Rika: Welcome back!
Previously, we had a bit of an origin story with LINO. The Scouts became Super Sailor Scouts. And...that's about it, really.
We continue now with...
Chapter 5: Bump in the Night
We open with the cafe being closed for the night, and after the Scouts bid goodnight...
- Take a drink anytime the Scouts and Darien call LINO "Master".
- Take two drinks if you really see something wrong with that.
- Take three drinks if the cats call LINO "Master".
- Take two drinks if you really see something wrong with that.
...and after LINO heads back to his temple to do more research on the other five temples, Phantom!Ganon summons Stalchilds, those skeleton things that pop out of the ground at night in Ocarina of Time, for a mission. The mission? Wreck the shit out of the city, and as people fall into despair panic, their energy will be sucked out.
I am not kidding. Here's a thought: why not use them to pop out like screamers in the night, scaring any unwitting victim, and the scare would suck their energy right out?
...
Why the hell are they still at it with "let's suck the energy dry!" thing? It happened numerous times in the first story of Sailor Moon, did Ganon ever think that recycling schemes is probably a bad idea?
Oh, and should our heroes (and by that, we mean LINO, since he always strikes the final blow) interfere? Use a very vague special attack which by all means will only be revealed during the battle!
(Rika sighs and facepalms)
So the plan works exactly like you'd expect. Shit's wrecked up, people panic, and said people are probably dead. And Ganon is happy about it.
- Ganon: "Hmm, mm, mm… With all this energy being admitted so fast, I'll be so strong I won't even need the other two Tri-forces."
Dude, you planned to take the other two pieces of the Triforce! Why the shit are you changing your mind?!
Can this get any worse—
- Ganon: "Today: Tokyo… Tomorrow; the World… And then… THE UNIVERSE! HA, HA, AH, AH, AH…!"
(Rika is aghast, and she scoots next to a wall...and she bangs her head against it for several minutes)
(in Japan, three of Mykan's creations—Lightning Dawn, Mykan Zodiac, and Mykan Yuki—wreak havoc. The third man, henceforth known as "Yuki", is wearing an almost-like-a-robot armor, shooting energy beams. Lightning is using his Rainbow Rod, no doubt making some spectators wonder "WTF?". Mykan Zodiac, henceforth known as "Mykan Z.", is morphed into his Revolution Red form)
Yuki: The smell of destruction...glorious.
Mykan Z.: All thanks to our master.
Lightning: Yeah, baby! Nothing can stop us now—
(and then the Moon Tiara Boomerang hits Lightning)
Hey, what gives?!
Usagi (offscreen): So you're the ones who are causing destruction!
Yuki: It's...her. The woman our master warned us about. I didn't think they would be that willing to fight...
(and then, enter the Sailor Scouts, all transformed into their forms. Usagi has become Sailor Moon, Rei is Sailor Mars, Ami is Sailor Mercury, Minako is Sailor Venus, and Makoto has become Sailor Jupiter!)
Minako: To quote an old saying, we may have retired, but we're still willing to fight if needed.
Usagi: And that time is now! Evildoers...it's unforgivable for trying to attack people for no reason!
Lightning: And so what are you gonna do about it?!
Usagi: You'll see. (smiles) I am Sailor Moon! In the name of the moon, we'll punish you!
Yuki: Let's summon our mooks...they'll wear them out.
Mykan Z.: Right! (to Lightning) You know what to do?
Lightning: Aw, yeah. (at that, he summons the Changelings) Get 'em!
(and so, the Scouts fight against the mooks...and don't ask how Lightning's able to summon Changelings. Let's just say that Mykan gave his character more than enough power to do some summon magic. Because he can)
(after the wallbang session)
Rika: There. Now I'm better.
So Mykan's rewriting Serena into a very nasty bitch. Why do I say that?
- Serena: "Gee, and to think they could have attacked the school so I didn't have to get up this morning."
...
The guy doesn't understand how the characters tick, does he?
So later on, LINO tells Amy and Serena to visit him at the Temple of Time. Personally, I'd like to question how no one in class is noticing how the two may seem like drifting off, but that's just something for my own personal headcanon. And when they arrive for the meeting, Darien remembers that he heard something, but it was dark, and he was tired.
