If someone other than Maury says, "You are/are not the father."
When someone is more than 100-percent sure he is/is not the father.
Two sips if it's 1,000-percent or more.
When someone claims "the lie detector lied."
They usually mean the machine, not the administrator, Ralph Barberi.
On that note, take two sips if Ralph has to go on stage to explain the results.
When multiple mothers bring in the same man for DNA testing.
If one (or more) of them was wrong, two sips.
If a baby was born after the "dad" had a vasectomy.
When the Special Ops cam catches the man making out with the "Sexy Decoy."
"Is He a Man or a Woman?" Show = Get a Keg!
Thought they were one gender but turned out to the be the other? You know what to do.
When you guess the right gender because they were heavily implied to be the other, drink until everyone onstage starts looking hot.
When the man says "She's got to stop accusing me of these things!" in his intro video but when he comes on stage, it's turned out he confessed to Ralph Barberi, the lie detector administrator, that he did at least some of "these things!"
When a teen says "I'm a grown-ass woman/man!", take a sip.
If the teen says "You don't know me!/Whatever!", then take two sips.
When a mother seeking a DNA test for her baby daddy runs offstage in hysterics after hearing undesired results.
Two sips if she makes it to the parking lot.
Three sips if the accused man goes after the mother to rub it in that he isn't the father or some other shenanigans to antagonize her.
Four sips if executive producer Paul Faulhaber tries to mediate the conflict
When a mother walks up to the video screen onstage and starts comparing her baby's features to her possible baby daddy when they're shown side-by-side. "Look at him! Don't he got Tyrell's eyes?!"
Two sips if the man does the same thing to discredit the mother's accusations like "Look at the kid's skin! Do I look Hispanic to you!?"
When a man says "When I'm proved innocent, she has to stop accusing me!" and is shown to have cheated. If he's actually innocent after saying this, drink the entire glass, because you've just witnessed a miracle.
If the mother seeking her baby's father makes repeat guest appearances, take one sip per appearance she made on the shownote You could take a swig for each man she accuses, but with some of these women, you'll wreck your liver after awhile.
If an unruly teen or an abusive husband/boyfriend is sent away to be scared straight, take a sip every time one of them cries and another if they vow to change their ways.
Drink several sips if they go back to their old ways later on.
If the episode you're watching isn't about paternity tests, cheating, transsexuals, etc. but is instead about something Heartwarming like animals, raise a toast to the show for having some decency, and drink at your leisure!