Cheap Paranormal Romance: A Sporking
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"Don’t you have a nap to take or something?" "Only if you’re…" He lowered his voice, "coming."Ouch. Naturally, the writer feels the need to have Emma not only comment on said innuendo, but also get turned on by it.
My core fluttered with little waves of warmth. I shook my head, trying to get a grip. I couldn’t let him affect me like that anymore. I had to stay in control.She tells him he’s probably "some kind of cave dwelling, telepathic hobgoblin," and he takes that as a challenge. He can’t resist that, and asks for a wager. When asked what he wants, he says she would become a nun and never date again. Which, of course, is completely out of the question. She makes this clear to him, adding that she’s going on a "slut-athon" as soon as he’s gone. Her narration notes that Guy seems more protective and flirty since the accident.
He reminded me of a caged wolf. A horny caged wolf.You’ll have to forgive my overuse of quotes in this liveblog, but sometimes they’re so self-demonstrating that I can’t help it. Her mom is still there, so she pretends to hang up the phone and opens the door. Her mom seems nervous about what Emma says she’s doing. This is not the same thing as what she’s really doing, mind you. She says she’s going away to a resort. What she’s really doing, if you recall, is going to Mexico and hiking out into the middle of the jungle. Guy told her that he’d been following some "very bad people" and he’d been caught in one of their traps and cursed. That’s about it, except for some cryptic stuff about some things needing to be seen to be believed. Y’know, like this book. When her mom leaves, Guy complains about being called Guy. She says she’d use his real name if he told her. He says she can call him Hunk of Burning Love, or Cupcake. She actually thinks that’s funny. Then he tells her he wants to go over everything one last time so that the readers will know what they said the first time. Except not that last part. Cue Emma fangirling over his tone of voice.
It was stern, yet hypnotic and enchanting. My toes began to tingle along with several unmentionable parts of my body. It was cruel to play with me like that. Why did he do it?This woman is so in denial it hurts. Wonder how long it’ll take for her to suck it up and admit she likes him? Before or after the halfway point? He asks her about a phrase she has to say in order to lift the curse, namely whether she remembers it. Also, apparently he gave her a two hour lecture about how dangerous this part of Mexico is, what with the drug dealers and all. She briefly wonders if they were the ones who cursed him, and realizes how bad spell-slinging drug gangs would be. He reminds her that he’s eternally grateful for what she’s about to do. She reminds him she’s doing it for herself, and she doesn’t have a choice. Really, it was for herself and for him, but she’s not about to admit that. He asks if it’s occurred to her that she might miss him. She says she’ll miss him like an ingrown toenail. He says that he didn’t mean to hurt her, and all he ever wanted was to look after her. Emma wonders if that’s how he really sees things…wait, WHAT?
When I was little, I remember feeling like nothing in the world could harm me as long as he was around. But that feeling quickly ceased when I was six, after the school insisted I get a psychiatric evaluation.Jesus Christ. She’s been stuck with him since before she was six? … OK, Guy is now all kinds of creepy. No wonder she’s in denial. Apparently he left about the time people started worrying about her. Then he came back when she was fifteen. Her guess is because that was when she took an interest in guys. Sounds like he’s been there ever since. She’d obsessed over who he was, and she was infuriated with his refusal to tell her. And yes, this whole thing is why she hates how she feels about him. She asks him if he’ll miss her, and he takes it as proof that she secretly likes him. She wants to insult him, but she knows he’s too arrogant to be offended by anything. She says she’s got something to tell him that she’s been wanting to say since the accident. No, it’s not thanking him for saving her. She’s hearing other voices. OK, now I’m confused. Guess I’ll keep reading. She says they’re not voices, exactly, but she’s been able to pick out eleven different pitches that sound like bees buzzing. He tells her that it’s probably hypersensitivity from the trauma of the accident. She tells him she needs to sleep, and he shuts up for the night. She takes a hot shower, and tries to think about things besides his sexy voice. Like how she’ll finally be free when he’s gone. She’ll be able to date and have real conversations, and she can worry about other things. And that’s the end of the chapter. This one wasn’t quite as bad as the others, actually. Except for him having been with her for most of her life. I was getting some minor Wife Husbandry vibes from that little detail. Not my idea of sexy. By the way, sometimes I’ll cover two chapters, but don’t expect it very often. It already takes me a while to do one. This is all I’ve got for now.
It gets weirder and weirder... And yeah, the Wife Husbandry is more than a little creepy.
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