Chapter 27: Note to Self

Draegor throws a temper tantrum, but at least has enough dignity to order everyone out of the room. He throws plates and glasses all over the place, paces back and forth, and finally spots a portrait of himself.

Who is this guy, Kim Jong Un?

The story then switches to the protagonists hiding underground, plotting around a table, until Isolde tells them all to go to bed.

Sam is told that she's not ready to take part in a big battle. Everyone leaves except Sam and Arstaef.

[[quotelbock]]Sam whispered, "By sunrise, Thelwyne will be dead and who knows how many others."[[/quoteblock]]

Sam is starting to become oddly smart, and sound like a narrator. She's ten, again?

Arstaef says that members of the Orcus will be looking for them, but he and his kallion-riding troops can hold them off, "for awhile". That's reassuring.

Sam points out that the bad guys have guards watching the other girls that are kept prisoner.

So all Sam needs to do is find Thelwyne, who I'm sure is totally not being held in the same place as the other girls, or at least very close by. Not a problem.

I'm liking Sam more and more. She seems to be pretty aware of what kind of bullshit situation she's in, and she handles it pretty well.

Arstaef tells Sam that Caelum has sleeping gas. Sam likes that idea.

Honestly, this just feels a little overdramatic. I could see this paragraph working if the book were maybe twice or three times as long, and spent a lot more time in Aerynon developing these characters more. As it is, it jumps quickly into action, making it hard for me to really get into it as well as I'd like. A shame, because I love the Fish out of Water element of Samantha being pulled from Earth to this screwed up, dangerous land, and having to save it at the age of frigging ten, despite not knowing how to do much of anything. B. B. Hunt actually does do a pretty good job of setting up Sam as being in way over her head and not knowing what the hell is going on, and while the rules of the world are strange, he has a Magic A Is Magic A consistency that allows the story to work. What doesn't work nearly as well, I think, is the rapid fire pacing and short length of the book. It starts out great and moves fast. Then it gets even faster. I wish it would chill a bit and get us to know these characters and the world more, and to know of it as more than just a place of constant warfare and people living in hiding from a Kim Jong Un archetype.

And now it's time for a bunch of quick cuts, like the last chapter.

• Thelwyne, in her holding cell, shouts, "Pay attention, Sam. I'm talking to you."
• Arstaef lets all but two of the kallions out of their stalls and yells at them, "Protect us. I have my faith in you." Some gallop away, some fly away.
• The remaining girls in their dungeon huddle together on the floor.

Then it's back to Sam and Arstaef, who gallop through the jungle, and dismount near the sheer cliff wall near the Imperial Palace.

Arstaef starts hiccupping in fear, because this world is backwards.

Sam starts getting into a trance, trying to activate her teleport skills.

Back at the beach, because this story isn't done rapidly switching scenes, the Orci soldiers show up at the remains of the festival, only to be surrounded by the kallions.

Back at the place Arstaef and Sam are hiding out, Sam finally manages to successfully teleport while Arstaef is watching her.

Stumbly Bumbly, as her mom calls her, manages to noob up her teleport rescue, but at least this time her teleport destination isn't random.

Thelwyne briefly teases Sam about her slightly misaimed teleportation, but then Sam fills Thelwyne in on what's going on, and asks her if she can help her locate Draegor and the other Orci.

The two hold hands, close their eyes and start synchronizing their breathing. Soon, Sam says that she can see what she needs to, and then squeezes Thelwyne's hands.

Oh, Thelwyne. Sam's sarcasm has rubbed off on you. Though I doubt someone from this world would make a joke like "lunch with the queen".

Chapter 28: Skeedaddle

Honestly, Sam's dialog here just doesn't sound right. "Paces in his palace like the coward that he is"? I just see an adult saying that, not someone Sam's age.

Anyway, Sam squats down on the ground and draws a simple map in the dirt, making X's to represent the Orci guards, pointing out their locations. Sam says that she'll teleport in, knock out the guards, and teleport out. She's already getting insane confidence in her skills.

