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Male Students
B01: Darnell Butler
B01: Darnell Butler
Designated Weapon: Hedgeclippers
Conclusion: Well now, B01 seems like he could be quite the contender here. He's got some pretty shady past history, so I at least expect the guy to put up a fight, maybe even slaughter a few people if he sees them hurting the fairer sex. My guess? He'll be taken out by one of the lovely ladies he'll probably wind up defending.
B02: Anderson "Andy" Walker
B02: Anderson Walker
Designated Weapon: Motorcycle Helmet
Conclusion: Well you always need one in every batch of new contestants, It will become clear to Mr. Walker soon that breaking his morals will be the least of his worries.
B03: Paul Smith
B03: Paul Smith
Designated Weapon: Stockman's Knife
Conclusion: Well now, B03 is quite the lucky ducky, isn't he? To think, if he'd graduated with his class instead of staying a year behind like he did, he wouldn't be able to be part of our wonderful program, and that would be such a disappointment! His bad eye might work against him in this kind of game, but maybe he'll put his pyromania to good use!
B04: Steven "Steve" Digaetano
B04: Steven Digaetano
Designated Weapon: Baseball
Conclusion: Darn it all. To be honest, I was rather hoping B04 would wind up with a nice hunting rifle or something he could really use to eliminate that pesky competition out there. I'm not sure whether to take this guy as an easy out or quite the competitor, he seems like he could go either way, really. If he decides to play and can get his hands on a gun, I could see some winner potential in this one.
B05: Eduardo Trinidad-Villa
B05: Eduardo Trinidad-Villa
Designated Weapon: Claymore (Scottish Sword)
Conclusion: Hey look, B06 survived after all! I kid, I kid, although B05 seems to have quite a lot in common with his good buddy in last season's competition. It makes me wonder if he'll do half as well as that little shrimp managed to, or if he'll crumble and be an easy out. I guess only time will tell.
B06: Bobby Jacks
B06: Bobby Jacks
Designated Weapon: Bottle of Insulin R. plus syringe
Conclusion: Bahaha! You know, I'd say B06 has some potential, but unless he suddenly has a diabetic fit he probably won't be able to do too much damage with that weapon of his. He'll probably just have to rely on his fists, and I hate to tell him this, but fists don't do too much good when you're up against a maniac with a gun!
- Boxing Battler: Bobby's a boxer, and a hell of a good one at that.
B07: Keith Jackson
B07: Keith Jackson
Designated Weapon: M870 Shotgun
Conclusion: People like B07 are what Survival of the Fittest is all about. The 'fit' survive, and he's definitely one of those kids. That, paired with his terrific luck in terms of weapons, might make him a promising competitor, but I can't help but wonder if he'll even play.
B08: Gabriel Theobaldt
B08 Gabirel Theobaldt
Designated Weapon: Paintball Gun + 12 Paintballs
Conclusion: I could have sworn I saw this exact same kid running around last season. No? Where do we find these people, anyway? This one's quite the odd cookie, he's apparently obsessed with one of last season's contestants... and one that didn't make it very far, if I recall correctly. I wonder what would happen if he met up with B77?
B09: Vilhjamur "Will" Sigurbjornsson
B09: Vilhjamur Sigurbjornsson
Designated Weapon: Main-Gauche
Conclusion: I can't help but wonder what would happen if B09 stumbled upon another woman being raped? After all, it's something that almost seems commonplace in SOTF these days. Maybe he'd lose any shred of sanity he has left. I'll be honest, I'd enjoy watching that happen.
- The Unpronounceable: It's a running joke that Danya can't pronounce his name at all.
B10: Lance Barret
B10: Lance Barret
Designated Weapon: Keyhole Saw
Conclusion: Oh irony, you're indeed a beautiful and cruel mistress. It seems that just as B10 decided to clean up his act he was brought up into our lovely program, truly tragic, really. Perhaps the biggest problem going for B10 is that the whole reason he's fighting seems to be because of what's festering inside G05, in my opinion? If he doesn't get himself killed trying to save his seed he'll probably end up offing himself to give the game to G05. Meh, we can hope he has the sense to cut down the competition a bit before he does that.
