The next day the kids actually do go back to the tunnels, taking the "secret passage" route through people's backyards. I swear, the term "secret passage" really should start referring to the hidden tunnels, since they're a passage and they're actually secret. Also, now that I think about it, the bullies are long gone. The book wasn't kidding when it said Ziggy had been defeated.
Gifford Bailey has increased readers' vocabulary with these SAT words. Actually no, he hasn't, because he failed to show what they mean.
The kids head down the hole covered up by the slate, putting the slate back on top. The book also makes sure to let us know that Hank, the last one to enter, is the one who put the slate back on. Of course Hank is the last one to enter. It always has to be "Archie, then Billy, then Hank".
Better be careful guys; over the past four days, the place could have completely fallen apart! You know, the tunnel that you had previously decided was super safe and very well built.
I realize the author knows a lot about tunnel construction, but he doesn't know much about physics. Or logic. Or... I'll shut up before I go on forever.
Archie and Billy take out garden scoopers they'd brought with them to dig up the box they'd found. Hank doesn't have a garden scooper, so he wanders over to the brick wall where the tunnel ended.
That is a good question. You don't suppose...
My head just exploded. The bad guys are super cautious about everything. They dig this elaborate underground tunnel and cover it up with a stone slate that totally no-one would find. They bury a chest underneath dirt and boxes, and lock it with a combination lock. They even put up a fake wall in the middle of the tunnel to disguise how long the tunnel really is.
And yet, with all their planning, they made some major braindead mistakes that will prove to be their undoing. For one, the stone slate that covers up their tunnel is so freaking obvious that the dumbest 12-year-olds on the face of the planet discovered it easily. Even though they went to the effort to put up a fake wall in the tunnel, they buried the box before, not after the fake wall. So what good was the fake wall? And finally, they put the information on where to find the combination for the combination lock (couldn't they have memorized it, or written in somewhere they could find it that others wouldn't, like their own house for instance?) on the very box it unlocks.
It's like these aren't so much criminal masterminds as they are people setting up a puzzle for kids to solve. Like the masterminds of an Alternate Reality Game or something. Albeit ones who didn't make much effort to make it believable.
Hank notices that the fake brick - the shingle - is apparently glued to a wall behind it, like wallpaper. But there's a thin vertical slit in the middle of the shingle, as if the builders didn't do the best job of making their fake brick totally convincing.
He tells Archie and Billy to feel it to see for themselves. They quickly realize that the fake brick is indeed not real brick.
"Looks like it's here to cover something up," Archie said. "Don't know why, though."
Yeah, I have no idea why the people who would bury a box with a combination lock under a bunch of crates inside a hidden tunnel would go so far as to create a fake wall inside their tunnel. I can't imagine they'd have anything to hide.
Hank points to the "slit in the shingle", which means the middle of the fake brick, where one giant sheet of shingle meets the other and a thin line inbetween gives away the fact that it's fake. Like the people who built it couldn't even get that right - there's a glaring thin line in the shingle that anyone who looked at it closely would spot. I'd say the bad guys aren't even trying, but that's not true, since they obviously put a lot of effort into this. Instead, I'll say that the bad guys should work smarter and not harder.
Archie stands on a crate to try to follow the slit in the shingle.
"It's a door!" he exclaimed. "It's got to be! Wow!"
So a giant fake brick wall designed to resemble brick but actually made out of shingle was put into a tunnel, but with a door inserted into it? I'm not following the logic here.
The kids try to push upon on the door to open it, but it doesn't open. Maybe it's locked from the other side. So they turn their attention to something that they actually can deal with - the buried box. They dig it up and get to the combination. Archie of course is the one who dials it.
"Right," both Billy and Hank answered.
Good thing Archie remembered that combination that he wrote down and lost. And good thing Billyhank also remembered.
"Darn," Billy said sullenly. "The combination's not right."
Oh, damn. Suspense!! •_•
Archie turned back to zero and started again. He dialed all three of the numbers extra carefully this time. Then he pulled up hard on the lock again. Now it opened.
Suspense ended. Good thing Archie entered the exact same combination extra carefully this time.
"Alright!" both Billy and Hank said, also clenching their fists.
Archie shows off his leadership skills by celebrating with a clenched fist and a repetitive vocabulary, followed by Billyhank joining in right behind him.
They find a bunch of sacks inside the box, about six of them. They all look identical. The kids take one out, and open one of them.
"Holy cow!" Archie said excitedly. "Look at that!"
"Why, it's treature!" Billy said.
"Sure is!" Hank said. "We hit the jackpot! We found buried treasure! Whoopy! Wow! Yahoo!"
The boys slapped and shook each other in joyful jubilation. Then they pulled several handfuls of the jewels and jewelry out of the bag, and laid them down on the ground in a pile. There were diamonds, rubies, gems, and pearls of all sorts. Plus, there was an assortment of gold bracelets, earrings, necklaces, and rings, all looking authentic. They boys ran their hands wildly through it in playful wonder.
Does this count as a celebration? How long are they slapping and shaking each other?
"Yeah!" both Billy and Hank said, their eyes mesmerized.
Are Archie's eyes also mesmerized, or just Billyhank's? I'm wondering if I should refer to Billyhank as "he", since as I've said before, he really is just one character.
Naw, ya think? I was expecting the other five bags, that are identical in size, shape and appearance to the first one they opened, to contain something other than jewelry. At least it seems they were.
The boys slapped and shook and congratulated each other again and again, overcome with joy and excitement. Then they pulled more of the jewels and jewelry out of the bags, and ran their hands through it, and celebrated. The celebration lasted a good ten minutes, in the flashlit darkness of the tunnel.
In other words, they celebrated literally the exact same way they did after opening the first bag, with more slapping and shaking action and more running hands through the jewels. So therefore I ran the exact same illustration a second time, since it fits both scenes. Oh, but since this was after opening five more bags, the celebration was longer. Add ten minutes to the celebration clock.
The kids decide to take the jewelry back with them.
"Yeah," both Billy and Hank said.
They put the jewelry bags in their backpacks (I refuse to use the term "school knapsacks"), rebury the box, and put the garden scoopers back in their backpacks.
Good thing they're reburying the box. The bad guys will never know anyone took from it. After all, it's not like the bad guys dig up the box, put things in it, then cover it back up every day or something, right? Right? Right?! (Keep reading this liveblog. This story is about to get even stupider.)
They start to head out of the tunnel.
I just had to quote that. Honestly, their relationships are so hierarchically defined for no real reason, it's just ridiculous.
As they're walking back through the tunnel, they hear faint walking vibrations from overhead.
And this is where the chapter ends. It's nice to be able to add to these counters again.
Billyhank hive mind dialog count: 16
Crushing something on someone's head count: 5½
Total victory celebration length: 52 minutes
Comments
- the combination didnt work!* *he tried the same combination more carefully* *the combination worked!*
