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Pannic2012-08-17 12:31:05

Okay, fine. The story doesn't suck anymore. Read chapters 19 and 20 last night, and it isn't fucking fair. Story's been bullshit for seventeen chapters and I've been taking the piss out of it. But no, all of a sudden it's somehow fucking decent and now I have to eat my words on everything. You're right, I'm wrong, oh fuck, I guess.

Well, this sucks.

But whatever, recap of what's going on.

Littlepip crashes because drugs, battle goes on, there's a stick of rebar jutting through her leg, Velvet needs to fix that, so she goes into a memory orb and goes to a thing where Applesnack is spying on the CMC having a conversation. And something about Rainbow Dash calling Fluttershy a traitor. Oh. This is that character derailment stuff I think.

So, SteelHooves is talking to the gryphon mercenaries and enquiring about that whole ghoul massacre incident from a few chapters ago, and it turns out there were some bad ghouls in the bunch that were planning to invade the tower. The Sheriff that killed them didn't know about it, so he's still scum.

Pip wins a favor from the gryphons, but she hasn't decided on what it is yet, so she's gonna hold on that. The party makes its way back to Tenpony, and they fight off these bat things, with Velvet grabbing a shotgun and shooting them and saving a Balefire Phoenix. Any attempts at subtlety in regards to Velvet's character development, however, are quashed by the narrator going "I notice the Wasteland is changing her. I wonder how this ties in to that conversation I had with Monterey Jack two chapters ago." You know, you can do these things without hanging bright neon lights over them. Just saying.

Also, meeting with Watcher, who wants Littlepip to get a thing from Homage for him, and Pip wants a favor from him, too.

So then Littlepip announces her new plan to spring Monterey Jack out of prison! And I'm actually rooting for the protagonist for once. That's new.

Velvet, however, doesn't want them all to get thrown out of the tower before they fix the drug problem, so she knocks her out with a tranquilizer dart and hauls her over to the Helpinghoof clinic.

Littlepip's mad about it, but somehow her being mad doesn't seem as twattish as it usually does. More like she's genuinely hurt in a way that a person cold reasonably be expected to be, and the good doctor fills her in on what's been wrong.

Also, Monterey Jack's execution was two hours ago. Bye, character I actually kinda liked. By the way, you know that trope Men Are the Expendable Gender? Just a thought.

Anyway, she's let out of the hospital and SteelHooves murders that sheriff from earlier by locking him on the other side of the door with all those hungry ghouls. Then he goes on the radio and delivers a eulogy. And earlier in chapter 19 he had a few funny snarky lines. Shit, the guy's getting actual characterization now. And damn, that was a lot colder than anything Littlepip did. Discussed it with people (who think I'm full of shit for bitching about the story getting better) and apparently SteelHooves' motivation for this is that he becomes a better pony due to her influence. And now Littlepip actually is being fairly likable and not a complete twat.

Anyway, Littlepip painfully flushes the Mint-Als down the toilet. It's really hard, but Homage comes to help her and

They're a couple now. I know I knew it was coming, and they sort of went on a date two chapters ago, but I can't help but think "where the fuck did that come from?" I guess this is where that chapter 20.5 thing comes in. Also, Homage commends her for succeeding where Pinkie Pie failed. Y'know, in a fic with OCs, it's generally not a good idea to specifically say that said OC is better than a canon character. Just saying.

Anyway, more exposition with a reference to Mothership Zeta and talking about the zebras and their evil stars thing. I sure do love this story's treatment of zebras, yes I do.

Also, there's a line about "She just loved making me squirm. In every way." This is going to go on for a while, isn't it?

Also, reveal about how now Littlepip owns all of Monterey Jack's property, and she figures out that Monterey Jack planned all this to spite her because his kids liked her better than him or something. His plan was that with her heroic instinct she'd try to save him and get thrown out of the tower, leaving his kids to get thrown out after the month was up. Though she kinda thwarted that when Velvet prevented her from doing so.

I guess maybe the author wised up to the fact that I was more interested in him than in the protagonist and accordingly made him into a dick.

Anyway, Littlepip decides to use her favor with the gryphons to help out the kids. I think. I might be getting a detail wrong. Something like that, anyway.

So Littlepip returns to Watcher with the thingy he wanted (she politely asked Homage for it, gave it to her as a "present" in exchange for her going to Fillydelphia), but Pip says no deal unless they get to meet Watcher in the flesh. Watcher begrudgingly allows them to see him, giving them coordinates.

There's another memory orb excursion (I always find myself wondering where the fuck these are coming from, do I just not pay attention and miss the parts where they pick these up?) from Spike's point of view, which reveals Rainbow Dash in Enclave armor.

