When we last left off this fanfiction, it jumped the shark by revealing that Davey and Serena are long lost siblings, thus fulfilling the old fan fiction cliché of making an OC related to one of the main characters. Now then, where were we?
So we come back with Edward, who is personally my favourite character now, as he chews out Christine for being a bitchy car, saying that it will be the last time he ever buys parts from Stephen King. Then Artemis says that Edward counted him twice as Edward says that he thought Luna was with them. Cue a black cat sneaking out of the Calypso and transforming into a woman. She then acknowledges that she looks like Captain Janeway... DOES EVERYONE IN THIS FUCKING FAN FIC WATCH STAR TREK? I’m sorry, but it’s come down to this natural conclusion. Apparently, Star Trek The Next Generation was the My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic of the 90s in which everyone and their mother has heard of it. And this woman is Queen Kitsune. I don’t think someone as mystical as her would waste her time watching STAR TREK! Hell, I don’t mind if Serena read a bit of the X-Men comics assuming that Davey allowed her to read some. I don’t mind Edward making a reference to Stephen King because I assume he’s either read the book or film. But when a powerful Goddess seemingly had nothing better to do than just watch Star Trek, then I get pissed. Oh, and Old Man Coyote spots Queen Kitsune and leads him to Davey.
So Edward gets the Scouts and Darien to Denver via a note he received on the fridge. Speaking of, we focus back on Davey, who is still suffering from the revelation that Serena is his sister. And then suddenly Jason, Trini, and Zack turn into Sonic The Hedgehog characters... Okay, it’s Davey’s mind archiving all the memories of his life on Mobius. The trio ask how he’s feeling, with Zack telling him to snap out of it, and then Queen Kitsune pops by. Oh and she’s read Tom Sawyer. You know what? It would make sense if at some point, Queen Kitsune popped by in America and became some sort of scholar, much like how some of the Kitsune tales went, then it would make some sense on why she knows American stuff like Tom Sawyer and Star Trek. She takes Davey to the roof of the mall to help dearchive the memories in his head. However, there’s some Negaverse energy being sensed, which means that Serena has to fight on her own (with the rangers assisting, hopefully) for a while Queen Kitsune deals with Davey. She then calls Serena by her Sailor Name and reveals that she brought the Moon Crystals containing their life forces into their modern day incarnations. Ten bucks says she was that nurse that saved Serena’s life.
Queen Kitsune brings Davey to the roof, where they don’t find Old Man Coyote there. Turns out he’s at Hooters. I’ll admit, I chuckled. So Queen Kitsune does some sort of Vulcan Mind Meld mixed with a Quickening. Kitsune then gives Davey some other version of himself. Really, it’s confusing to me.
And so Davey becomes a... two tailed... fox form... And this predates Naruto, people. THIS PREDATES NARUTO! {laughs very hard} Oh, and Artemis does a Title Drop.
Then we get this flash back to how Davey was a baby fox raised by Princess Serena.
Davey : Holy Hannah, I'm being writted (sic) into the Sailor Moon legend.
That’s what Self Insert Fics do. Plop any character into some sort of legend like they’re part of the story. Did I mention that he was a Mary Sue?
He then sees one of Serena’s most trusted friends planning a coup, and fought her. He got his ass handed to and the kingdom goes up in flames, and like the show, Queen Serenity brings back the fallen Princesses and brings them to Earth. We then go back to the current events where he’s now fighting zombified... homosexuals...
We’ve hit this part so soon? I was expecting this to happen later, but ah well. He then throws his Luna Card, which kills nearly all of them...
...
...
...
BULLSHIT!
THE LUNA CARD WAS MADE SO THAT DAVEY COULD NOT HURT INNOCENT PEOPLE! YOU CAN’T JUST RETCON THAT AND HAVE HIM KILL PEOPLE FOR NO GOOD REASON! I DON’T CARE IF THEY WERE TAINTED WITH NEGATIVE ENERGY! LUNA SAID THAT IT WOULD ONLY WORK ON NEGAVERSE MONSTERS AND THAT IT WOULD JUST PASS THROUGH NORMAL HUMANS HARMLESSLY! THIS RIGHT HERE IS PURE BULLSHIT! THIS GUY CAN’T EVEN GET HIS OWN STORY STRAIGHT! LET ALONE ANYTHING ELSE!
THERE! THIS IS MY BREAKING POINT! NOW THERE’S NO FUCKING MERCY! LET’S MOVE ON! *
So Davey confronts Zoisite as he has some sort of past with him. He then reverts into human form. It turns out that Zoisite tried to make him accept this gay lifestyle as a kid and Davey turned away from it... this apparently labels him as a homosexual. Okay, seriously? How long ago was this? Because I don’t think Zoisite popped around on Earth before the events of Sailor Moon, being banished and all. He can’t just pop up and try to make him gay! This is like when Diabolico took Ryan as a child despite being sealed all over again!
So Davey shoots Zoisite to death. I do admit, Zoisite saying “What you going to do? Shoot me?” then actually getting shot was pretty awesome. However, this incurs the wrath of many of the citizens.
Serena: I don't think they're gonna let us walk out here with our dignity intact, Foxieeeeee...
Hah, that’s funny. A good chunk of the Sailor Moon community also did that. The not letting this guy walk away with his dignity intact part that is.
Davey: Then, Sailor Moon, let's make their victory over us as expensive as Hell.
... Again, I admit, that was a pretty kick ass line... Before they actually fight, however, Tuxedo Mask makes his Big Damned appearance and arrives at the scene. They disable the citizens as they find Zoisite as a giant monster. They run for it, as they can’t summon zords and- wait... What about Jason, Trini, and Zack? Did they go off screen? What the hell just happened? Forget it, I’ve already snapped. Move on. They then use a Power-Blaster like Scepter Shot at the giant Zoisite.
And the part ends there. Good. I need to rest my head after that stupidity.
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