B11: Ken Lawson
B11: Ken Lawson
Designated Weapon: Kevlar
Conclusion: Anti-SOTF activism, eh, B11? I wonder how quick he'll put those thoughts to the side when it's his own tail on the line? Even if he keeps his attitude against SOTF and killing others to survive, you can be assured that others won't, and that kevlar will only protect him if they're aiming for his chest and not his head.
B13: James Brown
B13: James Brown
Designated Weapon: M1 Garand
Conclusion: Heh, not only a punk, but a LAR Per too? I'll particularly enjoy watching this kid bite it. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate punks? Too bad his eyesight sucks, that renders the excellent garand we gave him more or less useless. Maybe someone who isn't a total waste of oxygen will pry it from his cold, dead, hands.
B14: Brad Kavanagh
B14: Brad Kavanagh
Designated Weapon: Goalie Mask
Conclusion: Oh, once again a return from the loveable maiden irony! B14 managed to gain freedom by being found "Not Guilty" for a murder charge and now in order to regain freedom he has to be without a doubt guilty of several. With his weapon, I doubt this will be the case, but who knows? These prison folks make knives out of tooth brushes after all.
B15: Jason Foley
B15: Jason Foley
Designated Weapon: Arming Sword
Conclusion: Heh, with this guy's build and the sword he got for a weapon, it looks like he'll be a contender. I think his preference for running shoes will only be marginally useful, and in fact won't be surprised if he runs from a player and right into a land mine. Hopefully he'll grow out of his opposition to murder, or the rest of the island will make quick work of him. Something makes me glad he didn't get a gun, though. I get the feeling he'd aim for his best friend and end up hitting Steve in the eye.
B16: Christian Rydell
B16: Christian Rydell
Designated Weapon: Jumprope
Conclusion: Ouch. Too bad this kid didn't get a gun, his experience might've meant he actually had a chance. But... a jumprope? Now that, friends, is bad luck. It's always fun watching the cheerful, overall normal ones crack, though it's a pity how this one won't last long.
B17: Owen Fontaine
B17: Owen Fontaine
Designated Weapon: BB Gun
Conclusion: B17 seems to be Mitch Gunther meets David Beckham, a most unorthodox mix, but who am I to judge? Unfortunately he is weak as all hell and drew a weapon that can do what? Lightly bruise his opponent? I'm putting all my money on B17 choking on the powder of a pixie stick.
B18: Joshua "Josh" Goodman
B18: Joshua Goodman
Designated Weapon: Taurus Millenium
Conclusion: This kid's got potential, I mean, how can you say someone who got away with wiping out an entire factory DOESN'T have potential in SOTF? Kill a thousand or so adults, wiping out a class of high school kids should be cake by comparison, right? Despite the fact that he's not as strong as, say, B01, that Taurus of his will be a great equalizer. I've got faith in this one, the way I see it, the only way he won't carry this competition is if he mouths off to the wrong person... one a lot bigger or a lot quicker on the trigger.
B19: Daniel "Dan" Wolfe
B19: Danien Wolfe
Designated Weapon: Pipewrench
Conclusion: Great, Coleson had goths and punks, Denton had thugs and religious freaks, and Southridge seems to be teeming with bulky football players and music types. I must admit, I'm not too sure about this guy. His acting ability could come in handy, but at the same time if his temper gets to him he'll probably make a stupid mistake and die for it. I'll keep my eye on this one, he could go either way.
B20: Harry Tsai
B20: Harry Tsai
Designated Weapon: Global Positioning System (GPS)
Conclusion: Ugh, not another Japanophile. One that doesn't speak much English, at that. Well, the GPS should come in handy but otherwise I don't see how he'll last long here. If you don't speak much English, how do you expect to convince a kid who only speaks English to not kill you?
B21: Nigel Gillespie
B21: Nigel Gillespie
Designated Weapon: Blowgun + Darts x12
Conclusion: Hmm...he definitely could have gotten a better weapon, but I've seen worse I guess. Physically, this guy is definitely a contender, I'd imagine he could overpower most of the kids in a hand to hand fight. If he keeps a cool head he could really make it far in this game. However, he's doomed if he doesn't get a better weapon. I can imagine that if he makes an alliance, he'll soon find himself betrayed and dead. Hope he's got a good set of lungs.
