Chuck Austen Meets Chick Tracts: The Fanfic--Rika Liveblogs The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods
Finale: The Exodus of the Shitty Fanfic
Finally. After nine installments and eighteen chapters filled with author tracts, misogyny, Character Derailment more than necessary, author tracts, senseless character deaths caused by said Character Derailment, plot holes aplenty, Critical Research Failures, and yes, author tracts, we're almost done with this horrible, horrible fanfic.
Seriously, there is nothing redeemable about it. Even if it's a "parody" of extremists in religion, it still isn't even funny. And all those messages are heavy-handed and taken far too seriously, like...pretty much everything else.
So Bad, It's Horrible in-fucking-deed
. So I started this party, and now, we're ending it. Yes, we're shutting this fucker down!
And I want to thank everyone who read this vile thing and made comments about my liveblog. I do apologize for you guys sharing the pain with me, but it's one of those things that has to be done.
Anyway, let's continue.
Previously, the Prayer Warriors have finished killing all the Greek Gods (and some Roman ones, too)...or do they?!
Nope, turns out that they have to deal with Hades. Granted, Hades being evil in media is ridiculously common
, but...let's see how they handle their own take on it.
So let's start to finish it off with...
We get a couple Author's Notes. The first has him state that he has a new proofreader, Ebony Brown. Wait...Ebony? Nah, just a coincidence...anyway, Noah has pretty much given up on Thomas' egotistical behavior, as he should be, but Thomas is damned determined for him to return to the ways of God and Jesus.
Hey, Noah, it's never too late for you to write a Take That fanfic "featuring" your brother.
The second paragraph has him state that he'll write one more chapter of this mess—I mean, according to him, "beautiful story". Beautiful? You call this...thing
beautiful?! Anyway, why is he writing one last chapter? Not only to try to tie up any loose ends (which is laughable, I mean, whatever the hell happened to the two Biancas, Nicos, and Ethan?), but the story has told its message.
...I think I get the message of the story. Christianity is good, and most, if not all, women are evil skanks who should die. And so do anyone else who celebrate any other religion. And bands that are supposedly "evil". And women in power, gays, and those who have disabilities.
That is one fucked-up message.
And I honestly don't care at this point that he's sad that the story will end. Me, I'm all the happier for it! Finally, it all ends with this message.
"May the glory of the one true God bless this great story, and may it last the test of time!"
...believe it or not? It will stand the test of time. It will be the one shitty-ass fanfic in which all shitty-ass religious fanfics will be measured by. Not to say that all religious-themed fanfics are bad, no, they can be good and written well. This is just...
Gah. To be honest, it won't be just the horrible religious fanfics, but all other horrible, horrible fanfics. Because that's exactly what it'll be remembered as.
So the chapter begins with Luke returning to Percy and Jerry, telling them about how Mars and Ares are dead right after the Prayer Warriors sing their hymns. However, he also warns them about Hades.
How will they get to the God's area? By going to Hell, of course! Despite, again, his real domain being the fucking Underworld. Of course, everyone freaks out, but it's decided that Percy and Jerry will go.
If the way to get there for them involves killing them, preferrably permanently, then I'm all for it! No, seriously, God should have brought those two down a long time ago. Because one of the Commandments says "Thou shalt not kill", and I'm definitely certain that killing in the name of God counts.
...sorry. Just got too carried away.
Anyway, Jerry states that even if they do remain in Hell, they still have God's love and Jesus' protection. And pretty much states it in different wording a few more times.
: That just makes my near-excursion to Hell—I mean, the Shadow World—look more epic than usual.
Yes, yes it does—wait, how did you get here?
: Portal. By the way, something's different about you...have we met?
...kind of. But you do need to leave in order to protect your own sanity. (shows Carter the door, to which he goes out of)
Where was I? Oh, yes. The Prayer Warriors are happy for those guys' "bravery", but the two leaders try to figure out how to go to Hell. Ultimately, the story ends with them deciding, and thus doing the next day, that they should shout, "Hail Satan", and have a soldier kill them.
YES! YES! OH, GOD, YES! HOPEFULLY THOSE ASSHOLES WILL NOT BE REVIVED!
...damn, I got carried away again. This story isn't healthy for me. (looks down at my still-bloated stomach) In more ways than one.
Anyway, the Author's Notes has him state simply about what the last chapter will be. The adventures of Hell and how the battle will be played out. If you're expecting a grand battle, prepare to be disappointed.
And it all ends now. Thank God.
