So Dusk Shine has some chapters I haven't covered. One of them's actually pretty funny, in that "man, this story is stupidly outlandish" kind of way. I'll get to that later. Onto Rose Potter.
So, we have the first chapter where the author didn't change the title: "The Potions Master." If you recall the original book, it went something like this:
- Harry is getting used to Hogwarts
- Harry has his first classes, which are a bit more challenging than he anticipated
- Harry has Potions. Snape is an asshole.
- Harry meets with Hagrid and learns about the Gringotts break-in, realizing that it happened the same day he was in Diagon Alley with Hagrid.
Rose Potter follows a fairly similar pattern. Except since she's an utter sue, she doesn't have any trouble with her classes at all.
For example, during the History of Magic lesson, Rose is all "Oh, Hermione and I were the only ones who were actually paying attention." And then in transfiguration, remember how in the original book Hermione was the only one who could turn the match into a needle and McGonagall gave her "a rare smile"? Well, lookie here.
Because it's not like Hermione being really smart and talented was a defining trait of hers. No, Rose has to take that attribute as well, leaving Hermione without a distinction of her own.
Because you see, Rose isn't just better than Harry, noooo, she's better than everyone, starting with Ron and Hermione!
She makes a point of how Hermione is oddly competitive about grads and house points, whereas level-headed Rose is just a diligent at her studies! She also makes a point about Ron being lazy and always asking to borrow her notes and how he just does the bare minimum required to get by.
You can tell the author really respects the characters.
You know, the thing about Fallout: Equestria was that it was sincerely fan fiction. The author liked the show and, for the most part, treated the canon characters with respect. I know some people complain about how the story treated the mane 6, but I honestly didn't have much of a problem there, except maybe for Pinkie Pie calling Twilight Sparkle a bitch. I mean, okay... they made mistakes and most of them ended up dying horribly, but that's because it's a tragedy. You can still tell the author is fond of them and all that. This... I'm not getting that. The author seems to have decided that Ron is just a waste of space and is writing accordingly, and Hermione appears to be redundant at best to him in his little world where the protagonist is already super-smart.
Oh yeah, and when the fuck did McGonagall help her with it over the summer? I thought the narration said that she didn't work on transfiguration because it was too advanced to immediately start on.
Now, in canon, Harry received a letter from Hagrid, and here Rose gets a letter from McGonagall, both of them asking her (with the exact same wording, I might add) to come over for tea. Though it should be mentioned that while Hagrid's letter was an "untidy scrawl," this one is in "a very neat hand."
And then it's off to the dungeons for potions and... oh boy.
In canon, it was "Snape didn't dislike him - he hated him." This is not going to be pleasant.
Now, you may recall this scene from the books where Snape singles out Harry to ask some questions for the purpose of humiliating him? In canon, Harry can't answer them, and Snape docks him a point from Gryffindor for being "cheeky" when he goes "why don't you ask Hermione?"
In this, Rose answers them all correctly, and is irritated by Hermione's raising her hand.
Okay, I get that Harry didn't like Hermione either at this point in the story, but that was because she was, to him, a bossy know-it-all. All the irritation he had with her kinda went away after they became friends. How much you wanna bet that even after they become "friends," Rose still finds Hermione annoying?
So the potions class continues more or less as canon, though there is this:
and then Neville melts a cauldron and Snape snaps at Harry/Rose for letting him fail so that he'd look better by comparison. Now, in canon, Ron advised Harry not to start anything, but in this fic, Rose
Wait a minute.
Ron and me. "Then he rounded on I." I mean, seriously.
Anyway, Rose ignores Ron and bitches out Snape about "I had to watch my own potion!" and Snape asks her to stay after class.
You know, the first five chapters are all in one document on the yahoo group. I assumed that they had been written first, before the author posted any of it. I assumed that this was why they kept switching to third-person; that the author had initially written it in third-person and then went through to edit, but missed some spots. Now I see the author just wasn't paying attention and was fucking it up.
