Up, Up, and a Koopa
We start off at Toad's house during lunch. Toad gives Toadstool a bowl full of small light green spheres and Toadstool complains that it isn't the “healthy bran” she was expecting. Toad says he ran out and instead gave her “wholesome hay.” I don't think either of those things ever appear as small round balls. It doesn't come up again except for the (best) Super Mario World episode, “Scoopa Koopa,” but Toadstool is a bit of a health nut. In case you're wondering, the Mario Brothers are eating pancakes. Suddenly, everything in the house floats up to the ceiling.
We cut to the Doomship flying around and zapping everything with with a ray: The Koopa Duper Raiser Upper™ as Koopa names it, while praising Kooky for his newest invention. They also have the ruler of Sky World, Emperor Ed, locked up in a cage. Although he's not a human, like the King of Sky Land was in the game. Ed here is a mushroom person. Also, now it's called Sky World, while in the game it was called Sky Land. Back on the ground, mushroom houses are being pulled up one after the other, including Toad's house. Toadstool looks out the window with the brothers, who are all standing on the floor now, apparently immune to the effects of the Koopa Duper Raiser Upper.™ That's not a plot point, it's just a continuity error. Koopa is having such a good time that he decides to crank up the power on the Raiser Upper.™ Kooky tries to tell him not to, but Koopa ignores him causing the machine to overload, and the Doomship starts rocking back and forth. During the commotion, Ed's cage (which is lacking a bottom by-the-way) tips over and he falls out the window. As he falls he lands on a bed that is also falling down.
Back on the ground, everything falls back in the exact place it took off from and somehow nothing gets damaged in the fall. The people who we do see just continue with whatever they were doing as if they never left the ground. Ed lands the bed next to the good guys, then gets flung out of it by a busted spring, causing him to land right on Toad. Ed quickly tells everyone what's been going on and Mario decides the first thing to do is get Ed back to Sky World. The brothers begin smashing blocks, looking for leaves, while Toad and Toadstool begin tying down everything they can. After they find a pair of leaves, Luigi declares that they're the last two leaves in that part of the forest. How would he know that? Mario says that they can now stop Koopa, but we cut to the pair of them carrying Ed back to the Sky World castle. They drop off Ed and approach the Doomship just as the Raiser Upper™ begins working again.
The brothers fly in through an open window right into the Doomship's bridge. Koopa throws a switch and a cage drops down right on top of the two of them. This somehow deprives the brothers of their raccoon abilities. Koopa begins to gloat and says, “I know I've said this a zillion times before, but at last, this time for sure, [Princess Toadstool's] kingdom will be mine.” I'm going to win. The Raiser Upper™ begins lifting stuff up from the ground again, tearing right through the ropes Toadstool used. Mario tries bribing a nearby rocky wrench with a chocolate bar, but it doesn't work. Instead, the wrench throws a pair of wrenches into the cage, narrowly missing the brothers, then they boomerang right back to him.
At Toadstool's (still grounded) castle, the princess concludes that Mario and Luigi should have been back by now and that they are in trouble. Plus, you know, everything is still floating up into the sky. She mentions that there's a golden chest hidden in the castle that contains a pair of golden wings. The treasure is supposed to be hidden inside the “secret chamber inside the hidden room at the end of the unknown tunnel.” And they have to find it in a room filled with junk, because apparently Toadstool never throws anything away. Toad calls her out on this, calling her a “secret slob.” Toadstool replies, “You can't expect me to rule a kingdom and have time to take out the garbage too.” Does she not have people to take out the trash for her? The room starts to shake and suddenly all the junk moves out of the way revealing a door. Not sure why everything moved, because if it was Koopa's ray everything would be floating. Toad remarks “The secret room!” Toadstool corrects him saying “It's the hidden chamber.” Wait, I thought it was the secret chamber inside the hidden room? And I don't think we ever saw a tunnel either. You know what? I think Toadstool just forgot where she put the box and is making up all this stuff to sound important. Apparently trying to find anything in this mess qualifies as an epic quest. They open the chest and find a pair of P-wings. They're not gold or anything, just regular P-wings.
A moment later the pair are off flying with raccoon powers, but with P's on their chests. Yeah, in the games you had to get a running start with the raccoon powers to temporarily fly, but with a P-wing equipped you could do it anytime for as long as you want. In the show I don't really see a difference between the two since they both allow for unlimited flight. The pair exchange a fourth wall joke, as we cut to the Doomship, where Mario exclaims it's “curtains for Mushroom Land,” as a pair of curtains fly by. Luigi adds “and venetian blinds too,” as a pair of venetian blinds float past. This episode is filled with puns, be thankful I'm not repeating them all here. Koopa approaches Sky Land and claims that he's in charge now. Hold up, until now you were calling it “Sky World” but now its “Sky Land”? Make up your mind guys! Koopa gets into an argument with Ed as both of them bellow at each other with megaphones while the commoners say they'll never give in.
