five-year-olds. Meanwhile, Crisp gets released from prison and sets out to find his family...

While the film was not what everybody expected thanks to deceitful trailers, it helped to type-cast Arnold as an action-movie actor, and was a box office success, grossing over $90 million on a $11m budget, good for the top-10 box office of 1990.

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!!What are your tropes, and what do they do?

* AbusiveParents:
** One moody child that Kimble suspects of being Crisp's son turns out instead to have a different father, and an abusive one, at that. Kimble initially starts beating the living crud out of the boy's father, [[NotInFrontOfTheKid but when his students appear]], he instead decides to press charges for domestic abuse.
** Crisp doesn't come off too well, either. Despite his claim to love his son, he aggressively kidnaps his son and then holds him hostage at gunpoint once cornered; although, he could be bluffing if he does genuinely loves his son.
* ActionHeroBabysitter: Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger as a cop going undercover as a teacher in a kindergarten.
* AdultFear: Despite the film's seemingly kid-friendly setting (and the hilarious premise of someone badass like ''Arnie'' being a kindergarten teacher), there's a kid with an abusive parent (and that the school didn't intervene until [[PapaWolf Kimble]] did, and even then he got chewed out by the principal for acting out of bounds), there's a drug dealer kidnapping his son and holding him hostage at gunpoint, and the climax being played exactly how when a legitimate threat enters the school grounds, with everyone reacting in complete panic...
* AffablyEvil: Crisp has elements of this: at times being friendly and charming to get what he wants. However, the fact that he quickly resorts to violence puts the evil in affably evil.
* AlasPoorVillain: In another film, Cullen Crisp could have been depicted this way: an estranged father with a troubled past who desperately wants to reconnect with his son. [[spoiler: However, his violently abusive tendencies towards Joyce and even towards Dominic make him a thoroughly unsympathetic individual. It is clear that Crisp himself believes he is a loving father unfairly separated from his son, but his violent behaviour shows how hollow this belief is.]]
* AlliterativeName: Cullen Crisp, Dominic's criminal father, and Dominic himself, born Cullen Crisp Junior.
* ArsonMurderAndLifeSaving: The principal gives Kimble this speech after he beats said crud out of said parent (see above).
* BadassLongcoat: Kimble sports one in the beginning of the movie, combined with CoolShades.
* BadassTeacher: Kimble, 'nuff said. Once he starts warming up to the kids... [[PapaWolf it's not a good idea not to provoke him]].
* BecomingTheMask: During his cover, John really begins to grow close to his kindergarten students. [[IChooseToStay He eventually decides to leave his police job to become a teacher instead]].
* BigBad: Cullen Crisp, a crime lord on the hunt for his son.
* BigDamnHeroes: [[spoiler:Kimble's partner saves him from Crisp's psycho mother; the mother had run her over with the car right before the climax.]]
* BigEater: Det. O'Hara. Done with extra humor as she's so small.
* BigShutUp: Kimble does [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnOsKz8p1GI this]] to a room of kids when things got too chaotic, followed by a few smaller shut ups. Naturally, he makes the kids cry, which drives him to run outside and deliver a SkywardScream of frustration. Its probably the most memorable scene in the movie.
* BlownAcrossTheRoom
* BondOneLiner: "You're not so tough without your car, are ya?"
* TheCakeIsALie: [[spoiler: Joyce never stole 3 million from Crisp; it was just an excuse for various people to track down Joyce so that Crisp could find Dominic]].
* CarFu: Kimble's partner gets hit by Eleanor Crisp's car.
* CatapultNightmare: Kimble has a nightmare about Crisp appearing outside the classroom window and wakes up in this way.
* ChekhovsGun: The ferret. [[{{Foreshadowing}} Don't worry]], [[BrickJoke it won't bite you]].
* ChewingTheScenery: SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!
* ChewOutFakeOut: Arnold beats the snot out of a man who's been beating his kid. The Principal takes Arnie into her office, and he expects her to throw him out of the school. But regarding the beating, the only thing she has to say is to ask how ''good'' it felt to "hit that son of a bitch."
* ChildrenAreInnocent: Played for laughs when the child of a gynecologist talks about private parts and doesn't see anything wrong with it.
* CoolShades: Combined with BadassLongcoat, Kimble wears one before going undercover, a la ''Terminator''.
* CowboyCop: Kimble, before he has to go undercover as a kindergarten teacher. He roughs up suspects, pumps a rathole apartment full of holes with his shotgun, beats up people in the street and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking owns a pet ferret in California, even though it's illegal]].
* CreepyChild: One of the kids is a boy who is constantly talking about death and dying in a very unemotional voice. And this is PlayedForLaughs.