And I'm really annoyed at Rose's two-faced nature. She'll snap and bitch at an adult and then immediately apologize for being out of line. Whatever happened to that fucking "mental discipline" you harp on? Be fucking consistent with your characterization. If she's supposed to be mature and have all this "mental discipline" stuff, she shouldn't be snapping at people in the first place, because she'd have a better handle on her temper. This just makes her look like a twat.
Aaaand this is what the author has done to Snape.
"I bully students because I have a reputation to uphold." How the fuck is that supposed to make sense? In the books he picked on Harry because he held a childhood grudge against his father.
And Rose asks Snape if he knew her mother.
So Snape is giving her private lessons. Gee, Snape, you gonna give that kind of preferential treatment to anyone else?
But you see, the other day as I was going over it I realized something. You see that "So like her mother" line? Bear in mind that in Deathly Hallows (which came out after this was written) it was revealed that Snape was in love with Lilly. And now he's giving Rose private lessons.
So if Snape wants to get closer to Rose because she reminds him of Lilly, well... kinda creepy, doncha think? Although I do admit, this is probably the most interesting original thing the author has added to this. And he did it completely on accident. And it's still stupid.
So Rose goes to visit Professor McGonagall for tea, and they have a pointless discussion about that stuff about Muggle Social Services and the Dursleys and blah blah blah she won't have to go back to them and the Dursleys can never adopt children again aaaand basically this entire deal with Rose breaking Vernon's arm and the stuff with Muggle Social Services is completely pointless and just plain boring to read through.
But the main point here is this: Professor McGonagall is going to adopt Rose.
I liked canon McGonagall. She was stern. Dignified. She didn't fucking coo over Harry like this.
The subject of people complaining because of Rose being naked also comes up. McGonagall, of course, being the stern stickler for the rules that she is, tells her she that if her behavior is upsetting the other girls she has to learn to live with it and abide by the same standards as everyone else.
Huh?
“That is part of it, yes, but there is also a religious component to it,” stated Minerva, “and there are many beliefs and practices involved as well. One of these beliefs are called Nudatio; it’s the practice of being one with nature or in simpler terms, not wearing clothes.”
Where are we going with this?
Nevermind. I somehow got this thing mixed up with the McGonagall in canon. Ugh. Why are all of these teachers giving her preferential treatment? Harry didn't have it this cushy.
And... yeah. This is one of the other things with this story. Rose isn't just a nudist. She becomes a druid. And, as McGonagall points out, this is gonna give her more powers.
So she goes to the Great Hall.
“I had to go speak to Professor McGonagall regarding matters of my guardianship?” I replied.
“Oh, and?”
“Well, the Family Council has ruled already, and I have chosen a proper magical guardian who will actually look after me, in fact, she offered it to me first,” I smiled happily.
“Really, that’s great! Who is it?” asked Ron.
“I can’t say with so many ears around us, I don’t want her to be mobbed by the press,” I whispered in Ron’s ear.
Get used to another recurring theme: Rose keeping secrets from her friends, especially Ron. It'll be quite noticeable as the story progresses how little she lets him know about anything. She doesn't tell him about the adoption (why the fuck do you feel the need to keep an adoption secret?) or about the secret potions lessons. The story seems determined to minimize Ron's role - in canon, when Harry went to visit Hagrid, Ron came along with. Ron didn't go with Rose to meet with McGonagall. And for that matter, yay for reducing Hagrid's role.
And the scene proceeds with them reading the Daily Prophet and reading about the Gringotts break-in, which Rose, like Harry, realizes was on her birthday, and that it must've been the package from the vault they were after. Not quite a punchline of an ending, I admit.
In a sense, I do enjoy reading and writing about this. Fallout: Equestria annoyed me endlessly, but this fic is just out-and-out bad. It's a marvelous example of how not to write a fanfic, or indeed, how not to write a story in general. Everything about it that isn't straight-up plagiarized is completely awful, in so many ways, whether it's the protagonist's Sueishness or general unlikability, the treatment of canon characters... and it's just gonna get more and more, people. More and more. And at no point will I have to go "hey, that was a pretty good scene" or "hey, that was a neat idea" or "hey, that was a funny joke." I can say that Fallout: Equestria warrants discussion. The Girl Who Lived warrants only mockery.
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