(We open on a strange room resembling a talk-show set. TLALOC and SEDNA are sitting is chairs, with GUCUMATZ hovering above them. A large screen is behind them on the wall, currently off)
Tlaloc: Gewd everning, fleshbags! Werlcome to the ferst and hopefully-only perblic service announcement on behalf of Team Flynn. My name's Tlaloc...
Sedna: Iiiiiiiii'm Seeeeeedna...
Gucumatz: AND ME GUCUMATZ!
Tlaloc: And we're here ter tell yer abert some... mistakes we've been made awer of and...
Sedna: Siiiiiiir Tlaaaaaaaalooooooc... I doooooon't think they reeeeeeecognize uuuuus...
Tlaloc: Wait, wert? Oh! Yeah, we wer given this jerb because we actually hervn't had any lines yert, and though we're lerng gern from the active perty, make no misterk, we're members of Team Flynn all the serm!
Gucumatz: WE AM HERE TO TALK ABOUT BAD THINGS WE'VE NOTICED ON BIG SPIDER WEB!
Tsuchigumo: (leans in) What? I cleaned it yesterday!
Sedna: IIIIIII thiiiiiink he meeeeeant the wooooorld wiiiide weeeeb...
Tlalcoc: Exerctly! We know it's derfficult to walk the middle road like Ser Flynn does, but nermerous guides exist on ther werb to herlp one in this endearvor. Unfertunately, we've discervered that many of these guides're less than accurate, which can reserlt in some nasty serprises ter those who wersh to walk the same pats as us. Here, we reveal the truth.
(TLALOC picks up a remote and switches the screen on. It displays FLYNN's battles with TENKAI and KOGA SABURO)
Tlaloc: Yer remember these guys, ner? They're mermbers of the powerful demon clerb called the National Defense Divinities. As they'd been shackled by thert Tayerma, they now stand as symbold of Order, and as serch killing therm earns one point 'a' favor with therm forces of Chaos. Most guides dern't mention this.
(MANDRAKE runs in, looking very, very high)
Mandrake: Heey maaan... Duudes, you gotta check out that stuff that new tree guy's givin' out...
Sedna: Neeeeeeew guuuuy?
Mandrake: He's over there... that tree guy... he's soooooooo awesoooome...
Haoma: I defend my right to distribute... these substances are an important part of religious services...
Tlaloc: Whaterver. Mic's yers, Sedna.
(TLALOC tosses the remote to SEDNA. She switches the screen to a clip of FLYNN speaking to TAYAMA before he pushes The Button)
Sedna: Youuuuu maaaaaay also remeeember thiiis. Flyyyyynn spoooke to that Tayaaaama, who aaaaasked him is he was alriiiiiight with releeeeeasing the deeemons. Answeriiing in the affiiiiirmative heeere ooooooffers five points of faaaavor with the foorces of ooooorder. The guuuuuuuides doooon't mention thiiiiis, eeeeeeeither.'
Gucumatz: HEY SEDNA, M ALWAYS WONDER, WHY YOU TALK LIKE THAT?
Sedna: IIIIIII'm paaaaaaart whaaaaaale. Heeere's the remoooote, Gucumaaaatx...
'(GUCUMATZ takes the remote in his mouth, and switches the screen to a display of FLYNN speaking to WALTER in Infernal Tokyo)
Gucumatz: OKAY, THIS ARE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT ONE. IN BURNY PLACE SON OF MAN AM TALK TO CHILD OF CARNAGE TWICE. CHILD OF CARNAGE AM ASK SON OF MAN TWO QUESTIONS. IN FIRST QUESTION, YOU SAY YOU COMFORTABLE THERE EARN FIVE POINTS IN FAVOR OF CHAOS. IN SECOND QUESTION, YOU SAY WEAK AND STRONG AM EQUAL, THAT AM FIVE ORDER FAVOR POINTS. MOST GUIDES AM SAY IT ONLY ONE.
(GUCUMATZ bites down on the remote again, turning the display off)
Tlaloc: That's all fer now. Happy Nertral gettin' ter you all.
Haoma: Tune in next week... where we will teach you how to revive Aeris...
(The lights dim)
'Author's note: Yeah, I know, this wasn't actually an update, but while I was trying to get Neutral I learned that several of the more popular guides for doing so are, in a word, wrong. This made me extremely annoyed, so I thought I'd do an installment addressing the issue, so nobody else has to play through the alternate Tokyos twice like I did!
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