Alright, so Ackbar is currently working on the next few maps (and I guess he gets to DM from now on) while I begin to work out some of these bugs. See, last time, I lost two characters and it’s not looking good. Those two characters were my Rogue (who was damn good at what he does) and my Cleric (who, to be fair, could only heal one point a turn) so I’m left with my Wizard (whose only move so far is Magic Missile) and my Fighter (who the dice constantly screw over). I will not have this game kick my ass! Ackbar! Give me another map!
Ackbar: Right! {hands Psyga a new map}
Cora and Barendd were about to rush into the next room, when they were blocked by a poleaxe.
Eins: Careful, fools! There’s lava nearby!
LAVA? FUCKING LAVA?
Ackbar: Another thing to spice up your game is with lots of lava!
Dude! I don’t want to turn my game into fucking Tomb Of Horrors!
Ackbar: You need to have some challenge to your game! That’s why it turned into the boring smash ‘em up! Because you didn’t make your game hard!
... You know what? I want to see where the fuck you’re going with this. Let’s do this.
Cora: You again? What do you want?
Eins: I’ve found this dungeon to be a little difficult than it already is. (You and me both) Hey, aren’t there supposed to be four of you?
Barendd: They’re dead.
Cora: And we all will be soon.
Eins: Bah. I’ve done worse. Just a word of warning. See that dog over there?
{The group looks ahead and see a dog with reddish-brown fur, oh, and red glowing eyes}
Cora: A hellhound? What’s a hellhound doing in a dungeon mostly populated by Kobolds?
Eins: I don’t know, but the other Kobolds I slain were talking about how their boss was paying them good to guard the so called treasure.
Barendd: That’s what we heard too!
Cora: Eins, that jewel is not something to sell at the market. If in the right hands, it can conquer nations. I can give you a nation to rule over when we get the jewel, but only if you join us! [Diplomacy Roll! Cora = 12! Eins = 20!!]
Ackbar: OOOH! She’s a tough cookie!
Fuck that noise. I need my men to live! I’m doing the Double Dragon route!
Eins: How about this: I will work with you until after we get our hands on the treasure. Then we can fight for it. Deal?
Cora: I-
Barendd: DEAL! Now let’s take that monster down and get to the next room!
Initiative time!
- Cora: 11
- Barendd: 10
- Eins: 6
- Hellhound: 6
Cora: Barendd! We need to have a mutual understanding! (I’m holding Cora back because that thing can kill her in one major swipe)
Barendd: You don’t understand, Cora. {switches to crossbow} I come from a background where fights to the death are the best experience one can have. Now, if only I can get this puppy! {arrow fires but miss}
Eins: Bah! Only real men go and kick some major ass!
Eins runs ahead, only for the Hellhound to chase after her and scratched her with its claws.
Barendd: Yeah, yer right. Arrow’s are for pussies. {rushes to attack the dog, but misses. As usual. Oh, and another miss from Eins. The Dog then bites (Dice rolls a number that adds up to above twenty because Hamete’s likes to be a dick that way) but it takes about three damage}
Soon, Magma shoots out from a wall towards the dog. The hound winced as the Magma stuck onto his red fur.
Oh cool! So I can use the traps against the monster! Awesome!
Ackbar: Wait, Hellhounds are immune to fire.
Well, this isn’t fire. It’s Magma. I think Admiral Akainu has shown us all, which beats what in the game of Elemental Rock-Paper-Scissors. Besides, I need to twiddle this monster down, or else he will kill everyone.
Cora tries to sneak by injured dog as Barendd and Eins tried to attack him at the same time, but since this dice roots for the monsters, they miss. Fire seems to develop from the dog’s mouth.
Cora: He’s gonna blow a wall of flame! Get down!
Cora tries to run past the hound as does Eins, but Barendd decides to hold down the hound.[Strength DC = 11. Barendd = 6. SHIT!]
However, the hound flings Barendd off him and turns around, blowing the flames.
Cora: Guys! We can make it to the door! We just need to run! [Dex DC = 13. Barendd = 20! Pass! Eins = 8! Fail! Cora = 19! Pass!]
Cora and Barendd run, but Eins stayed back. The flames burned Eins badly, but not as badly as the magma. Which hurts the hound even more. Eins took the distraction as a chance to get away and to the door, but the door was stuck, held on the other side by Cora and Barendd. She tried to budge it open, but it’s a failure. (Strength DC was 18. Her roll was 13.) The hound noticed that one “snack” was still available to him, and he lounged for it. (To save trouble, I’ve prerolled three attack rolls from both the hound and Eins.)
The sounds of screaming can be heard from the other side. Soon, the sound of magma flying and a whimpering were followed. Cora, curiously, opened the door and saw both Eins and the hound dead and mangled. (Eins and the hound both rolled tons of numbers over twenty and although the Hound managed to kill her, he too so much damage that another blast from the magma would downright kill him.)
Cora: Good. We don’t have to deal with that twerp.
Barendd: Shame... I really wanted to fight her.
Cora: You will fight plenty of people that are more powerful when we take over this world. There are bounds of Idiot Heroes who are willing to die for the sake of saving the world. Now, let’s move.
And with that, Cora and Barendd move on to the next room.
{burns Eins’ character sheet} That takes care of that subplot. I’m not gonna bother giving them experience points since they did nothing to damage the hound. A shame really.
Ackbar: Do you have any hate so far? HHHTHTHTHTHTTH?
... No. And stop doing that. It’s annoying. Stay tuned for the next part.
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