* CutHimselfShaving: One child explains his [[AbusiveParents fresh bruises]] every day by saying "I fell down." [[PapaWolf Kimble]] doesn't buy it, and beats up the child's abusive father.
* DaChief: Or in this case, Da Principal. She doesn't warm up to Kimble until the incident where he beats up the abusive father.
* EvenBadMenLoveTheirMamas: Cullen Crisp is a total mama's boy. Of course, his mom is just as bad as him.
* EvenEvilHasLovedOnes: Crisp genuinely loves his son. ([[{{Hypocrite}} Though he'll still hold him hostage if forced to.]])
* EvilMatriarch: Eleanor Crisp, ''good god''.
* FishOutOfWater: A police officer going undercover as a kindergarten teacher. [[TemptingFate What could possibly go wrong]]?
* FreudianExcuse:
** It's not hard to see why Cullen Crisp is so screwed up, considering what [[NeverMessWithGranny his]] [[MyBelovedSmother mother is like]]. But he's such a greasy jerk you really don't feel sorry for him.
** It's implied that the reason John is uneasy with the idea of being around kids is because it just reminds him he's not with his son anymore.
* FriendToAllChildren: John eventually grows into one during his cover as a kindergarten teacher.
* FromTheMouthsOfBabes: The one kid in the class who keeps saying "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina..."
** The Twin Girls (in unison): "Our mom says our dad's a real sex machine."
* GenericCopBadges: When Kimble arrests Cullen in the beauty salon, he is not wearing a uniform. It's a total win for reality that the security guards ''call his badge in'' to verify its authenticity. Considering that Kimble looks like a scruffy, insane vigilante, any guard worth their salt would.
* GoodCopBadCop: Kimble and his partner trying to turn a witness on Crisp.
* GoodIsNotNice: Kimble, until the kids soften him up.
* GratuitousGerman: Arnie says, "Das macht mich stinksauer! Jetzt bin ich sauer!" (That makes me really angry! Now I'm angry!) when he has to carry his sick partner (who's largely responsible for her own condition) inside.
* HaHaHaNo: When the kids laugh at Kimble accidentally sitting on piano keys, he retorts, "Ha ha ha ha... QUIET."
* HaveYouToldAnyoneElse: A subtle blink-and-you'll-miss-it example, but Crisp delivers one of these to the informant before [[HeKnowsTooMuch gunning him down in the mall.]]
* HeCleansUpNicely: For the first 20 minutes of the film, Kimble looks like a scruffy vagabond with a nice custom shotgun. It's only when he has to go undercover as a teacher that he makes himself presentable.
* HeroInsurance: Kimble evidently took out a bit of this due to his being an undercover cop.
* IChooseToStay: In the end, Kimble decides to stay in Astoria with Joyce and Dominic and continue working as a kindergarten teacher, rather than return to his life as a cop.
* ImADoctorNotAPlaceholder: "I'm not a policeman; I'm a princess!"
* InterruptedIntimacy: Kimble walks in on his partner having sex with her fiancée, thinking she is getting attacked.
* IronicEcho: During an early scene at the school, a fire drill is performed, resulting in the kindergarten class screaming and acting out while everyone else calmly follows the drill procedure. When the school is invaded at the climax and the fire alarm is triggered, everyone else is seen running around screaming and panicking, while the kindergarten class calmly follows the drill procedure.
* KickTheSonOfABitch: This term is used in regards to Kimble decking the abusive father of one of his students. The school principal isn't pleased that it happened [[NotInFrontOfTheKid in front of the young students]]... but deep down, she's glad the father finally got what's coming.
* TheKlutz: Phoebe's fiancé, Henry Shoop. He's only in two scenes and is a walking disaster area in both.
* LargeHam: Kimble, given that when Arnold needs to show emotion, [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8AJdfzCw3U it's never subtle]].
* MamaBear: Principal Schlowski is in charge, and she let's Kimble know she's more than willing to blow his cover if she feels that her kids are in any danger.
--> '''Schlowski:''' I'm watching you. All I have to do is tell my parents that you're with the police and they'll yank their kids out of this school so fast we'd have to close. And don't you think I won't if I feel my children are in any danger.
* MeaningfulEcho: When Ms. Schlowski first introduces Kimble to the class, she tells him "They're all yours" in a sarcastic, mocking tone. During the final scene when Kimble returns to the class, she again says "They're all yours"--this time in a friendly, supportive tone.
* MoodWhiplash: The principal pretends to throw a punch herself, still bathing in the afterglow of John beating the crap out of the abusive father. It's a cute and funny scene and oh holy shit, did they just cut to a ''corpse's face?!'' The juxtaposition is jarring, to say the least.