We get our montage for the episode, which consists of shots of the Raiser Upper™ causing general havoc set to the tune “What Goes Up May Never Come Down.” By the time the song is done the citizens of Sky World Land are waving the white flag. Inside the Doomship, Toad and Toadstool arrive and the mushroom man hooks a giant magnet on a pole in the ceiling. Where did Toad get the magnet? Don't ask me. The magnet attracts a rocky wrench's wrenches while he's still holding them and the poor guy is left dangling from the magnet. Why he doesn't let go of his wrenches is beyond me. Toadstool opens the door to the cage with a key she pulls out of thin air. With everyone free, they grab the Raiser Upper™ and go back to Toad's house, which, like everything else, is floating in the sky. Mario turns the machine on the Doomship and sends it flying horizontally back to “Koopa Kingdom.” No guys, it's called “Dark Land,” can't you keep anything consistent? They use the machine to put everything back on the ground and we resume the meal we started off, with Luigi stuffing himself full of pancakes in an effort to become too heavy to float in case this ever happens again.
Once Upon a Time Machine
It's picnic time on Hyrule. Kevin, Lana, Link and Zelda have decided to take a break from their usual shenanigans and have a picnic. Duke is also there. I usually don't bother mentioning Duke because he usually doesn't do anything. This is also the last of the four episodes that feature Link and Zelda, so enjoy them while you can. Before they can even set up shop, Link points out a swarm of bee-like creatures that he identifies as “boons.” The bugs grab picnic supplies as the would-be-picnicers fight them off, though Duke ends up in the river. Kevin catches a cake that had been dropped by a boon and then spins his zapper around his finger in a flashy manner. Something that is impossible to do because the zapper has no trigger guard. Although, looking closely I can see that in this shot Kevin's zapper DOES have a trigger guard. Has Kevin's zapper always had that? Let me check... Geez, I guess it always has had that guard.
I have watched this show since I was four and in all those years I have never noticed that. Guess you learn something new every day.
This whole ordeal with the invading insects is observed by a pair of figures hiding in the bushes. They identify themselves as Count Gruemon, a fat, well-dressed pig, and Dr. Gari-gari, an equally well dressed wolf. They have tracked a power source to this location and plan to make off with it. Oh, and they have a time machine. Apparently they want to use the power pad as a power source for the time machine. A boon grabs Link's sword and he does an impressive move where he spins on a tree branch and kicks the boon in mid-air. Kevin wants to show Link up and proceeds to do the dumbest thing he's ever done in his life. He takes off his belt, the one that holds his power pad and zapper, and he throws it to the ground. Kevin swings on a vine and tries to mimic Link's move, but winds up with a picnic basket on his head.
Guess what happens next. If you guessed “the pig runs off with the power pad and zapper” then congratulations! You have a functioning brain. Gruemon runs into the time machine and takes off. The time machine
◊ by the way, reminds me of the sharkticons
from Transformers: The Movie. Am I crazy? The time machine flies off, flapping its bat-shaped wings, as Kevin and the others look on. They watch as it flies into a warp zone inside a giant-sized tree stump. Link, Kevin and Duke dive in, while Zelda and Lana wait behind. The boys come out the other end of the warp zone, which is an old fashioned well. A well that the time machine could never fit through, I might add. Turns out they've arrived in the wild west, so the first thing they do is head into the saloon.
Kevin walks up to a big guy and says, “I know this sounds weird, but have you seen any animals dressed in clothes?” Kevin somehow failed to notice that everyone in the saloon is an animal wearing clothes. The bull he talked to doesn't like being called weird either. A nearby cat talks down the bull and the two get back to the deal they were making before Kevin showed up. Seems the cat wants a map the bull has. Before anything can happen though, a pitchfork gets thrown into the table and pair of cats announce their presence. One of them is a big fat cat and the other is a short skinny one. They address the first cat as Pero. In case you don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of the NES library, the game that this episode is based off is called Puss'n Boots: Pero's Great Adventure. We'll get to the game's backstory in a little bit. Pero snatches the map from the bull, but is caught in a lasso thrown by the fat cat. Kevin then calls the cats into a duel, forgetting he doesn't have his zapper. Little cat then shoots up the saloon with a slingshot and Link has to save Kevin from a pair of wolves. He does this by swinging on a rope he tied to a chandelier. In an unnaturally long swing, he also grabs Pero, as they fly out a window and into a bale of hay being pulled by a horse, which then drives off. It's not a humanoid horse, just a regular one. Oh, and Duke runs after them. Little cat stomps on his hat and makes mention of their boss as the time machine from earlier approaches.