Raye decides to do a reading, and when they arrive at the Cherry Hill Temple, it does work. She finds out who the culprit behind it is, and it is indeed Phantom!Ganon. After a bit of backstory for the culprit and his mooks, the Scouts wonder how they would beat those things. The answer: wait until night and just play it by ear. Even though the girls do have school in the morning. And even though a song for the Ocarina would render its idea useless.
(Rika drinks)
(back in Japan, the Scouts manage to fight against the Changelings with little trouble at all)
Makoto: JUPITER! THUNDER! CRASH! (uses the attack, and lightning strikes the Changelings, instantly frying them)
Mykan Z.: Damn. Guess we'll have to try harder to stop them!
Lightning: Leave it to me! (his horn charges, and he strikes with a powerful Hyper Beam, knocking the Scouts down) HA! That was—
Rei: I don't think so. (she stands up, though with some trouble, and she concentrates) EVIL SPIRITS BEGONE!
(and even though there are powerful forces going against Lightning, even though she threw a shitload of ofuda scrolls...it's almost like he's undamaged physically and mentally)
Lightning: Oh, ladies...you can all be so gullible. Too bad you'll be destroyed.
(he charges up for another Hyper Beam from his horn)
Rika: At night, the Scouts battle the Stalchildren, and as you would expect, they do multiply like nuts. And some of them are about to head off, so our heroes end up transforming.
And we get this.
- LINO: "Guardians of the Earth… United we triumph."
(Rika laughs hysterically)
Change "triumph" to "roar", add an exclamation point, and you would get the "In the Name of the Moon" little speech a certain Ranger team would have.
After defeating a number of them, the group eventually finds well over a hundred Stalchildren, and as you would guess, the Scouts and Darien are getting their asses kicked until LINO saves the day. First by playing The Sun's Song to make the Stalchildren hide, then—after the giant Stalchild shows up—Raye and Amy create a fog, Darien uses the Deku Nut to blind the foe, and LINO finishes the foe off with his Master Sword's slash attack.
...I might as well say, "in all the battles, LINO saves the day", because that's exactly what he's fucking doing!
- LINO: "You won't ever win Phantom Ganon. I defeated you once before… and with the help of my friends… you will lose again."
Riiiiiiiiiiight. Then pray tell me why the fuck you always strike the final blow. In fact, do you really need the Scouts? They would be a lot better off without your ass, since you're doing so well on your own.
God, this fanfic.
So the chapter ends with Ganon yelling at his ghost double, and Serena, Amy, and Lita being late to class. And that ends the filler, so now we continue with...
Chapter 6: Enter the Forest Temple
We open the story with the Scouts and Darien beating the snot out of the Moblins who decide to take the energy of children. And they actually do a decent job without LINO.
...
That is probably not going to last, is it?
In Ganon's castle, the dude is about to do his "You Have Failed Me" schtick, but here's a catch. He will give his ghost double one final chance to destroy LINO and, this time, one of the Scouts. Otherwise, he's fucked.
...also, the dialogue actually says "fly right". What?
In the forest, Phantom!Ganon casts a spell, sets up guards, and talks with his minions. So if you haven't guessed, the dude is making his own little Forest Temple.
Spoiler alert!
And I'm sorry if it seems like I'm summarizing, but there's just so much stupid I can take. I will say this. Some people thought that he was plagarizing a walkthrough of Ocarina of Time. I will say this. Whether or not he's copying that is a non-issue. (Especially since I haven't played the game fully.) What's really an issue is how the characters are treated. If the characters turned out to be okay and faithful to their actual series, and not these flanderized caricatures, then the fanfic would have been decent.
(Rika coughs)
Sorry about that.
After a scene where Serena has a case of the Mondays, she and Amy realize that the teachers have been missing, to the point where the principal canceled school for that day. As you can imagine, Serena's happy until LINO calls for the group for an emergency meeting.
In the meeting, the group discuss the disappearances until LINO reveals why. There are a shitload of monsters near the park, which happens to be a shortcut some people, like Ms. Haruna, take. And wouldn't you know it, it just so happens that LINO had the same thing happen back in fucking Hyrule. And it also just so happens that it was also the Forest Temple that was the source of the foes' powers.
