-> ''"[[OhCrap Oh, crap.]]"''
--> -- The '''[[TheProtagonist Master Chief]]''', [[{{Beat}} right before]] [[FrickinLaserBeams something]] [[MoreDakka bad]] [[ZergRush happens]] [[StuffBlowingUp to]] [[IronButtMonkey him]] [[OhNoNotAgain yet again]]

Picture the ''Franchise/{{Halo}}'' universe. Now add an [[BunnyEarsLawyer absentminded]], [[CloudCuckooLander mentally unstable]] protagonist with [[AxCrazy violent impulses]] and a penchant for [[VerbalTic silly exclamations]], a beautiful-but-frustrated [[ArtificialIntelligence AI]], a black [[SpaceMarine Marine]] who [[ChewBubblegum listens to metal]] [[Film/TheyLive and kicks ass]] and brags about his [[BiggerIsBetterInBed size]], a [[ScaryDogmaticAliens religious coalition of alien races]] hell-bent on activating the Halos (and [[DeathBySex raping humanity into extinction]] along the way), and a legion of [[EldritchAbomination horrific]] [[ZombieApocalypse zombifying]] [[FaceFullOfAlienWingWong sex parasites]]. The result?

''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3070976/1/Halo_Combat_Deformed Halo: Combat Deformed]]!''

Authored by [[Tropers/StAraqiel St. Araqiel]] with the help of his younger brother, this fic parodies the first game in a rather perverted manner (he freely [[AtLeastIAdmitIt admits]] he wrote as such because it was [[SexSells the first thing he thought of]]). A sequel (''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3105094/1/Halo_2_Idiots Halo 2 Idiots]]'') has been published as well, but as of July 2008, it is effectively [[DeadFic dead]], owing to AttentionDeficitCreatorDisorder.
-> Volunteers, step up!


[[folder:Examples Contained in Both Fics]]
* {{Angrish}}: The Chief's [[BattleCry war cries]] usually consist of this.
* AttackAttackAttack: Elite Zealots and berserking Brutes. Also, the Chief when he runs amok.
* BadassBoast: Johnson gets two, just like in [[Franchise/{{Halo}} the games]] (which also count as [[RousingSpeech Rousing Speeches]]). Tartarus and Rtas [[PunnyName 'Sadumee]] each have one in the second fic.
--> '''Johnson''': Am I right, Marines?
--> '''Marines''': SIR, YES, SIR!
* BallsOfSteel: Captain Keyes plays with this trope in that while getting pistol-whipped in the 'nads ''does'' hurt him, [[DelayedReaction he doesn't react for a few seconds, then simply grunts, "Ow."]]
** On the other hand, Sergeant Johnson gets hit by the Arbiter and Tartarus in the second fic and feels it just fine (though the Arbiter gets a bruised knee for his trouble).
** Also averted with the Covenant in general, and Private Dubbo.
* BlackComedyRape: ''Every'' occurrence of rape is treated this way, in varying degrees. One that particularly stands out is [[spoiler:Captain Keyes]] on [[spoiler:Sergeant Johnson]].
* EldritchAbomination: The Orgy.
* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: To the surprise of Cortana, Sergeant Johnson is able to kill the Master Chief with nothing but [[MundaneMadeAwesome his belt]]. Luckily, the Chief [[UnexplainedRecovery respawns a few seconds later.]]
** When a similar thing happens in the sequel, Cortana even [[LampshadeHanging refers to it as "respawning."]]
** While fleeing the [[StuffBlowingUp exploding]] ''Pillar of Autumn'' in a Warthog, the Chief casually mentions that their surroundings look "a lot like a video game level."
* MercyKill: While looking for Keyes, the Chief does this to a hysterical, trigger-happy Marine he runs into.
** In ''[=H2I=]'', Johnson shoots dead a Marine being raped by an Elite.
** The Arbiter also asks [[spoiler:Gravemind]] for this.
* MilitarySalute: In the first fic, Johnson returns a lower-ranked Marine's salute in an unusual [[StrangeSalute way]]. In the second, he and the Chief salute Admiral Sir Hood. [[spoiler:Johnson's unbelted pants fall down in the process, much to Lord Hood's disgust.]]
* PrecisionFStrike: Mostly from Cortana. In ''[=H2I=]'', she ''[[ClusterFBomb really]]'' unloads.
** Johnson and 'Sadumee do this, as well.
* RunningGag: Dubbo suffering wounds to his junk.
** The Chief disarming Elites of their energy swords and [[AssShove violently inserting said weapons into their anal cavities]].


[[folder: Examples Contained in ''Halo: Combat Deformed'']]

* ADateWithRosiePalms: A stealth Elite hiding in [[spoiler:Captain Keyes']] lifepod.
** [[SergeantRock Sergeant]] [[DoubleEntendre Johnson]], [[spoiler:with a charged plasma pistol,]] and later, in [[spoiler:Foehammer's]] bunk.
* {{BFG}}: The M111 Battle Cannon. [[spoiler:The Chief doesn't get to use it for long, though.]]
* [[spoiler:ChekhovsGun: Johnson's belt.]]
* DreamSequence[=/=]NightmareSequence: The Master Chief has one while in cryo-sleep.
* FlatWhat: The Chief's reaction to [[spoiler:Guilty Spark's]] presence aboard the ''Pillar of Autumn''.
* IllBeInMyBunk: Cortana tells Captain Keyes something to this effect in the beginning.
* JumpingOnAGrenade: [[spoiler:Sergeant Stacker]] gets stuck with a plasma grenade while riding a tank and hops off so it doesn't kill the Marine on the jumpseat behind him, too.
* RewardedAsATraitorDeserves: Though not shown, [[spoiler:Ellen Dowski's]] thanks for betraying the command crew is a fatal gang rape at Covenant hands. [[spoiler:Her]] body is found by the rescue force in the brig of the ''Truth and Reconciliation''.
* ShotgunsAreJustBetter: The Master Chief swaps his sidearm for a shotgun he finds in the swamp. It turns out to be a good idea.
* ShotInTheAss: Johnson, with needler rounds; the Chief, with an overcharged plasma shot, then a Sentinel beam.
* TooDumbToLive: The Master Chief. Luckily for him, he has PlotArmor.
** Captain Keyes, [[ForegoneConclusion on the other hand...]]

[[folder: Examples Contained in ''Halo 2 Idiots'']]

* AndShowItToYou: The Master Chief does this to [[spoiler:the Prophet of Regret.]]
* BottomlessMagazines: [[LampshadeHanging Lampshaded]] by Sergeant Johnson, who loves "[[BreakingTheFourthWall being a nonplayable character.]]"
* [[spoiler: TheCameo: [[Series/AmericanIdol Sanjaya Malakar]] in Chapter 9, Music/BreakingBenjamin in Chapter 12.]]
* EarthIsABattlefield: The first few chapters (after the prologue) detail the UNSC military dealing with [[AlienInvasion the Covenant arrival on Earth.]]
* SmokingHotSex: The Prophet of Regret lights up after receiving oral from an underling.
* UrbanWarfare: New and Old Mombasa.
-> I think we're just getting started.