The author's notes are simple this time around, thanking Ebony for proofreading and how he'll continue his other story, trying not to be as anvilicious as...this. I doubt he'll succeed in that.
If I ever review it.
The chapter begins with them in Hell. Coincidentally? Reading the entire story really feels like a punishment from Hell. Though I shouldn't complain much. After all, I chose to liveblog it.
Oh, and if they're dead, how can they sweat from the heat?
As they head on, they find sinners in chains, and Percy is glad to have went to God instead of remaining with Satan. Then they find a door, and wouldn't you know it, all they have to do is to just pray for God for an hour in order to unlock the door!
Apparentally, Thomas couldn't be bothered to make up puzzles or some shit, but then again, it would be too easy for them
After that, they finally meet Hades, gaining a description that easily matches more in the lines of Satan himself. And no, he doesn't have the smooth, suave voice of James Woods, but deep and demonic. However, as scary as it is, he isn't as tough. Supposedly. Who knows, I'm hoping for an epic battle even though my expectations are down.
Jerry and Percy yell at Hades because he's been working with Satan all this time (uh...no) and have killed Christians (uh...no). Because of that, he's about to die. But Hades laughs at them and says that he can't be beaten.
Well, this is gonna be good! I'm going to bring the popcorn! (gets a large amount of popcorn) Bring on the final battle! I can't wait—
Oh. Wait. Because they're in Hell and not on Earth...please, no, I'll do anything. I'll slim myself down and keep on being a man if you don't pull your Deus ex Machina shit on us...
Aaaaaand...they pray to God. And thanks to the power of fucking love from God, Hades just falls and explodes.
And they have the audacity to announce that the lesson is to never take on a Prayer Warrior, as they win all the time with God on their side.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! THIS IS THE WORST FUCKING FANFIC I'VE EVER READ!
(goes into a breakdown of sorts, which involves drinking, eating that popcorn, and babble about how nothing's important anymore. Which means that it's time to break out the old Sanity Slippage Song
over at Rika Liveblogs)
(several hours and 200 more pounds of gained weight later...)
...okay, I'm better now. We need to get through one final scene...
Ugh. As soon as they arrive back at the camp, Jerry and Percy are presumably revived somehow
(probably with the power of love), and they know that they've earned a place in Heaven. The Prayer Warriors party by praying and singing hymns, for they know that America is a Christian nation again (except that it's really not, it's a free country, you fucking, uneducated bastard).
And so the story ends with Percy marrying the also-presumably-revived Clarisse (then again, considering that Jerry sliced off her hair, she could also be bald), Jerry presumably going back to Mary, and Satan fleeing to England.
The. Fucking. End.
...finally. It's...it's over! I don't have to liveblog any more of those wretched stories! There is not a single damned thing that's redeemable about this! The "Christianity is a good religion" anvil isn't so much as dropped as it is slammed onto your head a thousand times, even going so far as running you over with a train filled with those anvils. The misogyny is horrible. The Unfortunate Implications, considering that there are implications in the first place, are also bad. And...
It's simply, once again, one of the worst, if not the worst, fanfic I've ever read. Worse than "Eevee TF TG". Worse than that wretched "The Horribly Bloody Death of Kairi", the fact that that
is a(n unfunny) Troll Fic be damned. And if this one is a troll fic, then it failed to serve its purpose; hell, even Pokemon Attack of Mewtwo
and its sequel were funny!
And I'm glad that I'll never have to deal with any more of these stories ever again—
(a flash happens)
(suddenly, I'm fattened to near-immobility)
F-fuck! Wait. I think I know what this means...in order to break the curse and become a woman again—and skinny...ugh...I'll have to liveblog "The Prayer Warriors: Battle with the Witches".
...all of a sudden, come to think of it, even if it means having to liveblog another fanfic, being this big is a relatively nice punishment...(smiles as I relax a bit) I guess I'll take a break, a small one, and enjoy it while it lasts. For the next time I liveblog, this gets the treatment.
So will "Battle with the Witches" manage to outdo "The Evil Gods" in terms of sheer horribleness? How many times will this have "heroes" off people by beheading, stoning, and general Deus ex Machina-styled stuff? And how many tracts will this have?
Well, looks like you'll have to find out next time, like I said. ;)
This has been Rika Liveblogs The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods
! Until next time, see ya!
...and can somebody give me some grapes? I have a craving for those all of a sudden. And a sundae, with no nuts, and cookies...(rattles off a long list of favorite foods that ends when the liveblog ends)