Arstaef tells Sam that discovering her is the best thing Isolde ever did, and then gives her a case with four vials. Two containing red fluid, and two containing white. He tells her to mix the red fluid with the white fluid and then "skeedaddle."

She asks him to wish her luck, and he says, "Animus", and then she teleports away.

Now the book is making fun of her!

Has our Lemony Narrator returned? Or just briefly stopping by to toss us some snark?

Sam mixes one red vial and white vial together, producing a steaming mist. She teleports out, and the guard soon stumbles and falls to the ground.

Is the guard dead? Sleeping? This must be the sleeping gas that was mentioned earlier.

Sam then screws up her next teleport by teleporting right in front of the next guard. The guard stupidly mistakes her for one of the random jailed girls.

Now the book is mocking this guy also. And we soon learn he has some tough guy wannabe qualities too:

Well, with the cocky Draegor for a leader, I imagine that attitude would filter down to his subordinates.

The guard finds Sam in the hallway since she apparently didn't teleport that far away. She backs away, and throws the remaining vials at the guard, then teleports out just before the mist makes him pass out.

And here I stop to bring something up.

Sam's new power. Now that she's very good at it, she can frigging teleport anywhere she wants seemingly anytime. While she's not perfect at it, we've learned that not even ropes can hold her. It's like a superpower with no known downside or counter! My Kindle app tells me I'm 79% of the way through the book (and it tends to get less accurate the closer you reach the end, I've noticed with other books), so we basically have a ten year old protagonist with a superpower that she's getting pretty damn good at using and can allow her to essentially "cheat" and go anywhere. Combine that with Thelwyne's vision, and honestly, Sam and Thelwyne could make the perfect assassin team.

Honestly, she's got like a story breaker power. Or game breaker power. She can cheat. It's nuts.

So... let's see what happens next.

Sam teleports outside the Orci headquarters next to Arstaef. The two run toward the sheer cliff wall, and Sam shouts "Effractum". The wall opens, and they run through.

Scene quickly switches to Draegor grabbing a red kallion and complaining that he's Surrounded by Idiots. He gets on the kallion and rides away.

We see that the other Orci are still surrounded by Arstaef's "bucking, neighing" kallions.

Sam and Arstaef, meanwhile, rush inside the palace and past the unconscious guard. Arstaef follows Sam, as Sam knows her way through this maze.

They reach Thelwyne's cell, but it's locked. Thelwyne warns Sam that Draegor is heading to the beach and can break Arstaef's control over his kallions that are surrounding the Orci. And that the guards wear the keys to the cells on their belts.

Sam trances and gets ready to teleport again, but this time it doesn't work. Apparently it's emotion-based or something? Then how'd she escape being tied to a chair by teleporting out? Wouldn't that be scary and mess with her emotions?

Sam takes off down the tunnel instead, her game breaking power suddenly not working. She reaches the other unconscious guard outside the dungeon and takes his key, using it to let the remaining girls out, urging them to follow Arstaef.

Draegor, meanwhile, reaches the beach and sees the kallions surrounding his men.

What.

Really, where did that power come from?

Draegor figures out that the only reason for the kallions to be used to trap his soldiers in a circle was so that the other heroes could rush his base. He immediately tells his men, "To the headquarters. Round up the girl."

Despite being pretty damn evil, like I said, this guy is a cartoon character.

And the chapter ends.

This story is reaching what I call a "chaos conclusion". That is, when a story reaches an end where more and more shit happens until it becomes increasingly chaotic and then goes "boom" and settles down and gives us our ending.

I've written such myself, so I know what I'm talking about. It's an easy trap for a writer to fall into. You want the story to be fun, and you want it to be complex, have surprises, and complications that keep things interesting. Eventually, the elements you add to the story get to be so much that they eventually all come together in an increasingly complicated way until all sorts of crazy shit happens. And the story has to end somehow, and the only way to end it is with a big chaotic meltdown.

Um... I could talk more about this later.

Comments

Medinoc Since: Dec, 1969

Apr 19th 2016 at 4:00:27 AM

Wow, Draegor really likes his cartoonish super petty villainy.