History BlindIdiotTranslation / Jokes

* There is a joke about a German tourist in England who attempts to order a "blutiges Steak", i. e. rare steak, translating it literally as "[[DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch bloody]] steak". The waiter asks him if he wants some fucking potatoes with it.

* Russian jokes love to do this with English in general, as everything can be a {{Mondegreen}}. A popular joke about the English saying "Easy come, easy go" means "Izya came, then Izya left".

** A man sees an ad for "Fast English Lessons". He enters the building and asks: "This the place where I can take English lessons?" "If, if, between!" (''Si'' being both the word used for an hypothetical statement: "If" and the affirmative answer to a negative question: "Yes"; ''Entre'' is the imperative form of the verb ''Entrer'', which means "enter", and also the word corresponding to "between").

** A similar joke about the German word "bekommen" (a [[InMyLanguageThatSoundsLike false friend]] -- it means "to get" -- as in to obtain, not to become): an impatient customer asks when he'll become a steak, and the waiter replies "I hope never, Sir!"

** A similar joke about the German word "bekommen" [[note]] "to get" [[/note]] features an impatient customer asking when he would become a steak. The waiter answers: "I hope never, Sir!"

* There is a Russian joke about two people meeting on the street somewhere in London. Their conversion goes as this:
--> - Which watch? [[note]] the speaker means "Which hour?", which is very common way to ask for time in Russian; Russian word "часы" could mean either "hours" or "wristwatch."[[/note]]

** As an example of this, when Vidal Sassoon shampoo brand wath advertised with its GratuitousEnglish slogan "Vidal Sasson - wash and go", a joke was that the aforementioned slogan translates as "a lice will leave when it sees a sucker".

--> - Which watch? [[spoiler: the speaker means "Which hour?", which is very common way to ask for time in Russian; Russian word "часы" could mean either "hours" or "wristwatch"]]

--> - Six clocks. [[spoiler: again, word "часы" could mean "hours" or "clock"; this speaker means "six hours".]]
--> - Such much? [[spoiler: "So late?" or something like that.]]
--> - Whom how. [[spoiler: Literal translation of Russian "кому как", which is a common idiom for saying "depends on the point of view".]]
--> - MGIMO finishd? [[spoiler: MGIMO is an acronym for one of the top Russian colleges for those who would work in foreign relations. Presumably their command of English is the best in Russia. Extra points if you can pronounce it so that it's clear it is "finishd", not "finished".]]
--> - Ask! [[spoiler: Russan: "Спрашиваете!", literally "You ask!" is a short form of "You even need to ask!", meaning "Of course".]]

** An American nun goes to France but gets lost. She asks a local if he speaks English and he proudly responds "Yes, sir" ("sœur" (Sister) is pronounced the same as "sir").

** A man sees an ad for "Fast English Lessons". He enters the building and asks: "This isn't the place where I can take English lessons?" "If, if, between!" (''Si'' being both the word used for an hypothetical statement: "If" and the affirmative answer to a negative question: "Yes"; ''Entre'' is the imperative form of the verb ''Entrer'', which means "enter", and also the word corresponding to "between").

** As an example of this, when Vidal Sassoon shampoo brand wath advertised with its GratuitousEnglish slogan "Vidal Sasson - wash and go", a joke was that the aforementioned slogan translates as "a lice will leave when it sees a sucker".

-> - Which watch? [[spoiler: the speaker means "Which hour?", which is very common way to ask for time in Russian; Russian word "часы" could mean either "hours" or "wristwatch"]]
-> - Six clocks. [[spoiler: again, word "часы" could mean "hours" or "clock"; this speaker means "six hours".]]
-> - Such much? [[spoiler: "So late?" or something like that.]]
-> - Whom how. [[spoiler: Literal translation of Russian "кому как", which is a common idiom for saying "depends on the point of view".]]
-> - MGIMO finishd? [[spoiler: MGIMO is an acronym for one of the top Russian colleges for those who would work in foreign relations. Presumably their command of English is the best in Russia. Extra points if you can pronounce it so that it's clear it is "finishd", not "finished".]]
-> - Ask! [[spoiler: Russan: "Спрашиваете!", literally "You ask!" is a short form of "You even need to ask!", meaning "Of course".]]

** As an example of this, when Vidal Sassoon shampoo brand wath advertised with its GratuituousEnglish slogan "Vidal Sasson - wash and go", a joke was that the aforementioned slogan translates as "a lice will leave when it sees a sucker".

** As an example of this, when Vidal Sassoon shampoo brand wath advertised with its GratuitiousEnglish slogan "Vidal Sasson - wash and go", a joke was that the aforementioned slogan translates as "a lice will leave when it sees a sucker".

* Russian jokes love to do this with English in general, as everything can be a {{Mondegreen}}. A popular joke about the English saying "Easy come, easy go" means "Izya came, then Izya left".

-> - Ask! [[spoiler: Russan: "Спрашиваете!", literally "You ask!" is a short form of "You even need to ask!", meaning "Of course".]]

* There is a joke about a German tourist in England who attempts to order a "blutiges Steak", i. e. rare steak, translating it literally as "[[DidNotDoTheBloodyResearch bloody]] steak". The waiter asks him if he wants some fucking potatoes with it.