B22: Ianto Murphy
B22: Ianto Murphy
Designated Weapon:
Conclusion: I wish I could say that I see B22 going far or playing a pivotal role in the game, but sadly, I don't see him doing anything except running into a player, probably getting sodomized with that lovely weapon we gave him, and dying a slow and painful death at the hands of somebody he thought was his friend. All in all, just another day in the life of an SOTF contestant!
B23: Charlie Burchman
B23: Charlie Burchman
Designated Weapon: Golf Club
Conclusion: Why is it that we always get at least one rich punk who thinks he's the best thing to ever exist on this mudhole? Fat slob, too. I always love it when these types bite it. His determination might make things interesting, but determination is no match for a bullet. I hope this fatass dies a particularly painful death.
B24: Alex Steele
B24: Alex Steele
Designated Weapon: Beretta 1934
Conclusion: How can a kid like B24 say he has bad luck? Why, I'd say he has the greatest luck in the world! His classmates have bullied and tormented him for years, and now's the perfect time to make them eat every harsh word they've ever said to him! I see this kid being quite the game motivator, especially with the weapon we gave him. Maybe his luck is finally starting to turn around!
B25: Evan Angler
B25: Evan Angler
Designated Weapon: Tickle-Me-Elmo Doll
Conclusion: Hahaha! Hey B25, did you have one of those when you were a kid? I bet it brings back some fond memories, doesn't it? Unfortunately, Elmo isn't going to do too much in the way of saving this kid's life. Part of me thinks that he'll get tired of playing and just lay down and die, and I'd find that quite funny.
B26: Gabriel "Gabe" McCallum
B26: Gabriel McCallum
Designated Weapon: Ski Pole
Conclusion: Meatshield! Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na, meatshield, meatshield, meatshield! I'd like to say that B26, B25 and B04 will team up and make quite the deadly trio, but sadly, they all got such crummy weapons that even if they did meet up they'd just get slaughtered together. No, my prediction for B26 is that he meets up with his little girlfriend and she uses him as a bodyshield to save her own skin. Poor sap.
Female Students
G01: Madison Conner
G01: Madison Conner
Designated Weapon: Fire Axe
Conclusion: Oh look, another meek little mouse. We've seen so very many of them before, but I can say this much — it's always a treat to watch them crack.
G02: Melina Frost
G02: Melina Frost
Designated Weapon: Iron Chain (4 ft.)
Conclusion: The sexually promiscuous type, eh? These types of girls always seem to fair pretty well in our little competition, especially ones like her who have no qualms doing anything and everything to win. Something tells me she'll find a way to put that chain to good use.
G03: Serenity Halos
G03: Serenity Halos
Designated Weapon: Foil (fencing sword)
Conclusion: I love girls like this, because they definitely draw in the viewers between 13 and 50. It doesn't even matter if they run around in circles and cry, people still watch them. Overall, I see G03 hiding behind some boy until he dies, then either getting killed or offing herself out of depression.
G04: Ivye Dewley
G04: Ivye Dewley
Designated Weapon: Fragmentation Grenades x8
Conclusion: With the weapon G04 got, not to mention the fact that she has some strange sort of fascination with death and dark art, I'd peg her to be quite the little hellion. Or at least, I would, except for the fact that she'll probably be roasted alive within her first few hours out in the sun. That's going to be a real disadvantage to her, and I don't see her living very long.
G05: Heather Tilmitt
G05: Heather Tilmitt
Designated Weapon: MPK 5 Personal Defense Weapon
Conclusion: Normally I would offer some quip about G05 fighting for two, but looking at her file I wouldn't be surprised if she was so inhebriated she didn't even realize she was pregnant! At least she has a nice body guard and a fancy weapon to protect her, but personally I'm betting the morning sickness is what does her in.