We join Pero, Kevin and the others, as Pero explains what's going on. Seems he saved a mouse from Dr. Gruemon's henchcats and got thrown back in time for his trouble. Now he's trying to get back home and the map he just “acquired” is going to lead him home. This is almost exactly the plot to the actual game. That game is actually a sequel to to another NES game which is based of the film The Wonderful World Puss N' Boots, which itself borrows the plot to the film Around the World in 80 Days (1956), which is, of course, based off the Jules Verne book. So this cartoon features content from a video game, that's a sequel to another video game, that's based off a film, which is based off a different film, which is based off a book.
The map Pero took shows the locations of various time warps, which are different from typical warp zones, as they take you through time and not to a different video game. Despite this, people still occasionally refer to these warps as warp zones. Seeing as Count Gruemon is coming after Pero, Kevin agrees to help Pero get home so he can confront the count. Just then, the time machine appears overhead and starts dropping bombs. The gang make a break for a glade of trees, dismount from the cart, and hop through.
On the other end of the warp, the gang ends up on a pirate ship. The ship is filled with ferrets, or possibly mongeese. The captain is a snake with an eye-patch and a hook. The hook's on the end of his tail in case you were wondering. He identifies himself as Long John Slither and is about to keelhaul everyone before Pero says that his map leads to treasure. A note about the map, every time we look at it, it's just a bunch of dots connected together. I have no idea how anyone would begin reading it. Inside the time machine, Count Gruemon is watching Pero through time on his TV and warps back after him. After that, he sends his two henchcats down to the ship. The fat cat throws a bar of soap in front of the captain and Slither manages to slip on it despite not having legs. When he gets up, the two cats claim that Pero and crew had thrown the soap, causing the captain to resume the keelhauling he postponed earlier.
Pero swings from a rope, grabs the map, and climbs up the mast. When the rest of the pirate crew climbs up after him Pero cuts the ropes and they all fall in the ocean. Link uses one of the pirate's swords to cut apart the henchcat's disguises. Didn't even notice they were dressed as ferrets to tell you the truth. Or mongeese, or whatever. A sword duel erupts with Kevin bringing a mop to the fight. He also momentarily re-acquires his power pad due to an animation error. Kevin falls on his rear, but Duke rolls a cannonball over to him. Kevin uses it like a bowling ball and knocks over a stack of barrels. Said barrels roll over and knock the two henchcats overboard. Count Gruemon observes this through a periscope and fires torpedoes at the ship. Oh, did I mention the time machine was underwater? That's because the show didn't either until they start firing the torpedoes. The torpedoes hit the ship and explode, sending the good guys through the air until they land on an upside-down rowboat. The henchcats are somehow blown backward and land on the periscope. Gruemon is about to fire another torpedo, when a giant mechanical frog appears out of nowhere and scares them off. No explanation is given as to why there was a giant mechanical frog. I mean, I know it's a boss in the game, but it still pops up out of nowhere. Kevin and the others wash up on the island they were heading to anyway, then they hop through another time portal.
On the other side of that portal is the inside of a clock. Big Ben Tower to be precise. It chimes the hour and everyone runs for the exit as they almost get crushed by the clock parts. Also, Pero had been wearing a cowboy hat up until this point, but as soon as he went through this particular portal he was suddenly wearing a hunting cap. Pero decides the fastest way to travel is to commandeer an airplane. The henchcats are also present, disguised as a pair of royal guards who are ducks. Don't know how they got there ahead of everyone else.
At the airport, and by airport I mean barn, Pero and the rest take off in an old-school biplane. As the time machine closes in on the biplane, we get our montage for the episode set to “Dangerous Place,” which is a sound-alike of the Kenny Logins classic “Danger Zone.” During the song the two henchcats get blown up by an explosive and fall out of the time machine, only to land safely in someone's laundry as it hangs on the line. Kevin also jumps onto the time machine's landing gear, but he loses his grip and has to be caught by the plane before he splatters on the ground. After that's done, the plane arrives at the time warp and Pero insists they have to fly the plane in sideways despite the portal being perfectly round. Gruemon fires a heat seeking missile that hits the biplane. Before the plane even has time to crash he decides to warp out of there and celebrate. Pero is able to steer the plane through the portal, a portal which is more than twice as wide across as the airplane, showing how stupid the line about going in sideways was.
