Welcome, livebloggers and readers, to what this section's known as the Filler Saga. Why do I say that? Because there will be shitloads of chapters involving little to no plot advancement. I am actually dead serious here.
Now, filler can be executed brilliantly. It can develop other characters, or show that no, the main characters aren't just sitting on their asses and waiting for plot to happen. Lightspeed Rescue, for all of its faults, had some damn good filler episodes, one of which (the decidedly-similar Final Destination-esque episode that is "Yesterday Again") is one of my favorite Power Rangers episodes of all time. And it also helped in making the story flow well.
Whereas here...well, not so much. We get a total of 48 (49 if you don't count Chapter 64) chapters that's just chock-full of filler. And because I actually don't want to follow more adventures of this fuckwad and his "friends" any more than you do, I'll do my damnest to summarize them.
And as a final warning...the spelling and grammar will get worse as we move on, so it'll take me a bit to decipher what the fuck is happening.
So let's continue.
Previously, we found out that Taliana is Ronan's mom, and he wasn't okay with this. Mandy survived and was killed again (don't ask). Because of the revelation, Taliana was divorced, but she decided to have a battle of the bands going on. Oh, and there was some bullshit about her being Sakura's evil twin as well, but don't try to wrap your head around that one.
We'll move on with...
We start with a battle of the bands contest. Ronan's band is up first, and...
- "F*CK YEAH (Duck) MY (Buick) FUCKING WHORE MMM MMM YEAH I WANT MORE!"
...he still sucks!
Then Taliana shows up and sings a typical coo-coo pop song about how she wants a man. That's...about it. Nothing...disgusting or...
Anyway, only Madara likes it, and Ronan (no surprises there!) wins. Taliana goes batshit and stabs the presenter, and Madara eats him, but Ronan knocks his mom out with his guitar.
Aaaaaaaaaaand he does Wooden Duck #37 straight afterwards. With said guitar. I wish I was kidding. But I'm not.
And during it, we get lots and lots of gross shit involving Sakura, and no, you don't want to know what happens.
After the Wooden Duck, Ronan slams his guitar and punches Taliana. I'm...pretty damn sure it counts as parental abuse. Which is scary as hell. Then Wooden Duck #38 happens, ending it all with Ronan doing something so vile to the audience that, in a perfect world, would have him, his band, and his entourage kicked out of all concerts forever.
Later, after a night that involved the group doing drugs and drinking (Rika's Lesson of the Day: drugs and alcohol are bad, m'kay?), they realize that they're in Madara's lair. Somehow. We get another revelation that Ronan's the key to destroying the world (we already know this, Jake), and we cut to a battle that's so stupid, the next paragraph will have everything you'll need to know. Ready for the summarization?
First, Sakura says to the bad guys that they'll need to get to her first before they take Ronan. Then Taliana cuts her head clean off. After a "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" from Ronan (trust me, I feel the same way, but for different reasons), he stabs Madara viciously. And it turns out that Sakura's okay.
...
Oh, and the "good guys" get knocked out and are forced to work in the rice fields because in Japan, they eat a lot of rice. Wrong facts and racism! Yay!
...
Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a wall that needs to be painted red. (slams my head onto the wall a few times)
(a few minutes later...)
Okay, now I'm better.
So...Madara eats one of the workers, which is a midget. Ronan punches Madara, forcing the worker out somehow. Then they try to run away, but then, a monster appears. Ronan, determined to protect Sakura, turns into his dragon form and kills the monster.
Oh, and the monster? Apparentally, it's Taliana's kid. I have no fucking idea who the father is, either.
The chapter ends with Sakura and Ronan running away again from Taliana and Madara. The "good guys" are attacked, and they are later cornered. The bad guys are ready to kill the both of them.
Gee, I wonder what kinds of stupid-ass Deus Ex Machina Ronan would use.
Come to think about it...considering that the story focuses on Ronan and Sakura, what the hell happened to Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi, anyway?
