So, as we continue, let's talk a little about Ron Weasley. A number of Harry Potter fans seem to hate him. Mainly the Harry/Hermione shippers. Why they hate him, I am not completely sure.
Of the three core protagonists, Ron is the only one who is actually a native to the wizarding world. As such, he serves as sort of an anchor for Harry, who doesn't know anything about the wizarding world, and Hermione, who only knows about it from reading. This also leads to a number of situations where Hermione is more educated, but Ron has a better idea about some of the norms and whatnot. For example, in book four when Hermione finds out about the House-Elves at Hogwarts.
Ron is also the most bog-standard average individual of the three, even moreso than Harry. His two closest friends are a huge celebrity and a near child prodigy. Ron himself has little in the way of talents or abilities that make him stand out, but he is perhaps the most down-to-earth member of the group. He's not the brightest, to be sure, but time and time he rises to the occasion and proves his own mettle and courage. And from a character perspective, that means a lot more than having superpowers or supposed smarts.
The author of this fanfic does not understand this, and already we can see the foundations of of how the story will treat Ron - as a useless, stupid waste of space. We can see already that Rose clearly looks down on him, and talks down to him as well, already belittling him.
And now we come to something else that will be a staple of this series. If you recall the book, Goyle makes a grab for Harry and Ron's candy, and Scabbers bites him. Well, that does happen, but Rose gets more glory by pulling out her martial arts bullshit and knocking Goyle away with a palm strike.
Y'see, Rose is a Mary Sue. A lot of people tend to argue about what does or doesn't constitute a Sue. We have lists of attributes and cliches and whatnot, but that's looking at it wrong. What defines a Sue, a friend once told me, is this simple concept: "Look at me!"
A character that exists solely to hog the spotlight at all times, to make everyone go "oh look how cool this character is" despite not really having anything cool at all. And so here we have Rose Potter, who often turns attention back to her, which is especially noticeable if you compare with the original books. In the original book, we watch Dudley struggle with a simple addition problem. The focus is on Dudley and only him. In this fic, the focus changes to Rose being annoyed at his stupidity. Similarly, we have scenes where the dialogue is rewritten to make Rose look incredibly sophisticated as opposed to the more normal, believable speech Harry had. And here, we see Rose horning in on a moment that really belonged the Scabbers.
And this will be a recurring thing in the story, as Rose gains abilities and things that other characters have, and horning in on their moments and accomplishments if not simply stealing them outright.
As much as I dislike Littlepip, I could never call her a sue. Yes, she did have the whole Totally Not the Messiah thing going on, but that's honestly pretty standard stuff in a lot of these by-the-book Hero's Journey things. But imagine if in Fallout Equestria she could use battle saddles as well as Calamity, could use all of Velvet's spells (and sing better), got power armor just like SteelHooves's, and matched Xenith in hoof-to-hoof combat. You see my point?
One moment in Fallout: Equestria that's actually pretty good is near the end of the story, when she meets Crane again, and Crane goes all "Oh, that's cool you can levitate like that! Took me longer to be able to do that." It shows that Littlepip, while powerful and talented, isn't super-duper-special with her abilities.
So they arrive at their destination and get changed into their robes, with the author changing it so that Ron looks stupid again as Rose has to ask him to leave the compartment for privacy purposes and he blushes.
They get off, and Hagrid is all "hi Rose, how ya doin'?" despite barely having met her before.
So that ends "The Journey North." Then we begin "The Sorting Hat." I guess the author couldn't think of how to make the title blander. Or was too lazy.
You know, it's funny, I'll read this story, see a line that's oddly funny, and go "Huh?" Then I'll look in the book and find "oh, that was in the book. The author just kept it in." Mainly, the line about Harry/Rose having turned his teacher's wig blue once.
Of course, leading to the Sorting, Rose isn't nearly as terrified as Harry was. In the original book, the line was:
In this fic, it's:
Suspense? Who needs that?
So the Sorting Hat is revealed. The "Maybe they had to try and get a rabbit out of it" line is axed because humor, like suspense, is stupid.
So the Sorting proceeds more or less as canon, until...
Fuuuuuuck yooooooooou!
So there's the whole "Not Slytherin" business. This is added, though:
Oh, wait, it actually goes on.
“Well, you’re the Sorting hat... why are you asking me?” I thought with a mental frown and I reinstated my mental discipline.
“Very well, in that case it better be GRYFFINDOR!”
She even belittles the fucking hat.
Hagrid and Harry had developed a friendship in Diagon Alley. This did not happen in this fic.
So the feast goes largely as canon, until Rose/Harry gets the scar pain. In canon:
In fanfic:
Also, the purpose of this scene was that this was the first Harry saw of Professor Snape. It was intended to set him up to be suspicious. We will soon see that this is lost on the author.
And then there's the part where they sing the school song. Rather than actually post the lyrics, we're treated to this.
Everyone finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducted their last lines with his wand, and when they had finished, he was the one who clapped the loudest.
The book didn't need that entire first paragraph. That second paragraph, which told us everything we needed to know. We didn't need a comparison to how the songs work with Muggle schools, or about how it was "disorganized" or "chaotic." We can already tell from the context. Telling us that the lyrics are almost like a children's song is useless if we don't have the actual lyrics.
So with the feast ended, they head off to the Gryffindor common room. It proceeds mostly as canon, until...
“What are you doing?” asked Hermione curiously. I felt my lips thin in irritation at being interrupted.
“Meditating,” I answered shortly before closing my eyes again and starting a mental chant, too clear my mind of all excess thought and emotions that was stirred during this exciting day. Luckily, half an hour was not long enough for me to manifest levitation; I could just imagine Hermione bothering me ceaselessly about details about what I was doing.
Oh, joy. She even condescends to Hermione.
But that isn't the end.
You see, I haven't told you the whole story behind this fic. You see, there's a reason that this fic is relatively famous among badfic circles.
“What are you doing?” asked Hermione, this time in an exasperated and shocked manner.
“Do I have to explain it to you now?” I asked in an irritated fashion. “You can’t sleep in the... buff... it’s not proper... ” stammered Hermione.
“Look,” I said, “it was only a month ago, that I was introduced into this world, it was only a month ago that I had any money to put next to my name. The Muggle family I lived with did the absolute minimum in providing for me. All my clothes were hand-me downs from my cousin, until a month ago, I never had any proper female clothes, no proper underwear, nothing. In the summer it was too hot where I slept to wear anything other than my birthday suit.”
“Since I had proper sleepwear, I’ve tried sleeping in them and it’s just too constricting, I feel like I’m suffocating. Besides, I’ve discovered that sleeping this way in winter makes the bed even warmer.”
Yyyyyyyep. Rose Potter is a nudist. This is one of the more famous aspects of her character. And it comes clear the fuck out of nowhere and is mostly just another chance for Rose to belittle Hermione, because she belittles damn near everyone. Y'see, this is as close to "originality" as the author of this fic gets.
This conversation also renders all that Victoria's Secret stuff completely pointless by the way. Well, pointless-er.
Oh, and remember how in the book Harry had a really weird dream about Quirrel's turban that didn't make sense? That's axed. Even though it was foreshadowing about Voldemort hiding there (at least, I think it was).
Comments