** There's also the genuine joy on Crisp's face when he sees his son for the first time in ages, a stark contrast to the bastard we've been seeing throughout the film. Then the mood switches again later when he points a gun to his own son's head and any sympathy he got from you before flies out the window.
** The start of the movie plays out like a generic Arnie movie, with him as a maverick cop, and then switches to a family comedy. Near the end, it veers back into suspense/action territory.
* MsExposition: Cindy. The girl delivers a very quick setup at the very beginning as the [[RedShirt guy]] pushes [[HeKnowsTooMuch her]] into the hiding place -- he already knows what he's going to tell Cullen, so there's really no reason she should be saying this to him [[TropesAreTools except to fill the audience in]].
--->'''Girl:''' I mean, his wife took his kid and a couple of million...
* MyBelovedSmother: Eleanor Cullen's overbearing behavior explains a lot about how her son turned out.
* NoisyNature: Kimble's ferret makes the same sort of chirpy cooing sound that has become stock for them in films, yet no ferret ''ever'' makes in real life.
* NotInFrontOfTheKid: [[PapaWolf Kimble]] would've [[NoHoldsBarredBeatdown completely beaten the living daylights]] out of the guy who was abusing his kid, had not his students as well as the principal and a bunch of parents with their own kids stopped to watch. Realizing this, he stops himself instead decides to press charges against the guy for child abuse.
* PapaWolf:
** Kimble sums it up when meeting with [[AbusiveParents a very mean parent]] - "[[TranquilFury You hit the kid]], [[KickTheSonOfABitch I hit you.]]"
** Kimble's climatic showdown with Cullen [[spoiler:which includes Cullen kidnapping poor Dominic and Kimble going after him.]]
* PrimAndProperBun: The no-nonsense principal of the school Kimble works at has one of these, though eventually she does warm up to Kimble.
* RealMenHateSugar: John Kimble is visibly gargling at the taste of the sweet fruit jelly that the orderlies fed him as he lies bedridden in hospital. His visiting partner Phoebe [[LampshadeHanging points this out]] to the nurse.
--> '''Phoebe:''' Nah, he doesn't wanna eat that. He's a tough guy. Tough guys don't eat jello.
** They fed him Jello, never mind the fact that ''his arms worked just fine''. Of course, since he didn't want to eat it, the nurse was probably ''making'' him.
* RedHerring: Zach Sullivan, the abused kid, was the one Kimble suspected of being Cullen's kid. It's actually [[spoiler:Dominic, son of Joyce the schoolteacher. Also, Joyce never stole from Cullen in the first place.]]
* RedShirt: Danny, the informant at the start of the film.
* RidiculouslyCuteCritter: The ferret. Despite owning one being against California regulations, the principal lets Kimble bring it to class because the kids like it.
* ShotgunsAreJustBetter: Kimble carries one in the beginning of the film. Naturally, he uses it to rough up some bad guys and shoot out holes during a crackhouse siege.
* SilenceYouFool: '''[[BigShutUp SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!]]'''
* SingleMindedTwins: The twin girls in Kimble's class (see FromTheMouthsOfBabes above).
* SkywardScream: Arnold screams towards the heavens after the kids frustrate him again by crying.
* SternTeacher: Kimble finally settles on this as a teaching style. It works for him, [[LargeAndInCharge being over six feet tall]].
* TeamDad: Kimble becomes the stern yet protective father figure to his kindergarteners once he warms up to them.
* TrailersAlwaysLie: The trailer tries to fool you into thinking that there's just going to be a few introductory action scenes to ensure you know Kimble's a tough guy, before a movie full of jolly japes about him being overwhelmed by 5 year olds. It's not. The film is better described as an action drama, with emotional scenes of Kimble missing his own son and falling for a teacher, and a violent drug dealer wanting his son back at any costs.
** To hammer this point home: When Siskel and Ebert reviewed it on their show, they strongly stressed to parents to take the PG-13 rating seriously. Despite the kindergartners present, it's really not a film for little kids at all.
* UseYourHead: Kimble headbutts a thug in the beginning of the movie.
* VillainousBreakdown: Crisp goes through this after feeling heartbroken that his son does not recognize him. He resorts to aggressively kidnapping him and holding him at gunpoint (even though he could be bluffing), while stating to Kimble in a grief stricken frustration that he's his boy, completely dropping his AffablyEvil act that he's been putting up to the point he finally sees his son in the film.
* VillainsOutShopping: After Crisp and his mother are reunited, there's a sequence in which they gather necessary items for once they get Dominic back. Crisp buys a toy for Dominic (by knocking out a fellow customer who refused to re-sell it to him), and the mother and son bicker about her barrage of medication she buys for the kid (including a rectal thermometer and an enema bag).
* YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness: Once Danny tells Crisp everything he wants to know near the beginning of the movie, he becomes a loose end.
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