...
Then why the hell didn't he say anything like that before? I just...
So that means, since the Forest Temple's reconstructed, it means that it's time for LINO and Lita to go in. Because, you know, she's the reincarnation of the Forest Sage. Somehow. I still don't understand the timeline where she was both Princess Venus in a past life and a Forest Sage the next life after. Or some shit.
Darien, Serena, and Raye are chosen to be the decoys. And wouldn't you know it, the latter two do not take it well. Dear God, I know that they bicker a lot in the anime version, but this just ramps it up to 100. In fact, every single damn flanderized thing they display is just annoying me a lot.
This gives a chance for LINO to yell at them to shut the hell up. You know a story's fucked when you just don't know who to root for. Most of the Scouts since they're one-note, or LINO who's not only an embarassment to other Links, but is just a sanctimonious ass.
So after the second mention of flying right...
- Take a shot every time you see a weird saying only Mykan would say, like "flying right".
...Mina and Amy would help escort LINO and Lita until they hit the entrance. As for Lita, she does have a question about how they would be able to enter it, but LINO doesn't tell her the plan, and he tells her to trust in him. Um...what?
After they make the plan, they all transform again and head off to the temple. It goes off well, with Serena, Raye, and Darien defeating the mooks with Raye's wall of fire attack and the other two helping her defend. As for Amy and Mina, they do well in defending LINO and Lita as well.
And so, the chapter ends with LINO and Lita trying to enter the Forest Temple, so he just uses the hookshot to pull up to the ledge. After some jokes which were kinda meh, they enter the temple, with Phantom!Ganon watching.
...never in my life have I given so little of a shit about a fanfic. And the pain isn't going to stop anytime soon. So join us next time.
(as Lightning strikes, the Scouts try to strike back, but...)
Sean (offscreen): Hold your fire.
(the Scouts are confused by this, and Sean, morphed into the Ultimate Red Legendary Ranger, appears before the Sailor Scouts and takes the blow. As powerful as the beam was, and even though he can barely stand himself, he's still fine)
Minako: HEY! Who the hell are you, trying to steal our thunder?
Sean: ...
If that beam struck you instead, you would have likely been even more weakened...if not outright dead. (he places his hand down, revealing a cracked visor, also revealing his piercing red eyes) Let's just say I'm not only one of the people chosen to protect the Sailor Scouts...
...I'm also a fan of your adventures.
Scouts: WHAT?!
Lightning: He's serious?
Mykan Z.: No matter. We can still fight! (he tries to shoot at Sean and the Scouts, but a wall of fire protects them) Okay, WHAT?
(and enter Catherine, with Michael by her side)
Catherine: Seriously? Trying to strike them when they're down?
Michael: Hmph. Typical behaviors. (unsheathes his ninja-to)
Yuki: We can still kill them. (he charges up for an electric attack, and as he shoots, a large beam deflects the attack) Okay, who is it this time?
(enter the rest of the Legendary Rangers and the selected All-Stars: Mao, Xander, Mako, Dan, Tori, Christopher, Jason, Atsushi, Hikaru, Hiroya, and Junya!)
Mao: We're also here to save the world. And we're not interested in any bullshit Mykan tries to throw at us. (she crosses her arms)
Mykan Z.: ...
Looks like we'll need to retreat for now. Let's go!
Lightning: Be seeing you, Sailor Scouts and All-Stars!
(and the three vanish)
Atsushi: So who on Earth are those guys? Are they also a part of Mykan's army?
Mao: Oh, yes. It's a good thing we're here when we did...
(the Scouts try to catch their breath)
Sean: ...
<Are they...wow. I honestly can't believe I'm seeing them, live! And to think...>
(he shakes his head)
<This is not the time to be sentimental, Sean. You still have a job to do.>
Guys, we need to have them return to their homes. They need to rest...
(he looks at Usagi)
Miss?
Usagi: Yes?
Sean: Mind telling us the way?
Usagi: Um, sure. So who are you?
Sean: We'll tell you when we get to your home...(he crouches down carefully and helps Usagi to stand up)...for there are many other things we need to share as well. Privately.
Usagi: R-right.
(and so, the Scouts and Rangers leave to Usagi's home)
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