Also, Velvet's back with the Fluttershy memory orb (which is honestly getting kinda creepy and annoying. Seriously, get a hobby. All of you, get some hobbies. It'd flesh out your characters more and make you more likable) and SteelHooves comments that it's not a good memory. He reveals that Fluttershy's ministry just wanted to end the war rather than win it, so they supplied both sides with megaspells.

"Fluttershy killed us all," he says. Between this and the way Velvet Remedy is presented, I can just feel how dignified and respectfully the non-violent side is portrayed in this story.

Anyway, they get to the location, designated as a dragon cave, and we see who Watcher really is! It's Spike!

And huh, there's a bonus perk... "Pony Sutra."

Oh, fuck.

Well, great. Now what do I do with this? The story doesn't suck anymore and it's gotten a lot stingier with nits for me to pick. I guess I could give some blah blah about how it's no excuse for the entire first act to be lousy, but that still doesn't leave me with a lot here. Guess now I might have to actual enjoy the story now in spite of all that crap above. The story has stopped actively irritating me and now the protagonist became likable all of a sudden and I'm actually a little invested in the characters and what's going on. I mean, that doesn't justify the first act being pretty crap, but I dunno. Now I can't find myself actively annoyed and I'm only nit-picking small things now, rather than larger sweeping problems I had before.

Comments

Seraphem Since: Dec, 1969

Aug 19th 2012 at 1:16:07 PM

Not sure how you got it being Applesnack spying on the CMC, don't remember it ever being mentioned it was him, and he'd have no reason to.

No it wasn't derailment, what Fluttershy did makes perfect sense for her to do. Wasn't smart, but makes sense.

Well yeah, but the shariff is just scum anyway. It was just a lucky break that killing the ghoul encampment turned out for the best. He only did it because, 'ghouls need a killin'

Not to nag, but again, using "" when not quoting what is in the "" word for word, is kind of wrong. And I really doubt she said "two chapters ago"

Again, inner monologue, it's Lil'pips thoughts and feelings over what happened. So no real reason she'd be subtle with herself

yeah Steelhooves can be a cold mother-bucker when he has to be, but that's to be expected, being a soldier that's survived all the shit he's been through.

And as we kept saying about 80% of the crap with Pip early on was the drugs

Generally, yeah. Except we, though not Homage, already know the Pinkie was able to do the same exact thing, just to late for it to have mattered cause the next day the bombs dropped. And for that matter, it's kind of dumb to assume that the Mane 6 were the best at EVERYTHING, some pony has to be better then them at a lot of things, the issue is an OC being better then the Mane 6 at something important to them, something the canon pony is know for. Like throwing parties better then Pinkie, being faster the RD, smarter the Twilight etc... Simply being able to do one thing that isn't a vital part of who they are better then one canon pony isn't a big deal.

Massive decades long war, the other side always gets painted with massive propaganda. We don't see a single Zebra that is treated with massive disrespect personally. And nearly all the information we get about the Zebra's comes from those propaganda filled times.

Oh yeah homage teasing Pip like that becomes a running gag. As to the speed of them hooking up, why not, not every romance needs some big build up, or something huge, literally at first they were just two lonely ponies throwing themselves at each other for companionship. Only after did they find how much they did love each other.

The pony that robbed and threaten to kill the pony that not five minutes earlier had freed him from slavers is just NOW being made to look like a dick?

you're not paying attention, that orb was the macguffin Watcher wanted lil'pip to get him.

And yeah, her obsession with the orb does get kind of disturbing.

Ummm, no, wait till you see exactly what he meant by that. And kind of hard to be both totally peaceful and alive in a hell-hole like the wasteland. it's made pretty clear the fact that it's necessary is fucked up and the the world should be a place ponies like Velvet never have to give up there ideals.

And first act being sub-par compared to the rest, admitted fact, it being crap, YMMV.

Pannic Since: Dec, 1969

Aug 19th 2012 at 1:26:56 PM

Ginger told me that Applesnack was the pony spying on them.

theonebutcher Since: Dec, 1969

Dec 19th 2012 at 4:11:37 PM

In 20,5 we get told that Pon3 sleeps with her just because she is a "hero" that she hypes her up and declares her messiah to inspire other ponies and that she doesn't actually think Littlepip is all THAT much of hot stuff. Also her main charm is her being EXTREMELY horny and desperate, which Homage finds funny. Only After that is said does Littlepip ask for some faith and Homage says, Okay, I'll try to believe the Crap I feed my audience, until you crack and become a Raider, like all the other heroes before you.