G06: Viki Valentine
G06: Viki Valentine
Designated Weapon: Fire Extinguisher
Conclusion: Girl next door? G06 seems to be a relatively unimpressive, of course the same thing was said of the fan favorite G21 of version one and she contributed a lot to that game...oh I forgot, she contributed a lot in death. Really, this one isn't so tough too call, easy out.
G07: Kallie Majors
G07: Kallie Majors
Designated Weapon: Yatagan
Conclusion: In a game like this G07 has a distinct advantage: she already considers herself one of the guys so she won’t have any naive thoughts of being a damsel in distress and of course she has the sex appeal. With a weapon like hers I wouldn’t be surprised if every sophomores wet dream turns into every seniors worst nightmare.
G08: Evelyn Richinson
G08: Evelyn Richinson
Designated Weapon: Scalpel
Conclusion: All work and no play makes G08 a dull target to hit. Of course, maybe she can run away from her opponent, or in the case of her weapon do some odd nurse roleplaying, but all in all I’m betting that G08 is an easy out unless she can somehow convince B01 to serve as her meatshield.
G09: Jessa Vanallen
G09: Jessa Vanallen
Designated Weapon: Slinky
Conclusion: G09, G09, everybody loves G09! I’m kidding of course, but let’s be honest with ourselves, a coked up woman with a slinky? I’ve seen sponges more threatening. At least we can pray for her libido giving the public a good fifteen minutes of entertainment.
G10: Kristin Washington
G10: Kristin Washington
Designated Weapon: Whittling Knife
Conclusion: Well, if this girl tries to swim away from the island, we'll just blow her up, so it really doesn't matter if she's a swimmer or not. I must admit it's rather refreshing to see a girl who isn't just some siren using her looks and sex appeal to lure men to their doom. I was starting to wonder just how far America had sunk morally. She's still moderately attractive though, so I suppose she might be able to get some protection and draw in decent ratings. If she actually starts to fight, she could have a good chance at surviving this. I guess we'll have to wait and see.
G11: Reneé "Rio" Valenti
G11: Reneé Valenti
Designated Weapon: Bow and Arrow + Arrows x12
Conclusion: So this is that Valenti bitch Male Student No. 6 from last season was whining about all the time? Don't see the appeal, she looks like a guy. Well, without her circle of friends from back in Denton, I don't see her lasting long at all. My prediction? She'll snap as soon as she wakes up on the island and get killed before she can string that bow for the first time. Worthless American celebrities...
G12: Zhilan Izabella "Izzy" Cheung
G12: Zhilan Izabella Cheung
Designated Weapon: Kusari-Fundo
Conclusion: It's always refreshing to see one of those martial artist chicks, and G12 certainly seems to fit the bill. I can only hope that she'll prove a bit more exciting than our female martial artists of the past. They all seem to have been a flop up until now, but maybe G12 won't disappoint us this round.
G13: Monique St. Claire
G13: Monique St. Claire
Designated Weapon: Broad Axe
Conclusion: Well, if G13 doesn't like guns, she should feel quite comfortable with that broad axe! Southridge High seems to have a lot more boys than girls, unfortunately for G13, so this poor girl's allies are going to be pretty hard to come by. I wonder what she'll do if one of the boys tries to come on to her? Hopefully, that'll happen, and she'll snap and equalize the competition!
G14: Meredith "Mary" McKay
G14: Meredith McKay
Designated Weapon: Crosscut Saw
Conclusion: To tell you the truth, I'm getting sick of all these pregnant teens that keep ending up in the program. We have at least one every season! What, is it physically impossible for American girls to keep their pants on these days? Maybe Frank Miller was right and they're all whores. I don't know, but I'm tired of seeing them. Anyway, I don't see this one lasting long, they never do. With a crappy weapon like that, unless G14 gets in a large group I don't see her making it past the first couple days.
G15: Tegan Bianco
G15: Tegan Bianco
Designated Weapon: Shuriken
Conclusion: G15’s weapon is almost fitting, like a ninja, silent but deadly. Well, I’m exaggerating, in her case it’s just silent. Really, G15 is just a big disappointment...mostly because when she dies we won’t even get to hear her scream.