Chapter 18: The Chase. From the Plot.
We start where we left off, with our "heroes" being cornered. And then...lightning strikes Taliana. Yes. Somehow, lightning decides to strike one of the foes.
...I just...the words are failing me right now.
Our heroes run away again, and Madara is determined to kill them before the night is over. More running, and then...after Sakura trips on something, a "bruce" (Bruce Campbell?), Taliana shows up. And Ronan punches her with his huge Buick. And no, I'm not telling you the actual word to try to keep this liveblog clean.
After that, even more running, and Jake will let you know that he's totally not gay. Madara shows up in an attempt to finish them off, and...they teleported out.
...
Okay, what the fuck? Why did they not do that earlier? It would have saved them a lot of trouble!
Back in the Shinobi Village, Ronan and Sakura head to the dojo in order to escape from the rain. In the forest, the villains swear revenge, and Taliana heals him in Wooden Duck #39.
Oh, and somehow, Ronan's ranting about Taliana. What, does he have a fucking sixth sense? Did he teleport to the forest like a dumbass? How would he know about this stuff? I mean...it's not like he's omnipresent or anything!
...at least, I hope not.
So now we get to more filler. First, Ronan and Sakura visit the video store. Ronan finds such glorious works of art such as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (which sucks, but most of the music's kick-ass, including "New Divide"), Boondock Saints 2: All Saint's Day, The Fast and the Furious (no idea which one it is, however...I'm guessing the first), and I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (thanks for that, Rich!), which Jake takes the time to state that it's a great movie and book. Oh, and Ronan gets some disgusting smutty films.
As for Sakura, she thinks about getting true classics such as Pulp Fiction, Blade Runner, Vertigo, and a bunch of silent movies. Why? So that way, Ronan can yell at her for trying to get those films. And Jake taking the time to swear at Benji for making him watch them. For the record, why does Ronan hate those films? No hot girls or action to...well, yeah.
...I got nothing.
The two begin to leave, but the clerk tells them that they have to pay first. But, of course, Ronan refuses and kills the clerk, and they leave with their stuff. And this is inspired by how Jake and his friends once stole shit. I am dead serious.
You know...this strengthens my belief that Jake is a wannabe serial killer. Why else does he even imagine Ronan doing sickening, vile things to women, killing innocent people, and the like? I wouldn't be surprised if he was, say, arrested and locked up in prison.
Next, they head to an In 'n' Out, order burgers, and go home to watch said smutty films. And no, I am not going to recap what occurs nor that awful, awful pun that even a fucking first-grader would never say in a rather disgusting Wooden Duck #40. Then an invitation appears, and it's...a ball.
Ronan refuses to go, but Sakura wants to. He relents, only on one condition: she dresses "sexily". Y'know, the "sexily" thing was funny as hell (albeit unintentionally) in "My Immortal", but not here. And they also plan to do Wooden Ducks IN A FUCKING PUBLIC PLACE ONCE MORE. Are they just begging to be kicked out of society forever? Good God!
The chapter ends with Ronan and Sakura getting ready, and Madara and Taliana spying on the couple. The villains plan to attack our "heroes" during the ball. Taliana laughs an evil laugh as she does Wooden Duck #41, but Ronan senses (somehow) that something's up. Regardless, they're going to the ball, anyway.
...
I'm almost 2/7th of the way done with this bullshit. And I've skimmed through every single fucking chapter...or at least, the important ones. Even with the revised ending, I still want to see every single one of those fuckers dead. Yes, even Sakura. Why? Because they're monsters, irredeemable. I don't want any bullshit reasons, no fourth wall asspulls, none of the sort, just...sling an asteroid towards the Shinobi Nations and kill them off. It's very much what the canon versions of the Naruto gang want.
But, of course, I'm probably not going to get my wish answered, so...
(cries)
...tune in next time for more pointless filler.
Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Naruto Veangance Revelaitons!