After emerging from the portal, the plane smashes through a billboard and Kevin identifies the area as 1920's New York. Then they fly into the Empire State Building. They don't crash, they just go in one window and come out through another window on the the other side. According to the map, the warp Pero needs to get back home is on the Statue of Liberty's torch. Apparently the plane crashing is no longer an issue as they are able to fly perfectly fine at this point. Gruemon's time machine is also parked on Liberty's crown for plot convenience. Inside Liberty's head, Gruemon and the rest are toasting Pero's demise. I'd like to point out that the henchcats are here despite them being left behind in the previous time period. In the middle of the celebrating the biplane crashes into the window. Pero now changes clothes to a suit and hat. Kevin and company run past the baddies and up the stairs to the roof. Dr. Gari-gari mentions a hungry python and presses a button. We don't see a python, but we are treated to a shot of a sea monster rising out of the water. The sea monster, who is wearing a crown for some reason, coils around the Statue of Liberty just as Kevin and the others are about to reach the time machine.
Link uses his sword to shoot a laser at the serpent, but it does nothing. Pero ditches his new friends and grabs a rope that Kevin had been carrying. He ropes it around Liberty's torch and is about to enter the time portal when Dr. Gari-gari uses a laser in his walking stick to blow it up. Pero runs past everyone, hops aboard the time machine and takes off. All four bad guys leap onto the landing gear as Pero flies off. Kevin uses the rope to swing onto the serpent's back and plans to- actually I have no idea what he plans to do. Before Pero can leave his new friends behind, he has a pang of remorse, rips out the power pad from a slot in the time machine, and tosses it and the zapper to Kevin. Pero also gives the advice that a yellow diamond on the serpent's back is his only weak point. So how did Pero know that? Luckily Kevin can very plainly see the diamond from where he is so he shoots it, killing the serpent in one shot. As the time machine warps away, a piece of the map is left behind that floats over to Kevin and Link.
In the middle of a desert somewhere, the time machine reappears and crashes into a tree. A very big tree. Pero pops out of the wreckage with the map and still intends to get home, mentioning stops to King Arthur's Court and the Ice Age along the way. Gruemon is ticked and swears he'll get Pero. Not sure why Pero didn't use the time machine to go straight home. Maybe without the power pad it only had enough energy to get him part way there?
Back on Hyrule, Lana and Zelda have decided to stop waiting around and have called the rest of the N Team. Simon tries tracking footprints with a magnifying glass. Of course, since this is Simon, he isn't following Kevin's prints. No, these are moblin prints, and he follows them right to the owner. Kevin arrives to save Simon using a fruit of some kind that he dribbles like a basketball. I know it's a fruit because he throws it at the moblin and it smashes like a fruit. Fruit that you can dribble but it shatters when you throw it at someone: Does not compute. Simon asks why Kevin didn't use his zapper, but after everything that happened Kevin has learned not to rely too much on his zapper and power pad, because it may not always be there. Although the reason he lost them in the first place was because he thought he didn't need them and threw them away, so I'm not sure what the lesson here is supposed to be.
7 Continents for 7 Koopas
Toadstool, Mario, Luigi and Toad are dressed in swimwear and ready to take a dip in a lake. Well, actually Mario and Luigi are wearing frog suits, but the idea's still there. Toadstool remarks that there isn't a cloud in the sky, but Luigi points out one saying it's the darkest cloud he's ever seen. The “cloud” in question turns out to be the Doomship, spewing tons of perfectly white smoke. So Luigi obviously has never seen a cloud any darker than absolutely white. All four of them dive into the lake to avoid being spotted.
On board the Doomship, the whole place is filled with grey smoke. Kooky calls his dad on a video phone and tells him the radiator is overheated. I think Koopa is supposed to be on the bridge and Kooky in the engine room. In order to cool down the engine they drop a big tube into the lake below. As the hose creates enormous suction everyone in the water grabs hold of something to avoid being slurped up. Toadstool however can't hold on and gets vacuumed up the hose. As the water cools down the engine, Kootie Pie remarks that the steam ruined her mascara. In the water below, Toad notes that Toadstool has been kidnapped by accident. I'd make a snide comment about how frequently Toadstool gets kidnapped, but in truth this is the first time she's been abducted alone and not caught at the same time as someone else.