G16: Terrie Brightwell
G16: Terrie Brightwell
Designated Weapon: Beretta 92FS
Conclusion: Aww, don't cry, G16! It's really too bad that this girl is so dependent on other people. She's definitely got one of the better weapons on the island, so if she's smart enough to keep it for herself and not hand it over to the first "protector" that comes along, she might keep herself alive. Of course, she'll have to stop blubbering long enough to do anything, and something tells me that won't happen.
G17: Khrysta Lawrence
G17: Khrysta Lawrence
Designated Weapon: Jo
Conclusion: It's a damn shame that this one didn't manage to draw a better weapon, or she could have been quite the contender. An ice-cold bitch who doesn't play nice with others? Ahhh, what could've been...
G18: Tanya Bonneville
G18: Tanya Bonneville
Designated Weapon: Hacksaw
Conclusion: Hm, so G18 is a big breasted little teeny-bopper, basically. Why does this sound so familiar — oh, right, because she's just like half the school. I hate to say this, but G18 lacks very much potential. Everything she has, others hold more in spades, and she seems to lack any sort of basic survival skills. Add in to the equation that this girl has probably never been in a real fight in her entire life and you have... her death ticket.
G19: Kara Holmes
G19: Kara Holmes
Designated Weapon: Firecrackers x10
Conclusion: A cheerleader with an eating disorder? How orignal. Well, at least she has her relationship with B26 to give the viewers some reason to watch her, despite being a relatively archetypical easy out I bet her and her boyfriend add a very treasured 'spark' to the game. And I'm not talking about the one emitted from her weapon either.
G20: Courtney Blaggé
G20: Courtney Blaggé
Designated Weapon: Caulk
Conclusion: Another French student? It seems that she and B38 have one thing in common! Unfortunately for our meek baguette loving G20, there doesn't seem to be any white flags available for waving. It's alright though, she seems like she's already used to losing to G03, so I'm pretty sure she'll adapt to losing the game fairly quickly.
G21: Elizabeth Priestly
G21: Elizabeth Priestly
Designated Weapon: Coping Saw
Conclusion: Twincest! I've always been quite curious as to why twins are always so dependent on one another. The only thing I can really say about G21 is that if she doesn't meet up with B31 fairly quickly, she probably won't last very long on the island, especially if she finds herself surviving until nightfall. This time, G31 really has a reason to be scared of the dark.
G22: Adwin Green
G22: Adwin Green
Designated Weapon: Nails x12
Conclusion: Normally I would make some comment about how G22 is just another punk who deserves to meet a gruesome end, but I do so love potheads. They might be the bane of American society, but they're always so enjoyable to watch. I hope she's the paranoid type that gets high and thinks the cops are after her! That'll provide the nation with hours of amusement!
G23: Trish McCarroll
G23: Trish McCarroll
Designated Weapon: Elijah Rice's Car Keys
Conclusion: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, we have a term for girls like Female Student no. 23: cannon fodder. Unless Rice's car mysteriously appears on the island, there's no hope for her. How's being in good shape going to help when you've got car keys and your best friend has an AK? First time she gets in real trouble she'll probably lose her head and get killed by doing something stupid, I'm sure.
G24: Alice Jones
G24: Alice Jones
Designated Weapon: Wooden Baseball Bat
Conclusion: G22 is quite the interesting little personality. Oh, wait, you mean G24? We have a G24? Oh, right. HER. When you don't make the effort to try and live the life that you've been given, we here at SOTF will glady ensure that it gets taken away from you. A waste of space, I don't expect her to last any more than maybe five minutes. It couldn't matter if her weapon was a machete, a pocket watch, or a nuclear warhead - this girl's got no chance in hell.
G25: Nadine Willowbrook
G25: Nadine Willowbrook
Designated Weapon: Vial of Sulphuric Acid
Conclusion: Oooh, I love these manipulative girls. This one could be quite the contender with that passive-aggressive attitude. Considering she's very resentful and holds a grudge, she should have no problem finding a reason to kill each and every one of her classmates! Hopefully, G25 will get creative with that vial of acid she was given and give us all quite a show!