Inside the Doomship, Toadstool crawls out of the machinery, which apparently didn't chew her up, and wrings out her crown. So I guess it's not made of metal then? Maybe it's just her swim crown. She runs to the bridge and eavesdrops next to the door as Koopa steers the Doomship through a big ol' warp pipe and into the “Real World.” Kooky then launches a device he calls the Koopa Klogger™ into the air. It's a big round ball with antennae on it that shoot out blue rays in many directions. According to Kooky, it will block up every warp pipe in the Mushroom Kingdom. In said Mushroom Kingdom, Mario, Luigi and Toad are about to fly in through the warp pipe the Doomship just went through, when the pipe is blocked by what looks like a giant bubble. Though they find it's very solid when they all smash into it, loose their powers, and fall to the ground.
Back on the Doomship, everyone is ecstatic that the Mario Brothers aren't going to be able to stop their plans for once. Koopa pulls up a map of the “Real World” and announces his plot. Earth has seven continents, he has seven kids, ergo he's giving one continent to each of them to do whatever they want. Koopa gives out continents and all seven kids jump off the edge of the Doomship and parachute to their destination. Somehow. The break-down goes as follows: Bully gets Asia, Cheatsy gets Australia, Kootie Pie gets Europe, Kooky gets Africa, Big Mouth gets Antarctica, Hip gets North America and Hop gets South America. Once that's done we see Toadstool still spying at the only door to the room. Apparently none of the kids saw her on the way out. Toadstool sneaks in to turn off the Koopa Klogger,™ but as soon as she touches the lever an alarm is raised and two para-goombas and a bob-omb appear out of nowhere. And Koopa, not being deaf, is alerted to her presence. A chain chop then wraps up Toadstool in its chain.
In the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario and company are trying to pull out the bubble using a giant plunger. It doesn't work.
Toadstool tells Koopa that “Nastier villains than you have failed to conquer the “Real World.”” This prompts Koopa to check in on his spawn and see how they are doing. Bully is busy spray painting a wall. Koopa is none too impressed until Bully reveals that the wall is actually the Great Wall of China. In Africa, Kooky has used his magic wand (all of the kids have magic wands by the way,) to turn all of the animals into stuffed animals. That's more demented than evil, but whatever. In Australia, Cheatsy has turned all of the humans into kangaroos, except one. He's been turned into a shrimp and is being chased by crocodiles that want to throw him on a barby. Bigmouth isn't especially upset about getting the lousiest continent of them all, and has just finished building a giant snowman. He then brings it to life with his wand and uses it to subjugate all the penguins, who are all wearing bow-ties oddly enough. In Europe, Kootie Pie has used her magic to change all the statues and paintings to look like her. In North America Hip has commandeered the airwaves and is holding a telethon. He won't get off the air until everyone gives him all of their money. One continent to the south, Hop has used his magic to pave paradise and put up a parking lot. Literally. He turned the Amazon Rainforest into a parking lot.
Toadstool decides she has to do something, so she taunts the bob-omb guarding her until it lights its fuse. This causes her other captors to run away, including the chain chomp that has her tied up. Not sure how Koopa doesn't notice this, considering he's in the same room. Now free, Toadstool grabs the bob-omb, runs outside and hurls it into the Koopa Klogger™ which gets destroyed by the explosion. Oddly enough, a parachute is among the Koopa Klogger™ wreckage and Toadstool uses it to escape the Doomship. Back in the Mushroom Kingdom, the bubble disappears and the other three fly through into the “Real World.”
We then get our montage for the episode. The tune “I'm a Hurricane” plays in the background, (the complete version this time, probably my fave song in the show,) and we see our heroes stopping the Koopa Kids' plans one by one. Well, Mario, Luigi and Toadstool stop the Koopas. Toad doesn't do crap. The montage consists of one of the three grabbing the wand from the Koopa Kids and using it to undo their magic. In Bully's case however Mario uses the wand to turn the Great Wall of China into a dragon. Pretty sure that's going to cause more problems than the graffiti would Mario. After the song is done, all the kids rush to the Doomship, dog-pile their dad and scurry back home. Mario and Luigi thank Toadstool for saving every continent on Earth, but she says that it's the least she could do after they've saved the Mushroom Kingdom so many times.
“Up, Up and a Koopa” is pretty standard, but enjoyable, Mario fair. No major points are scored for or against it, though I think it has the most puns of any episode, which is not an easy thing to accomplish. “Once Upon a Time Machine” actually gives a lot of screen time to guest-star Pero, who's quest to get home resonates with the viewer more that Kevin's attempt to retrieve his power pad that he lost through pure stupidity. At least that's how it felt to me. Despite how easily the Koopa Kids “take over” entire continents, “Seven Continents For Seven Koopas” is one of the best episodes of the show. Perhaps it's just because we get to see all seven kids create their own brand of havoc. It's also nice to see Toadstool be the hero for a change, and the montage at the end of the episode is one of the highlights of the series.
